If a person is hurt by an off comment by their sibling, they should either let it go or tell the sibling that what they said hurt them and ask them to stop making such comments. Ignoring phone calls and invitations to get together because you feel they are “preachy” is passive-aggressive, in my opinion.I agree with all of this, with the exception that we don’t really know whether the OP and her family are doing anything wrong or not. Sometimes we aren’t aware of maybe saying something that offends someone else, or that we are making judgments about someone else and they’d rather not be around us. The OP makes a lot of assumptions about this family’s marriage and financial situation, and judges their motivations as well as how they choose to spend their time. It’s entirely possible that this comes through, whether the OP means for it to or not.
I guess I don’t really know how I would feel, since my husband and I are close with our siblings and their families. There are extended family members, however, who have said and done things, or made comments that were not nice or inappropriate, and we are not as close because of it. I’m not sure they have any idea that I was upset.
Maybe the wife is abusive, or maybe there are other things going on that no one knows anything about and the family would rather not have to discuss. Or maybe they just prefer to spend their vacation time differently and don’t like to have to host people (even when family stays at a hotel, if they are in town you still need to entertain them). Maybe they could make more effort at a relationship, and maybe it would be kind of them to. Or maybe the OP and her family could evaluate whether maybe their approach has been not as respectful as it could be.
Regarding assumptions about marriage, finances and time- I’m repeating what been what we have been told by brother-in-law. To note, they live in a gated community, she is a stay at home mom and he makes a 6 figure salary with kids in $10K+ activities- he has said they are more than financially well off and they also travel. We haven’t been told about faux passes on our part, but other family members have been told for example, if sister-in-law didn’t like a gift, so they are vocal about that. I shared that information not to be judgmental but to provide a background so the advice requested by CAF members could be placed in perspective and tailored appropriate to the situation. Again, all based on what we have been told.The OP makes a lot of assumptions about this family’s marriage and financial situation, and judges their motivations as well as how they choose to spend their time.
Some people are simply too much to be around. There are people whose company I don’t enjoy, but I will always be polite to them if we happen to be around each other. However, I would probably decline an invitation to get together with them. I certainly would not travel to see them. You can still let comments go, but choose not to spend time with people who are rude, intrusive, or irritating to you. It’s not always prudent to address an issue with someone who doesn’t listen or will get into an argument with you.If a person is hurt by an off comment by their sibling, they should either let it go or tell the sibling that what they said hurt them and ask them to stop making such comments. Ignoring phone calls and invitations to get together because you feel they are “preachy” is passive-aggressive, in my opinion.
A lot of people who make good money also live in high cost of living areas. No matter, though- how they choose to spend their time and money shouldn’t be scrutinized by anyone else. Often there are things going on that we know nothing about.Regarding assumptions about marriage, finances and time- I’m repeating what been what we have been told by brother-in-law. To note, they live in a gated community, she is a stay at home mom and he makes a 6 figure salary with kids in $10K+ activities- he has said they are more than financially well off and they also travel. We haven’t been told about faux passes on our part, but other family members have been told for example, if sister-in-law didn’t like a gift, so they are vocal about that. I shared that information not to be judgmental but to provide a background so the advice requested by CAF members could be placed in perspective and tailored appropriate to the situation. Again, all based on what we have been told.
The fact that a person has the right to say who they want to see, doesn’t excuse them from the moral issues regarding the rejection of their own sibling. You don’t have to go to your coworkers bridal shower or have drinks with that friend-of-a-friend. Your own brother or sister is another story. What would you say to someone who said, “Well, I don’t really like nursing homes that much and my kids have a lot of soccer games. Grandma shouldn’t mind that I’m too busy to see her as she languishes away her last days.” And ignoring consistent attempts at even phone communication certainly isn’t my idea of “politely declining”. That’s more like “passive aggressively shunning.”Some people are simply too much to be around. There are people whose company I don’t enjoy, but I will always be polite to them if we happen to be around each other. However, I would probably decline an invitation to get together with them. I certainly would not travel to see them. You can still let comments go, but choose not to spend time with people who are rude, intrusive, or irritating to you. It’s not always prudent to address an issue with someone who doesn’t listen or will get into an argument with you.
I don’t think the OP sounds like this at all, and it seems like she really cares about these people and yearns for a relationship with them. But for whatever reason they have chosen to keep their distance. Maybe they prefer to keep their marital struggles private, maybe they really are very busy, maybe they have social anxiety, have health issues, maybe the wife is abusive, maybe the husband has his own issues, or maybe they just have limited time off and just choose to spend their time in a certain way. Their reasons don’t really matter; no means no. I’m pretty sure all of us have politely declined an invitation, and instead of saying “I don’t want to see you” have said something like “Sorry, I’m busy” or “The kids have a lot of games this month”.
I don’t understand why your brother tells you all about his finances etc…and then talks, negatively about his wife causing his family to dislike her.Regarding assumptions about marriage, finances and time- I’m repeating what been what we have been told by brother-in-law. To note, they live in a gated community, she is a stay at home mom and he makes a 6 figure salary with kids in $10K+ activities- he has said they are more than financially well off and they also travel. We haven’t been told about faux passes on our part, but other family members have been told for example, if sister-in-law didn’t like a gift, so they are vocal about that. I shared that information not to be judgmental but to provide a background so the advice requested by CAF members could be placed in perspective and tailored appropriate to the situation. Again, all based on what we have been told.