Family interaction

[MarieB]

My sibling and I, though we are courteous with each other, are not close. We and our families are polar opposites. My family is centered on God and trying to become better people. My sibling has no respect of that and has used it as a tool to make sport of us. We keep in occasional contact and I prefer texting and emailing since all conversation is riddled with foul language. I have years of experience where this sibling has done me wrong and caused me great sorrow.

There is talk of visiting this sibling and of course, my family and I have been invited along. We would be travelling a distance and it wouldn’t be the sort of trip where you’d just pop in and out again. I work full-time and avoid sacrificing family time. I would not make this trip alone.

Although we are blood relatives, I would never choose my sibling as a friend. There is such ridicule of religion, support of lesbian/gay issues, offensive gutter-talk, etc. In light of all of that, I’ve chosen not to visit. The language itself is so vile that I do not want to subjugate my young children to it. And, no, even with a request to curb the language it would never happen and it might even be stepped up a notch in order to upset me.

To feel it necessary to limit interaction with a family member is so guilt inspiring. I’d appreciate comments and advice.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

My sibling and I, though we are courteous with each other, are not close. We and our families are polar opposites. My family is centered on God and trying to become better people. My sibling has no respect of that and has used it as a tool to make sport of us. We keep in occasional contact and I prefer texting and emailing since all conversation is riddled with foul language. I have years of experience where this sibling has done me wrong and caused me great sorrow.

There is talk of visiting this sibling and of course, my family and I have been invited along. We would be travelling a distance and it wouldn’t be the sort of trip where you’d just pop in and out again. I work full-time and avoid sacrificing family time. I would not make this trip alone.

Although we are blood relatives, I would never choose my sibling as a friend. There is such ridicule of religion, support of lesbian/gay issues, offensive gutter-talk, etc. In light of all of that, I’ve chosen not to visit. The language itself is so vile that I do not want to subjugate my young children to it. And, no, even with a request to curb the language it would never happen and it might even be stepped up a notch in order to upset me.

To feel it necessary to limit interaction with a family member is so guilt inspiring. I’d appreciate comments and advice.

well I don’t’ have a lot of advice but I’m in a similar situation as well. My only sibling and I are like oil and water…I don’t hate him and we don’t fight but we have nothing in common and our values are very different. I hardly ever talk or see him and it doesn’t bother me too much. I’m a little saddened that it’s gotten this way but I’ve accepted it for what it is.

I guess this post isn’t much help but I wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone. Don’t’ feel too guilty about it. Do what is best for your family. Be civil and friendly but you needn’t be best friends or anything… Above all, pray for your sibling.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Why would you ever feel guilty about not visiting someone who is disrespectful to you?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

You have made the right decision.

It is sad that you don’t get along and that you are not respected but you obviously can’t change that reality. It is great that you put your family first and think of your children. Be at peace with your decision and pray for your sibling when you feel so inclined.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Believe me I totally get having a sibling that you don’t see eye to eye with and who is difficult to be around. But short of abuse or a truly destructive relationship I don’t encourage breaking those ties. When your parents get old and need care it will be on you and your sibling, and it’s far easier to work together on something like that if you have a solid relationship and good communication. When your parents die your sibling will be there to lean on and share memories with. It will become a joint effort between the two of you to pass on the family history and traditions to the next generation. Of course you can each do it for your own kids, but it will be much fuller and richer if you share it together, and the kids will get far more out of it hearing it from two different perspectives.

This doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends, but unless things are truly awful it is worth it to try to maintain a relationship and continue to make it known to one another that you love and support each other.

 

[baptismal]

My sibling and I, though we are courteous with each other, are not close. We and our families are polar opposites. My family is centered on God and trying to become better people. My sibling has no respect of that and has used it as a tool to make sport of us. We keep in occasional contact and I prefer texting and emailing since all conversation is riddled with foul language. I have years of experience where this sibling has done me wrong and caused me great sorrow.

There is talk of visiting this sibling and of course, my family and I have been invited along. We would be travelling a distance and it wouldn’t be the sort of trip where you’d just pop in and out again. I work full-time and avoid sacrificing family time. I would not make this trip alone.

Although we are blood relatives, I would never choose my sibling as a friend. There is such ridicule of religion, support of lesbian/gay issues, offensive gutter-talk, etc. In light of all of that, I’ve chosen not to visit. The language itself is so vile that I do not want to subjugate my young children to it. And, no, even with a request to curb the language it would never happen and it might even be stepped up a notch in order to upset me.

To feel it necessary to limit interaction with a family member is so guilt inspiring. I’d appreciate comments and advice.

Not making the trip is definitely the right decision. You are not being unkind, you are obviously doing what is best for your family. Loving someone does not mean you have to associate with them, I am sure they know why without you even having to say anything.
There are many people in the same boat!

 

[Bezant]

Certainly, you should avoid anyone who will undermine the peace in your home. While I think you are correct to skip the visit, I suggest that you keep your door open, both to your sibling and the possibility that your brother/sister may change. He or she is among the only close blood relatives you will ever have. Maybe you will never be friends with him/her, but you can’t know what the future holds, either.

 

[crystal_waters]

Believe me I totally get having a sibling that you don’t see eye to eye with and who is difficult to be around. But short of abuse or a truly destructive relationship I don’t encourage breaking those ties. When your parents get old and need care it will be on you and your sibling, and it’s far easier to work together on something like that if you have a solid relationship and good communication. When your parents die your sibling will be there to lean on and share memories with. It will become a joint effort between the two of you to pass on the family history and traditions to the next generation. Of course you can each do it for your own kids, but it will be much fuller and richer if you share it together, and the kids will get far more out of it hearing it from two different perspectives.

This doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends, but unless things are truly awful it is worth it to try to maintain a relationship and continue to make it known to one another that you love and support each other.

This^^^ your sibling may have different views and morals but at the end of the day he/she is your sibling, respect each other and try to get along

 

[mercyangel]

I have this same problem with my family. Between the lapsed Catholics and the ones who have joined other religions, it’s a mess! And while I can respect their right to practice whatever religion they choose, they do not return the favor. This makes for awkward visits sometimes. The foul language, lax morality, etc is not what I want my children exposed to on a regular basis or for extended periods of time. Still, they are my family. What we do is just limit contact. I can get past a lot of things. But when they start bashing the Church and priests, etc its not okay! So we just make sure we don’t socialize too much, which works out for us because we’re not very social anyway. Do what’s best for your family, be polite to everyone, pray for them and then just don’t worry about it.

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Marie,

My view is this: you can choose your friends but not your family. But you can choose how much to interact with them. You made the right choice, why be the target of disrespect and inconsideration. You tried to be respectful of them and they have none for you or your family, so why keep giving them the option? As you stated, e-mail and text are sent to each other, unless they want to start treating you and your family with respect I would keep it that way.

No need to feel guilty also you have made attempt, they chose to ignore them - Matthew 10: 14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

Remain strong and faithful.

Winter

 

[MarieB]

Thank you everyone for commenting and giving your thoughts. It’s all very helpful and helps me to resolve my inner turmoil. I will leave the door of communication open and continue praying. But I will first protect my children who God has entrusted to my care. Thanks, again!