Family issues due to Methodist/Catholic marriage

[Sincerequestion]

I have a few questions, and I would sincerely like some honest answers. I am a Christian, and I am a member of the United Methodist Church. I was raised in a Southern Baptist, Church, and when I married my wife, who was raised Catholic, we “met in the middle” and started attending the local Methodist church.
At the time, my wife’s family said they were fine with her decision, and it seemed to not be a problem. Now that we have children, though, we are realizing that there are some issues that just haven’t been discussed.
My mother-in-law has always had problems with me, and I think they go back to my wife leaving the Catholic church–she blames me for it. I think she thinks I dislike the Catholic church and their beliefs, when in reality, I have no problem. I know that there are theological differences, but I see it as we both believe in the same God, believe that we need to be forgiven for our sins, and only by accepting Christ into our lives and living a Christian life can we go to heaven.
I see the big picture, but I feel like she is too caught up in the details. My wife says that she would have left the Catholic church anyway, that she didn’t feel close to God when she attended, and that she knows much more about the Bible and feels closer to God now than ever before. We both have no problems with what my in-laws believe–in my mind, it’s like they are a part of a different denomination.
So, on to my questions: what is the Catholic view of Methodists? Are we going to heaven? Is our entire worship service invalid in Catholics’ eyes? Is it not even ok to go to church with Methodists (I understand about not taking Communion) but we can’t even all go to church together–they refuse to step foot into our church. Are our kids considered baptized by their grandparents? They did attend the baptisms, but later were surprised that it wasn’t just a “dedication” and that it was considered a Sacrement in our church.
Is it not acceptable for Catholics to read any non-Catholic Christian books? We gave my in-laws a devotional book for Christmas one year, and it came out later that they didn’t appreciate being given something by a Protestant author. It was not a book about theology, but simply a devotional book about love that my wife had gotten a lot from and thought her family would like as well.
I appreciate any thoughts anyone can give me. I’m simply trying to figure out if my mother-in-law’s viewpoint is the norm or if she has a harsher view of my beliefs than most Catholics do. As I said before, I have nothing against the Catholic church, and I even said something to my wife about maybe we should just become Catholic and make everyone happy, but she said that she doesn’t want to be part of a church if they teach that it’s ok to act how her mother has acted over the years–some very hurtful things have been said and her mother’s entire identity comes from being Catholic. Again, thank you for any insight anyone can give me!

 

[Publisher]

 

[Cristiano]

I think that your in-laws blame you because they are too chicken to blame their own daughter and themselves. Sorry about that but that is the way life works.

If you are properly baptized (using the Trinitarian formula described in the Bible) you have gone through the first and most significant step to accept Christ’s sacrifice for your salvation. That means that you are not automatically condemned to hell (BTW Catholics can go to hell too).

Methodist worship services are not invalid to Catholic eyes, anyone that worships the Trinity is doing it validly. However, your form of worship is not the equivalent of the Catholic Mass and it could never be an equivalent.

My suggestion is that you buy a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (you can read it online at CCC) and you read it with your wife. In the mean time reassure your in-laws that it is not your intention to keep your wife away from the Catholic Church and that the two of you are just trying to get closer to God.

 

[raaucoin]

I have a few questions, and I would sincerely like some honest answers. I am a Christian, and I am a member of the United Methodist Church. I was raised in a Southern Baptist, Church, and when I married my wife, who was raised Catholic, we “met in the middle” and started attending the local Methodist church.
At the time, my wife’s family said they were fine with her decision, and it seemed to not be a problem. Now that we have children, though, we are realizing that there are some issues that just haven’t been discussed.
My mother-in-law has always had problems with me, and I think they go back to my wife leaving the Catholic church–she blames me for it. I think she thinks I dislike the Catholic church and their beliefs, when in reality, I have no problem. I know that there are theological differences, but I see it as we both believe in the same God, believe that we need to be forgiven for our sins, and only by accepting Christ into our lives and living a Christian life can we go to heaven.
I see the big picture, but I feel like she is too caught up in the details. My wife says that she would have left the Catholic church anyway, that she didn’t feel close to God when she attended, and that she knows much more about the Bible and feels closer to God now than ever before. We both have no problems with what my in-laws believe–in my mind, it’s like they are a part of a different denomination.
So, on to my questions: what is the Catholic view of Methodists? Are we going to heaven? Is our entire worship service invalid in Catholics’ eyes? Is it not even ok to go to church with Methodists (I understand about not taking Communion) but we can’t even all go to church together–they refuse to step foot into our church. Are our kids considered baptized by their grandparents? They did attend the baptisms, but later were surprised that it wasn’t just a “dedication” and that it was considered a Sacrement in our church.
Is it not acceptable for Catholics to read any non-Catholic Christian books? We gave my in-laws a devotional book for Christmas one year, and it came out later that they didn’t appreciate being given something by a Protestant author. It was not a book about theology, but simply a devotional book about love that my wife had gotten a lot from and thought her family would like as well.
I appreciate any thoughts anyone can give me. I’m simply trying to figure out if my mother-in-law’s viewpoint is the norm or if she has a harsher view of my beliefs than most Catholics do. As I said before, I have nothing against the Catholic church, and I even said something to my wife about maybe we should just become Catholic and make everyone happy, but she said that she doesn’t want to be part of a church if they teach that it’s ok to act how her mother has acted over the years–some very hurtful things have been said and her mother’s entire identity comes from being Catholic. Again, thank you for any insight anyone can give me!

Dear Brother in Christ Jesus:

1. If your Children (and you for that matter) have been Baptized with water and the words “I Baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” were used the Catholic Church recognizes your Baptisms as valid. We believe in one Baptism, so even if you were to Convert, you would not be re- Baptized.Now- you asked if the kids were considered Baptized by their grandparents. That’s a different matter. Unfortunately many Catholics do not know Church teaching in that regard( or many others!)
2. If their were some special occassion, yes you could all go to Church together. And you are correct Catholics would not be able to partake in your communion and must still meet their obligation to attend Mass.
3. Your worship service invalid? The Church (Catholic) encourages all to praise and glorify God. And does not say that any attempt to worship with a sincere heart is “Invalid”. We do believe,however, that the summit of all Christian worship is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. (found in the Catholic Church and celebrated by Catholic priests)
4. their attitude in recieving a gift is rude to say the least. I myself am very cautious about what I read-even just devotional. Sometimes even in devotional literature there can be some things which go against my beliefs. But I would never be rude to someone who offered a gift. We can read “non-Catholic” material but we are cautioned that if there is potential to cause confusion or scandal we should avoid it.
5. Are Methodists going to Heaven? Probably some of ya’ll will meet up with some of us Catholics and Southern Baptists there! The Catholic Church doesn’t even say Hitler is in Hell. No one can know who is not in Heaven.
   6.Catholic view of Methodists? We deeply are pained by the divisions that seperate us and pray and work continuously for the day when as Jesus prayed we may all be one.

I hope this helps a little. As for your in-laws, having a child and then grandchildren outside of the Church can be a painful thing.I don’t excuse any bad behavior, but pray for them.I pray for you and your family.

 

[Georgia]

I spent a lifetime as a fundamentalist independent Baptist, so here’s my cent and a half before some better replies come along. Trust me, there are some experts here.

I am totally devoted to my Catholic faith, but I would have no problem whatever with attending a service with my relatives when I am back home. That would not mean I would forget my obligation to Sunday Mass. I would have to go to both, though I would neither accept communion nor would I participate in a way that indicated something I no longer believe. And, yes, my relatives have found it odd that I went to Mass in addition to going to their church, but that had to be.

The Catholic church believes that we are brothers and sisters with separated Christians. We recognize baptisms from other Christians as long as they invoke the proper formula and have the intent to baptize.

 

[Luvtosew]

Your going to get different opinions here so heres mine.

I think your inlaws should leave the decision up to you and your wife. Your belong to a Christian faith and the inlaws should be happy, same God. Yes I believe Methodists can go to heaven just as easy as Catholics. They should bud out of your personal life, they are done raising your wife and shes an adult and can make her own decisions and the inlaws should honor them.

There is nothing wrong with your MIL going to a Methodist Mass as long as she doesn’t take communion.

 

[Savior2012]

Christians have so much in common focus on that, not secondary issues that we my disagree.

God Bless-

 

[agnes_therese]

I would echo what Cristiano says – it’s easier for your in-laws to blame you. If they accept that their daughter made her own decision to leave the Church, they might feel they somehow failed in her religious upbringing.
But, to some of your other questions –
I wouldn’t say that your worship service is invalid. It is incomplete (due to not having the Eucharist), but of course wouldn’t seem so to you.
I don’t know the Methodist form of baptism in particular, but I do know that many Protestant churches’ baptisms are considered valid by the Catholic Church. They can ask their priest if they’re concerned.
There is no prohibition against attending Protestant services, as long as we also fulfill our Sunday Mass obligation. I’ve been told, though, that it used to be forbidden. I don’t know if that’s true, but I expect that someone else here will know.
Certainly we can read non-Catholic Christian books. They may simply prefer not to, or they may even see it as you trying to “sneak” some Protestant thought in on them.
The Church certainly does not teach that a mother should say hurtful things to her daughter. News flash: Catholics are human, we have the same faults as everyone else. It’s unreasonable for your wife to blame the Church for her parents’ attitude; that’s entirely on them.

Personally, as a convert to the Catholic Church, I simply don’t understand how anyone could leave. I tend to think that those who do, don’t realize what they’ve given up. But that’s no reason to be rude.

 

[manualman]

Forgive me in advance if I get a little blunt, but it may help you understand your inlaws viewpoint a little bit better.

Catholics understand that Christ never intended or willed for people to establish thousands of different ‘do it yourself’ religious communities in His name, each believing (sometimes wildly) different things. He clearly thought it out, selected apostles for leadership and bestowed on them the authority to teach in his name after he left. Those apostles immediately (read Acts) established the precedent of replacing their number upon death, expanding their numbers as the faith spread geographically (ordaining bishops in new towns) and making authoritative declarations about sticky and divisive issues that Christ had not given clear direction about before the Ascension (i.e. circumcision and eating unclean foods). As catholics, we believe this model of church unity was never meant to end and continues to this day. We further believe (and this belief goes back unbroken to the time of those apostles) that those Christ selected to be apostles and those to whom the apostolic authority was delegated (bishops, priests and deacons) play a special role in providing to the Church a real, visible and reliable source of Grace in the form of the sacraments: Baptism, Reconciliation, Communion, Marriage, Holy Orders, Annointing of the Sick, and Confirmation.

Catholics recognize that protestants are christians too. We recognize that protestant baptisms in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are real and true sacraments. But it grieves us greatly when the ones we love abandon recourse to the fountain of Grace Christ intended for us to have in ALL the sacraments. Your inlaws (presuming they are educated and devout catholics, not just culturally resentful of their daughter’s ‘wayward’ ways!) likely grieve the knowlege that their daughter and grandchildren have deprived themselves of the benefits of Confession / Reconciliation, of communion (long story, but Methodist communion is more of a remembrance than a sacrament). And given American cultural history, they probably are wary of spiritual gifts given as most catholics have been approached more than once by protestants hoping to help them “get saved.”

I’m glad that your wife has matured to wanting to know and love Christ more than she did in a lukewarm catholic childhood. But that doesn’t mean that I, too, don’t feel the sadness of knowing that she has left riches that she likely never knew existed. Give your inlaws that much slack. Recognize that while they do understand that Methodists are believers too, they see protestant doctrinal beliefs as a distortion of the gospel that must at some point hinder rather than assist their daughter becoming perfectly conformed to the character of Christ.

It is HARD to receive criticism of what you believe without taking it personally. What could be more personal? If you’ve had a gut “how rude” reaction to anything I’ve said above, please recognize that your inlaws probably feel the same thing.

Good luck and God Bless.

 

[Nicea325]

I have a few questions, and I would sincerely like some honest answers. I am a Christian, and I am a member of the United Methodist Church. I was raised in a Southern Baptist, Church, and when I married my wife, who was raised Catholic, we “met in the middle” and started attending the local Methodist church.
At the time, my wife’s family said they were fine with her decision, and it seemed to not be a problem. Now that we have children, though, we are realizing that there are some issues that just haven’t been discussed.
My mother-in-law has always had problems with me, and I think they go back to my wife leaving the Catholic church–she blames me for it. I think she thinks I dislike the Catholic church and their beliefs, when in reality, I have no problem. I know that there are theological differences, but I see it as we both believe in the same God, believe that we need to be forgiven for our sins, and only by accepting Christ into our lives and living a Christian life can we go to heaven.
I see the big picture, but I feel like she is too caught up in the details. My wife says that she would have left the Catholic church anyway, that she didn’t feel close to God when she attended, and that she knows much more about the Bible and feels closer to God now than ever before. We both have no problems with what my in-laws believe–in my mind, it’s like they are a part of a different denomination.
So, on to my questions: what is the Catholic view of Methodists? Are we going to heaven? Is our entire worship service invalid in Catholics’ eyes? Is it not even ok to go to church with Methodists (I understand about not taking Communion) but we can’t even all go to church together–they refuse to step foot into our church. Are our kids considered baptized by their grandparents? They did attend the baptisms, but later were surprised that it wasn’t just a “dedication” and that it was considered a Sacrement in our church.
Is it not acceptable for Catholics to read any non-Catholic Christian books? We gave my in-laws a devotional book for Christmas one year, and it came out later that they didn’t appreciate being given something by a Protestant author. It was not a book about theology, but simply a devotional book about love that my wife had gotten a lot from and thought her family would like as well.
I appreciate any thoughts anyone can give me. I’m simply trying to figure out if my mother-in-law’s viewpoint is the norm or if she has a harsher view of my beliefs than most Catholics do. As I said before, I have nothing against the Catholic church, and I even said something to my wife about maybe we should just become Catholic and make everyone happy, but she said that she doesn’t want to be part of a church if they teach that it’s ok to act how her mother has acted over the years–some very hurtful things have been said and her mother’s entire identity comes from being Catholic. Again, thank you for any insight anyone can give me!

Okay,something sticks out to me:

**she doesn’t want to be part of a church if they teach that it’s ok to act **

I am sorry,but the CC does not have the primary duty of teaching discipline or how people should behave. Second, one is not Catholic based on others behavior or actions, it is about Christ. Every church is full of sinners and one should not be distracted about following the Catholic faith based on others deeds and words. I’ll pray for you and your wife.

 

[Cristiano]

Okay,something sticks out to me:

**she doesn’t want to be part of a church if they teach that it’s ok to act **

I am sorry,but the CC does not have the primary duty of teaching discipline or how people should behave…

I am sorry but I strongly disagree with you on this. Discipline and behaviors are the way to show our faith and acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice. Th greatest commandment is not only about love for God but also about love for people and that is a behavior. That teaching is one of the primary duties of the CC because God is picky about behaviors, He told us so.

 

[Nicea325]

I am sorry but I strongly disagree with you on this. Discipline and behaviors are the way to show our faith and acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice. Th greatest commandment is not only about love for God but also about love for people and that is a behavior. That teaching is one of the primary duties of the CC because God is picky about behaviors, He told us so.

And I disagree with you. Yes love God and others,but is the church at fault some cannot adhere to such a command? Is it a reflection of the church or an individual? So is it truly the primary responsibility to teach discipline and behaviors?

 

[Cristiano]

And I disagree with you. Yes love God and others,but is the church at fault some cannot adhere to such a command? Is it a reflection of the church or an individual? So is it truly the primary responsibility to teach discipline and behaviors?

Yes it is truly a primary responsibility to teach discipline and behaviors, and the Church is not at fault is people reject the teachings.

Do not mix teaching responsibility with accountability for peoples behaviors. They are independent unless you do not teach behaviors and then you become accountable too. Please remember that sin is a behavior.

 

[Newsy]

Sorry to hear you are receiving a bad reaction. I actually left my family’s protestant church to join the Catholic Church, I too have seen bad reactions.

Your MIL has acted rather rashly, I would say. However, like someone else pointed out, to have family leave the Church is a painful situation. The gift situation was handled rather poorly, I received several books that didn’t fit in with my beliefs. I just didn’t read them, no big deal, just left on the shelf:shrug:.

As to the Methodist service, it is a worship service and that is just fine. It does not fulfill the Sunday Obligation, but it is acceptable in addition to Mass. My family and I went to 2 churches a week for the first half of RCIA. If they are avoiding your church b/c they think something wrong with it, then they are mistaken.

As far as staying Methodist vs becoming Catholic, it is a very personal matter. If you live rightly and have a personal relationship with Christ and are baptized, you have as much chance of getting in as anybody. We are all imperfect and rely on God’s Grace. However, there are things that the United Methodist’s support that are problematic. They, and many others, are a part of the Religious Council for Reproductive Choice. The purpose of this group is to ensure there are safe abortion clinics available to women in this country. I was a member of the PCUSA, a Presbyterian Church that supported this organization. I found it very troubling. I was already on my journey to Rome, when I found out, but I saw no turning back then. My suggestion? Study a lot, study what the Methodist Church teaches and what the Catholic Church teaches, see which makes more sense. This may be a long road, but you will be rewarded, I studied 4-6 hours a day for 4 months on my journey, but I have been richly blessed.

In closing, you will encounter some Catholics who act poorly toward other denominations, but you will find protestants who act poorly towards Catholics, try not to judge them too harshly. Catholic Answers is a great resource, stick around and you will learn a lot of stuff. Continue to pray about this situation, God is really the only one who can bring healing to all involved.If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me

Prayers to you and your family,
Newsy

 

[Nicea325]

Yes it is truly a primary responsibility to teach discipline and behaviors, and the Church is not at fault is people reject the teachings.

Do not mix teaching responsibility with accountability for peoples behaviors. They are independent unless you do not teach behaviors and then you become accountable too. Please remember that sin is a behavior.

And it is also not a reflection against the church. Responsibility and accountablility are not independent. Is it my responsibility to provide sound health care for my kids? If I neglect that duty, I am not accountable? Is that not a reflection of my poor behavior and conduct?

 

[Jim_Dandy]

My wife says that she would have left the Catholic church anyway, that she didn’t feel close to God when she attended, and that she knows much more about the Bible and feels closer to God now than ever before. We both have no problems with what my in-laws believe–in my mind, it’s like they are a part of a different denomination.

Welcome to the Catholic Answers Forum (CAF)! I hope you find this to be a helpful source for the answers you are seeking.

May I say that the Church is not a denomination. Rather, she is the nomination (the named original Mother Church) from which all denominations originated (separated and gave themselves a different name).

Your wife says she knows more about the Bible now, but does she know where we we got it? The Church is about 350 years older than the Bible per se. Leaders of the Church wrote the New Testament, and the Church compiled the Bible at the end of the fourth century. Here’s a link to the little book, Where We Got the Bible, Our Debt to the Catholic Church, written by a former Presbyterian minister at the beginning of the 20th century. A hard copy is available at Catholic Answers or Amazon.

catholicapologetics.info/apologetics/protestantism/wbible.htm

All Protestant ecclesial communities (there is only one Church, founded by Christ in A.D. 33, in Jerusalem) were founded by men in or after the 16th century. Only the Catholic Church is God-made; all others are man-made – the many Baptist organizations were started by John Smyth, the Methodist bodies by John and Charles Wesley, etc.

So, on to my questions: what is the Catholic view of Methodists? Are we going to heaven?

That’s entirely between Methodists (or any non-Catholic) and God.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church: QUOTE:

"Outside the Church there is no salvation"
846 Basing itself on Scripture and Tradition, the Council [Vatican II] teaches that the Church, a pilgrim now on earth, is necessary for salvation: the one Christ is the mediator and the way of salvation; he is present to us in his body which is the Church. He himself explicitly asserted the necessity of faith and Baptism, and thereby affirmed at the same time the necessity of the Church which men enter through Baptism as through a door. Hence they could not be saved who, knowing that the Catholic Church was founded as necessary by God through Christ, would refuse either to enter it or to remain in it.

847 This affirmation is not aimed at those who, through no fault of their own, do not know Christ and his Church:

Those who, through no fault of their own, do not know the Gospel of Christ or his Church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and, moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience – those too may achieve eternal salvation. END QUOTE (bold mine)

The original “Reformers” and their cohorts were responsible for the heresies that developed. Present-day Protestants were simply brought up in the organizations that were spawned by the “Reformation,” and so are not formal heretics but “separated brethren.”

Is our entire worship service invalid in Catholics’ eyes?

It’s incomplete. The Apostles taught the first Christians to offer the sacrifice now called the Divine Liturgy or the Mass. Protestants are historically separated from that sacrifice.

Is it not even ok to go to church with Methodists (I understand about not taking Communion) but we can’t even all go to church together–they refuse to step foot into our church.

Since Vatican II, the Church does not forbid attendance at a non-Catholic services, as long as the Catholic also attends Mass on the same Sunday (or the Saturday Vigil). It’s personal choice.

Are our kids considered baptized by their grandparents? They did attend the baptisms, but later were surprised that it wasn’t just a “dedication” and that it was considered a Sacrement in our church.

The Church accepts most Baptisms as valid; notable exceptions are Mormon and JW “baptisms.”

Is it not acceptable for Catholics to read any non-Catholic Christian books? We gave my in-laws a devotional book for Christmas one year, and it came out later that they didn’t appreciate being given something by a Protestant author. It was not a book about theology, but simply a devotional book about love that my wife had gotten a lot from and thought her family would like as well.

Catholics are not forbidden to read such works, but personally I would be offended if such a book were given to me. Your wife could have chosen one of the many Catholic devotional books on the market. I suspect her parents viewed it either as at an attempt to proselytize or as an insult to them and their religion.

Leaving the Church is the best way of kicking one’s parents in the shins, figuratively speaking of course. Catholics know (or should know) that their Church is the True Church founded by Christ for the salvation of the world. We know that salvation is more difficult without the gifts with which Christ endowed His Church to help us get to heaven (the seven sacraments), and most if not all Catholic parents are naturally concerned when their children leave it. The Church is both the Bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:25-33; 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 21:9-14, 22:17) and His Body (Colossians 1:15-18, 1:24, 2:19; Ephesians 1:22-23, 4:4-7, 4-11-16; Romans 12:4-5; 1 Corinthians 6:1, 12:27).

Have you thought of discussing this with a priest? He could give you authoritative answers and advice.

Peace be with you. Glad you found Catholic Answers. Check out their library and other resources.

Jim Dandy
Ex-Southern Baptist, ex-agnostic, ex-atheist, ecstatic to be Catholic!

 

[Jim_Dandy]

Your going to get different opinions here so heres mine.

I think your inlaws should leave the decision up to you and your wife. Your belong to a Christian faith and the inlaws should be happy, same God. Yes I believe Methodists can go to heaven just as easy as Catholics. They should bud out of your personal life, they are done raising your wife and shes an adult and can make her own decisions and the inlaws should honor them.

There is nothing wrong with your MIL going to a Methodist Mass as long as she doesn’t take communion.

Methodists don’t have “Mass.”