Family Issues

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Akiliane

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I love my family with all my heart… But certain people in my family such as my Mom, my Auntie & my Grandmother do and say things that really bother me
I have never disrespected them in any way, I always keep quiet. But I’m tired. I’m tired of my Mom treating me like a second class child & saying things behind my back… I’m tired of my Auntie always trying to use me, and I’m tired of my Grandmother telling me I should be making lots of money, when I don’t even care about money.
I just want to estrange myself from them & focus on God. They treat me like I’m weird because thats all that matters to me. I’m losing myself, but I can’t live my life for them. I’m a 33 years old man. I just wanna disappear and live in obscurity. Would it be wrong to deal with them from a distance?
 
I am wondering if you are a 33 yr. old man living at home and or not working. If so, and I don’t know your circumstance, but my guess it would be good if you were out on your own. That being said, I will pray for you and your family.
 
Truegrit said:
I am wondering if you are a 33 yr. old man living at home and or not working. If so, and I don’t know your circumstance, but my guess it would be good if you were out on your own. That being said, I will pray for you and your family.
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Oh no! I live on my own & take care of myself… I just have a mindset of my own and I know what I want… I won’t give into their idea of what my life should be like. I have no kids or wife, so I spend a considerable amount of time practicing my faith & doing the simple things that make me happy when I’m not working.
 
Akiliane said:
Oh no! I live on my own & take care of myself… I just have a mindset of my own and I know what I want… I won’t give into their idea of what my life should be like. I have no kids or wife, so I spend a considerable amount of time practicing my faith & doing the simple things that make me happy when I’m not working.
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Have you considered being a religious brother in say, the Franciscans or perhaps one of the contemplative orders? Even if that isn’t your vocation, you have the right to live life as you see fit when you are doing nothing wrong. I’d let what others think roll of my back. What you do with your life is between you and God.
 
Akiliane said:
I love my family with all my heart… But certain people in my family such as my Mom, my Auntie & my Grandmother do and say things that really bother me
I have never disrespected them in any way, I always keep quiet. But I’m tired. I’m tired of my Mom treating me like a second class child & saying things behind my back… I’m tired of my Auntie always trying to use me, and I’m tired of my Grandmother telling me I should be making lots of money, when I don’t even care about money.
I just want to estrange myself from them & focus on God. They treat me like I’m weird because thats all that matters to me. I’m losing myself, but I can’t live my life for them. I’m a 33 years old man. I just wanna disappear and live in obscurity. Would it be wrong to deal with them from a distance?
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Praying for you and your family.
 
If you distance yourself, will they know why?

It sounds like no boundaries have been set, and they do these things because you have allowed it. (sorry)

Next time it happens, say, “I don’t want to be around you if you’re going to speak to me that way.” You’ll get a guilt trip, of course, but you deserve to be treated with respect.

Say it and act on it.
 
Hi Akiliane,

There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from them.

It is really too bad that they are treating you in this way. In my opinion, they should be respecting you, not talking behind your back and treating you like a child. You are an adult, and are on your own.

I will pray for you, too, and for your family.
 
I agree that you need to set boundries and you need to respect some yourself. There is no reason for a grown man living on his own to share every little thing with his family. So your grandmother doesn’t need to know how much money you make or how you spend it.

Same for your mom, if she doesn’t have information, she can’t share it with others. If she continues to gossip, than you’ve got reason to see her less often and say less about your business. Tell her that as long as she’s gossiping behind your back, you can’t visit with her.

If Auntie asks you for a favor, only do it if you want to and don’t expect anything back. If you can’t/don’t want to do it simply say, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you with that” and then change the subject.

Be cheerful and gracious with them and remember that they are falliable humans too. But continue to mind your boundries.

If you decide to go into religious life, or if you determine that you’d like a more conventional lifestyle, either path is fine. Just be mindful of your decisions and prudent where necessary. Not caring about money doesn’t mean you need to be broke, unkempt, or underemployed.
 
I don’t see anything wrong with it. Sometimes people aren’t called to the religious life or marriage.

That is unless your family is getting on to you about your consorting with loose women or some other such problem that you should rectify.
 
As humans, you owe them respect. That said, you are not required to spend time with people who are emotionally draining for you - even if they’re your own family, as long as you are over 18 (which you have indicated you are). IMHO, you have a responsibility to yourself to keep yourself mentally healthy - which it sounds as if you can’t do when you’re around these people. There’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing to take a break from someone for a time.

Sometimes it can be difficult for people to understand if a loved one chooses a career (or vocation) that isn’t “mainstream”. As long as you’re making morally licit decisions, there should be no problem. At your age, you are free to accept or reject their counsel as you see fit.

Remember that Jesus called us to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him. He also said houses would be divided against each other. It won’t be easy, but as long as you follow the Will of God, and ask Him to reveal His Divine Will to you, it will be worth it (speaking from experience).
 
Della said:
Have you considered being a religious brother in say, the Franciscans or perhaps one of the contemplative orders? Even if that isn’t your vocation, you have the right to live life as you see fit when you are doing nothing wrong. I’d let what others think roll of my back. What you do with your life is between you and God.
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Yes I have considered it… But I would like to do it without having to live in community… Is that possible?
 
Akiliane said:
Yes I have considered it… But I would like to do it without having to live in community… Is that possible?
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I really don’t know. What you are wanting is to be a consecrated man living on his own. There are consecrated virgins and widows, but I’m not sure what there is in that vein for the men. I think you would have to talk to your bishop about that. 🙂 He’d probably want you to follow the spirituality of an order or be under one of their superior’s authority, but again, you’d have to ask your bishop about that.
 
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