Family Issues

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ineedofmercy

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I mean no disrespect to my family and know I shouldn’t judge them like this but don’t know what to do right now

I struggling with Porn Addiction and Masturbation and fell today

I know I shouldn’t fear the judgement of man but it hurts me really bad

I woke up after realizing the weight of my sins

My family doesn’t seem like that yet

I wanna go to confession but know they will bother me about why and maybe even tease me
If I came out fully religious and told them my addiction they would think I’m nuts and bother me about it all the time
I haven’t been taken to confession in a little more than a year and I think they stopped ever since my confirmation and they’re lazy
I wish they would let me go myself
My day missed Acension Thursday because if work and I don’t think he knows that’s mortal
Or even remembers what mortal sin is

I recieve the Eucharist unworthily because I fear the scolding after I refuse and I get nudged into the line anyway

I love my family and they’re great but not without their flaws

I can’t deal with this anymore I don’t wanna start my freedom at 16-18 I want to keep what little childhood I have left and not be wasting it in this sinful depression

Sorry this is so long
I need people who have time to pm once or twice a dat if you can thank you
Please pray for me
 
Hi,

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. First of all, it’s awesome that you are striving to be chaste, and if you’re called to marriage your future spouse will be very happy for the effort you are making right now to keep your eyes/mind for her. The more you strive now, the easier it (should) be to strive in marriage for chastity.

I want to give you advice but first my question is does your family go to Mass weekly? If not, you might want to try calling your parish rectory and telling them your situation about needing transportation. Maybe they can ask around the parish for someone who is willing to pick you up for weekly confession and Mass, and take you home. If I am not mistaken, some parishes have a weekly confession date/time posted to their website or bulletin. If you have an age or gender preference in regards to who you would like to pick you up, tell them that also. If when you call your parish you reach a secretary, ask them to write down your request and if you feel comfortable also ask them to leave a message for the pastor or deacon to call you back, and talk to the pastor or deacon about why it is important for you to get to Confession and Mass weekly, and how you need help getting there because your family is not available/is not as interested. You can also make an appointment to talk to one of them about this addiction you struggle with if you feel comfortable talking to them face to face about it, or over the telephone. Do whatever makes you most comfortable and safe, just be sure to call your parish. Also, when you do get in touch with the priest or deacon, ask about youth and young adult ministry in your diocese and ask to be put in touch with someone who knows about diocese youth events so you can meet with people your age, which may help you with my next question…

Also, do you have an accountability partner? If you do not know anyone you trust to be an accountability partner for you yet, add this to your daily prayer intention: for holy friends your age and gender who are striving for chastity and can be your accountability partners. If you need reminders to pray, set a daily reminder alarm on your cell phone if you have one. Make the title something that is not obvious (since you mentioned your family does not know) but a title you will remember and understand when you see the alarm pop up.

Once God brings you holy friends, pray for guidance about WHO in those group of friends can be a trusted accountability partner and use Covenant Eyes software with them.

My third suggestion is to pray daily or at least weekly for your future spouse, and fast for them if you are healthy enough (ask your doctor.) How you pray for them is up to you, because every person has preferences. Some create a prayer journal for them, some pray a Chaplet or Rosary every day for them, others use the Scriptures to pray - great article here: chastityproject.com/2015/08/how-to-use-the-bible-to-pray-for-your-future-or-current-spouse/

I don’t know if your vocation is marriage, but prayers will help if it is! Post a reminder or set an alarm on your phone to pray for your future spouse on a daily or weekly basis, even during a time when you struggle the most with temptations.

If your temptation to watch porn/masturbate is easier to give into due to tablets, laptops and cell phones, and if your neighborhood is safe, lock your devices in the car every night before bedtime and give your parents the keys – and have them **hide the keys. If you aren’t comfortable telling them WHY you’re doing this yet, tell them that the devices keep you awake and you are too tired the next day to devote to your responsibilities, and you really want to start getting into the habit of getting to bed at a decent time (I assume this is not far from the truth, since many people struggle with this.) If not the car, have them hide the devices for you and tell them to promise **not to give them to you until the next day, regardless of how much you beg them to give you the devices anyway. This should help, but again, set reminders and in case you forget or are feeling like giving into the temptations on any given day, set a reminder on your parent’s or siblings device also with a title such as “Time to hide (your name here) devices at (insert time) now!” So your family is on board and can remind you “Give us your phone/tablet/laptop! We gotta get rid of it til morning!” Be aware of approximately when you begin to feel tempted each day or evening, and get rid of the devices around this time daily.

I hope this helps! Update us if you want or feel free to send me a message. 🙂
 
ineedofmercy said:
I mean no disrespect to my family and know I shouldn’t judge them like this but don’t know what to do right now

I struggling with Porn Addiction and Masturbation and fell today

I know I shouldn’t fear the judgement of man but it hurts me really bad

I woke up after realizing the weight of my sins

My family doesn’t seem like that yet

I wanna go to confession but know they will bother me about why and maybe even tease me
If I came out fully religious and told them my addiction they would think I’m nuts and bother me about it all the time
I haven’t been taken to confession in a little more than a year and I think they stopped ever since my confirmation and they’re lazy
I wish they would let me go myself
My day missed Acension Thursday because if work and I don’t think he knows that’s mortal
Or even remembers what mortal sin is

I recieve the Eucharist unworthily because I fear the scolding after I refuse and I get nudged into the line anyway

I love my family and they’re great but not without their flaws

I can’t deal with this anymore I don’t wanna start my freedom at 16-18 I want to keep what little childhood I have left and not be wasting it in this sinful depression

Sorry this is so long
I need people who have time to pm once or twice a dat if you can thank you
Please pray for me
Click to expand...
Hello, young one.

Take a deep breath and trust in the mercy of God. Our faith is about Him and His goodness, not about ourselves and our failures. And you will NOT be judged on your parents’ actions, or your normal adolescent fears of embarrassment.

A couple practical things:

First, at communion, if you are allowed at your parish, just cross your arms over your chest when you get to the front and don’t receive the Eucharist. I did that for years when I was away from the Church but visiting family in another state. Nobody noticed.

Second, practice saying out loud what you politely need to say to your parents about going to confession. “I’d like to go to confession this Saturday. Can I go early?” Practice saying it out loud until it feels casual and natural.

Third, when you get to confession, ask Father how often he thinks you should attend confession on a regular basis. Share this information with your parents as something Father said you need to do. If they actually make the effort to attend Sunday mass, they’ll probably go along with what Father tells you to do.

Fourth, there’s very little point in telling people you have an “addiction” to porn if they don’t believe there’s anything wrong your actions. And parents (I’m speaking as a mom here) seriously freak out when the word “addiction” is attached in any way to their precious child. Just don’t go there. Keep your confession for a priest and no one else.

I’ll be praying for you, dear one. Be strong and courageous – you are not alone, you are dearly loved by a host of angels and Saints and by God Himself, and you will make it through this – I promise!

God bless you!
 
ineedofmercy said:
I need people who have time to pm once or twice a dat if you can thank you
Click to expand...
I would sincerely urge you to find the help of a Priest, not the help of someone on the internet.

ineedofmercy, I appreciate your delicate situation.

But we are not qualified to counsel you through this.

I sincerely doubt your parents will utterly forbid you to even speak to a Priest.

You need to do so desperately.

Please, please, PLEASE take this offline. You need real help from a real Priest in person.
 
Gertabelle said:
Hello, young one.

Take a deep breath and trust in the mercy of God. Our faith is about Him and His goodness, not about ourselves and our failures. And you will NOT be judged on your parents’ actions, or your normal adolescent fears of embarrassment.

A couple practical things:

First, at communion, if you are allowed at your parish, just cross your arms over your chest when you get to the front and don’t receive the Eucharist. I did that for years when I was away from the Church but visiting family in another state. Nobody noticed.

Second, practice saying out loud what you politely need to say to your parents about going to confession. “I’d like to go to confession this Saturday. Can I go early?” Practice saying it out loud until it feels casual and natural.

Third, when you get to confession, ask Father how often he thinks you should attend confession on a regular basis. Share this information with your parents as something Father said you need to do. If they actually make the effort to attend Sunday mass, they’ll probably go along with what Father tells you to do.

Fourth, there’s very little point in telling people you have an “addiction” to porn if they don’t believe there’s anything wrong your actions. And parents (I’m speaking as a mom here) seriously freak out when the word “addiction” is attached in any way to their precious child. Just don’t go there. Keep your confession for a priest and no one else.

I’ll be praying for you, dear one. Be strong and courageous – you are not alone, you are dearly loved by a host of angels and Saints and by God Himself, and you will make it through this – I promise!

God bless you!
Click to expand...
Thank for this advice and I hope I’m brave enough to do it
I tried to do the arm cross once but the person wasn’t a priest so I couldn’t get a blessing (I wish only priests gave communion at my church) and my parents were looking right at me and if they saw the would be angry and confused but idk

I just don’t like it when they get all awkward with “why do you need to go what did you do” and if I say “it’s between me and God” they won’t stop asking then because I’ve never been this religious and I became extremely religious once I learned I was sinning so bad

I never was going to say it was and addiction but just the fact that I did it will shock then and I don’t know how they will react but just them knowing will hurt me

I wish I could do it all by myself and not have to depend on these obstacles in my way

I fear that if I finally get to strength to ask and all the awkwardness is gone the stress might make me susceptible to falling again

But thank you I will practice saying it out loud and try to be brave
 
TruthSeeker92 said:
Hi,

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. First of all, it’s awesome that you are striving to be chaste, and if you’re called to marriage your future spouse will be very happy for the effort you are making right now to keep your eyes/mind for her. The more you strive now, the easier it (should) be to strive in marriage for chastity.

I want to give you advice but first my question is does your family go to Mass weekly? If not, you might want to try calling your parish rectory and telling them your situation about needing transportation. Maybe they can ask around the parish for someone who is willing to pick you up for weekly confession and Mass, and take you home. If I am not mistaken, some parishes have a weekly confession date/time posted to their website or bulletin. If you have an age or gender preference in regards to who you would like to pick you up, tell them that also. If when you call your parish you reach a secretary, ask them to write down your request and if you feel comfortable also ask them to leave a message for the pastor or deacon to call you back, and talk to the pastor or deacon about why it is important for you to get to Confession and Mass weekly, and how you need help getting there because your family is not available/is not as interested. You can also make an appointment to talk to one of them about this addiction you struggle with if you feel comfortable talking to them face to face about it, or over the telephone. Do whatever makes you most comfortable and safe, just be sure to call your parish. Also, when you do get in touch with the priest or deacon, ask about youth and young adult ministry in your diocese and ask to be put in touch with someone who knows about diocese youth events so you can meet with people your age, which may help you with my next question…

Also, do you have an accountability partner? If you do not know anyone you trust to be an accountability partner for you yet, add this to your daily prayer intention: for holy friends your age and gender who are striving for chastity and can be your accountability partners. If you need reminders to pray, set a daily reminder alarm on your cell phone if you have one. Make the title something that is not obvious (since you mentioned your family does not know) but a title you will remember and understand when you see the alarm pop up.

Once God brings you holy friends, pray for guidance about WHO in those group of friends can be a trusted accountability partner and use Covenant Eyes software with them.

My third suggestion is to pray daily or at least weekly for your future spouse, and fast for them if you are healthy enough (ask your doctor.) How you pray for them is up to you, because every person has preferences. Some create a prayer journal for them, some pray a Chaplet or Rosary every day for them, others use the Scriptures to pray - great article here: chastityproject.com/2015/08/how-to-use-the-bible-to-pray-for-your-future-or-current-spouse/

I don’t know if your vocation is marriage, but prayers will help if it is! Post a reminder or set an alarm on your phone to pray for your future spouse on a daily or weekly basis, even during a time when you struggle the most with temptations.

If your temptation to watch porn/masturbate is easier to give into due to tablets, laptops and cell phones, and if your neighborhood is safe, lock your devices in the car every night before bedtime and give your parents the keys – and have them **hide the keys. If you aren’t comfortable telling them WHY you’re doing this yet, tell them that the devices keep you awake and you are too tired the next day to devote to your responsibilities, and you really want to start getting into the habit of getting to bed at a decent time (I assume this is not far from the truth, since many people struggle with this.) If not the car, have them hide the devices for you and tell them to promise **not to give them to you until the next day, regardless of how much you beg them to give you the devices anyway. This should help, but again, set reminders and in case you forget or are feeling like giving into the temptations on any given day, set a reminder on your parent’s or siblings device also with a title such as “Time to hide (your name here) devices at (insert time) now!” So your family is on board and can remind you “Give us your phone/tablet/laptop! We gotta get rid of it til morning!” Be aware of approximately when you begin to feel tempted each day or evening, and get rid of the devices around this time daily.

I hope this helps! Update us if you want or feel free to send me a message. 🙂
Click to expand...
My family does take me to church and we help out a lot but they seem to be almost annoyed by confession
Most of my struggles is just fear out what they will say when I start changing I’ve always hated awkwardness and embarrassment so I became a comedian and my friends will tell you I’m just a funny guy and I like being that but I also hide a lot of emotions because they’re embarrassing
Telling my parents all these things they will talk about it and constantly ask why and that’s annoying and embarrassing
I know I may have to do it but it will really stress me out

Luckily I see an opportunity
My favorite confessor is leaving the parish
While this is sad it could be an opportunity for me to say in a jokingly serious way (thats how I would say it) that we should go to confession one last time

Thank you
 
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