Family keeps pushing me to be a priest, but I detest the idea

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4gospels

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I’ve created this account specifically for this issue because it’s quite personal.

My dad introduced me to a local priest tonight after mass who right away invited me out to chat over coffee. I could tell my parents had talked to him before about me, mentioning that they think I’m meant to be a priest, or at least a religious brother. I told them in the car on the way home that if they think I should go to the seminary, they should just tell me–not recruit the priest.

To be honest, this infuriated me. I am 29 and finishing my masters and yet I felt handled like a child who cannot make life decisions. Since moving back to the US from living in a foreign country for work for many years (as well as entering a long-term relationship which has been continuing for 2.5 years now), my parents and my grandfather (a deacon) have talked to me multiple times about a religious vocation.

I have told them repeatedly that I discerned a religious calling when in college, of my own accord, and decided I had no interest in that life. They continue to bring this up and each time it hurts me more and more because they continue to seemingly ignore my position and thoughts. My grandfather had tears in his eyes the last time I told him I’m not interested in going to the seminary. They all seem very attached to this idea.

I feel like since I was very young my family has tried to push this on me, where I feel my calling is to live the Gospel in the world, showing Jesus to others by how I live my secular life.

Actually, this whole incident has made me very curious about the Lay Dominicans. Well, I’m curious the thoughts of uninvolved parties on this one.
 
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Others on the forum will make more well informed suggestions I’ve no doubt. All I’d say is that you should pray on it and go with what you feel.

The other thing to do is exactly what you’re told to do, and what kind of a priest would you be if it had all been against your will!

God bless.
 
4gospels said:
They continue to bring this up and each time it hurts me more and more because they continue to seemingly ignore my position and thoughts.
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Families tend to do this. I have a similar reaction from my mother on the opposite direction. She expresses her displeasing about me wanting to practice being Christian with every chance she gets. I am being presented various other “system of beliefs” (actually there is only one she likes, atheism) and forgets and ignores everything I say to show her, I am not coerced, brainwashed by the church or anything.
The only peace I found with this is accepting that we will always be seen as children in their eyes and that changing people’s mind as they age gets harder and harder.
Grandparents see us as the children of their own children.
Take it as a sign of appreciation from them, that they would like you to be a priest, and try to use humor when the situation gets too tensed. The key is not let this frustration hunt you daily and turn you mean and grudgy against them.
My guess is that this will keep going until you get married and have kids or something that points out to them that becoming a priest is no longer possible.
 
This is a very personal decision. It sounds like you have already made a decision you are comfortable with.

I wonder why, at 29 years old, you still feel obligated to go along with the ideas of your parents eg coffee with that priest?

Make it clear to them, once more, that you do not feel called to the priesthood. Explain to them that no amount of pressuring you will make you feel called to a life you are not. From that point forward, clearly and forcefully refuse all attempts at interference from them.
 
I know at least two other young(ish) Catholic men who, on casual acquaintance, seem like good material for the priesthood. In friendly conversations with each of them I mentioned “Have you thought about the priesthood?”, and both responded that they have been asked that many times, and are sick of it! So, you are not alone in being singled out for this treatment, however your family’s insistence in the face of your clear opposition does seem to be over the top.

As @Mary888 said above, families do tend to continue to interfere long after the child is making their own choices as an adult - especially if they are unmarried. At nearly 60 I still get it from my mother!
 
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Oh @mrsdizzyd , I don’t feel obligated at all. It’s just the now-routine pushing, and denial that they are indeed pushing, is quite frustrating. Otherwise this would not be a big deal in any way.
 
4gospels said:
Actually, this whole incident has made me very curious about the Lay Dominicans.
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I’m sorry that they seem to be pushing a vocation onto you, but I can help you a little with this one! I’m an Inquirer with the Lay Dominicans (or at least about a month away from being one, I need to go to two more meetings first)! What questions do you have?
 
It’s your life and your decision.
Your family means well.
But there is nothing wrong or sinful in not being a priest.
 
Do you still live at home? Are you in anyway dependent on them?
 
Yeah, I think your post laid it out pretty clearly. I’d tell them something like, “Look, I’m very flattered that you think I’d be a good priest, but I’ve already considered that and decided that’s not what I’m called to. I’m an adult who can make these decisions for himself. Please ease up with the pressure.”
 
I think I would respectfully request that they give you room to focus on completing your Masters. That may give both sides a break, then introduce your significant other. I don’t know what part of the country you’re in, or I could give you a referral to the closest Lay Dominican chapter. However, either start the Lay Dominicans first, or get married first. It’s hard to start both at the same time.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
 
@Fauken I’ll reply here in case any other curious individuals stumble on this thread. My main question (for @Cloisters as well) is what do you recommend as a person just starting to get interested in Lay Dominicans? I thought while inquiring or discerning I might try to start a prayer routine similar to theirs: LOTH Morning and Evening prayer and the Rosary when possible, is that right?
 
Thanks for your replies everyone. Of course, after ‘sleeping on it’ everything seems so much less of a problem than it was yesterday.
 
4gospels said:
My main question (for @Cloisters as well) is what do you recommend as a person just starting to get interested in Lay Dominicans? I thought while inquiring or discerning I might try to start a prayer routine similar to theirs: LOTH Morning and Evening prayer and the Rosary when possible, is that right?
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Morning and evening prayer and the rosary are part of it, yes, but so too is studying! Pick a spiritual book, Papal writings, etc., read and meditate on it with God. Also read about Dominican Saints and spirituality. I can’t remember who wrote it, but it’s a book called “Dominican Life” and the author is French. I’ce just started reading it (I just found it on the internet) and I love it so far! A Catholic joins the Dominicans because he or she believes that is how he/she will reach Christian perfection: that living out the charism of St. Dominic is essential to his/her sanctification. That should be every Dominican’s first and foremost ambition when joining the Order, regardless of whether they’re a priest or lay person.
 
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4gospels said:
It’s just the now-routine pushing, and denial that they are indeed pushing, is quite frustrating.
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The very next time one mentions it, take their hands, look them in the eye and say “I love you very much but I do not have a calling to be a priest, please don’t ask me again.”

then give them a hug.

Be calm and firm. Believe me they will get the message. It is hard for some parents to realize their kids actually have their own lives.
 
Don’t become a priest if you don’t have a vocation. People trying to push vocations on others is a personal pet peeve of mine, to put it mildly. The vocation crisis is due to people not practicing the faith. If a faithful person discerns that they don’t want to be a priest, then they most definitely should not become one.

I don’t have much practical advice other than to take a hard line with your parents, insist that they’d be pushing you into a vocation against Gods primary plan for you and shut down the conversation. And if they organise any other meetings with priests, politely refuse and explain to the priest the situation.
 
First, pick up a Catechism and memorize paragraph 2230, which warns parents against exerting pressure regarding profession, state of life, choice of spouse. Leave it on the kitchen table open to that paragraph for them to see.

Do you live at home or not? Are you financially dependent on them or not? If so, try to get independent enough to move out. If not, and if you’ve tried being polite but it does not work, try the following:
  1. Give dirty looks.
  2. Say in a stern voice, “Drop it” and “ENOUGH!!!” and cut them off mid-sentence if they try to continue, just like Judge Judy cuts off people mid-sentence in her courtroom. If your grandfather tries opening the “eye spigot”, tell him bluntly and sternly “Nice try, but tears are not going to manipulate me”.
Also, if you have been seeing the girl for that long, are you thinking of proposing to her? Maybe that will finally quash your family’s pushiness. (Obviously don’t get engaged / married JUST TO GET AWAY FROM PUSHY FAMILY, but if you are planning on doing it soon anyway…)
 
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It’s a little unusual that the priest didn’t guard himself against your parent’s pressure to discuss something with you. Usually priests won’t meet with you unless you invite them.
 
I have had to forbid my parents to talk to me about my future, job, studies etc. They can only talk about it on the condition that I bring it up. If you are an adult, living and supporting yourself then this could be an option. There is no way you’ll be able to discern the priesthood, marriage or any other calling for that matter if your parents or other people are constantly commenting on you being a priest or they wanting grandchildren or you marrying someone who is… You get the point. The comment: “I talk to a few, very trusted people about my future. You are not one of them. I hope you respect that.”

All your parents want, is to see you happy. If and when you marry and have children then their focus will transfer from you to your children.
 
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