"Family Life" in 4th grade?

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Hello all,

My daughter came home last night with materials for the "family life "series that’s going to start next week in her fourth grade class. She is nine years old. The books they’re using are the Benziger “Family Life” books. I’ve looked it over, and my main concerns are that they do touch on sperm, egg, conception and puberty. The book doesn’t go into great detail this year. This is a pert of the text from this years book:

"Human life begins at conception. Conception is the joining together of a tiny egg cell from a mother and a tiny sperm cell from the father. This joining forms a new cell. With this unique cell, a new human life begins. This new human being grows quickly in the mothers womb for approximately nine months.

“All human life is sacred. Human life begins with a special act of love, the marital love of one man and one woman. Divine and human love create new life, a human person called a baby. Conception, pregnancy and birth are part of the first major stages of life. More stages follow such as infancy, childhood and the preteen years. The major stages of life on Earth begin with conception and end in our bodily death. Right now you are just approaching the preteen years. Soon you will leave childhood behind. You will become a preteen, then a teenager and then a young adult.”

“Preteens go through many changes, inside and out especially when their bodies are reaching puberty. This is when a preteen becomes a teenager. At puberty, the bodies of boys and girls begin to develop to make it possible for them to have children one day. Once they become teenagers they will want to do many things for themselves. They will begin to make important choices with their parents about school, friends and their future.”

“Angel: how will there be more humans?
God: Humans can share in my creation. I have created them with a reproductive system. A husband-and-wife can create a new human being called a baby”

So, I guess my question is… does anyone feel that this is inappropriate for a nine-year-old in fourth grade? I go back-and-forth. I feel like bringing up sperm and egg and marital act can open the door for her learning more than she needs to at this point. Especially in a classroom setting. I was planning on having the "puberty "talk with her within the next few weeks, but I wasn’t going to get into this other stuff quite yet. I know there’s a possibility that the stuff may come up with her friends at school regardless, but I just like to hold onto the idea I can keep her innocence intact as long as possible. I feel learning some of the stuff too soon can be damaging.

I’m going to talk to the teacher to see how she approaches the subject with the kids. I believe they just do it during religion in the class. I could hold her out of the class during those parts, but she’s just going to wonder why…and her friends may make fun of her or tell her anyway in their own words, which would be worse.

Anyway, I was hoping to get some of your thoughts. Anyone think this is inappropriate for fourth grade 9-year-old? Or am I being over concerned?

Also, let me preface this with I will discuss this all with her before it happens in class. The classroom setting will not be the first place she hears it. I just didn’t want to go there yet…

Thanks everyone!
Michelle
 
I don’t think nine or 10 is too young to be learning biological and psycho-social information around adolescence, menstruation, conception, and pregnancy.
 
I don’t think this is too young at all.

Some girls will begin menstruating around age 10 or 11. The process of what is happening to them needs to be explained and there really isn’t any way to do it without explaining how men and women develop differently and the purpose of a sperm and an egg.

Actually, I think what you wrote out describes it very nicely.
 
Not too young at all, considering the society we live in is awash in split personality disorder of Puritanical ideals and drenched in sex on on the other hand.

Wish we started teaching kids earlier and earlier.
 
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Default Re: “Family Life” in 4th grade?

Wish we started teaching kids earlier and earlier.
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Yip. Misinformed 😉
 
As long as they’re not going into the mechanics of sexual intercourse, I don’t see a problem with it - although DH and I have decided that 9-year-old DSD will not be going to these health classes at school. (In our province, parents legally have the right to be notified of and to exempt their children from classes dealing with human sexuality, without academic penalty.) We feel that that is best taught in the home. Plus, I’m a nurse, so I’m probably better informed about human sexuality and puberty even than the teacher is. Menstruation has been known to start in girls as young as 8, and we expect that at least some breast development will have occurred before age 12 or 13.

I learned when I was about 3 or 4 that babies are made from a sperm and an egg. I’m the oldest of 6 kids, so Mom was either pregnant or had a new baby for most of my childhood - my youngest brother was born when I was 9. She just told us when we were little that it took a man’s sperm and woman’s egg to make a baby, and that the baby came out through a special opening in the mother’s body. I didn’t learn the mechanics of exactly how the egg and sperm came together and exactly how the baby was born until much later.
 
Kraftster said:

“So, I guess my question is… does anyone feel that this is inappropriate for a nine-year-old in fourth grade? I go back-and-forth. I feel like bringing up sperm and egg and marital act can open the door for her learning more than she needs to at this point.”

I think the text itself is fine, but I think the teacher needs to be very well prepared to field questions with, “We’re not talking about the details of human reproduction today, but if you have questions for your mom and dad, go ahead and ask them.”

And mom and dad should feel comfortable saying, “We’re going to talk about that next year, honey. Don’t worry about it right now.”

Parents should watch out for misunderstandings, though. One of my younger relatives was very afraid as a tween that she could get pregnant just out of the blue. A little bit more information could be helpful in that case. Also, I was a kid during the AIDS crisis, and I remember having morbid concerns that swimming in a public pool could transmit HIV.

"Especially in a classroom setting. I was planning on having the "puberty “talk with her within the next few weeks, but I wasn’t going to get into this other stuff quite yet. I know there’s a possibility that the stuff may come up with her friends at school regardless, but I just like to hold onto the idea I can keep her innocence intact as long as possible. I feel learning some of the stuff too soon can be damaging.”

None of the stuff actually in the text sounds bad, but it could be badly handled.

“I’m going to talk to the teacher to see how she approaches the subject with the kids. I believe they just do it during religion in the class.”

Good plan!
 
Unless they’ve changed it, “Family Life” includes a parent-student discussion at the end of each chapter. My school required parents to sign off that they had participated in this at home.

Utilizing that can make sure that you’re involved in this part of her education, which you should be.

And there’s no use pulling her out of class for those sessions. If her friends are learning it, they’ll all be talking about it.
 
You can give kids a lot of education about the biology of reproduction while leaving the mechanics of intercourse for a later date.

My kids, for instance, have heard a lot about genetics over the years. They have been somewhat curious as to how the dad’s genes wind up in the baby, but we’ve been able to put them off so far.

BBC’s Blue Planet has also been educational on the subject of reproduction. My kids’ favorite scene for a while was one where the coral are releasing their sperm and eggs into the ocean, where they’ll meet and form little baby corals. “It’s like a fairy tale!” said one of my kids years ago (it’s a beautifully photographed scene). I appreciate the fact that the life cycle of coral shares certain similarities with human reproduction (it’s sexual), but at the same time, it doesn’t raise any uncomfortable questions. Of course, a 9-year-old might be more inquisitive than my kids were then (they were pretty small).
 
FrenzyJen said:
And there’s no use pulling her out of class for those sessions. If her friends are learning it, they’ll all be talking about it.
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Ours never included a required parent discussion, but I agree with this point above!

Two or three kids were pulled from the class when we had it (also around 4th or 5th grade), but as soon as we hit recess we just told them everything that we learned. The problem is that it was then filtered through the mind of a 4th grader.
 
PhiloMed said:
Two or three kids were pulled from the class when we had it (also around 4th or 5th grade), but as soon as we hit recess we just told them everything that we learned. The problem is that it was then filtered through the mind of a 4th grader.
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Exactly.
 
I started all of this stuff in the 4th grade. From what you’ve quoted, it sounds basically like what I was taught. In 5th grade the boys and girls were split (girls with the female teacher and boys with the male teacher). That year was more in depth about puberty at least for the girls.

It meant that by 8th grade I was able to defend myself against those who had little to no morals. I was prepared in 6th grade for my period and it was far from the traumatizing stories I heard from my mom and sisters who did not receive any instruction until they were already in 6th grade.
 
Krafster,

Benzinger’s Family Life program is one of the more criticized ones in terms of Catholic teaching on human sexuality. So, my concern would be more for the use of this program in different grades and not just the 4th grade curriculum. Here is one review of the program:

ewtn.com/library/HOMESCHL/BENZIGER.HTM

I am sure there have been updates since then but these are some questions you can ask the principal. If this issues are still there in the current edition, I would not want my children to participate.

Personally, I think the examples you gave might be a little too explicit for 4th grade. Granted there will be some more advanced students (in terms of experience or exposure) but one of our primary responsibilities as parents (according to Church teaching) is to protect the innocence of our children, preferably until they are through latency.

If you have doubts, you have two choices 1) opt out. or 2) ask to review the material first. If you choose to review the material make sure they show you the teacher material and not just the student material. In many of these programs, there are teacher “scripts” that are much more problematic than any material that makes it home to the parents.
 
Can you explain more as to what you would be worried about here? It’s simple biological facts without details about intercourse. That sounds age appropriate.
 
I think it sounds fine to me. My 9.5 year old son was adopted at birth so we’ve had to discuss these things early, and that sometimes people aren’t married. They should be, and it makes things easier for everyone, but babies can come whether one is married or not. Life is still sacred and special, and we are glad that he is here!

I know of a family member that started menstruating at 9. I can’t imagine my 8 year old daughter will before she is 12-13, but I want her to be prepared.
 
I think OP is concerned with the “yeah, but how does it get there??” questions.
 
Corki said:
Krafster,

Benzinger’s Family Life program is one of the more criticized ones in terms of Catholic teaching on human sexuality. So, my concern would be more for the use of this program in different grades and not just the 4th grade curriculum. Here is one review of the program:

ewtn.com/library/HOMESCHL/BENZIGER.HTM
Click to expand...
If the OP is a radtrad then those criticisms will hold weight.
 
I don’t think it is too young. I had friends who started menstruating around that time. They should know why.
 
I am already having these sorts of talks with my 9yo daughter and 6yo son. I don’t think they are inappropriate topics of conversation for either of their ages. They ask questions, and I give them honest, age-appropriate answers. But I will admit, the first time I had such a talk with my oldest, I felt very afraid! It made me nervous. I want to protect their innocence, but not keep them ignorant. I think every parent has to kind of jump in somewhere with the topic, and then go from there, based on what you know about your child. It gets easier after the first conversation. I view it as a long-term process in parenting. I am very pleased with the attitude of my children toward sexual topics. They are just curious and seeking answers. The conversations have just become a part of our lives, just like teaching them about health and nutrition.
Don’t worry. 4th grade is a great time to learn about this. Your daughter probably already has a lot of questions she doesn’t know how to put into words, so I bet this will be an interesting time for you both! God bless! 🙂
 
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