Family life vs spiritual life? What happens when you notice a burden

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My husband and I are devout Catholics. We love our faith, however for the past year or so I’m concerned I (and my children)have taken a back seat as my husband increases his devotion to his prayer life. Teaching ccd, planning class material and finding time to do more (adoration times for others, emails to parents for recap of class and earlier wake up to pray) have all seemed to morph into time away from our family life. Which is already limited with our work schedules. Family vacations don’t happen, however Steubenville 3 day retreats/conferences are a must go for him, with class regardless of multiple chaperones. Im feeling slighted and getting to the point of threatening the need for family time…again. there are ample adult retreats that we could take advantage of (together) however I am made to feel selfish and un supportive of my husband’s spiritual growth if i express that he pass this year. I’m a faithful, God loving woman who just needs some family time and a vacation. We haven’t done anything together besides a day trip here and there, for many, many years. These retreats are never discussed before he signs up. Any suggestions?
 
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How old are your children? Is there any room for compromise? Perhaps for example, you all go to the Steubenville retreat, with him going to the actual retreat and you and the children arriving on the last day to be joined by your husband for some family time/outings.

It sounds like you both need to sit down and talk. No ultimatums (not even sure what that would look like) but just discussion of compromise and family needs.
Maybe you can talk to other people to see how they balance things, get some ideas from them about what works.
 
Yes we do need to talk, again! That’s the problem…ive chaperoned in the past just to go and have a great spiritual experience together. It was great too. However that year our 15 y/o son went as well. He no longer wants to Go and our 12 is too young. I’m feeling slighted by someone devoted more to their class and fellow teachers then to our family. Seriously there are no vacations or planning for “us”. I’ve spoken to friends who agree husband is loosing perspective however I’m tired of begging for family attention. I’m fortunate to even have this “situatio”, right? Who complains about their husbands over zealous prayer life!?:confused:
 
Well yeah, there are people that would love to have their spouse be more spiritual. But it’s about balance.

And maybe that is what you need to say when you and your husband talk. Balance, like an old fashioned scale.
 
Sometimes we married folks can forget our PRIMARY vocation. He needs to be reminded. Yes, those other things are important, they can be fun, they can be time consuming, but they do not come FIRST.

As a husband his spiritual growth and yours are intertwined. It cannot be about “him” alone. He was not called to single or religious life. He was called to married life. Married life means sometimes subordinating ourselves for the good of the other. He needs to remember that. Tell him his “busy-ness” has become Martha on steroids and you need him to be Mary for a little while, with you.
 
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I think sometimes prayer can get a bit addictive. i also think there are people, including myself, who when they get into something, get REALLY INTO IT, whether that is prayer and religious activities, or for another guy it might be constantly working on his car and going to car shows, or constantly playing golf and having every trip involve him playing a lot of golf. He may get a good feeling from doing the church stuff, so he does more of it, and more of it, and it creeps up and he doesn’t realize he is overcommitted. You may have to sit him down and make this very clear to him.

If your husband wants to turn the kids off to religion, this is a great way to do it - by putting his prayer life ahead of having a little family fun that doesn’t necessarily have to revolve around the Church.

I agree it sounds like you need to sit down and talk about this and decide together on some limits and plans: for example, a family vacation that doesn’t involve the Church for a few days each year, a certain number of retreats or trips per year, and he discusses with you in advance before he signs up.

If he’s not receptive to this, i’d suggest you talk to your priest who is in charge of the sign-ups for all these activities and explain the situation to him. I suspect that these situations come up from time to time, just based on a few other people I knew growing up who seemed to be spending all their waking hours doing something down at the parish.
 
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Thank you. I’m in a relationship that is pretty, pretty solid. We love each other dearly and try to do as much together as possible. With that said, we don’t have much time, together. Our work shifts are different (for the past year) and we will sign up for a session of bible studies (8-12 weekly ones) a couple times a year.which we enjoy. Right now on hold since CCD is going. At this point I feel that I can’t compete with his prayer life. Getting feedback from all of you has given me a clearer understanding of an approach here. I LOVE every aspect of our Catholic faith, yet my feelings of selfeshness have stopped me from really pursuing this issue. Thank you all for your perspectives. Now I have to go ponder…😊
 
I’m not saying your husband is like this but… I’ve seen and heard of guys who think that they have to do XY and Z because “no one else will”. Most of time that’s not the case. But they have a sense of self righteousness that makes them think that it is the case. Another thing that can happen is that they will bite off more than they can chew, and program X suffers from the lack of commitment from someone who has overcommitted their time to too many different causes.

Some people get really zealous about their faith after they have some kind of eureka moment with Christianity. Then they think that they have to go out and save the world.

I’ve heard it referred to as “monastic envy” or something like that. But yea, they’re married and have kids…no monastic lifestyle. Guys really do need to be reminded of that sometimes. It would not be selfish of you to remind your husband that his vocation is that of a husband and father.
 
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Well I think he’s in love with the Holy Spirit! He can’t seem to get enough. Catholic radio all day long at work, in car devotions all the way home, etc. Walks in house with Christian music on speaker phone. I enjoy this all too but man it’s draining at times. I ask him to turn off music and I feel he gets insulted. My…I’m starting to think I may need an intervention 😍
 
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Well I think he’s in love with the Holy Spirit! He can’t seem to get enough. Catholic radio all day long at work, in car devotions all the way home, etc. Walks in house with Christian music on speaker phone. I enjoy this all too but man it’s draining at times. I ask him to turn off music and I feel he gets insulted. My…I’m starting to think I may need an intervention 😍
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Can you speak to your priest? He may be able to advise your husband on finding an appropriate balance.
 
That is exactly what I was going to suggest. While every priest is thrilled about great volunteers, a priest also knows that it is important to take time AWAY from your volunteering to simply be with your family and friends.

JESUS went away from the crowds and took a few of his closest people and He was perfect.
 
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