T
texaspanda
Guest
Ok, where to begin.
After the birth of our fifth child we found ourselves struggling very much and unable to dig our way out of the financial situation that my husband and I were dealing with. We decided as a couple to ask his sister if we could move in with her. We sat down and discussed it with her and her husband and they thought it was a great idea. They are both older than us and have no children (by choice). They have a home that was more than enough to accomodate our big family plus them. We agreed on an amount to pay them for “rent” and that utilities would be taken care of by them.
When we moved in the place was a huge mess. The two basically lived like two teenagers who’s parents were out of town. I was doing things like wiping down the baseboards and my SIL was asking what the heck I was doing that for. When I showed her the huge ball of old dust, dirt, grit and 3lbs of dog hair… she said, “oh.” The whole house had never been dusted in the 5 years they had lived here. The carpets never cleaned (the dog had been allowed to relieve himself and vomit on the carpets without shampoo), the floors mopped once a month and anything that required scrubbing was never taken care of. All of that changed. I like clean. I like to know that my children are in a clean environment. I spent 3 weeks sanitizing this place.
Now I keep it up. I shampoo the carpets once a month (they refuse to take their shoes off in the house). I wash all the dishes every day. I cook dinner every day. I wipe up the spills they make. I am the live in maid. My grocery bill has doubled since moving in here. Theirs has decreased along with their utility bills because I am a conservation freak.
I have had my own place for the last 12 years. I have never had to live with family before. We have been free to raise our children as we see fit without interference from outside sources.
My problem is with my SIL’s husband. He is constantly getting on to my younger 3 children all the time. My older two he favors quite strongly. It’s a constant problem, if he is in the room, my son is in fits. It seems he gets on to them for things that any normal person does, what we do and what he does himself but he gets on to them just because it’s them. He goes on to answer questions of my children before I even have the chance to open my mouth and 99% of the time it’s false information. Everytime he comes in the room he lets out an exasperated sigh, as if saying to me… Oh you’re still here.
To this day, I have kept my mouth shut. I would never say anything to them because they have graciously let us live in their home and I am grateful for that… to an extent. But I am at my breaking point. I don’t have to scrub and clean a house that is not mine. I don’t have to cook dinner for two people who are not my children. BUT I DO IT. I do it anyway. I do it every day. Without question.
I have begged my husband to please begin the looking process to find a place of our own. He repeatedly tells me no. That it’s not time.
Every day I pray for God to help me deal with this tension in my life. To help me forgive him for his ignorance and to help me just get past it. But to no avail. Every day is a struggle.
I don’t know what I need, advise. Help. Something.
After the birth of our fifth child we found ourselves struggling very much and unable to dig our way out of the financial situation that my husband and I were dealing with. We decided as a couple to ask his sister if we could move in with her. We sat down and discussed it with her and her husband and they thought it was a great idea. They are both older than us and have no children (by choice). They have a home that was more than enough to accomodate our big family plus them. We agreed on an amount to pay them for “rent” and that utilities would be taken care of by them.
When we moved in the place was a huge mess. The two basically lived like two teenagers who’s parents were out of town. I was doing things like wiping down the baseboards and my SIL was asking what the heck I was doing that for. When I showed her the huge ball of old dust, dirt, grit and 3lbs of dog hair… she said, “oh.” The whole house had never been dusted in the 5 years they had lived here. The carpets never cleaned (the dog had been allowed to relieve himself and vomit on the carpets without shampoo), the floors mopped once a month and anything that required scrubbing was never taken care of. All of that changed. I like clean. I like to know that my children are in a clean environment. I spent 3 weeks sanitizing this place.
Now I keep it up. I shampoo the carpets once a month (they refuse to take their shoes off in the house). I wash all the dishes every day. I cook dinner every day. I wipe up the spills they make. I am the live in maid. My grocery bill has doubled since moving in here. Theirs has decreased along with their utility bills because I am a conservation freak.
I have had my own place for the last 12 years. I have never had to live with family before. We have been free to raise our children as we see fit without interference from outside sources.
My problem is with my SIL’s husband. He is constantly getting on to my younger 3 children all the time. My older two he favors quite strongly. It’s a constant problem, if he is in the room, my son is in fits. It seems he gets on to them for things that any normal person does, what we do and what he does himself but he gets on to them just because it’s them. He goes on to answer questions of my children before I even have the chance to open my mouth and 99% of the time it’s false information. Everytime he comes in the room he lets out an exasperated sigh, as if saying to me… Oh you’re still here.
To this day, I have kept my mouth shut. I would never say anything to them because they have graciously let us live in their home and I am grateful for that… to an extent. But I am at my breaking point. I don’t have to scrub and clean a house that is not mine. I don’t have to cook dinner for two people who are not my children. BUT I DO IT. I do it anyway. I do it every day. Without question.
I have begged my husband to please begin the looking process to find a place of our own. He repeatedly tells me no. That it’s not time.
Every day I pray for God to help me deal with this tension in my life. To help me forgive him for his ignorance and to help me just get past it. But to no avail. Every day is a struggle.
I don’t know what I need, advise. Help. Something.
It was very gracious of them to open their home to you and your family in time of need. And, like a good Catholic–offer up your suffering and unite it with Jesus’ suffering on the cross. He cleans our sin and prepares a heavenly banquet, so cleaning houses and cooking isn’t such a bad deal in exchange for that.
) Go in the middle of the livingroom (in front of everyone, of course) crouch into a fetal position, suck your thumb, and say “mommy want to go away…” Sorry if it didn’t make you laugh.