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gmarie21
Guest
Can anyone tell me the difference between social withdrawal, anger, and despair for the actively dying? How can you tell which one the patient is going through?
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Em_in_FL
Guest
I don’t think it’s easy to tell the difference unless the conversation is opened up.
I’m so sorry there is suffering. Prayers for your family member.
I’m so sorry there is suffering. Prayers for your family member.
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gmarie21
Guest
Thanks Em. The dying member said something after my husband left that is adding to all the family problems and conflicts. This is his family’s first time dealing with cancer, so they do not realize that some pretty seemingly rude things are said by a dying patient but in reality are not actual feelings but part of the active dying process. The tensions are high, needless to say.I don’t think it’s easy to tell the difference unless the conversation is opened up.
I’m so sorry there is suffering. Prayers for your family member.
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JackieMom
Guest
Is the person actively dying (within days), or just terminal? Is he/she on hospice or still being treated? Is he/she on strong pain control?
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gmarie21
Guest
He is actively dying (hasn’t eaten food in a week, only on water now, is in hospice, not on morphine yet but other pain medication, and is depressed (I believe because he has asked why he isn’t dead yet and has asked the family member who’s house he is staying in to triple up on medication for him). I told my husband to not take it personally and the one family member who isn’t all drama right now that this is normal (I have lost many family members to cancer and while I have seen the “short attitude” during the active dying not one has ever been vocal about any despair or desire to just end it - which is new to me). That is why I am asking.
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JackieMom
Guest
Totally normal. Organ systems shutting down including neuro. Do not take ANYTHING personally. Organ failure + pain meds + altered chemistry can mean all kinds of personality and mood issues. If pt. seems agitated, uncomfortable, stressed he needs to be evaluated by his hospice nurse for possible anxiety control. So sorry about your loved one. Cancer is so terrible.
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gmarie21
Guest
thank you. I wish other family members would understand this or be willing to listen about this. Sadly they are using it as fuel instead.
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JackieMom
Guest
How sad. Even altered and dying patiets have the potential to feel tension among family. Sometimes these stressful things bring people together, other times…
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Ophelia23
Guest
When my grandfather was dying from lung cancer, he said some things that could have been very, very hurtful. But he was always a good man with so much love in his heart. Your family will need to come to terms with understanding that the brain is undergoing failures just like the rest of his or her body. My prayers are with you, your family, and this poor soul who is suffering.
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gmarie21
Guest
Sadly I have seen how these things can tear family apart. As soon as we hear of the diagnosis I told my husband that I was hoping that it would unite them but that I honestly expected it to bring out the worst. So far I have not been wrong in this whole process, including pre-diagnosis when I told my husband’s family that I suspected this man had cancer (it wasn’t even on anyone else’s radar, including the doctors) based on all that has happened to him. Being part of a BTDT family all that has happened with my husband’s family hasn’t surprised me (and has been quite predictable) but unfortunately has surprised all of them and they all walked into each trap that others have set for them. And, because of this they continue to hurt their mother without seeing their own part. At least my husband finally recognized his part (thank you Lord!!!) but it requires him to detach from them until he is mentally healthy to not only determine when his siblings are playing their games but also the strength to walk away from their games without playing.
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