Family Member Gay?

[johno04]

Hi everyone, hope this is in the right place.
Ok, then here goes.
Firstly I promise I am not talking about myself, and using ‘family member’ as a smokescreen!

The person is female, and a while ago was in a straight long term relationship, there was even talk of marriage.
Then all of a sudden, she has ditched male partner, after having ‘met’ / ‘noticed’ another female at work.

My problem and dilemma are wrapped up together.

1. How can she change her sexual orientation, almost overnight?
   Please understand I’d ask her, given chance but eversince she stays away from family gatherings (almost as if she’s embarrassed)
2. I Love her dearly, and always remember her in my prayers, but I have a hard time reconciling her sexuality with my faith. Is it sinful to love her / pray for her, as does doing so not somehow tacitly imply an approval of her way of life??

Hope that makes sense.
Thanks God bless and keep you.
J.

 

[ahs]

1 - We can’t possibly know all the things that drive a person’s behavior. If you really must know, I’d recommend studying psychology for a few years…and then you still won’t know, but you might get some hints at some potential triggers.

2 - You are not only allowed to love a person who has a same-sex-attraction, but are exhorted to do so. The same-sex-attraction is not a sin, in and of itself. And even if the person is actively engaging in same-sex actions, you are still exhorted to love this person and do what you can to gently guide him/her to Christ and to Truth, within your capacity to do so.

 

[4love2God]

Johno04 makes his 2nd Post** : "My problem and dilemma are wrapped up together.

1. How can she change her sexual orientation, almost overnight?"**

I knew one Lesbian who was Married for 12 years, and dated several Guys after her Divorce.
Then, deciding that MEN are never going to treat her right, found a girlfriend.
So, in her situation, she waited to act for 14 lousy years of Relationships with LOSER Guys.
I can attest to the Fact that her Husband beat her up on a regular basis (by her frequent bruises).
And, I believe her when she said that all of her MEN were similar in that manner.

Any decision is made “almost overnight” … you keep trying to make it WORK, until you STOP trying to make it work.

And** : “I have a hard time reconciling her sexuality with my faith.
Is it sinful to love her / pray for her?”**

Whether or not you can reconcile her gay-ness, you can Love anyone you want to.
Jesus said to EVEN Love your Enemies.
So, I guess this means that you can Love someone you have felt close to.

At Daily Mass, there is one woman who offers up a Prayer for Putin every day, so I think you are OK.

 

[chefmomster2]

1 - We can’t possibly know all the things that drive a person’s behavior. If you really must know, I’d recommend studying psychology for a few years…and then you still won’t know, but you might get some hints at some potential triggers.

2 - You are not only allowed to love a person who has a same-sex-attraction, but are exhorted to do so. The same-sex-attraction is not a sin, in and of itself. And even if the person is actively engaging in same-sex actions, you are still exhorted to love this person and do what you can to gently guide him/her to Christ and to Truth, within your capacity to do so.

 

[tawny]

Hi everyone, hope this is in the right place.
Ok, then here goes.
Firstly I promise I am not talking about myself, and using ‘family member’ as a smokescreen!

The person is female, and a while ago was in a straight long term relationship, there was even talk of marriage.
Then all of a sudden, she has ditched male partner, after having ‘met’ / ‘noticed’ another female at work.

My problem and dilemma are wrapped up together.

1. How can she change her sexual orientation, almost overnight?
   Please understand I’d ask her, given chance but eversince she stays away from family gatherings (almost as if she’s embarrassed)
2. I Love her dearly, and always remember her in my prayers, but I have a hard time reconciling her sexuality with my faith. Is it sinful to love her / pray for her, as does doing so not somehow tacitly imply an approval of her way of life??

Hope that makes sense.
Thanks God bless and keep you.
J.

Keep praying for her.

 

[ChevalierdeJohn]

Is it sinful to love her / pray for her, as does doing so not somehow tacitly imply an approval of her way of life??

What does your approval or disapproval have to do with anything. I realize that we often do mean this when we “disapprove” of sin, but the real reason we ought to counsel against sin in others isn’t because we disapprove, but because we love them and want them to be happy. It’s especially important, in issues like same-sex attraction where the person feels like same-sex relationships are intrinsic to their personal happiness, that we affirm that we do want them to be happy - we just know that God has far greater happiness in store for them than temporary sexual enjoyment. What comes across, usually, even if we don’t truly mean it that way, is that we think they are a bad person for doing X, and we won’t fully value them as a human being unless they stop.

If you berate an alcohol for drinking and tell them they are engaged in bad behavior and up to no good, are they going to stop? Or are they more likely to seek treatment if you tell them how much you love them and how much you want them to be truly happy and not dependent on alcohol?

We also need to recognize that we are dualistic beings and biology has a profound effect on us. Abstinence is incredibly difficult even for ordained priests. (Not to say most priests break their vows, simply that they pretty much all agree that it takes ongoing effort and prayer.) For someone who doesn’t feel a particular calling of the Holy Spirit, can we really be surprised if they fall down once in a while and cave in to base desires? We should continually affirm that we want them to be truly happy and avoid sin, but we ought not to be surprised when they mess up. If we have a family member who is addicted to nicotine, do we scream our disapproval at them when they light up a cig, or do we tell them we love them dearly and are concerned for their health? Sexual attraction is chemical/biological, and it’s no different for those with same-sex attraction. We need to keep in mind that when our souls leave our temporal bodies we are judged on the character of our souls’ communion with our Creator, and not on what chemical reactions in our brains influenced us to do. For someone with strong same-sex attraction to abstain once in a while from that lifestyle may be far more difficult a tribulation, and far more Christian, of them than for those of us in happy, healthy marriages to continue to have healthy marital relations with our spouses. It is through our suffering that we are with Christ, and someone who suffers same sex attraction may be very close to Christ indeed, despite their mortal sin. It is even more important that we encourage them, of course, to frequent confession and repentance, and that we accept God’s power of forgiveness and grace.

Loving and caring for others never implies approval, tacit or otherwise, for their sins, but appreciation for their innate human possibility and the grace freely granted all of us by God.

 

[findingmyself08]

I don’t know the answer to your first question. But to your second question, let me give this analogy:

A young boy hits his younger sister because she took his toy. The mother disciplines her son for his behavior.

Even though the mother is upset with her son for hurting his sister, she still loves both of her children. Does this mean that she approves of her son’s behavior?

So the answer to your question, in the simplest of ways, is loving someone and accepting someone is not the same thing and you should be able to love your family member despite her lifestyle. And yes, continue to pray for her. She needs your prayers more than ever.

 

[cheese_sdc]

1. How can she change her sexual orientation, almost overnight?

She didn’t. She finally was able to accept and acknowledge that part of herself after years of concealing it. Especially if she’s bisexual.

Please understand I’d ask her, given chance but eversince she stays away from family gatherings (almost as if she’s embarrassed)

Have you given her a reason to trust you with the answers? Most gay people I know have grown up in homes and churches hearing that gays are sinful and going to hell. How many homilies or conversations were there where gays are disparaged? I bet you don’t even remember.

I also bet that she remembers EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

1. I Love her dearly, and always remember her in my prayers, but I have a hard time reconciling her sexuality with my faith.

See. This. Now read what I wrote above. Why should she trust you?

Is it sinful to love her / pray for her, as does doing so not somehow tacitly imply an approval of her way of life??

You’re wondering if it’s even sinful for you to treat her as a normal person, and yet you want her to open up to your questionings? LULZ.

Lets get this straight (no pun intended), you are asking if it’s okay to every pray for a homosexual? Would you even ask this about a single mom? Or a convict?

Therein lies the problem.

 

[johno04]

Hi everyone, and a sincere heartfelt thankyou one and all for your comments and suggestions.

With all your help, and some looking inside myself, I have been looking at this from a skewed angle.
It is clearer to me now than it has been, I have been generally going along the right path with her in this, but have also been tying myself in knots with questions of conscience.
We do talk and she knows I love her, but with your help and assistance from here I can and will continue to show her my support and love, and to the best of my ability bring her to the love of Christ, with my prayers and actions.

Thank you so very much, God Bless and keep you safe.

J.

 

[cheese_sdc]

This is from my cousin:

I don’t have time for a long, well thought out response, so here’s a somewhat short one: I dated “boys” until I was in my mid-late 20’s, always thinking I’d find the right one. I dated a lot and probably could have married but with the couple of serious suitors, something was always in the back of my brain saying “something’s just not right…I don’t have the same feelings as they do”. In grad school I met a few lesbians and heard their stories and, wow, did they sound familiar! Through prayer & contemplation & informal therapy & “awakening” I realized who I really was. I’m a late bloomer in many ways. I was not “in touch” with sexuality in general… I think, in my case that’s why “all of a sudden” I was gay. (The all if a sudden was a phrase from long friends & some close family).

 

[Serap]

Hi everyone, hope this is in the right place.
Ok, then here goes.
Firstly I promise I am not talking about myself, and using ‘family member’ as a smokescreen!

The person is female, and a while ago was in a straight long term relationship, there was even talk of marriage.
Then all of a sudden, she has ditched male partner, after having ‘met’ / ‘noticed’ another female at work.

My problem and dilemma are wrapped up together.

1. How can she change her sexual orientation, almost overnight?
   Please understand I’d ask her, given chance but eversince she stays away from family gatherings (almost as if she’s embarrassed)
2. I Love her dearly, and always remember her in my prayers, but I have a hard time reconciling her sexuality with my faith. Is it sinful to love her / pray for her, as does doing so not somehow tacitly imply an approval of her way of life??

Hope that makes sense.
Thanks God bless and keep you.
J.

Maybe she’s attracted to both sexes or maybe she was in denial and just realized she’s gay…happens all the time.

 

[Ckb66]

Sexuality and sex are not the same thing. Were that the case then we could reduce the argument to sex is important for reproduction alone. Were that the case we could reduce the time frames of sexual activity. Sexuality is about the person feeling commitment. Now commitment is about patience, understanding, sharing. These responsibilities have no sexuality, they have understanding, honesty and determination as their basis. We can adopt the scriptures in many ways, interpret them from Hebrew or Greek to our versions. None of His teaching in the new testament refer to sexuality, but they do to love. Leviticus in the Old Testament tells us to do many things, and tells us to prohibit many more. Paul’s references lack the credibility of the Apostles. Fear not your sister, nothing in our scriptures identify love as a sin.

 

[johno04]

Sexuality and sex are not the same thing. Were that the case then we could reduce the argument to sex is important for reproduction alone. Were that the case we could reduce the time frames of sexual activity. Sexuality is about the person feeling commitment. Now commitment is about patience, understanding, sharing. These responsibilities have no sexuality, they have understanding, honesty and determination as their basis. We can adopt the scriptures in many ways, interpret them from Hebrew or Greek to our versions. None of His teaching in the new testament refer to sexuality, but they do to love. Leviticus in the Old Testament tells us to do many things, and tells us to prohibit many more. Paul’s references lack the credibility of the Apostles. Fear not your sister, nothing in our scriptures identify love as a sin.

Thank you for the kind words, most helpful.
I have been looking at the situation from the wrong angle.
With the advice from here, prayer and reflection it is much clearer to me now.
God Bless.

J.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Hi everyone, hope this is in the right place.
Ok, then here goes.
Firstly I promise I am not talking about myself, and using ‘family member’ as a smokescreen!

The person is female, and a while ago was in a straight long term relationship, there was even talk of marriage.
Then all of a sudden, she has ditched male partner, after having ‘met’ / ‘noticed’ another female at work.

My problem and dilemma are wrapped up together.

1. How can she change her sexual orientation, almost overnight?
   Please understand I’d ask her, given chance but eversince she stays away from family gatherings (almost as if she’s embarrassed)
2. I Love her dearly, and always remember her in my prayers, but I have a hard time reconciling her sexuality with my faith. Is it sinful to love her / pray for her, as does doing so not somehow tacitly imply an approval of her way of life??

Hope that makes sense.
Thanks God bless and keep you.
J.

1. It might seem “sudden”, but it’s very likely not, perhaps she dated men to pretend to everyone including herself that she was straight; perhaps she always felt something was wrong with every relationship with men and then realized when she fell for that woman that she wasn’t actually attracted to them; there are a lot of potential reasons.
2. Of course it isn’t sinful to pray for her or love her.

 

[mh2007]

You have our prayers and we hope you learn to cope. I have seen this occurrence in many traditional families. We must carry on, and live out our days as best we can. I find it helpful to take my troubles to the foot of the cross, and ask Jesus for help.

 

[johno04]

You have our prayers and we hope you learn to cope. I have seen this occurrence in many traditional families. We must carry on, and live out our days as best we can. I find it helpful to take my troubles to the foot of the cross, and ask Jesus for help.

Thank you so much, with all your prayers added to mine, it is becoming easier for us all.

God Bless and keep you.

J.

 

[Tax_Collector14]

stevegershom.com

A truly inspirational and courageous brother in Christ who has chosen the straight and narrow…love pray and sacrifice for your family member…and do not be afraid to speak the truth…always with love…after all…Christ is both