Family member receiving communion without confession in years?

[MCPFgrace]

Hello!

A few months ago, I invited one of my grandparents to mass (a fallen away Catholic) and that grandparent has been happily attending most Sunday masses with me (and receiving communion), but recently when I offered an invitation to an Advent reconciliation service, the response was that “I haven’t been in a really, really long time” and that going sounded good.

Today’s the service, and the plans got canceled (the grandparent is feeling too tired) but we still have Christmas Mass plans together.

In short, I’m not sure how to handle / what to say now that it’s been freely offered that the grandparent has not been to reconciliation (in which I’m almost certain has been many years) yet still intends to receive the Eucharist.

To this point, although it’s crossed my mind this might be the case, I’ve not brought it up and just had the charitable assumption that hopefully the grandparent has gone to reconciliation at some point recently now that mass attendance is happening again. But now that I know, I feel obligated to say something because it’s a close family member.

However, the fact that the next time we’ll see each other is Christmas Mass and they’re just returning to the Church after a long time, I want to make sure if I share truth it’s with a big serving of charity too (and I’m not the best at the charity part, hah- working on it!)

Thoughts? Thank you!

 

[ahs]

The obligation to confess our sins annually is tied to grave sins. " Strictly speaking, persons free of grave sin are not required to make an annual confession…" (E. Peters).
canonlaw.info/precepts_noaudio.htm

However, attending Mass on Sundays and other Holy Days of Obligation is for ALL Catholics, and if your grandparents “fell away”, it might be presumed that some Masses were missed (grave matter) and it might seem he/she did not confess this.

You might extend a phone call and say, “Say there, grandparent! You know, I was thinking about how great it would be to receive Eucharist at Christmas Mass with a fresh and clean start, so I’m going to confession at [whatever time/date before Christmas] and it would really mean a lot to me if you come with me and have this fresh seasonal start with me.”

Or something like that. On one hand, it’s grave matter on the part of the grandparent, but we cannot know his/her moral culpability…so you don’t necessarily know if it’s a matter of mortal sin. On another hand, I’m not sure you are morally responsible since this is your elder, and not someone subject to you. Yet on another hand, you don’t want him/her to commit a grave offense, even if they are not fully aware they are doing so. Maybe talk to your Priest about this, if you can get ahold of him soon.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

Don’t say anything. It’s not your place.

It sounds like your grandparent is doing this stuff for you, not themselves. Just let it go for now, and, at another time you can invite them to go to confession with you.

 

[USMC_Convert]

I agree with both the above, I never ask anyone if they need to go to confession, especially a family member but in my case I tell who ever it is that I am going to confession, do you want to come along. Or I give them the holiday mass schedule along with the confessional schedule.

When it comes down to it though, other than being very gentle with the subject there isn’t much you can do. To push it further may make it seem like you are judging them, or accusing them of something.

Just my thoughts, best of luck, having been in a similar situation, I do not envy you…

 

[cradlecatholic5]

Say nothing and enjoy being with your grandparent.

How wonderful to go to Mass together.

 

[Beautiful]

Thoughts?

It is very nice you are looking after the spiritual well-being of your grandparents. We need more people like you.

No when to step back.

 

[St_Francis]

Keep inviting your grandparent to Mass and to Confession, but most importantly, pray for him or her to come to want to go to Confession.

 

[Rosebud77]

Don’t say anything. It’s not your place.

It sounds like your grandparent is doing this stuff for you, not themselves. Just let it go for now, and, at another time you can invite them to go to confession with you.

Amen to this,OP also could do far more harm than good and it is presumption on OP 's part to even think of telling her to go to confession.

 

[mommy_k]

I would have a hard time watching someone recieve Jesus in this way too. It is disrespecting the Host and serious. If you know this may happen, you can try and prevent it.

It has nothing to do with staying in “your place”.

I would mention it in a kind and loving way.

 

[Lea101]

You would be surprised how many people do not know about how often they should go for confession. My family is quite religious, but I only found that that we can’t take holy communion if we are in a state of mortal sin here!

I don’t know how the confession timings work, but over here it’s usually before mass on Sundays. If there is confession before mass, you can bring them there early and tell them you want to go for confession, and ask if they would want to as well. Talk about how amazing you feel to be forgiven…and so on. Maybe that will help?

 

[Anglewannabe]

Hello!

A few months ago, I invited one of my grandparents to mass (a fallen away Catholic) and that grandparent has been happily attending most Sunday masses with me (and receiving communion), but recently when I offered an invitation to an Advent reconciliation service, the response was that “I haven’t been in a really, really long time” and that going sounded good.

OK, I am NOT trying to make you feel bad for what you did in the past. I am simply trying to point out how your grandparents may feel. If you invited them to mass, knowing they were fallen away Catholics, and said nothing about receiving communion, they are are going to think ‘Why didn’t you tell me earlier.?’ I put myself in their shoes and it seems like information was withheld. All the more reason for you to be EXTRA careful

I am a strong believer that we can NOT water down the faith and if someone attends mass with us, we need to be upfront about the teachings of the church. (If your granparents attended on their own, it would be a different matter)

I would apologize and say something like ‘I am sorry, I should have been upfront before. The reality is, one should not receive communion while in a state of mortal sin. Having not attended mass and not going to confession puts one in a situation where one can not receive’

Chances are, they will be annoyed (at best). Nonethless, one reason some people no longer follows the faith is others are not willing to tell them about it

Angie