Family politics

[Cat]

It’ s best to let your parents’ peers (same age and time) help them to reconcile their politics and their religion.

Even if you aren’t aware of it, your parents have friends and acquaintances in their parish. These people are of the same age and time as your parents, and will have more power to influence them then you do.

Many of their peers have probably been through the same conflict with the Democratic party preferences clashing with the teachings of the Catholic Church (according to the Church, abortion is always a grave sin, and those who vote for candidates who advocate abortion are putting their souls at risk of hell).

And many of their peers have probably arrived at a place where they are no longer voting Democrat just because in the past, Democrat candidates were more supportive of Catholic Church teachings. I know a LOT of older people who switched to Republican or Independent parties. It is very difficult for them to change their politics; many of them struggle with feelings of disloyalty to their own parents, long dead and gone.

So allow those older folks to chat, argue, debate, cajole, and eventually convince your parents. And also allow the priest in the parish to minister to this age group and give them the proper admonitions to vote for candidates who are at least non-opposed to Catholic Church teachings.

You stay out of it. You’re too young and your parents don’t want their child telling them what to do.

 

[Allegra]

My parents are very loud about their political opinions. My step-father votes democrat because he’s a union man and that what they told him to do. My mother voted for Obama because she likes the way Michelle dresses. I don’t have many political discussions with my family.

 

[silver_moon]

It’ s best to let your parents’ peers (same age and time) help them to reconcile their politics and their religion.

Even if you aren’t aware of it, your parents have friends and acquaintances in their parish. These people are of the same age and time as your parents, and will have more power to influence them then you do.

Many of their peers have probably been through the same conflict with the Democratic party preferences clashing with the teachings of the Catholic Church (according to the Church, abortion is always a grave sin, and those who vote for candidates who advocate abortion are putting their souls at risk of hell).

And many of their peers have probably arrived at a place where they are no longer voting Democrat just because in the past, Democrat candidates were more supportive of Catholic Church teachings. I know a LOT of older people who switched to Republican or Independent parties. It is very difficult for them to change their politics; many of them struggle with feelings of disloyalty to their own parents, long dead and gone.

So allow those older folks to chat, argue, debate, cajole, and eventually convince your parents. And also allow the priest in the parish to minister to this age group and give them the proper admonitions to vote for candidates who are at least non-opposed to Catholic Church teachings.

You stay out of it. You’re too young and your parents don’t want their child telling them what to do.

That makes a lot of sense. They definitely have enough friends/peers their own age who can discuss all this. I agree that it’s not appropriate to try to tell them to do.

 

[silver_moon]

My parents are very loud about their political opinions. My step-father votes democrat because he’s a union man and that what they told him to do. My mother voted for Obama because she likes the way Michelle dresses. I don’t have many political discussions with my family.

Sounds like there are all sorts of reasons why people vote for different candidates and the choice is pretty personal. This advice is good since it helps me focus on my options rather than trying to argue with people. I also have support from people at church. thanks.

 

[Cat]

That makes a lot of sense. They definitely have enough friends/peers their own age who can discuss all this. I agree that it’s not appropriate to try to tell them to do.

Yep.

And you can bet that they talk politics and argue like crazy. It’s a really tough thing for life-long Democrats to realize that the party that used to be so Christian is now anti-Christian. It’s a tough thing for life-long union people to realize that the unions that once fought for mats for women stand on, and bathroom breaks, are now fighting mainly to maintain the union.

It’s just tough. It means that the days of your youth are gone, and that’s hard to face.

But many older people are doing it. Many older people are dropping the loyalties that they held in their youth, and switching to points of view that are more in keeping with their Christian faith.

My dad was lifelong union (UAW) and Democrat, but after his union shut down the factory that he worked in for 40 years, and after the Democrat party started endorsing a “take from those who work to give to those who don’t” party platform, my dad cast his last vote ever for a Republican Presidential candidate. (He died in early 2013.)

 

[UbiCaritas]

Yep.

And you can bet that they talk politics and argue like crazy. It’s a really tough thing for life-long Democrats to realize that the party that used to be so Christian is now anti-Christian. It’s a tough thing for life-long union people to realize that the unions that once fought for mats for women stand on, and bathroom breaks, are now fighting mainly to maintain the union.

It’s just tough. It means that the days of your youth are gone, and that’s hard to face.

But many older people are doing it. Many older people are dropping the loyalties that they held in their youth, and switching to points of view that are more in keeping with their Christian faith.

My dad was lifelong union (UAW) and Democrat, but after his union shut down the factory that he worked in for 40 years, and after the Democrat party started endorsing a “take from those who work to give to those who don’t” party platform, my dad cast his last vote ever for a Republican Presidential candidate. (He died in early 2013.)

And this isn’t all that new, either. My father used to tell a story about an aunt of his who was a die-hard Catholic and an equally die-hard Democrat. When the 80s came along, and Ronald Reagan was running for president, she called him up all but in tears.

Why?

Her conscience was telling her to vote for Reagan rather than his pro-abortion opponent, but she was convinced that it could be a mortal sin not to vote Democrat because “that’s what Catholics are.” While she wasn’t very well-educated, she was anything but a fool, and she was seriously convinced that not voting Democrat would, at the least, be a serious betrayal of her life and faith.

 

[Lookingforjoy]

I vote Democratic for reasons similar to QuasiCatholic. My parents are diehard Republicans. Over time I’ve learned it’s better to just avoid politics as a topic of conversation. Your instincts in that regard are dead-on.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Silver Moon, welcome home! You are not alone in your experience with your family. I grew up in a religious Catholic family too - and they were (and are) staunch liberals. This includes being pro-choice. And while there are many pro-choice Catholics out there who don’t take their faith seriously, my parents don’t fit that mold. They have always claimed that their faith is the (or one of the) most important things in their lives, and you can tell by going into their home and spending time with them that this is true. And like you, I recognize that “cafeteria Catholic” doesn’t accurately describe them. I call them “dissenting Catholics” because they don’t just pick and choose what to believe, but they have chosen to actively believe the opposite of certain doctrines, and to actively work to attempt change them. This was the belief system that I was taught, so when I changed my beliefs so that I accepted the authority of the Church, my beliefs became significantly at odds with theirs.

At first, we made many attempts to talk about our differing beliefs, attempting to convince each other. It only led to frustration, and sometimes anger. Over the first few years after my “conversion” we tried and tried to speak about these things, in different ways. What I learned is that we could speak respectfully to each other about our differing beliefs, and we could maintain peace with each other IF we were not trying to convince each other. We can ask a question of the other about why they think that way, but when the discussion becomes persuasive, it deteriorates.

Something I also learned is that this different belief goes much deeper than it seems at first. For example, in a discussion I once had with my mom about our obligation to obey the Church’s authority, I tried to get to the root of our disagreement - to try to find common ground in something basic. Our conversation led to my discovery that she doesn’t believe in God like I do. In other words, she says she believes, but in the next breath admits that she doesn’t think atheists are wrong in *their *beliefs. I don’t think all cafeteria Catholics, or dissenting Catholics necessarily have her same agnosticism/atheism, but I do think that many of the more thoughtful dissenters have much more different beliefs than we think they do, and that many of them are in fact agnostics or atheists, who hang on to Catholicism for reasons other than believing it is the Truth.

So for those reasons, I agree with the others that you may not be able to have persuasive conversations on these topics. Every family is different though.

Re: your mom’s refusal to have an abortion - it could be that because of her experience, she sympathizes with other women faced with the same choice she was. Or it could be that she is one of those who thinks that she would be unfairly imposing her beliefs on other people. Or it could be that she just thought that abortion wasn’t appropriate in her situation, but that it is appropriate in others. Or it could be that she is truly pro-life, but just doesn’t believe that it is the most important issue to vote on. Of course, there is a pro-life answer to all of these viewpoints, but the odds of your argument being received well are low. You might ask your parents questions to understand some of their reasoning, but be cautious about trying too hard to persuade them of something.

Probably the best thing to do though is to focus on your own holiness, and be a loving person. Don’t go looking for opportunities to argue a point, but be ready to explain your beliefs if you are asked. And insist on respect and love being more important in your relationship with them than winning the argument. God bless.

 

[silver_moon]

Re: your mom’s refusal to have an abortion - it could be that because of her experience, she sympathizes with other women faced with the same choice she was. Or it could be that she is one of those who thinks that she would be unfairly imposing her beliefs on other people. Or it could be that she just thought that abortion wasn’t appropriate in her situation, but that it is appropriate in others. Or it could be that she is truly pro-life, but just doesn’t believe that it is the most important issue to vote on. Of course, there is a pro-life answer to all of these viewpoints, but the odds of your argument being received well are low. You might ask your parents questions to understand some of their reasoning, but be cautious about trying too hard to persuade them of something.

Probably the best thing to do though is to focus on your own holiness, and be a loving person. Don’t go looking for opportunities to argue a point, but be ready to explain your beliefs if you are asked. And insist on respect and love being more important in your relationship with them than winning the argument. God bless.

Thanks for your response. I find it very helpful. Regarding my mother, she is definitely pro-life and believes abortion is wrong, especially partial-birth abortion. However she had no idea how many abortions are actually performed in this country. I’ve seen estimates of 30% of women have had one by age 45. I wonder if a difficulty for pro-life believers is that people may downplay the issue, not realizing how common it is.

I would say she probably doubts the effectiveness of either party in gaining ground for pro-life efforts and prefers other than political solutions like supporting women through pregnancies.

 

[sailor28]

“I’ve noticed people on these forums are a lot more conservative than my family.”

CAF is not a representation of the Catholic population as a whole. I have always voted republican but my political beliefs have been changing. I find I am neither a republican or a democrat. And for the record neither is God. In some Catholic circles God becomes a tea party republican.

I would be careful with discussions and feel people out. It is my h ope that as my kids get older we can always discuss our opinions even if they differ.