Family problems

[SilverCamellia]

I am 28 and live away from my dad’s home. He brought me up as a single parent, because my mother died when I was a baby, and so we are close as a family.

I told him three or four weeks ago that I am intending to be Confirmed at Easter. He isn’t religious, doesn’t believe in God, and is nominally Church of England. He was strongly against it then, because my mother was Catholic and I think he had a bad experience with a Catholic church when she died. So the weeks passed and I thought maybe he would adjust to the idea.

I saw him again yesterday, the first time since I told him, and unfortunately things were the opposite to how I wanted them to go. He told me he saw me joining the Catholics as a personal insult, a betrayal of him, that it would split the family, that I would be putting religion ahead of family, that it would be the worst decision I’ve ever made, and more.

So I am feeling very hurt by this but no doubt he is hurt by my decision too. I know the Bible verses where Jesus says things like, ‘Come and join me, leave family behind’ and such, but it does not stop it being very hard and the source of a lot of emotional pain

And then last night I was praying and just before my St Michael prayer I suddenly thought ‘What if angels don’t really exist?’ and now I am fighting to maintain my faith too so I need to do some reading to affirm what I believe. And the Rite of Election is this coming Sunday too.

When I was in church today, a member told me that I must be looking forward so much to the Easter vigil so that I can take communion. Before I saw my dad yesterday, I would have agreed enthusiastically. I was so looking forward to it and felt joy. Now I think of it in a bittersweet way, knowing that when I enter the Church I will, as my dad sees it, be turning my back on him

 

[1ke]

I’m sorry your dad has tried to make this about him, instead of about you.

We cannot please everyone, but we certainly must do our best to please God.

 

[ChibiViolet]

Sorry to hear about your dad and your faith struggles. I suggest praying before the Blessed Sacrament and or praying the Rosary.

 

[Augusta1990]

I am 28 and live away from my dad’s home. He brought me up as a single parent, because my mother died when I was a baby, and so we are close as a family.

I told him three or four weeks ago that I am intending to be Confirmed at Easter. He isn’t religious, doesn’t believe in God, and is nominally Church of England. He was strongly against it then, because my mother was Catholic and I think he had a bad experience with a Catholic church when she died. So the weeks passed and I thought maybe he would adjust to the idea.

I saw him again yesterday, the first time since I told him, and unfortunately things were the opposite to how I wanted them to go. He told me he saw me joining the Catholics as a personal insult, a betrayal of him, that it would split the family, that I would be putting religion ahead of family, that it would be the worst decision I’ve ever made, and more.

So I am feeling very hurt by this but no doubt he is hurt by my decision too. I know the Bible verses where Jesus says things like, ‘Come and join me, leave family behind’ and such, but it does not stop it being very hard and the source of a lot of emotional pain

And then last night I was praying and just before my St Michael prayer I suddenly thought ‘What if angels don’t really exist?’ and now I am fighting to maintain my faith too so I need to do some reading to affirm what I believe. And the Rite of Election is this coming Sunday too.

When I was in church today, a member told me that I must be looking forward so much to the Easter vigil so that I can take communion. Before I saw my dad yesterday, I would have agreed enthusiastically. I was so looking forward to it and felt joy. Now I think of it in a bittersweet way, knowing that when I enter the Church I will, as my dad sees it, be turning my back on him

I could be wrong, but given those things he said, it sounds like he has some underlying issues you probably don’t know about. I doubt that a mere personal opposition to Catholicism by itself would prompt that reaction, especially if he isn’t religious. “A betrayal of him?” “A personal insult?” Well, that’s pretty insulting right there.

 

[PennyinCanada]

He told me he saw me joining the Catholics as a personal insult, a betrayal of him, that it would split the family, that I would be putting religion ahead of family, that it would be the worst decision I’ve ever made, and more.

How HE decides to react will determine if your decision on what you do in your personal time will split the family. HE will split the family, not you. You love him and will always love and appreciate what he did in being your dad, that won’t change. You can tell him that. Continue to go to church and if you’re not home, he doesn’t need to know where you are. It’s not necessary to speak with him about it.

There are many of us who came into the Church as adults, me included, and it was not well received by family. We got dropped by friends, and it was difficult. I never looked back and am happy with my decision to come closer to God and receive the sacraments. Welcome home! You will be meeting new people of faith, and they will be a present to strengthen your walk toward the Church. I appreciated those who were ‘mom’ to me, those who were ‘dad’ to me, and sister and brother. I’ve been very blessed by their presence in my life, and you will be too. Pray for courage! God bless you.

 

[nodito]

“Dad, I’m so sorry you feel that way. I hope in time you will come to see that I am not doing this to hurt you, but because I have to follow my conscience.”

 

[mike2112]

It may seem as if this would be splitting the family, but your faith in Christ will be the one chance the family can truly get back together again. I believe that one day your father will say thank you for not betraying me. Thank you for joining the Church and giving me the chance to learn about this Jesus. Follow the guide of the Holy Spirit and God will tell you what to do. You will face hate and emotional hurt by others, but all of this is for the sake of their own souls. Your suffering will be the very love that Jesus showed upon that Cross.

I am keeping you in my prayers, trust in God and everything will be okay!

 

[IBombAtomically]

It seems like he isn’t against the Church because he thoughtfully explored and understands all Church teaching, the Mass, the Sacraments, and so forth and has found them awful, but rather he had a bad experience with some individual people and has generalized it onto the entire religion. Therefore, his rejection of Catholicism can’t be judged as a** true** rejection of the faith at all. For example, it’s not the Eucharist itself he’s angry at, it’s that he’s still hurting from his experience years ago, so you should not feel torn in receiving the Eucharist.

I’m praying for you very hard. Right now his reaction is raw, but over time it may soften. Allow him is witness the healing and peace in your life as you grow closer to Our Lord. Let Jesus love him through you. Do special things with him; keep being his “Little Girl.” Tonight, pray for your dad. Sit quietly with Jesus and hold your hands out. Think of everything your dad has done for you, think of the hard times, the happy times, and THIS current situation. See yourself take it out of yourself and place it in your hands, then lift it up to Jesus and ask him to take it from here. You’re so brave! Good luck in your faith journey, missy!

 

[Allegra]

In my opinion, the things your dad said to you were borderline verbally abusive and an act of desperation. Is this the only issue you’ve had with him trying to control what you do? (Feel free not to answer that on a public forum. It was meant to be rhetorical.) Perhaps he is afraid that if you become religious you will not want to spend time with him anymore since he is not. Maybe if you reassured him that you will always love him and there is plenty of love in you for God and for him? If you need a firmer hand you could point out that there is no reason that your loving God will split the family. Love doesn’t split families. Prejudice on the other hand…well, that has a fairly good track record of doing just that.