Family Problems

[PonderingJak]

Something that’s happened the past few years is that the children are behaving horribly and my mother cannot stand it. I am, if I wasn’t clear enough, one of the children. I am the second oldest. The oldest child is my sister. She has been getting mouthy and had become an atheist and refuses to listen to what my parents have to say. The four younger children are addicted to electronics, are rude, repeatedly disobey my parents until they are frightened into submission (blatant ignorance until one of the parents yells) and are very self-centered. There are good moments, but for the most part all of the other children are horrible. I say this in the least prideful way, since I have been making an effort to be kind and helpful, but my mother can’t handle their attitudes (forgot to mention, their ages are 4-16) My mother is a very nice and loving person, but even she succumbs to the evil that has been taking our house by storm. She talks about leaving, something that she ordinarily wouldn’t do, but even then the children continue to fight and argue. I was like this until I pondered death (a depressing thought, but one that made me forget about myself and made me think more to my religion). Is there a way to somehow make the children think of this? There has been no way for my mother to control them lately, they snivel and diss the food she spends time cooking, they fight, are rude. My father usually can get them to listen, but is at work from before they wake up to after they get home to school, which makes it so that they ordinarily do not see him except for about 4 hours a day. How do I help my mother to cope with Satan’s presence in the family’s day-to-day life, and how can I make the children behave? Prayers are appreciated, thanks in advance to all that answer

 

[pensmama87]

I was the oldest and I felt this way sometimes in my house growing up. The best “cure” for me was moving out and being able to pray at a distance, which I did when I was 17.

I would work hard on being a good example to my younger siblings, and do this by focusing on actions instead of words. I made the mistake (often ) of trying to lecture my younger siblings into good behavior, but I had no authority over them and they knew it. Have you heard the expression about putting lipstick on a pig? That’s what that felt like.

I would also be very cautious about pride, which I did and do suffer from, though now with more awareness when it strikes. It can be easy to fall into a role of thinking of yourself as “the good one” and the others as “the bad ones.” Even if that’s true to some extent, remember it’s primarily through the grace of God that you have anything, and less about personal merit.

I would help your mother with anything you can - sounds like she’s really got a full plate! It sounds like you are an adult though still living at home, so there’s probably a LOT you can do to help out. Also pray, pray, pray.

God bless you and your family! This is a hard situation to witness, but your authority is limited and overstepping will probably do much more harm than good.

 

[PonderingJak]

Thanks pensmama87 for replying and for the suggestions, I will try them. Sorry if it wasn’t clear, I’m 14

 

[Allegra]

I don’t know if badly behaved children is caused by demonic influence, but there are several things you can do to help your mom out. You can be a good example. You can play with some of the younger children so that your mom had focus on the others or even have time to herself. You can help with chores to make the household be more efficient and organized. (Children tend to feel more calm and comfortable in an organized and consistent environment.) You can invite the older kids to participate in physical activities or fun projects that are better for them than video games. I really don’t think you should attempt to make a four-year-old consider her mortality.

 

[m_crane]

Hi
I was that frazzled mom.

I’ll tell you what works. When you come into the kitchen at meals and mom is at the stove, go over and give her a hug, say good morning or evening,thank her for the food. Do this every time you mom does something for the family, thank her. At table say your thanks to God for the meal- let your siblings see this. Talk kindly to your mother ,ask her if you can do anything to help.

When the siblings see how well your mom responds to these gestures, (and it may take a while for your mom to warm up to your solicitations) they may become jealous, in this case it is a good thing. They may even tease you but if you persevere, they will slowly start to follow your example.

 

[LSK]

May I ask a question?

are there alcohol abusel or substance abuse issues?

 

[slh3016]

Hi
I was that frazzled mom.

I’ll tell you what works. When you come into the kitchen at meals and mom is at the stove, go over and give her a hug, say good morning or evening,thank her for the food. Do this every time you mom does something for the family, thank her. At table say your thanks to God for the meal- let your siblings see this. Talk kindly to your mother ,ask her if you can do anything to help.

When the siblings see how well your mom responds to these gestures, (and it may take a while for your mom to warm up to your solicitations) they may become jealous, in this case it is a good thing. They may even tease you but if you persevere, they will slowly start to follow your example.

This is EXCELLENT advice. Be the example for your siblings. Show them what it means to give your mom the proper respect, admiration, and love that she desires and needs.

When you see something that needs to be done, just do it (i.e., laundry, dishes, clutter, etc.). Tell your mom how much you appreciate her and that she’s doing a great job. Moms tend to internalize the behavior of their children as being indicative of what kind of mother they are (sometimes justly, sometimes unjustly) and if your siblings are being especially bratty, your mom probably feels like a terrible failure. She needs reassurance more than anything right now.

Also, I want to say kudos to you for being such a kind and caring child.

 

[bitterhope]

Hi
I was that frazzled mom.

I’ll tell you what works. When you come into the kitchen at meals and mom is at the stove, go over and give her a hug, say good morning or evening,thank her for the food. Do this every time you mom does something for the family, thank her. At table say your thanks to God for the meal- let your siblings see this. Talk kindly to your mother ,ask her if you can do anything to help.

When the siblings see how well your mom responds to these gestures, (and it may take a while for your mom to warm up to your solicitations) they may become jealous, in this case it is a good thing. They may even tease you but if you persevere, they will slowly start to follow your example.

This is very good advice. You seem like such a sweet kid, especially being so young. I’ve got a son your age and he’s also the second oldest in our family. Is your father in the home? If he is, he needs to step up and help teach the kids to respect mom. My husband would never allow my kids to disrespect me to the point of me becoming so overwhelmed and upset. A dad’s way of treating mom is often copied by the children. And usually when dad speaks everyone listens better than they do to mom. My husband is gone a lot so the older siblings are often the ones that set the example in our home as well. Please keep going on the right path and pray that the younger ones choose to follow. Pray to your siblings guardian angels to help them follow your lead. And pray for your dear mom. She needs the prayers.

 

[PonderingJak]

This is very good advice. You seem like such a sweet kid, especially being so young. I’ve got a son your age and he’s also the second oldest in our family. Is your father in the home? If he is, he needs to step up and help teach the kids to respect mom. My husband would never allow my kids to disrespect me to the point of me becoming so overwhelmed and upset. A dad’s way of treating mom is often copied by the children. And usually when dad speaks everyone listens better than they do to mom. My husband is gone a lot so the older siblings are often the ones that set the example in our home as well. Please keep going on the right path and pray that the younger ones choose to follow. Pray to your siblings guardian angels to help them follow your lead. And pray for your dear mom. She needs the prayers.

My dad is around, but is at work from before they wake up to after they get home to school, which makes it so that they ordinarily do not see him except for about 4 hours a day. He loves my mom and treats her well, and can get the kids to listen, but only when he’s there

 

[PonderingJak]

May I ask a question?

are there alcohol abusel or substance abuse issues?

none. My parents rarely drink, and usually only with company. Maybe a glass of red wine now and then at dinner for the health benefits

 

[bitterhope]

My dad is around, but is at work from before they wake up to after they get home to school, which makes it so that they ordinarily do not see him except for about 4 hours a day. He loves my mom and treats her well, and can get the kids to listen, but only when he’s there

That is understandable. It is good he is modeling good behavior while he is home. Some husbands/fathers don’t do that. Just continue modeling good behavior in his absence and helping your mom in the ways you can.

 

[ynotzap]

Something that’s happened the past few years is that the children are behaving horribly and my mother cannot stand it. I am, if I wasn’t clear enough, one of the children. I am the second oldest. The oldest child is my sister. She has been getting mouthy and had become an atheist and refuses to listen to what my parents have to say. The four younger children are addicted to electronics, are rude, repeatedly disobey my parents until they are frightened into submission (blatant ignorance until one of the parents yells) and are very self-centered. There are good moments, but for the most part all of the other children are horrible. I say this in the least prideful way, since I have been making an effort to be kind and helpful, but my mother can’t handle their attitudes (forgot to mention, their ages are 4-16) My mother is a very nice and loving person, but even she succumbs to the evil that has been taking our house by storm. She talks about leaving, something that she ordinarily wouldn’t do, but even then the children continue to fight and argue. I was like this until I pondered death (a depressing thought, but one that made me forget about myself and made me think more to my religion). Is there a way to somehow make the children think of this? There has been no way for my mother to control them lately, they snivel and diss the food she spends time cooking, they fight, are rude. My father usually can get them to listen, but is at work from before they wake up to after they get home to school, which makes it so that they ordinarily do not see him except for about 4 hours a day. How do I help my mother to cope with Satan’s presence in the family’s day-to-day life, and how can I make the children behave? Prayers are appreciated, thanks in advance to all that answer

Children a brought into this world in the fallen state of nature, that is in the state of original sin, and suffer from the consequences of original sin. This is heavy stuff for a l4 yr old to understand, but you do show some good signs of understanding. What your siblings or going through are the effects already mentioned. the children need to be evangelized. That is Jesus Christ has to enter their lives, I assume they were baptized. Does your family ever speak about Christ? His love, and mission? What He came to do? Does your family pray together, go to Church? Do they pray (parents) for Jesus’ help in dispelling the trouble they are experiencing, Satan is real and has some grip on all of us, it is a life time battle. This should throw some real solutions on your situations at home. I will also pray for you and your family, God bless you.

 

[slh3016]

Something that’s happened the past few years is that the children are behaving horribly and my mother cannot stand it. I am, if I wasn’t clear enough, one of the children. I am the second oldest. The oldest child is my sister. She has been getting mouthy and had become an atheist and refuses to listen to what my parents have to say.

This is not uncommon in girls of her age. What are her reasons for becoming an atheist? Sounds like she may be in rebellion mode. Again, this is not uncommon.

The four younger children are addicted to electronics,

How do your parents feel about this? I mean, are they overly permissive when it comes to allowing them to play the electronics? Or, do they just sit around complaining that the kids are addicted and yet keep allowing them to play them? Not trying to be rude, but they ARE the parents. When my son gets rude and disrespectful, the first thing that goes away are the electronics and t.v.

are rude, repeatedly disobey my parents until they are frightened into submission (blatant ignorance until one of the parents yells) and are very self-centered.

Sounds like harsher consequences are needed for their rudeness and disobedience.

There are good moments, but for the most part all of the other children are horrible. I say this in the least prideful way, since I have been making an effort to be kind and helpful, but my mother can’t handle their attitudes (forgot to mention, their ages are 4-16)

Can’t handle or won’t handle? Is she passive in her parenting? She needs to take the bull(s) by the horn, so to speak.

My mother is a very nice and loving person, but even she succumbs to the evil that has been taking our house by storm. She talks about leaving, something that she ordinarily wouldn’t do, but even then the children continue to fight and argue.

I think at some point, most moms feel that way. They want to leave, but they won’t because they know that won’t solve anything. Honestly, I’ve wanted to leave many times when my kids are all at each other’s throats. It’s unfortunate that she verbalized it in front of her children because your siblings now realize that they have power.

I was like this until I pondered death (a depressing thought, but one that made me forget about myself and made me think more to my religion).

Wow, very mature thinking for a 14yo

Is there a way to somehow make the children think of this?

Nope

There has been no way for my mother to control them lately, they snivel and diss the food she spends time cooking, they fight, are rude.

Instead of taking offense and shrinking back, your mom needs to nip this in the bud. Most times, if my kids don’t like what I make, they can either a) prepare something themselves or b) see if they’ll like breakfast better.

Most siblings do fight, however. Mine fight and disagree all day long. I’ve learned to tune it out for the most part. Maybe you can help your mom in this regard by saying, “Hey guys, cut it out!”

Continue to be a good example for them and help your siblings in conflict resolution. Be the calming force.

My father usually can get them to listen, but is at work from before they wake up to after they get home to school, which makes it so that they ordinarily do not see him except for about 4 hours a day.

I’m sorry, but your dad needs to have a serious talk with your siblings. There needs to be a “You will NOT disrespect my wife and get away with it” mentality. They need to be held accountable by Dad. He needs to be made aware of what takes place when he is not around.

How do I help my mother to cope with Satan’s presence in the family’s day-to-day life, and how can I make the children behave? Prayers are appreciated, thanks in advance to all that answer

A) Pray for your mom; pray for your siblings; be a good example; keep showing Mom love and appreciation;

B) YOU cannot MAKE the children behave and frankly, that is not your burden. You can encourage them to behave. You can be a good example. You can help diffuse situations among them without getting Mom involved, but it is not healthy for you to feel like you are the parent. Mom and Dad are the parents and they need to diligently be doing their jobs.

Again, kudos for being such a sweet kid!