family situation

[Monica4316]

Hi,

I’m so confused
do you think that God would call someone to be a nun if she’s the only child in the family, and her parents are in their 50s but all the other relatives live overseas… so if she becomes a nun, there wouldn’t be anyone to take care of them at all when they’re older.

Cause - that’s the situation with me

But I **don’t know **if God is calling me to a religious vocation… I don’t know if He will… I’m 22, but I have a huge student loan to pay off and I might be too old for many orders I’m interested in once it gets paid off… unless some sort of miracle happens… but even then ,there’s still the family situation. Also, I’m entering the Church this Easter so - I’ll still have 2-3 years to think, in any case.

Sometimes I feel really drawn to religious life (especially contemplative), but I don’t know if it’s even possible for my case… are there contemplative/active orders where you’re allowed to visit your family and take care of your parents, or maybe they can even come and live in the monastery? I don’t think this is possible…

and then I have this other fear, - am I putting God second by having such thoughts? But I know He loves my family too and He wants the best for them, and He knows I love them…

and - finally, lol - I’ve always felt that God put this desire in my heart to be fully His, but if I marry I’d have lots of other stuff to think about…

I feel like it wouldn’t be possible for me to be a nun, but I’m afraid that any other type of life would distract me from what I want to do for God, even who I want to be. I’ve wanted to be a saint, I don’t mean a canonized Saint but just to learn to love God completely…and to give up everything for Him…and I wonder if this is only possible by being a nun… can I totally belong to God if I’m in the world? there are so many distractions all around… and there are more opportunities to learn to love God in the convent cause it requires so much sacrifice…? Is that even true, I don’t know. I know that being a mother is also a great sacrifice, and I really respect marriage, I think it even has a big role in sanctification.

Probably my understanding here is all wrong though…

I’ve told myself over and over that I should care more about doing God’s will than what His will is, and that He will take care of everything and I need to trust Him, and that sometimes we have to be content with just doing His will even if it’s not what we imagined…for example, St Therese, she wanted to be a missionary, a martyr, an apostle, etc. - and she was a simple novice… yet she still became a Saint through that, because she was happy to be little before God. So maybe in my case being married and being ‘in the world’ for the sake of my family, is that sort of ‘dying to self’. I don’t know. If I stay in the world, I don’t even know what I’d do, there’s no career that I feel drawn to and I don’t know what to do with my degree… (I’m graduating next year).

please pray for me, this is really distressing

God bless:heart:

 

[AveSantaMaria]

I will pray for you. Have you thought of nursing as a career? Do your parents have any retirement funds or IRAs that might be used to hire a nurse? Might you be able to be a nun in a local community that allows you to visit once a day and take care of things? One could also be a third-order member. St. Catherine of Sienna, one of the only 3 female Doctors of the Catholic Church was a single chaste Dominican Tertiary, so I doubt that it is less prestigious/loved by God than the nun-life. Being an Opus Dei (Work of God) member also allows one full commitment to the ‘ordinary life.’

 

[Monica4316]

I will pray for you. Have you thought of nursing as a career? Do your parents have any retirement funds or IRAs that might be used to hire a nurse? Might you be able to be a nun in a local community that allows you to visit once a day and take care of things?

thank you

I have thought of nursing, but I don’t know if my degree would be right for this… I don’t know if I have the right prerequisites to get a nursing education.
In my family, there’s never really enough money or savings cause we’re still trying to pay off the mortgage…

that is a good idea though
are those type of orders…can they be contemplative/active? and with habits? That’s sort of important to me for various reasons…

God bless

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

God does call children who are the only child in their family. I’ve seen it numerous times. There is always the fear of the child that they are doing something wrong because when their parents become elderly and ill, who will take care of them? I think I might have an option for you to think about:

I’m discerning with the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Milwaukee, WI, but I’ve visited the Central Province in St. Louis, MO as well. They have homes for the aged and I think it would be a very real and helpful option for your parent(s) to live there when they become unable to care for themselves. Now, I’m not suggesting that this be the only order that you think of, because there are many who do the same ministry, but this would give you the chance to see your parent(s). You’d know they were cared for and where they were.

There was a girl that I spoke to that was very concerned about her father, and she was the only child. The Sister that she spoke to gave her the same option I am giving you. God will find the way for you to become a religious, if it is His will.

If I can help you discover more orders that have nursing home or elderly home apostolates, please let me know. One thing I really love about the Carmelite DCJ sisters is that they call their Homes, “A home away from home.” It was always meant to be a Home, not an institution where you send old people. It’s a place for (what Mother Foundress called it) “the aged to spend their evening in life, surrounded by love and warmth.” I love Mother Mary Teresa so much because she showed such concern and love for all those that God entrusted to her care.

God bless you!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Here are some links to the FAQs on vocation.com about being the only child and pursuing a vocation. Hopefully, they will enable you to consider this more freely.

vocation.com/content-fdz.htm

vocation.com/content-fui.htm

vocation.com/content-ffs.htm

Also, I forgot to answer your previous question. If you were to become an active/contemplative religious, you would be able to see your family once a year (when you go home), but your family can come and see you about 2-3 weeks out of the year. It depends on the order and your personal circumstances. If you become cloistered, you will only have your family visit you. Cloistered nuns are unable to leave the monastery or convent. There are only rare circumstances where I have seen it allowed for a nun to leave the cloister because of family illness or death. And you would have to get the approval of your Superior as well.

 

[Monica4316]

One could also be a third-order member. St. Catherine of Sienna, one of the only 3 female Doctors of the Catholic Church was a single chaste Dominican Tertiary, so I doubt that it is less prestigious/loved by God than the nun-life. Being an Opus Dei (Work of God) member also allows one full commitment to the ‘ordinary life.’

thanks!

I believe that God does have a plan for me… sometimes I just feel so scared cause …well I feel really stuck, like I don’t have the opportunity to be what I want to be, - but maybe this is for a reason, maybe this is a way of putting His will above my own.

It’s just that when I look at the consecrated religious life, I always think it’s so beautiful because it’s entirely for God, and it’s almost like laying down your life for Him… and I wish I could love God like that, but I don’t know if in my situation I can be a nun. (although, I don’t know the future). I wish I could be His spouse. But maybe He has a plan for me somewhere else. I know that I should just be happy to do whatever He asks.

Sometimes I get this thought, and - *it might actually be from the enemy… *but I start wondering if being ‘in the world’ is “lesser” somehow, and if God wants me to be in the world, does that mean that He loves me less. I know that’s pretty wrong and I regret ever having these types of thoughts. I like what St Therese said, that people are like flowers but not everyone is a rose or a lily, others are little flowers that should be content to be as they are. And His love can shine through them just as much. I’ve always felt little too. So even if being a nun is the greater calling (and there is a whole variety of opinions out there about this), not being called there shouldn’t be a problem for me, and if it is, that’s probably because of my pride. But I still can’t help but get these thoughts sometimes, what if God loves me less than He loves the Saints or even the religious, yet…I know He loves everyone completely…

and I know that it’s always the best for us to be obedient to what God asks, - that is what matters, it’s really not about our personal holiness, it’s **primarily **about bringing God glory and helping to build His Kingdom and bring souls to Him

wow sorry my posts aren’t making much sense, I don’t really know how to express what I’m trying to say.

 

[Monica4316]

God does call children who are the only child in their family. I’ve seen it numerous times. There is always the fear of the child that they are doing something wrong because when their parents become elderly and ill, who will take care of them? I think I might have an option for you to think about:

I’m discerning with the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Milwaukee, WI, but I’ve visited the Central Province in St. Louis, MO as well. They have homes for the aged and I think it would be a very real and helpful option for your parent(s) to live there when they become unable to care for themselves. Now, I’m not suggesting that this be the only order that you think of, because there are many who do the same ministry, but this would give you the chance to see your parent(s). You’d know they were cared for and where they were.

I didn’t know this existed! thanks!! That gives me more peace… I think I’m going through a lot of confusion right now and my understanding of religious life and marriage isn’t fully correct yet. I’m still converting to Catholicism though, and have the student loan, so I know I have a few years for God to prepare me for whatever is His will. A lot can happen to a person spiritually in a couple of years, I mean last year I was a Protestant, lol.
But - even though I don’t know God’s will yet, I’m trying to trust Him …sort of blindly, at this point… and mostly that works but sometimes I just feel so much fear. And fear about my family is part of that. I just want them to be alright, in any case. If I get married, I’ll be able to take care of them. It’s good to know that there are options for nuns too, that their parents can be taken care of in old age…

There was a girl that I spoke to that was very concerned about her father, and she was the only child. The Sister that she spoke to gave her the same option I am giving you. God will find the way for you to become a religious, if it is His will.

I do believe that He will take care of me and my family, and make a way even when there seems to be no way I always pray that His will would be done whatever it is, and that I would always go in the direction He has planned for me.

If I can help you discover more orders that have nursing home or elderly home apostolates, please let me know. One thing I really love about the Carmelite DCJ sisters is that they call their Homes, “A home away from home.” It was always meant to be a Home, not an institution where you send old people. It’s a place for (what Mother Foundress called it) “the aged to spend their evening in life, surrounded by love and warmth.” I love Mother Mary Teresa so much because she showed such concern and love for all those that God entrusted to her care.

God bless you!

thanks! I’m glad the sisters have these homes.

Here are some links to the FAQs on vocation.com about being the only child and pursuing a vocation. Hopefully, they will enable you to consider this more freely.

vocation.com/content-fdz.htm

vocation.com/content-fui.htm

vocation.com/content-ffs.htm

Also, I forgot to answer your previous question. If you were to become an active/contemplative religious, you would be able to see your family once a year (when you go home), but your family can come and see you about 2-3 weeks out of the year. It depends on the order and your personal circumstances. If you become cloistered, you will only have your family visit you. Cloistered nuns are unable to leave the monastery or convent. There are only rare circumstances where I have seen it allowed for a nun to leave the cloister because of family illness or death. And you would have to get the approval of your Superior as well.

thank you for the info!

I’m sorry I have some really basic questions I dont know much about this…
are there active/contemplative orders that have full habits and veils but are not cloistered? Are orders like this one cloistered?
sistersofmary.org/
Or…the Sisters of Life? Are all Carmelites cloistered… lol sorry thats’ too many questions…

if you are a nun at a convent where they have a home for the aged…how often would your parents get to see you? would it be more often since the home is …probably near the monastery somewhere?

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

I think it’s sort of funny how I’m afraid to be called but I’m also afraid of not being called LOL…
and in a way, I want both… there are times when I’m drawn to marriage too.
I guess I’ll just keep on praying and see what happens take it day by day, and trust God that His will would be done, and that His will is the best… trust in His goodness and in His love and mercy; despite my doubts and fears and confusion.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I didn’t know this existed! thanks!! That gives me more peace… I think I’m going through a lot of confusion right now and my understanding of religious life and marriage isn’t fully correct yet. I’m still converting to Catholicism though, and have the student loan, so I know I have a few years for God to prepare me for whatever is His will. A lot can happen to a person spiritually in a couple of years, I mean last year I was a Protestant, lol.
But - even though I don’t know God’s will yet, I’m trying to trust Him …sort of blindly, at this point… and mostly that works but sometimes I just feel so much fear. And fear about my family is part of that. I just want them to be alright, in any case. If I get married, I’ll be able to take care of them. It’s good to know that there are options for nuns too, that their parents can be taken care of in old age…

I do believe that He will take care of me and my family, and make a way even when there seems to be no way I always pray that His will would be done whatever it is, and that I would always go in the direction He has planned for me.

thanks! I’m glad the sisters have these homes.

thank you for the info!

I’m sorry I have some really basic questions I dont know much about this…
are there active/contemplative orders that have full habits and veils but are not cloistered? Are orders like this one cloistered?
sistersofmary.org/
Or…the Sisters of Life? Are all Carmelites cloistered… lol sorry thats’ too many questions…

if you are a nun at a convent where they have a home for the aged…how often would your parents get to see you? would it be more often since the home is …probably near the monastery somewhere?

God bless

To answer your question, there are orders that are both active and contemplative that wear the full habit and veil but are not cloistered. Carmelites DCJ is one of them, and so are the Dominican Sisters of Mary and the Sisters of Life. This means that they have apostolates outside the convent and they still remain faithful to the contemplative vocation. Not all Carmelites are cloistered, either. It’s funny, I didn’t know this either when I first started discerning. I thought, from watching “Therese” the movie, that they were all cloistered, but there are the Carmelites DCJ and the Carmelite Sisters for the Aged and Infirm. Then you also have the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart in Alhambra, CA.

carmelitedcjnorth.org/
carmelitedcj.org/
carmel-msh.org/
carmelitesisters.com

The Carmelites of the Aged and Infirm run nursing homes, though I don’t know if they think of them in the same way as the DCJ sisters do.

There is also the Carmelite Sisters of the Eucharist who’s apostolate is taking care of ill or retired priests. They don’t have a website, but here is their information on IRL:

db.religiouslife.com/reg_life/irl.nsf/org/22

As far as how often you would be able to visit your parent(s) in the Home, that would be something to ask the Vocation Director. I’ve never thought about that. Sorry!

But the Carmelite DCJ Homes are on the Sisters’ property. They have them attached to their convents to enable them to be much closer to their ministries.

 

[Monica4316]

To answer your question, there are orders that are both active and contemplative that wear the full habit and veil but are not cloistered. Carmelites DCJ is one of them, and so are the Dominican Sisters of Mary and the Sisters of Life. This means that they have apostolates outside the convent and they still remain faithful to the contemplative vocation. Not all Carmelites are cloistered, either. It’s funny, I didn’t know this either when I first started discerning. I thought, from watching “Therese” the movie, that they were all cloistered, but there are the Carmelites DCJ and the Carmelite Sisters for the Aged and Infirm. Then you also have the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart in Alhambra, CA.

carmelitedcjnorth.org/
carmelitedcj.org/
carmel-msh.org/
carmelitesisters.com

The Carmelites of the Aged and Infirm run nursing homes, though I don’t know if they think of them in the same way as the DCJ sisters do.

There is also the Carmelite Sisters of the Eucharist who’s apostolate is taking care of ill or retired priests. They don’t have a website, but here is their information on IRL:

db.religiouslife.com/reg_life/irl.nsf/org/22

As far as how often you would be able to visit your parent(s) in the Home, that would be something to ask the Vocation Director. I’ve never thought about that. Sorry!

But the Carmelite DCJ Homes are on the Sisters’ property. They have them attached to their convents to enable them to be much closer to their ministries.

wow thanks for the info! I sure have a lot to learn still…haha… I thought too that all the contemplative or contemplative/active orders are cloistered - like in the movies I really like the idea of a contemplative and active order…I admire the purely contemplative ones too (especially ones centered around Adoration) - but this might be more for me. (I’ve always felt called to serve in some way as well as pray, I don’t mean for a religious vocation but just in general in my life).

Oki I was just praying about everything, and I think that God is helping me to trust Him more. I know that I need to trust Him and have faith, otherwise I’m too weak to think about these things.
I think God is trying to show me that both ways of life are beautiful to Him, that some people are called to be nuns because that’s how God wants to use them, and others He wants to use in the world… and marriage is really special too, it’s a sacrament… and God made each of us to serve in a particular way, we don’t have to all be the same… like St Therese’s flowers
I’m thankful that God is giving me some peace about this.

Thanks again for the info! it gave me more hope, lol

God bless!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

wow thanks for the info! I sure have a lot to learn still…haha… I thought too that all the contemplative or contemplative/active orders are cloistered - like in the movies I really like the idea of a contemplative and active order…I admire the purely contemplative ones too (especially ones centered around Adoration) - but this might be more for me. (I’ve always felt called to serve in some way as well as pray, I don’t mean for a religious vocation but just in general in my life).

Oki I was just praying about everything, and I think that God is helping me to trust Him more. I know that I need to trust Him and have faith, otherwise I’m too weak to think about these things.
I think God is trying to show me that both ways of life are beautiful to Him, that some people are called to be nuns because that’s how God wants to use them, and others He wants to use in the world… and marriage is really special too, it’s a sacrament… and God made each of us to serve in a particular way, we don’t have to all be the same… like St Therese’s flowers
I’m thankful that God is giving me some peace about this.

Thanks again for the info! it gave me more hope, lol

God bless!

You are welcome, Monica. Here is a quote by Mother Foundress of the DCJs that I just love and what you wrote made me think of it:
*
We not only are to be Tabernacles, dwellings of the Most High, but tools or instruments, with which He, the Divine Savior, the physician of our souls, may use for the salvation of souls.*–Blessed Mary Teresa of St. Joseph, DCJ

God bless you! I hold you in my prayers.

 

[Monica4316]

You are welcome, Monica. Here is a quote by Mother Foundress of the DCJs that I just love and what you wrote made me think of it:
*
We not only are to be Tabernacles, dwellings of the Most High, but tools or instruments, with which He, the Divine Savior, the physician of our souls, may use for the salvation of souls.*–Blessed Mary Teresa of St. Joseph, DCJ

God bless you! I hold you in my prayers.

thanks so much! and that’s a wonderful quote!

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

oh I also meant to ask, and this is sort of a silly question but I’m just curious… you know how in movies when they show cloistered nuns they’re always behind the …grille… ?
Well if you’re in a contemplative/active order that’s not cloistered, when people come to visit you, do you still talk to them from behind the grille? Or does this only exist in cloistered communities?

That’s just something I’ve always wondered so thought I’d ask here

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

oh I also meant to ask, and this is sort of a silly question but I’m just curious… you know how in movies when they show cloistered nuns they’re always behind the …grille… ?
Well if you’re in a contemplative/active order that’s not cloistered, when people come to visit you, do you still talk to them from behind the grille? Or does this only exist in cloistered communities?

That’s just something I’ve always wondered so thought I’d ask here

The grille is only used in cloistered communities. In an active/contemplative order, you are required to have normal contact with others (it’s part of the vocation) so a grille would be quite awkward. With the cloistered vocation, it’s required that you separate yourself from the world (but also embrace it at the same time), so that is the reason for the grille.

 

[Monica4316]

The grille is only used in cloistered communities. In an active/contemplative order, you are required to have normal contact with others (it’s part of the vocation) so a grille would be quite awkward. With the cloistered vocation, it’s required that you separate yourself from the world (but also embrace it at the same time), so that is the reason for the grille.

thanks! that makes sense.

God bless!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

thanks! that makes sense.

God bless!

Let me know if you have any more questions, and I will try to answer them as best I can, or find someone who can. God bless.

 

[Paul_B]

Dear Monica

I’m a new member and although I can’t offer much in the way of advice just to let you know I will add you to my prayers and hope to hear what decision if any you make

take care

 

[Lainey63]

I think it’s sort of funny how I’m afraid to be called but I’m also afraid of not being called LOL…
and in a way, I want both… there are times when I’m drawn to marriage too.I guess I’ll just keep on praying and see what happens take it day by day, and trust God that His will would be done, and that His will is the best… trust in His goodness and in His love and mercy; despite my doubts and fears and confusion.

Wow! I can identify with that statement. You’re on the right track-surrender your will to His, everyday, several times a day if necessary. I’m a bit older than you but I’ve been through that same confusion where you are now. But I kept praying and surrendering to God’s will and little by little the confusion and anxiety started to go away. I am not a convert to catholicism-but someone else who posted on another thread said that she and many converts go through what you are throughout the conversion wondering if they have been called to religious life of a nun. So I guess its part of your conversion as well. So there’s some more food for thought. Only time will tell…God will let you know in His time and in His way…I’ve been told that a gazillion times. He is quite gentle and sweet with me…

 

[Under_Cover_Nun]

Hello!

I read through all the responses to your question about being an only child and perhaps having a calling to religious life.

One suggestion I didn’t see given… to find yourself a good Spiritual Director. An SD is not a confessor or the vocation minister of a religous order, but rather a person who has trained as an SD. Such a director does not even have to be a priest or sister, but can also be a lay person. It is the training that is key.

An SD is a big help. They are an unbiased “shoulder to cry on” so to speak, and are there to assist you in deepening your relationship with the Lord.

Many times the Lord calls someone to come nearer, but they misunderstand and are fearful thinking that this call is to religious life. Perhaps both things do happen together at times, but often the Lord calls to individuals in order to have them turn towards him and become more intimate with him.

So I suggest you don’t panic and do find an SD. If you are in the U.S., there is a site on-line (google spiritual directors) which lists directors by state. If not in the U.S., google anyway and see what comes up.

You can also meet with a parish priest or a known religious just to query about whether they know a good spiritual director in your local area. (Remember we are speaking about guidance, not confession).

As an only child myself, I do understand your concern. But remember, the Lord will be the main one caring for your parents down the road. Don’t put your life on-hold… loving parents will want the best for you.

Hope this helps. Have a blessed day!

 

[Monica4316]

Let me know if you have any more questions, and I will try to answer them as best I can, or find someone who can. God bless.

thanks so much!

Dear Monica

I’m a new member and although I can’t offer much in the way of advice just to let you know I will add you to my prayers and hope to hear what decision if any you make

take care

thank you for your prayers! I appreciate that a lot.

Wow! I can identify with that statement. You’re on the right track-surrender your will to His, everyday, several times a day if necessary. I’m a bit older than you but I’ve been through that same confusion where you are now. But I kept praying and surrendering to God’s will and little by little the confusion and anxiety started to go away. I am not a convert to catholicism-but someone else who posted on another thread said that she and many converts go through what you are throughout the conversion wondering if they have been called to religious life of a nun. So I guess its part of your conversion as well. So there’s some more food for thought. Only time will tell…God will let you know in His time and in His way…I’ve been told that a gazillion times. He is quite gentle and sweet with me…

that is very true thank you!

Hello!

I read through all the responses to your question about being an only child and perhaps having a calling to religious life.

One suggestion I didn’t see given… to find yourself a good Spiritual Director. An SD is not a confessor or the vocation minister of a religous order, but rather a person who has trained as an SD. Such a director does not even have to be a priest or sister, but can also be a lay person. It is the training that is key.

An SD is a big help. They are an unbiased “shoulder to cry on” so to speak, and are there to assist you in deepening your relationship with the Lord.

Many times the Lord calls someone to come nearer, but they misunderstand and are fearful thinking that this call is to religious life. Perhaps both things do happen together at times, but often the Lord calls to individuals in order to have them turn towards him and become more intimate with him.

So I suggest you don’t panic and do find an SD. If you are in the U.S., there is a site on-line (google spiritual directors) which lists directors by state. If not in the U.S., google anyway and see what comes up.

You can also meet with a parish priest or a known religious just to query about whether they know a good spiritual director in your local area. (Remember we are speaking about guidance, not confession).

As an only child myself, I do understand your concern. But remember, the Lord will be the main one caring for your parents down the road. Don’t put your life on-hold… loving parents will want the best for you.

Hope this helps. Have a blessed day!

thanks! that does help. I do plan on getting a spiritual director in the future, once I’m officially a Catholic =) which I will be starting Easter. It’s sort of funny how I’m still converting and already having these thoughts. Anyway… I’ll look into this!

God bless!!