Family turmoil due to sexual ethic

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EasternCelt

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Here’s the long and short of it: we were Orthodox before we became Catholic and, at least in our Orthodox jurisdiction, not much was thought of marital sexual relations and allowances unless there was some sort of abortion involved. Now that we’re Catholic, we are having a hard time understanding what is allowed and what isn’t. To be blunt, we haven’t had relations in several months because we’re not ready for another child at this present time, but we don’t want to go to hell either. My wife is particularly angry because she said I should’ve known about these rules before she agreed to come along to Catholicism, but I hear so many different things from different people that I didn’t know exactly what to believe. So, to get to my question: Is it wrong for us to not be having sex for months on end because we’re not open to another life at this moment in time?
 
if you don’t want any child right now and find your reasons are not selfish but just, you can either:

choose to delay relations for a time
or choose to learn a method of self observation of fertility with a instructor and have relations when you thing you are infertile.

In both cases, the way to not have children is abstinence.

St Paul said that a couple can abstain for a time for prayers.

Ideally abstinence and child delay should be of mutual agreement.
The default position is not trying to avoid.
 
Well you have had them in the past. If neither spouse wants to have relations after , I have never heard of that being a problem. It is only when one continuously refuses to is when the call for “coaching” or counseling might be considered. Not really my area of expertise, but I thought I would chime in.

The really big deal is on the rare occasion two people get married with no relations at all. We are told to be fruitful and multiply. The hope is though, that you will have children eventually. This area really isn’t as micromanaged as you might think. BTW welcome to the Tiber swim team!
 
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EasternCelt said:
So, to get to my question: Is it wrong for us to not be having sex for months on end because we’re not open to another life at this moment in time?
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It is totally fine to abstain if both spouses are in agreement.

But if you are not ready to have a child but also don’t want to abstain completely, I suggest you and your wife learn a method of natural family planning. Periodic continence rather than total continence.
 
Thanks all. I think the big problem is the disagreement. She is completely shut off to anymore children for a little bit while I’m pretty open to it. However, she’s right, I’m not the one that has to handle a pregnancy with a 1 year old running around as well (I do have to handle that). So, the default is just no sex which neither of us like. It almost makes me resent the Church even though I know she’s right because I miss the times of us just being able to be together.
 
I would be okay with that, but she doesn’t think it will work.
 
EasternCelt said:
I would be okay with that, but she doesn’t think it will work.
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Then you both need to educate yourself about NFP, including the methods and efficacy. This is a viable solution to the concerns you raise, and if she doesn’t want to participate, then she needs to simply accept her choice and the consequences thereof.
 
Mother Theresa taught it to illiterate Hindus and it worked. China - no particular friend of Christianity, teaches it - because it works.

The sympto-thermal method if used correctly is between 99.4% and 99.6% effective, according to the European Society for Human Reproduction and Embryology.
 
I think the big question that you have both to answer is why you cannot take the risk of conceiving any child. And why would be your reaction if you learn that a child is on the way.

Abstinence can be a prefectly fine decision but not choosen at default because you lack information on natural birth spacing.

NFP is highly effective. Yes, it is less effective than some contraceptives, it is true. And in practical use, the pregnancy rate can be very high because a lot of couple don’t use them with follwing all the rules, as they don’t see enough reasons to not choose sex over not having a child.

Posts above suggest some links and name of methods. The more effective way is to have instruction by an instructor, not rely only on apps etc. For some, the couple have to paid for, but some organisations offer the instruction by volunteers.

You can search 'NFP" on your diocese website or call the office of family life, or have a look on the website of the episcopal conference.
With the search function, I sugggest
NFP, sympto-termal method, Creighton, Billings.
 
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