Family Upset About Converting

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LefferaFarm91

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Hey Everyone,

I am planning come into full communion with the Church this Easter.
My parents and siblings are very upset about my decision. They’re taking it personally and I’m not sure how to convince them that it’s not anything against them…
They are upset(understandably) because they see this as me telling them that they are wrong in their beliefs( They are non denominational Protestants) and that I can’t fellowship with them anymore as Christians. They think that I think they’re going to hell now for not being Catholic… I’m 19 and still at home so this just makes matters worse I think.

We are and have always been a very close family and would never do anything to intentionally hurt them. So, I get really emotional when we discuss it because I know my decision really hurts their feelings. It’s really worrying me- to the point that I’m starting to doubt whether I should even join. I know I love the Church and it makes sense to me and I want to join but what if I’m wrong. If one day I find out I’m wrong, then I would have hurt them and caused all this trouble for nothing!

Also, I don’t think i should take communiion at the church they are going to anymore. This really upsets them. Could anyone share with me the best way to explain why this is and that it is not personal???

I’m sorry for ranting- I’m just really worried about this! I want to do what’s right and at the same time I don’t want to hurt my family like this. Besides they love the Lord more than anyone I’ve ever met- how could I tell them that they are in the wrong about some things??

Any advice? Thanks very much!
 
Hi LefferaFarm91,

I went through something similar when my now-husband and I decided to convert to Catholicism (minus the living at home part since I had already moved out). I’m really sorry you’re going through this and you’ll be in our prayers.

My parents were both very upset even when we were first just exploring the option to become Catholic. We hadn’t even fully decided of the Catholic Church was right when my mum pounced on us with the accusatory statement that we were going to become Catholics. When I didn’t immediately deny it, she kind of shut down. For over a year she wouldn’t discuss anything religious with me. But, over the 2+ years it took us to finally come home, she slowly started to turn around, at least a bit. We can have discussions from time to time on spiritual matters, and although it hurt her terribly, she actually came to the Easter Vigil where we were welcomed into the church and confirmed.

So I think I can give you a few pieces of advice. The first is pray a lot about it and give them a lot of time to get used to the whole thing. And in the meantime, quietly, lovingingly, and graciously live out your new-found Catholic faith. If and when they have a question about the faith, calmly and gently explain the answer - don’t get angry and don’t fight with them. If you don’t know the answer say so, and then offer to find it for them. Continue to pray with them at meals or in the evenings if your family has corporate prayer. If they don’t, perhaps you can suggest that you all start. Show them with your actions that being Catholic doesn’t mean we don’t see them as our brothers and sisters in Christ (even though we are separated). Perhaps you can take the time to write each person in your family a letter, thanking them for the ways in which they taught you the truth about God, and how your journey into the church is a continuation of those lessons, not a rejection of them. At the same time, continue to go to Mass and don’t receive “communion” at their church.

As far as explaining the second, I’ve had the most trouble, and most hurt feelings over this one, but I think I’ve got a decent explanation. Explain that part of what communion says is that “I believe everything you believe.” Its a public witness to that unity. But unfortunately as Catholics we don’t even believe the same things about the eucharist that they do. So to make a public statement with our bodies saying “I believe everything you believe” is lying with our bodies, and being dishonest with those around you. So until we can agree about all the big things (and yes, the nature of the Eucharist, the nature of Baptism, the importance of the Magesterium and Tradition, the cloud of witnesses we have in the saints are all very important points) we cannot partake of that which is, among other things, such a powerful symbol of our unity.

Its going to take a lot of love and a lot of prayer and a lot of grace from God. But I strongly encourage you - if you believe that what the Catholic Church teaches is Truth - to continue on your journey of conversion. Love your family - show it with your actions first, and then with your words. 🙂 You’re in our prayers.
 
  1. FOCUS on your similiarities. You all believe in Jesus. You are now attending a different church but JESUS is the focus, not the Pope, priests, people or Mother Teresa
  2. Be informed. I recommend Scott Hahn’s textbook “Understanding the Scripture” it’s the best $45 you’ll ever spend. If you can’t afford that get “Father who Keeps His Promises” which is a VERY short chapter book that covers the covenant God makes with those who listened to Him.
  3. Rather than focusing on a spiritual aspect of communion focus on the literal meaning of the word…union. You are no longer in union with the non-denominational church. You are willing to worship because you ARE worshiping God & Jesus. But just like if you physically moved to another state and couldn’t receive because you belonged to a different church, you can’t receive from this one.
  4. First and foremost Catholics ARE Christians and not going to Hell. Hell is a decision to disobey God and separate yourself from Him. Hell is not a place and God cannot “send you to Hell”. In the context of human suffering and weakness and our limited knowledge, I don’t truly believe God would send anyone to Hell for converting…unless it was to Satinism or Atheism. The Catholic Church DOES have the whole truth…but the most important thing is to have a true, deep, relationship with God. Without the church it can only go so deep…but you can STILL have a relationship with God in another church. Acknowledge what they have.
  5. Remember “non-denominational” is almost a religion in itself. There is a GREAT pride that they don’t need a spiritual leader besides a Johnny-come-lately pastor. They focus on fellowship, individual interpretation and quite often, emotionalism. They are sheep without a Shepard. That’s why it can be even more difficult for them to grasp that you’d want the “structure” of the Catholic Church. This is why reading and exploring Scott Hahn’s materials on covenant is so important. God not from the beginning of time, to this day, has ever intended people to be without a leader. And He never meant for scripture to be quoted out of existence but to work as a whole. Don’t get into scripture with them, but focus on God’s covenant love and His promise to His people for hope and a savior.
 
You have received good advice and I want to point something more Biblical out.

Remember what Christ says in Matthew 10:34-39. Truth will not always be easy and it may put you against your own family, but ultimately it is this truth that will set you free. If you know the Church to be right, your family conflicts should not prevent you from moving toward eternal salvation. This is the conflict Christ speaks of and you must persevere.

I pray for your strength in this trying time and hope that you may not lose sight of what is most important in this life. May God give you insight and courage to pursue the truth through the trials of this life.

Remember Hebrews 12:25, “See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less shall we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven.” God has given you ears to hear His voice in the Catholic Church, do not be dissuaded by temptation to reject His call. God will give you strength.

God Bless.
 
LefferaFarm91 said:
Hey Everyone,

I am planning come into full communion with the Church this Easter.
My parents and siblings are very upset about my decision. They’re taking it personally and I’m not sure how to convince them that it’s not anything against them…
They are upset(understandably) because they see this as me telling them that they are wrong in their beliefs( They are non denominational Protestants) and that I can’t fellowship with them anymore as Christians. They think that I think they’re going to hell now for not being Catholic… I’m 19 and still at home so this just makes matters worse I think.

We are and have always been a very close family and would never do anything to intentionally hurt them. So, I get really emotional when we discuss it because I know my decision really hurts their feelings. It’s really worrying me- to the point that I’m starting to doubt whether I should even join. I know I love the Church and it makes sense to me and I want to join but what if I’m wrong. If one day I find out I’m wrong, then I would have hurt them and caused all this trouble for nothing!

Also, I don’t think i should take communiion at the church they are going to anymore. This really upsets them. Could anyone share with me the best way to explain why this is and that it is not personal???

I’m sorry for ranting- I’m just really worried about this! I want to do what’s right and at the same time I don’t want to hurt my family like this. Besides they love the Lord more than anyone I’ve ever met- how could I tell them that they are in the wrong about some things??

Any advice? Thanks very much!
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Just preface these kinds of discussions with "My priest has advised me … " For example, “My priest has advised me that I need to keep my focus on my development as a good Catholic, which means that, at least for the time being, I must refrain from attending other kinds of churches or participating in non-Catholic ceremonies.”

This tells them, first of all, that you aren’t doing this to offend them, but in obedience to your priest, and in order to become a good Catholic. (They always taught you to do your best at whatever you undertake to do, right? Well, you are doing your best to be a good Catholic, which means doing what “the teacher” tells you to do, and not allowing yourself to get sidetracked.)

Try to stay away from any kind of theological debates where someone has to “win.” My own response when my mother proposes heretical ideas for me to believe, is just to say, “That’s not what the Church teaches,” and just leave it at that. 🙂
 
LefferaFarm91, I know what you’re going through to an extent. My father is an ex Baptist minister who was attending a non denominational church and is now a “My Bible, me, and Jesus” Christian who absolutely hates the Catholic Church. I have not told him about my conversion even though I’ve been interested for months, have been in RCIA since January, and plan to be baptised this Easter. I am 16 but live with my mother and see my dad maybe once a month or less, and while I love my dad more than anything he is a very dominant, strong willed person who doesn’t take “no” for an answer and would be extremely upset with me if I revealed my new religious beliefs. I do not plan to tell him until I have to, but it sucks to know that I can’t tell my own father about my exciting conversion to the Church Christ founded.

My mother is a bit easier to deal with. She knows about my conversion but seems to think this is a “fad” I’ll grow out of. She never attends church, has her own doctrines of sorts (she follows random Old Testament laws she cherrypicks), was never baptised, and is another “my Bible, me, and Jesus” type of Christian. She does not believe in praying to saints, the Catholic Marian dogmas, confession, infant baptism, etc. and I have to hide any Catholic practices from her it’s really sad but I’ll be in college in 2 years and won’t have to worry about it. Basically, I have to pretend that I don’t “really” believe in certain Catholic teachings otherwise I do not believe I would be permitted to be baptised, confirmed, or attend church.

It’s not easy and I understand that but your relationship with God is much more important than what your family thinks about the Catholic Church. Focus on your prayer life and God rather than what they have to say about your religious beliefs. However, you should try to have a good, non confrontational conversation with them about what exactly they don’t like about the Catholic Church (and come prepared with maybe some apologetics) and try to overcome your differences and focus on your similarites as purplesunshine said.

Also it’s worth noting that while my parents are against the Church, my grandmother an ADVENTIST has decided to convert along with me after I shared with her Catholic teachings and helped her understand what Catholics REALLY believed while backing it up with Scripture. 🙂
 
I dont mean to be harsh, but just do it, they will either get over it or they will disown you. Jesus said harsh things will happen to those who follow Him, as a convert I can contest this is absolutly true.

God bless and speed on your conversion.
 
My family is very much the same way–Baptists, with some Christian Missionary Alliance and lately non-denom Calvary Chapel thrown in.

My dad left the Catholic Church when he was 19, incredibly angry and bitter, and convinced that his parents were not ‘saved’. I was raised to believe Catholics weren’t Christians–our Protestant church prayed for the salvation of my devout Catholic grandfather for years, and I’m quite sure my dad thinks he may be in hell now. 😦

My three year conversion process has been a terrible ordeal for them. I got random phone calls, where they begged me not to, warned me not to worship false idols, told me my works couldn’t save me . . . they came up with all sorts of reasons why I could be doing this. (Your college Protestant church was bad, you want to hurt us, you’re only following your friends, you’ve become too intellectual, you’ve been lied to, etc).

All that to say . . . it gets better! It has for me. We were always a close family too, and we can talk about pretty much anything else now. I don’t push, and they don’t push me. I get the feeling we’re both doing a lot of praying for each other. 🙂 It’s ok to give yourself some distance. It can keep everyone from saying things they don’t mean to, especially in anger or emotion. I haven’t felt comfortable going to their new church much, but I’ll go if it’s a special occasion involving my brother or something. Communion hasn’t been much of an issue since non-denoms do it so infrequently.

And you may not be as alone as you think! I found out my cousin converted a few months ago (his parish fast-tracked him; I’ll be received at Easter). We’d never discussed it with each other at all, and it was the most wonderful surprise.
 
Thank you all very much for the replies- they were a lot of help! 🙂 God Bless!!
 
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