Family vacation with boyfriend

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I appreciate the answer, it’s a very surprising answer from my view. In my view (like I said my brain has been rewired from years of porn) I would regret kissing anyone or holding hands with anyone or being emotionally close with anyone who I didn’t ultimately marry. But that means I can’t really enter a relationship unless I know I’ll marry them and how can I know this, that is the point of dating, to see if you should marry ultimately.

So I’m pretty screwed up lol, I like your view on it. I think it helps me understand what the healthy approach is. I mean, for years I thought just looking a women was sinful or even talking to women was sinful (I’m 20) so like I said, I have to retrain myself how to communicate with women, I’m very messed up in this department.
 
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As a fellow 20 year old, I think that the dating world is a difficult one to manage at our age. But maybe as you get older, you’ll find a woman with whom you’ll be able to open more up to, and honestly, she will want to respect whatever boundaries you need to put up! Just don’t lose hope, we’re 20 and God will and can lead us in different directions - HIS directions.
 
Ask your boyfriend to say: ‘Sorry I cannot go, something else has come up.’

Keep on the good straight and narrow path. And do not let a possible lapsed catholic family have you sharing a bedroom with your boyfriend.
 
Macbethsfool said:
Also, my sister and her husband want me to visit them in another state with my boyfriend, but they live in a one bedroom apartment so we’d be stuck in the living room, although one of ya on the couch and on the floor. Is that still in the “near occasion of sin” area too? Keep in mind they do not like religion, especially Catholicism, so they would not be ones to make accommodations.
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First of all, from a basic Emily Post/Miss Manners standpoint, she doesn’t have to like your beliefs, but she should accommodate them as a hostess. There’s no sense in going out of one’s way to make house guests uncomfortable.

That said, I’m married and would never attempt sex in the living room of someone else’s one-bedroom apartment while they were sleeping in the next room. Practical reasons . . . . (Ahem! Cough!)
 
Lying shouldn´t be the answer. She should say the truth about what she believe is right or she should travel without him. I think that would be the right thing to do.
 
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The catechism says not all people have a right to the truth. To say ‘He said he can’t go.’ (Is not a lie, he can’t go because it is not appropriate as a catholic single person).
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
Sleeping in the same room with someone you didn’t have sex with? Would you consider this some kind of preemptive cheating on your wife or something?

I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m genuinely confused.
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Same here.

When we were in our late 20/early 30s, I was very involved with outdoor sports. Competitive water skiing/wake boarding and in the cold weather it was rappelling. Often my husband could not travel on the weekends, so, I’d still go with our group. Renting dorm cabins was how we kept costs down. Big rooms with many sets of bunk beds. Everyone slept in the same room, men and women, couples and singles.
Kima said:
Lying shouldn´t be the answer. She should say the truth about what she believe is right or she should travel without him. I think that would be the right thing to do.
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There is no reason to come up with a big, flowery, “reason”. When an invitation is extended, a simple “Thank you but no” is a complete answer.
 
It is not a problem to bring him on the trip, but he should bunk with the men of the family or in his own room. You two in the same hotel room is wrong.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Same here.

When we were in our late 20/early 30s, I was very involved with outdoor sports. Competitive water skiing/wake boarding and in the cold weather it was rappelling. Often my husband could not travel on the weekends, so, I’d still go with our group. Renting dorm cabins was how we kept costs down. Big rooms with many sets of bunk beds. Everyone slept in the same room, men and women, couples and singles.
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Yup, grad school trips were often very similar. I’ve shared space (not the same bed, obviously) with plenty of men that I wasn’t even dating. It just wasn’t a sexual thing of any sort.
 
I don’t want to derail the thread (feel free to PM though if you want) but while I applaud your desire to avoid sexual sin and temptation, it does seem to me like an over correction…like, you’re seeing every non-platonic interaction between men and women as sinful when they’re not.
 
I don’t really think this way anymore, but I did for a long time because it was how I tried to fight porn and temptation. But I do try to look away when I see an attractive female, I don’t want to lust, she deserves respect and dignity and I don’t want to risk disrespecting her. I went from one extreme to another. But I have a female friend who I talk with a lot, and my friendship with her is helping me understand what a healthy friendship with the oppposite sex should be
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
But I do try to look away when I see an attractive female, I don’t want to lust, she deserves respect and dignity and I don’t want to risk disrespecting her.
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That’s all well and good, but don’t confuse lust and attraction. It’s the difference between seeing some hot girl on campus and thinking “wow, she’s gorgeous…I should ask her if she’d like to get a beer this weekend, I’d like to get to know her better and see if we have chemistry” and “wow, look at how tight that skirt is. I’m gonna try to get her in bed as soon as possible and then drop her immediately.”

See what I mean? In both scenarios, you’re acknowleding your physical attraction, but in one it’s prompting you to get to know her as a human being and in one it’s prompting you to objectify her and treat her as a disposable tool for your enjoyment.

By the way, great to hear you have a platonic female friend.
 
Wow, never thought about it like that. Thanks, eye-opening to be honest. I thought acknowledging attraction was a bad thing. I get our bodies are holy and attraction is a good thing but I didn’t think it was good to actually think about what is attractive.

I mean, in my mindset, I wouldn’t go to a beach because I think it can lead to bad thoughts and while we can’t control thoughts, I don’t want to encourage them either
 
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I should probably stop giving advice like I’m some kind of authority, but I think it’s more about keeping your attraction in perspective and balanced against other aspects of who she is as a human being, not denying it completely. It’s fine to acknowledge a girl has a nice figure, as long as she doesn’t become just that to you.
 
Anyone who attempts sexual acts in the living room of a sibling’s one bedroom apartment is a creep. Regardless of marital status. Period.

I find that people consider such a scenario a near occasion of sin creepy to begin with. My wife would be mortified at the notion as well…
 
In fact, God created beauty. When you see a beautiful person (inside or out), send up a quick mental prayer “Thank you for creating such a lovely person”
 
If you’re not going to the beach because you might notice attractive women, then I’d say you’re having a negative view to physical attraction man. That’s not healthy. It’s not like we can’t ever be attracted to how a woman looks until we get married. If that were the case we’d probably never get married

Bokbok
 
Trust me, I wouldn’t. I guess I intended it more as a situation of scandal for people looking at it from the outside
 
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