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estesbob
Guest
To kill your enemies,burn their villages and hear the lamentations of their women.
- Status
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MHalsey
Guest
“Jacob McCandles?! I thought you was dead.”
“Not hardly.”
“You can call me Father. You can call me Jacob. You can call be a dirty son of a Bi**h!! But if you call me “Daddy” again, I’ll finish this fight!”
“You see that darlin’? That’s Latin. Apparently Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate 'im.”
“I am Ironman.”
“Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!”
“Not hardly.”
“You can call me Father. You can call me Jacob. You can call be a dirty son of a Bi**h!! But if you call me “Daddy” again, I’ll finish this fight!”
“You see that darlin’? That’s Latin. Apparently Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate 'im.”
“I am Ironman.”
“Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!”
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SunnyGem
Guest
Han Solo: “It’s not my fault!”
Yoda: “Do or do not, there is no try”
Yoda: “When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.”
Holly Golightly: “It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I’ll give you two.”
Boromir: “It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.”
Yoda: “Do or do not, there is no try”
Yoda: “When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.”
Holly Golightly: “It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I’ll give you two.”
Boromir: “It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.”
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estesbob
Guest
One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them."
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LRThunder
Guest
Spock: “There is an old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China.”
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jimmy
Guest
Harry: “I thought the rocky mountains were a lot rockier than this.”
Loyd: “me too. That John Denver’s full of s***”
"I picked the wrong week to quit anphetamines.:
“I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.”
“A hospital? What is it?” response. “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”
“What kind of plane is it?” response. “Oh, it’s a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.”
“Surely you can’t be serious.” response. "I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley. "
Loyd: “me too. That John Denver’s full of s***”
"I picked the wrong week to quit anphetamines.:
“I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.”
“A hospital? What is it?” response. “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”
“What kind of plane is it?” response. “Oh, it’s a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.”
“Surely you can’t be serious.” response. "I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley. "
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mozier
Guest
Do you believe in Jesus? Good, because you are about to meet him!
Hello, Clarice!
You know, this reminds me of my father’s last words: “Watch where you point that gun, son! It’s loaded!”
Carpe Diem! Seize The Day!
We’re In Business!
Oh Captain, My Captain!
You know, ****, for years I’ve defended you because I thought that you were just crazy. But you’re not crazy, you’re mean. And this is just radio!
Happy Hunting!
There is a God! And He’s a gag writer!
Hello, Clarice!
You know, this reminds me of my father’s last words: “Watch where you point that gun, son! It’s loaded!”
Carpe Diem! Seize The Day!
We’re In Business!
Oh Captain, My Captain!
You know, ****, for years I’ve defended you because I thought that you were just crazy. But you’re not crazy, you’re mean. And this is just radio!
Happy Hunting!
There is a God! And He’s a gag writer!
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tee_eff_em
Guest
- We should have shotguns for this kind of deal.
- *What *ain’t no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
- That’s thirty minutes away – I’ll be there in ten.
- You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?
- The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
- Three tomatoes are walking down the street: A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Papa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him… and says, “Catch up”.
- Nobody’s gonna hurt anybody. We’re gonna be like three little Fonzies here.
- Martin & Lewis or Amos & Andy?
- Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.
- Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
- You know: Walk the earth. Meet people. Get into adventures. Like Caine from Kung Fu.
- That’s the Marilyn Monroe section that’s Mamie Van Doren… I don’t see Jayne Mansfield, she must have the night off or something.
- Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.
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Ghoti
Guest
“Waaallll-eeee…”
“What’s a haggis?”
“Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ***, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.”
“Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveler; he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Voldrani, the Traveler came as a large and moving Tor. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Machetrik Supplicants, they chose a new form for him – that of a Giant Slor! Many Shevs and Zuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths the Slor that day I can tell you!”
“She will be mine. Oh, yes - she will be mine.”
“When I get to likin’ someone, they ain’t around long.”
“I notice when you get to DISlikin’ someone they ain’t around for long neither.”
“The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!”
“Listen. Strange women lying about in ponds distributing weapons is no basis for a system of government.”
“Bueller?.. Bueller?.. Bueller?”
“It’s the car, right? Chicks love the car.”
“What’s a haggis?”
“Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ***, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.”
“Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveler; he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Voldrani, the Traveler came as a large and moving Tor. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Machetrik Supplicants, they chose a new form for him – that of a Giant Slor! Many Shevs and Zuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths the Slor that day I can tell you!”
“She will be mine. Oh, yes - she will be mine.”
“When I get to likin’ someone, they ain’t around long.”
“I notice when you get to DISlikin’ someone they ain’t around for long neither.”
“The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!”
“Listen. Strange women lying about in ponds distributing weapons is no basis for a system of government.”
“Bueller?.. Bueller?.. Bueller?”
“It’s the car, right? Chicks love the car.”
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MHalsey
Guest
“You have the look of your mother.”
“Go back to England. Tell them, Scotland’s daughters and sons are theirs no more. Tell them, Scotland is free.”
“Burn it.”
“At last, you know what it means to hate. Now you’re ready to be a king.”
“My hate will die with you.”
“In the Year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland - starving and outnumbered - charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen, and won their freedom.”
“Go back to England. Tell them, Scotland’s daughters and sons are theirs no more. Tell them, Scotland is free.”
“Burn it.”
“At last, you know what it means to hate. Now you’re ready to be a king.”
“My hate will die with you.”
“In the Year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland - starving and outnumbered - charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen, and won their freedom.”
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Ghoti
Guest
“Do you expect me to talk?”
“No, Mister Bond, I expect you to die.”
“We’re going to need bigger buns.”
“But I don’t want to be a pie! I don’t like gravy.”
“No, Mister Bond, I expect you to die.”
“We’re going to need bigger buns.”
“But I don’t want to be a pie! I don’t like gravy.”
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LilyM
Guest
Oh, you’ve done it now - you’ve unleashed the Python-quoting beast within …
“How do you know 'e’s a king?”
“Well, ‘e aint’ got s##t all over 'im!”
“Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m bein’ repressed!”
F
Filius99993
Guest
“Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.”
“Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!”
“There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting.”
"How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss? "
“Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!”
“There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting.”
"How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss? "
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sanctamaria17
Guest
“I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.”
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!”
"“Play it one more time, Sam.”
“He’s looking at you, kid.”
“I’ve made a decision. I’m going to Morocco…for one year!”
“What is the wing velocity of an unladen swallow?”
“What do you mean? African or European?”
“I don’t know that! AHHHHHHHH!”
“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.”
“Love is like oxygen.”
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.”
“Why is the rum ALWAYS GONE?”
“Elvis was an artist! But even he knew to serve his country in a time of war! That’s why he’s the King and you are a schmuck!”
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!”
"“Play it one more time, Sam.”
“He’s looking at you, kid.”
“I’ve made a decision. I’m going to Morocco…for one year!”
“What is the wing velocity of an unladen swallow?”
“What do you mean? African or European?”
“I don’t know that! AHHHHHHHH!”
“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.”
“Love is like oxygen.”
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.”
“Why is the rum ALWAYS GONE?”
“Elvis was an artist! But even he knew to serve his country in a time of war! That’s why he’s the King and you are a schmuck!”
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sanctamaria17
Guest
Even more
From History of the World Part 1:
“Did you BS last week?”
“No.”
“Did you try to BS last week?”
“Yes!”
“Comicus! I got you a job!”
“Now that you have a job, you won’t be needing this anymore!”
“Hey! That’s my money!”
“I’m sorry! I’m on my wine break!”
“N-V-T-S Nuts!”
“We are about to confront…GUYS!”
“Judas! Try the mulled wine, it’s delicious!”
“Does anybody want soup?”
From History of the World Part 1:“Did you BS last week?”
“No.”
“Did you try to BS last week?”
“Yes!”
“Comicus! I got you a job!”
“Now that you have a job, you won’t be needing this anymore!”
“Hey! That’s my money!”
“I’m sorry! I’m on my wine break!”
“N-V-T-S Nuts!”
“We are about to confront…GUYS!”
“Judas! Try the mulled wine, it’s delicious!”
“Does anybody want soup?”
R
RWMorris
Guest
Vaya con Dios, amigo.
I’ll be back.
Don’t anybody worry, I didn’t spill my beer!
“I know that ******* would never cheat on me.”
“Oh, so sweet. Faithfulness.”
“No, fear of herpes.”
I’ll be back.
Don’t anybody worry, I didn’t spill my beer!
“I know that ******* would never cheat on me.”
“Oh, so sweet. Faithfulness.”
“No, fear of herpes.”
E
estesbob
Guest
Hasta La Vista , baby
R
rjwest906
Guest
“We were a couple before we ever met”
(Frankie and Johnny - the non-Elvis version)
(Frankie and Johnny - the non-Elvis version)
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Julianna
Guest
Just a few of my favs:
My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Every day for the past ten years, Loretta here’s been giving me a large black coffee- except today she gives me a large black coffee and it has sugar in it. Alotta sugar. I just came back to complain.
I was the East Coast distributor of “involved.” I ate it, drank it, and breathed it… Then they killed Martin, Bobby, and they elected Tricky **** twice, and people like you must think I’m miserable because I’m not involved anymore. Well, I’ve got news for you. I spent all my misery years ago. I have no more pain for anything. I gave at the office.
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I’m wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.
LEX LUTHOR! Possibly you’ve heard the name? the Greatest Criminal Mind on Earth!
Superman: Easy Miss, I’ve got you.
Lois Lane: You’ve got me… who’s got you?
Young Allie: Why didn’t you write me? Why? It wasn’t over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it’s too late.
Young Noah: I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.
Young Allie: You wrote me?
Young Noah: Yes… it wasn’t over, it still isn’t over
[kisses Allie]
My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Every day for the past ten years, Loretta here’s been giving me a large black coffee- except today she gives me a large black coffee and it has sugar in it. Alotta sugar. I just came back to complain.
I was the East Coast distributor of “involved.” I ate it, drank it, and breathed it… Then they killed Martin, Bobby, and they elected Tricky **** twice, and people like you must think I’m miserable because I’m not involved anymore. Well, I’ve got news for you. I spent all my misery years ago. I have no more pain for anything. I gave at the office.
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I’m wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.
LEX LUTHOR! Possibly you’ve heard the name? the Greatest Criminal Mind on Earth!
Superman: Easy Miss, I’ve got you.
Lois Lane: You’ve got me… who’s got you?
Young Allie: Why didn’t you write me? Why? It wasn’t over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it’s too late.
Young Noah: I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.
Young Allie: You wrote me?
Young Noah: Yes… it wasn’t over, it still isn’t over
[kisses Allie]
P
Pacbox
Guest
They’re not really rules. They’re more like guidelines.
Never give up, never surrender.
Mal: Did the primary buffer panel fly off my goram ship?
Wash: Looks like.
Jayne Cobb: We’re gonna explode? I don’t wanna explode!
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Jayne, how many weapons you plan on bringing? You only got the two arms.
Jayne Cobb: I just get excitable as to choice- like to have my options open.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I don’t plan on any shooting taking place during this job.
Jayne Cobb: Well, what you plan and what takes place ain’t ever exactly been similar.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No grenades.
[Jayne groans]
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No grenades!
Zoë: We crashin’ again?
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Go talk to your husband. Is the mule prepped?
Zoë: Good to go sir. Just loading her up. Are those grenades?
Jayne Cobb: Cap’n doesn’t want them.
Zoë: We’re robbing the place, we’re not occupying it.
Gustav: You look like a girl.
Danielle: I am a girl, you halfwit.
Gustav: Yeah, but you look it.
Danielle: Girl or not I can still whip you.
Gustav: Ha!
Mal:Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I’ll take the shuttle in closer. Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don’t hear from me within the hour… you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.
Zoë: What? And risk my ship?
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I mean it. It’s cold out there. I don’t wanna get left.
That’s all, for now.
Never give up, never surrender.
Mal: Did the primary buffer panel fly off my goram ship?
Wash: Looks like.
Jayne Cobb: We’re gonna explode? I don’t wanna explode!
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Jayne, how many weapons you plan on bringing? You only got the two arms.
Jayne Cobb: I just get excitable as to choice- like to have my options open.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I don’t plan on any shooting taking place during this job.
Jayne Cobb: Well, what you plan and what takes place ain’t ever exactly been similar.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No grenades.
[Jayne groans]
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: No grenades!
Zoë: We crashin’ again?
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Go talk to your husband. Is the mule prepped?
Zoë: Good to go sir. Just loading her up. Are those grenades?
Jayne Cobb: Cap’n doesn’t want them.
Zoë: We’re robbing the place, we’re not occupying it.
Gustav: You look like a girl.
Danielle: I am a girl, you halfwit.
Gustav: Yeah, but you look it.
Danielle: Girl or not I can still whip you.
Gustav: Ha!
Mal:Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I’ll take the shuttle in closer. Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don’t hear from me within the hour… you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.
Zoë: What? And risk my ship?
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I mean it. It’s cold out there. I don’t wanna get left.
That’s all, for now.
- Status