Fantasies

[bugz2007]

My hypothetical ponderings:

I’ve heard it said that having innocent fantasies about participating in the marital embrace with your spouse is not wrong. If this is so, is it wrong to have such fantasies about your future spouse, or your fiance?

 

[chaz0426]

no as long as it is not lustful in nature. It is a natural human desire.

 

[The_Otaku]

I wonder this sometimes myself, when I get lonely. I think it’s normal to have these thoughts, but important to control them.

If it is God’s will that you be married somewhere down the line, I’m sure He would want you to be eager about it, as He would want it to be a source of consolation and joy for you. This isn’t to say God approves of the fantasies, especially if they’re sexual, but He definitely understands why you’re having them.

It’s really easy for something so sweet to become so sour, though. Be careful not to entertain these thoughts for long periods of time or when you might be in an occasion of sin, entertaining other lustful thoughts, are sexually aroused and wanting to relieve yourself, etc. The devil is a hypocrite, liar, and a great deceiver, and he will want to pervert your idea of what sex with your wife means and what you expect it to be like versus what it should be like in reality.

Just be careful to keep these thoughts pure and innocent enough and it shouldn’t be a problem.

 

[bugz2007]

I’m not really asking for myself. But I think I’m having a hard time grasping the difference…and suspect that may be a result of there not being a real big one.

I understand the difference between indulgent, purely lustful fantasies… And chaz0426 has pointed out that lust is the questionable and dangerous part of all of this. But how can a mental image of lovemaking with God’s blessing upon it be lustful? I guess that’s the hinge-point of my pondering.

 

[The_Otaku]

But how can a mental image of lovemaking with God’s blessing upon it be lustful? I guess that’s the hinge-point of my pondering.

A mental image is different than a fantasy, in my mind. For example, if by mental image you mean it’s a flicker of an image that goes away, then ok. If by fantasy we’re meaning that it’s actually a scenario like you’re watching a movie play out in your head with all the sound effects…ahem…then it can be taken somewhere off course at some point.

If the focus is on the sex act itself (ie- penetration) and the pleasure involved rather than holding your beautiful, naked wife in your arms it can, with repeated fantasies turn your desires inward, which then becomes something the devil can work with since you’re not so much focusing on the mutual self-giving and selflessness with your wife, as you would be pleasuring yourself.

 

[DL82]

One thing worth considering is that your fantasy, being just a figment of your imagination, will not compare to the reality that God will grant you in His time. If you fixate too much on the fantasy, you might make an idol of that, and then become content with what you want from your future spouse, to the exclusion of what God wants.

 

[bugz2007]

Hm…so if one does not derive pleasure from such a fantasy, or it doesn’t involve the sexual act itself, or fixation…then there isn’t a problem?

 

[fbl9]

Hm…so if one does not derive pleasure from such a fantasy, or it doesn’t involve the sexual act itself, or fixation…then there isn’t a problem?

it depends on one’s defination of pleasure,the thought of holding my wife gives me pleasure…the thought of marital relations with my wife also gives me pleasure…why do i seek each pleasure is were the sin can come in…ie i long to hold my wife,to enjoy her warmth,to feel the bond we have that is a “thing” of pleasure for myself and is in no way an occasion to sin…i long to have marital relations with my wife for my pleasure now it becomes wrong cause the focus is on MY PLEASURE…