So many of these replies seem to be based on pure ignorance of long term married life.
My husband and I are both almost 60 years old and have been having relations for almost 40 years.
Believe me when I say that praying through sex is not going to be the answer to this question.
Being with the “real thing” hasn’t been much of a turn on since our early 20’s.
That’s around 35 years now of being with the “real thing.”
Peoples’ bodies decay. They get fat. They get pregnant, multiple times. They get wrinkled and saggy. They get blotchy, puffy, soft, scarred, stretch marked, pock marked. They lose teeth, they lose hair, they gain stink. Fat and stink are the only gains. Must I go on???
And, sex with the same partner over and over simply becomes boring over time, unless something changes. **The easiest thing to change is your mind. **
Most people’s personal appearance is not much of a turn on even when they are young and in their best possible physical condition, let alone when they’ve gone through a lifetime of hard use.
Fantasizing about sex with a 40, 50, 60, 70 year old is positively a turn off for almost all people, except the weird perhaps.
And, that’s the way we are wired. Obviously, the people who are most desirable are the people who are most capable of healthy reproduction
(age-wise). Most people don’t find people over 50 desirable because people over 50 are not suitable partners for reproductive purposes.
After all, sex is really about reporduction, isn’t it?
So what can you do? Do you simply stop having sex because you no longer find your partner all that desirable? Is imagining yourself with the same partner floating on a gondola in Venice, or dressed in a loin cloth in some exotic setting going to be a turn on? Give me a break.
I believe that you have to make a choice. You are either going to decide to give up sex and remain “chaste,” with your spouses consent that is, or at some point you are going to have to indulge a vivid imagination in order to bring the marital act to a fulfilling conclusion.
I kind of do not believe that these fantasies are sinful, although I do worry about it. But, I have stopped confessing them. I had one priest who sort of equivocated. I had one who said they were okay. I read a book by a priest that said they were okay. All of this in the context of the marital sex act only, of course, not random sexual fantasizing.
I have been successful at fantasizing about imaginary couples. I’m not comfortable fantasizing about real people. Sometimes it gets sort of kinky, sometimes the situation is inappropriate. I have come to realize that often the fantasy is related to how I am feeling emotionally at the time.
For instance, I’m speaking generally now, and not about myself, if you fantasize about S & M, maybe you are feeling very weak and impotent and the fantasy allows you to feel more powerful and in control, or vice versa. If you fansasize about rape, maybe you are feeling guilty and you would like to imagine a situation where you have no reponsibility or control. If you fantasize about multiple partners, or voyerism, or being a professional of some sort, maybe you are feeling a lack of attention or desirability. You get the idea.
Paying attention to your fantasies, which often come spontaneously, can give you insight into your psyche.
Anyway, I would confess it and see what the priest says if you are worried. Take whatever anyone says here with a grain of salt, obviously. You are probably going to have to work this one out between yourself and God though. Try praying about it and then ask a priest. You might not believe the priest anyway. Seems to be an area of ignorance for even those who should have the answers.
suppose you’re male) fantasize relation with Lora in the game “tomb raider”.
