Fast way to learn NFP?

[QuasiCatholic]

Hi all,

Getting married in 10 weeks after a very short engagement. Have been so busy planning the wedding, etc. that never got around to finding an NFP class or at-home course.

We do not want to get pregnant right away (or at least I don’t … fiance probably wouldn’t mind lol) and soon-to-be SIL said her NFP classes took about 4 months!!

Any suggestions on the best way to figure this out QUICKLY?

 

[Lorelei12]

I don’t think that there is a “fast” way to learn NFP- you can read all you want, but the real learning comes in understanding your own body’s signs and patterns, and in applying what you have learned.

For instance, sometimes you find that one method works better than another, and that takes time to figure out. I started out by reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility (definitely a good read, just ignore the non-Catholic stuff) but I am a terrible sleeper and found that taking temperatures just did not work for me. So I taught myself the Marquette Method. The manual is online, and it’s rather easy to learn. If your fiancee is looking to figure this out as soon as possible, the aid of a monitor will probably help. It doesn’t need to take four months to learn the information, but it can take many months before she is able to master the method. Depending on how serious your reasons are for avoiding, you may want to be more conservative about relations until she is more comfortable.

I think in-person or online courses are probably more useful and helpful overall, but it is possible to learn this stuff yourselves, and use it successfully. My husband and I used it for a couple of years when we needed to, and then used it to get pregnant when we finally dug ourselves out of a financial hole.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

I don’t think there is a quick method which will enable it to be as effective as NFP can be. Taking charge of your fertility is a good book. I have it myself.

Most women will obviously know the dates of their period but also the day they ovulate. There is a phone app called “my cycle” which is a calendar basically. It averages all the information you put in and gives you a very rough idea about when you will ovulate. This is NOT as effective as NFP, but it hasn’t been wrong for me yet and if for any other reason than getting you used to charting and recording and watching for “signs” etc.

It might just stop you worrying until you can learn NFP effectively.

 

[Allegra]

If it helps, it doesn’t take 4 months to actually learn the system. You learn it the first month. The subsequent months are more of a practice time period, so you can show your charts to the instructor and make certain you are doing them correctly.

 

[pensmama87]

I don’t think there is a quick method which will enable it to be as effective as NFP can be. Taking charge of your fertility is a good book. I have it myself.

Most women will obviously know the dates of their period but also the day they ovulate. There is a phone app called “my cycle” which is a calendar basically. It averages all the information you put in and gives you a very rough idea about when you will ovulate. This is NOT as effective as NFP, but it hasn’t been wrong for me yet and if for any other reason than getting you used to charting and recording and watching for “signs” etc.

It might just stop you worrying until you can learn NFP effectively.

I will second TCOYF. That is how I learned, and since I don’t have any reproductive health issues it has not been necessary for me to go beyond that (though maybe it will one day.)

There are lots of apps, too, that go beyond even the Standard Days Method (that sounds like what Truth_Faith13 is describing). I have used “OvuView,” and you can pick how conservative you want the app to be about picking fertile and non-fertile days, and it will even suggest good methods for you based on the data you decide to enter. I also liked it because you could set it to help you conceive, too, not just avoid conception. I was also able to print a chart for my midwife to help us set a due date, which was pretty nifty. I had the paid version (which I think I got for $2), but even the free had a lot of features.

If you tend to be very regular and not have weird stuff going on with your cycle, chances are good something like an app or self-teaching from a book will suit your needs.

 

[BeingSaved]

How accurate are the saliva and mucus test strips? Does the nfp you talk about include these strips?

 

[1ke]

Hi all,

Getting married in 10 weeks after a very short engagement. Have been so busy planning the wedding, etc. .

It seems unusual that you would be able to complete all of the premarital preparation required by the Catholic Church in less than 6 months. Are you marrying outside the Church? I am not sure I understand the religious affiliation you have entered on your profile. Are you a Catholic?
QuasiCatholic;:

12101381]that never got around to finding an NFP class or at-home course

Perhaps you need more time before you get married to focus in on these types of priorities.

We do not want to get pregnant right away (or at least I don’t … fiance probably wouldn’t mind lol)

Then you will likely need to plan on abstinence for the first part of your marriage while you learn NFP properly.

Any suggestions on the best way to figure this out QUICKLY?

What suggest you do is learn it **thoroughly **and accurately. To do so requires between 3 and 6 cycles of charting.

It takes little time to learn the theory and biological basis for why NFP works. You can read a book over a weekend.

HOWEVER, there aren’t any short cuts to learning your own fertility cycle and learning how to properly chart, interpret charts, differentiate fertile mucus, understand temperature shifts (if charting temps), etc.

 

[z_0101]

QuasiCatholic: NFP CAN AND DOES WORK. please do not get scared off by some of the blogs you might come across or other comments.

I must first ask you to consider the following as a matter of faith, I don’t need answers, just things as a Catholic I feel I must point/ask a new couple:

• Are you and your wife open to having children? Even following NFP to the absolute letter of the law: the “first time” along with “every time” can and does lead to children according to the will of our Lord.
• Accepting new life as a part of marriage is a requirement of this sacrament - right there in the vows. This is a serious matter, no less serious than receiving communion while in a state of mortal sin.
• Do you have a good and just reason to delay pregnancy: medical, spacing, financial, etc… (IMHO: a year to get a good marriage established is a good reason. Good parents are first and foremost good husbands and wives!)

With that said… there are several NFP methods out there and you and your new wife will need to do a bit of research to find a method that works for you in the long run. The number one point of failure in NFP or artificial birth control is failure to consistently apply the method.

Other than that, people make it sound so difficult when the basics are not that hard… for you and wife. PROVIDED THAT YOUR WIFE MENSES is like CLOCK WORK and 26 to 32 days… I suggest a conservative “rule of 6” until you can get more formal training. Your wife should know what this means abstain from day 6 thru 19 (possibly a tad longer up to day 23 for longer cycle) and morning sex is out before day 6 and not at all between day 1 and 6 if she still has flow as sometimes this will cause early ovulation (I.R.K.). From 19 thru first “show,” all is normally good and free will .
NOTE THE WORD: “Normally,” some women ovulate twice. If during days 19 (remember longer cycle, more delay) thru show, she becomes very… hmm… no foreplay needed, and I’m not talking about the emotional need, then she may have double ovulated.
This is in a nutshell the method my wife and I have been using sense our last child.
This is only a crutch until you can attend a class.

I’ll leave the long winded explanations to the people that know so a few links:
BOTH you and your wife need to read:
- Whatever Happened to Self Control?
and the follow-up to this article
- 6-8 Days. Are You Serious?

- PDF Chart and outline for one of the more complex methods… you really need the class to properly use this chart. However, many women understand what this is talking about and may not really need the class.

search on NFP rule of 6

The book and the App that others have suggested are also good starting points. IMHO:
Don’ t rely on just the book. Books are OK; however, you can’t ask them questions and there’s no support system after the fact as you would get with a class. The Parish should have times for local classes or contact the Chancery office.

This is also a good time to find an OB/GYN that has a Catholic based practice… yes, they do exist my wife sees one… has to drive an hour to the office… but that’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make and he’s helped us with the NFP method - for use, we have four children with the youngest at 18mo… if we’re going to have more children, then I’d like to have them spaced about 2 years apart (however, that didn’t work for the twins and having two in diapers and potty training… didn’t think we’d survive… but we did… and now the hard part starts… that’s right… the oldest is becoming a teen with that teen-tude and the two twins are following example… potty training was a breeze compared to the teen-tude.)

 

[heidi_storage]

Just curious–why does everyone think the OP is male? It seems more like this is the bride-to-be posting.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Just curious–why does everyone think the OP is male? It seems more like this is the bride-to-be posting.

I was just wandering that…I couldn’t tell so went for a more general post (as best I could)

 

[pensmama87]

Just curious–why does everyone think the OP is male? It seems more like this is the bride-to-be posting.

I assumed it was the bride-to-be, actually, because OP said “fiancé” instead of “fiancée,” but I know not everyone uses those spelling conventions. At a quick glance I only see one post that refers to the OP as male.

 

[Lorelei12]

Just curious–why does everyone think the OP is male? It seems more like this is the bride-to-be posting.

I assumed that because the OP posted “we” do not want to get pregnant- for some reason it made me jump to the conclusion that the OP was a man- I don’t usually hear women talking about “we” in that circumstance. (Sort of a pet peeve of mine.) Looks like I was wrong though, now that I read the OP more carefully I see that she mentioned “fiance”. Sorry OP!

 

[BeingSaved]

‘fast way’,seems to be more, ‘life-long’ way,…as in it sounds like people are still learning
as the move through life…

which makes me think maybe the better way is just to not have nfp at all, and
enjoy the marriage bed at all times,…with the children that come,…

ie. I know couples who do not practice abstaining, and they have about 13 children to date,…and they are getting close to the end of their ability to be fertile.

The older kids are in post secondary schools, away from home and the older children at home all have home chores to do,…to help their mother, plus kids in high school have
jobs outside the home and they contribute some money from this to their household.
(less fortunate families)

More wealthy families practicing the same, actually give some of their money
to the lesser fortunate families too, who have many children.

Also in our church, when families have twins, etc. or less financially well off families
for ie. other families will take up donations for them, and have baby showers, etc.
to help.

I am wondering if families can make it in our north American societies with large numbers if they are not rich? Maybe they can, it looks like they can. I think people still give to one another, and for example, one fam. with 13 children, all go together, to Value village
to shop for shoes, clothes, etc. VV has 50% off at times, with name brands, etc. and one can
purchase plenty, plus many moms make a practice of finding someone in need to give their children’s clothing to as they quickly grow out of them.

There is wealth in having 8 brothers to protect you and offer advice, etc.
esp for girls in the family,…etc.

I spent time with women who live this way and asked questions, they were peaceful
with God’s peace and were not anxious or worried about anything,. and handled
several changes of diapers and feedings all during our visit, as if nothing at all…

They made it look like a breeze.

If all Christians did so, the world would be FULL of Christians, instead of
other religions,…we would over populate every one else.

PS of course none of these moms worked outside the fam. at jobs,…
however, look back to 1950’s for ie when fewer women were outside the home…
women ruled the roost in the home over the children, they operated it smoothly,kept the house beautiful, cooked delicious meals,…and were ‘all for’ their husbands when the husband came home…

I’m just saying, raising children is the most important job in the earth, more important than what the Pres. Prime Minister etc etc does,…as far as society and life on the earth goes…

 

[PaulGH]

Hi all,

Getting married in 10 weeks after a very short engagement. Have been so busy planning the wedding, etc. that never got around to finding an NFP class or at-home course.

We do not want to get pregnant right away (or at least I don’t … fiance probably wouldn’t mind lol) and soon-to-be SIL said her NFP classes took about 4 months!!

Any suggestions on the best way to figure this out QUICKLY?

I would recommend The Ovulation Method: Natural Family Planning by Dr. John Billings:

amazon.com/The-Ovulation-Method-Natural-Planning/dp/0814610110

It is out of print, so you will have to pay a premium for a used copy. But it is a short book that my wife and I found to be easy to understand and effective. I would still recommend that you learn more about NFP later when you have more time, maybe from the Couple-to-Couple League (CCL) home study course. Then you can decide whether you want to stay with a mucus-only method (as taught in the Billings book I recommended), or the sympto-thermal method taught by CCL. But the Billings book is the quickest option that I know (though you may get other good suggestions too).

Also, I would recommend that you read one of Sheila Kippley’s books on breastfeeding and natural child spacing, i.e. “ecological breastfeeding”, which my wife and I consider to be just as important a component of NFP as monthly charting. (Here is one of Mrs. Kippley’s books on the subject.) During our marriage, we have avoided pregnancy for nearly as many months via ecological breastfeeding as via monthly cycle charting, and it has other benefits besides postponing pregnancy. (Maybe you won’t want to do ecological breastfeeding, but I’m just recommending that you read about it so that you can decide if it is something you want to try or not. But obviously you can wait a little while on this, as you wouldn’t need to know about it until you have your first baby.)

 

[QuasiCatholic]

Yeah, poor marks for reading comprehension on this one. Lol

Yes, I am a girl. And no our engagement was not less than six months – it will be six months and two weeks all told – but that’s still not a lot of time to cram in everything.

Also, yes I’m Catholic but only since Easter. And the whole abc thing is one area where I think the church has missed the mark, so I’m only doing nfp because it’s important to rhe fiancé – who conveniently isn’t the one who has to learn it ;p

 

[BeingSaved]

PS these fams lived outside of town,…and had fenced areas, to protect the kids, kind of like their own daycare areas,…, and when I visited, the mother, she and I sat outside,
-she could watch and listen, and had a keen sense to recogn. sounds that indicated
something amiss, between the children, ie a dispute, or when someone fell down.

She was breastfeeding 3 children, while I was with her, at diff. times, and used a
pretty shawl to cover and keep the process more private.
(the 3 were not all infants, the oldest seemed to be about 3-4 years old, one infant
was in a baby basket, beside us, and the two older ones walked)
they weren’t Mennonites, or anything,

She and I went for a walk, and she told me she organized her home, like a business,.
and she and a couple of other lady friends ‘worked together’, ie they went to each others; homes on set days and shared the work…

I saw a fenced in area for little kids, sandboxes, and toys set up, etc. and another one for older kids, swings, slides,…and diff. toys,…there was a roofed area and area without roof.

the toys wouldn’t get wet if it rained.
…

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah, poor marks for reading comprehension on this one. Lol

Yes, I am a girl. And no our engagement was not less than six months – it will be six months and two weeks all told – but that’s still not a lot of time to cram in everything.

Also, yes I’m Catholic but only since Easter. And the whole abc thing is one area where I think the church has missed the mark, so I’m only doing nfp because it’s important to rhe fiancé – who conveniently isn’t the one who has to learn it ;p

Why?

There’s no reason why this is 100% your deal and frankly, NFP is probably not going to work for you unless your fiance learns it just as thoroughly as you do. If only you are learning it, than that turns you into the sex gatekeeper, which is not a good place to go.

NFP has worked very well for our family, but my husband knows more about it than I do. (I have the general idea, but don’t know all the rules.)

 

[z_0101]

Just curious–why does everyone think the OP is male? It seems more like this is the bride-to-be posting.

Yeah, poor marks for reading comprehension on this one. Lol

Yes, I am a girl. And no our engagement was not less than six months – it will be six months and two weeks all told – but that’s still not a lot of time to cram in everything.

Also, yes I’m Catholic but only since Easter. And the whole abc thing is one area where I think the church has missed the mark, so I’m only doing nfp because it’s important to rhe fiancé – who conveniently isn’t the one who has to learn it ;p

Opps, Sorry QC; I went with the generic and male as a matter of default as is usually the male in the relationship that doesn’t want children. I also disregarded the said “fiancé” / "fiancée,"as most people in today’s rush to text etc… no longer even bother with the accent let-alone the proper sexual form of the word (many people don’t even know that there are two forms!)… In fact, I had a friend in college that was a militant feminist and she would have had a small cow had the proper forms been used. (but that is another story).

Your last post causes me great concern!

If you have been dating for less than a year… please wait on your marriage.
And I don’t mean including the time you’ve spent preparing for the event!

Please, let yourself “settle” into your new faith. Even the RCIA program that I went thru and subsequently joined as a team member can only go so far in teaching the faith. You need at least another six months of mystagogy before you can even begin to appreciate the complexity and the nature of being Catholic and moreover the implications of the Sacrament of Marriage.

PM me the answer to this question (or you can post it in reply, I’ll respect you either way - keep in mind that I help to teach this material and I ask from my heart and not out of meanness, and I take it very seriously… I do not want to stand before our Lord and try to explain how I lost a soul because of my error as a catechist):

Who ordinarily, and actually, administers the Sacrament of Marriage to the Bride and Groom?

( Please, no help from the peanut gallery … let’s see if QC’s marriage prep and RCIA program provided at least this fundamental aspect of the sacrament)

If you were in our Parish, our former Pastor would most likely be discouraging you from such a whirl-wind of RCIA and Marriage - quite simply, as you’ve mentioned, IT IS A LOT TO TAKE IN! I’d dare say that even our new Pastor might hesitate; however, I don’t know him as well yet - but he seems to follow a lot of the idea as our former Pastor.

6 months of marriage prep… .phewy. I’ve been married going on 25 years to a wonderful wife that I would stand before the gates of hell before I’d let harm come to her… and we still fight, and we still don’t always like each other… but we love each other and that is so much different than the “Luv” that many think they have and feel so early on in the romance.

We teach about the Romantic part of marriage and how euphoric it is and how Unicorn and ambrosia etc… we fail to teach that within this covenant each person is expected to die to themselves for the other, that the husband’s job is to help his wife get into heaven and vise-a-versa. We fail to teach that in the covenant there is also a business arrangement… who works, who pays the bills, who does the house work, who handles the kids (work, that I leave to each, those last few the answer (imho) had better be both). AND … my word… what to tell you from 25 years in a good marriage - don’t expect major changes in the personality you meet in 6 months from now when the honeymoon is over… or when you tell him you want to postpone the marriage for 6 months.

THIS WORRIES ME EVEN MORE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

I’m only doing nfp because it’s important to rhe fiancé – who conveniently isn’t the one who has to learn it

• Unless you want children earlier and are sacrificing this for your fiancé for a good reason then this is a red flag in your relationship. This choice must be just as much yours as his and the reasons must be valid or you both border on mortal sin. Don’t believe me… go talk to a good holy Pastor about this - please, and I’ll be praying that you do!
• ***HE HAS TO LEARN THIS TOO! ***Your marriage is a biblical “covenant bond” not unlike the same covenant that our Lord has with us thru his Passion and our Baptism… this is not a one-sided act, it is a full giving of oneself to the other and it carries the severest of punishments for breaking it… was that explained in MP or RCIA - it should have been explained and if not, then you both really need to take a step back and invest some more time in to the relationship and how this covenant bond will change your lives.

Your fiancé needs to understand that he can’t have intercourse on these days and why… and furthermore, he isn’t allowed to go “shower” to release the urge either (CCC: 2352) - especially as a married man. Your fiancé has to support you as well as you support him during those times where abstinence is required - there will be times where the desire to consummate the marital act will be so strong by one or the other (or both) and it is almost always during that time where you both have to abstain (trust me, been doing this a long time) and well… BOTH you and your fiancé must be open to the potential life that may result from the act between day 6 and day 19(25).

My Prayers for you and fiancé, please, slow this down a tad, you wont regret it.

 

[z_0101]

Why?

There’s no reason why this is 100% your deal and frankly, NFP is probably not going to work for you unless your fiance learns it just as thoroughly as you do. If only you are learning it, than that turns you into the sex gatekeeper, which is not a good place to go.

NFP has worked very well for our family, but my husband knows more about it than I do. (I have the general idea, but don’t know all the rules.)

:thumbsup:Sorry Cross posted with you, but glad someone else holds the same opinion!

 

[PaulGH]

NFP has worked very well for our family, but my husband knows more about it than I do. (I have the general idea, but don’t know all the rules.)

The same is true for our family as well.