Fasting for a recovered bulimic

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I’m a relatively new Catholic, and a recovered bulimic (over 6 yrs 🙂 ). When I first converted, I was breastfeeding, so I didn’t really fast for holy days, just would avoid meat. Today I wanted to fast and have been, but I’ve noticed that it’s brought up some deep-seated feelings in me about controlling my food and my behavior - I’ve been feeling happy with the hunger and wanting to fast more even though I had small meals today.

ANYWHO… the long and the short of it is I feel rumblings of feelings that start me down a really ugly road I don’t want to go down again. Do I go to my priest and discuss this all with him? Or do I just acknowledge that controlling my food is probably not a good idea for me to do and still approach the holy days prayerfully and somberly… and not fast?

Needless to say I don’t like talking about this much, and I have a hard time explaining my feelings. Something about today feels dangerous - the hunger feels good to me in an uncomfortable way. It also doesn’t help that my therapist isn’t Catholic - she wouldn’t get this.
 
Amen, Amen, talk to your priest. That’s a road you don’t want to go down, and I don’t think God wants you to either.

In North America, other penances can be substituted for meat abstention – and in all cases, this should be done with the consultation of your spiritual adviser. Also, there are exemptions from fasting due to age, health, work requirements, etc.

Speak to a mental health professional, too. Take all the help you can get.

And pray, pray, pray. I’ll pray for you soon as I hit the button.

God, bless, and let us know how you make out.

John
 
Thanks John. I would like to go to Confession this weekend but I will have the kids with me (2 & 5) so that’s not really an option. I think I will stop this fast because it’s not good for me. It’s hard - I want to be a good Catholic, and I don’t want to sneak out of an obligation. But I also feel in my heart that this is wrong and that brings up so many feelings of guilt. And even so, I guess what I did eat today didn’t really count as fasting as I thought I was eating small amounts rather than a full meal but I guess I was supposed to just be having juice and water.

Either way, I don’t feel as though I’m honoring God which is really sad for me, especially since I tried really hard today - took the kids to Mass and prayed, received ashes, ate small simple foods and didn’t snack, didn’t listen to music or things I enjoy, prayed the Rosary and in general kept a solemn day as much as I could with two little ones and a DH who is out of town today. And now I feel on the verge of tears just from the overwhelming emotions and guilt for this and for not having the “perfect” day. Add to that the work I was supposed to be doing but didn’t for the past 2 hrs and that I wasn’t going to be online today but felt I needed some support.

I don’t mean to lay this on you and I thank you for your advice. I’m not usually one to go on like this but I’m struggling with this and I’m not sure why. I will pray for God’s guidance and unconditional love, and go get something to eat.

Thank you for your kind words. I really needed them right now.
 
CountryMom27 said:
Either way, I don’t feel as though I’m honoring God which is really sad for me, especially since I tried really hard today - took the kids to Mass and prayed, received ashes, ate small simple foods and didn’t snack, didn’t listen to music or things I enjoy, prayed the Rosary and in general kept a solemn day as much as I could with two little ones and a DH who is out of town today. And now I feel on the verge of tears just from the overwhelming emotions and guilt for this and for not having the “perfect” day. Add to that the work I was supposed to be doing but didn’t for the past 2 hrs and that I wasn’t going to be online today but felt I needed some support.
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Stop. Take a breath and know that you did not sin by your actions. If anything, your only fault might be in pursuing the fast when it could so obviously be harmful.

A diabetic who is injured by fasting is exempt. Similarly, you who could be put back on a very injurious path must certainly be outside the requirement. I’m no priest or canon lawyer, but when you check, if I’m wrong about this, let me know and I’ll eat a bug! 😉

Peace to you–you and your family are in my prayers.

Paul
 
CountryMom27 said:
Thanks John. I would like to go to Confession this weekend but I will have the kids with me (2 & 5) so that’s not really an option. I think I will stop this fast because it’s not good for me. It’s hard - I want to be a good Catholic, and **I don’t want to sneak out of an obligation. ** But I also feel in my heart that this is wrong and that brings up so many feelings of guilt. And even so, I guess what I did eat today didn’t really count as fasting as I thought I was eating small amounts rather than a full meal but I guess I was supposed to just be having juice and water.
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It doesn’t sound to me like you are trying to “sneak out”. As for fasting: the general rule is:
  • no meat (red meat or poultry), meat-based soups or stocks, bacon bits, etc. Fish and seafood are OK, as are eggs and dairy, and in Newfoundland, seal meat.
  • one main meal – your choice when.
  • two other small meals, called “collations”, which when totaled together, do not constitute a full meal.
  • liquid drinks (milk, beer, water, juice, coffee/tea, etc) don’t break the fast.
  • medications don’t break the fast either.
Again, you can substitute a penance for fasting – talk to a priest – if you can’t physically get to a church, give one a call? I know of no priest who wouldn’t take a few minutes to lay your fears to rest and give you some direction in this case. Remember, if Church is a hospital for the spiritually ill, then priests are the 911 for spiritual emergencies. And remember, too, priests have heard it all – you aren’t going to tell him anything that’s going to shock or awe him.

Substitution of penance is not for those who say, “I don’t like this”. It’s for those who have a valid reason. In your case, your physical and mental health can be threatened. You have no less of a problem than, say, a person with celiac disease, diabetes, or any other of a host of conditions that make fasting difficult if not impossible. Jesus wants you to carry your cross, not nail yourself to it. 😃

The fact that you are so concerned over this tells me you take it very seriously.
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CountryMom27:
Either way, I don’t feel as though I’m honoring God which is really sad for me, especially since I tried really hard today - took the kids to Mass and prayed, received ashes, ate small simple foods and didn’t snack, didn’t listen to music or things I enjoy, prayed the Rosary and in general kept a solemn day as much as I could with two little ones and a DH who is out of town today. And now I feel on the verge of tears just from the overwhelming emotions and guilt for this and for not having the “perfect” day. Add to that the work I was supposed to be doing but didn’t for the past 2 hrs and that I wasn’t going to be online today but felt I needed some support.
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No one is perfect, save the Lord. Which is the whole reason for Lent and Easter. We are so flawed and imperfect, yet He loves us so much, He died for us. I know it’s out of season, but there’s a line in a Christmas carol I like: “He knows your need: Our weakness is no stranger.”

It seems to me you did a lot to keep the day solemn – a lot more than me.

CountryMom27 said:
I don’t mean to lay this on you and I thank you for your advice. I’m not usually one to go on like this but I’m struggling with this and I’m not sure why. I will pray for God’s guidance and unconditional love, and go get something to eat.

Thank you for your kind words. I really needed them right now.
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You’re welcome. That’s why we’re here.

Again, talk to a priest. And also to a mental health professional who is experienced in dealing with eating disorders. And stop beating yourself up! :tsktsk: Trust in God. 🙂

God bless and keep you

John
 
Thank you. After I posted, I went to a restaurant (my kids were home with a sitter so I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat in peace there) and had a healthy fish dinner. When my husband came home, I told him what had happened and I think he was as surprised as me that this happened. Once I did eat I felt a million times better, and I did resist the impulse to binge, avoiding the donut place next door.

I thought about calling my priest but as it was supper time I didn’t want to bother him - I know he has much on his plate and would make room for me but still I am not comfortable yet with that. I am going to call my therapist and talk to her this week. It’s also hard because my brother is usually a great person to talk to about this (he’s a recovered alcoholic and counsels other addicts) but my dad is visiting him this week.

I know my risk areas well - and perfectionism is one of them - anytime I get into a rigid control I have to be careful, especially when it involves food or exercise. So I think for this Lenten season I’ll stick to saying the rosary and reading the gospel, praying. God was sending me a message here - I have not been taking care of myself or honoring the body He has given me lately - and maybe the glimpse I had yesterday was His way of telling me to slow down.

Thanks again for your support and prayers.
 
CountryMom27 said:
I’m a relatively new Catholic, and a recovered bulimic (over 6 yrs 🙂 ). When I first converted, I was breastfeeding, so I didn’t really fast for holy days, just would avoid meat. Today I wanted to fast and have been, but I’ve noticed that it’s brought up some deep-seated feelings in me about controlling my food and my behavior - I’ve been feeling happy with the hunger and wanting to fast more even though I had small meals today.

ANYWHO… the long and the short of it is I feel rumblings of feelings that start me down a really ugly road I don’t want to go down again. Do I go to my priest and discuss this all with him? Or do I just acknowledge that controlling my food is probably not a good idea for me to do and still approach the holy days prayerfully and somberly… and not fast?

Needless to say I don’t like talking about this much, and I have a hard time explaining my feelings. Something about today feels dangerous - the hunger feels good to me in an uncomfortable way. It also doesn’t help that my therapist isn’t Catholic - she wouldn’t get this.
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Talk to your priest …He might suggest you do something else instead…Could you give up something else you do everyday…TV, Radio?
 
I would very strongly recommend talking to your priest for a healthy alternative! Also, it would probably be a good thing, right now, to have an orthodox spiritual director.
 
I’d like to speak to my priest but it’s difficult since I have to find a time when I don’t have my children with me (they are 2 & 5).

As for Lent, I’m giving up chocolate and desserts, praying the rosary daily (or trying to!), and reading the Gospel daily in addition to my regular daily prayers and meditations (and attending Mass and the many other things I do). On Good Friday, instead of fasting, I think I’m going to “fast” from all media and music, as I tried to do on Ash Wed. I would eliminate media (particularly my internet time) for Lent, but teach a class in New Media so I have to be online for my research and for students daily.

I will find a time, perhaps next weekend when DH can watch the kids, when I can go to Reconciliation. I try to go during Lent regardless, and I feel I should go and speak to our priest. He is very kind but honestly, I don’t find him all that helpful in this and other areas.
 
brigid12 said:
I would very strongly recommend talking to your priest for a healthy alternative! Also, it would probably be a good thing, right now, to have an orthodox spiritual director.
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How would I find one? I would be very interested in finding someone.
 
Mom why not ask one of the apologists what you should do?..I think Fr Sherpa might be able to give you some comfort…and he is right on this website
 
Our fasting should not be self-willed, but obedient.

However, in your case, fasting is, in its way, a temptation and maybe even an occasion of sin.

This should be discussed with your spiritual father (or mother).

Were I in that postion (which I’m not), I would recommend an extra devotion (such as the Divine Office, if you’re not already saying it) and maybe a bit more in almsgiving.

Remember, prayer, fasting, and almsgiving are supposed to go together.
 
You know, there are only 2 days when you have to fast, Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. The other Fridays you abstain from meat which doesn’t seem to be a problem for you.

What consitutes a meal seems to be up for grabs. I’m a diabetic, but fasting doesn’ t create a problem for me. I went to a funeral Ash Wednesday, had my meal at the luncheon after and then about 9pm had some toast. My glucose was about the same as usual. I figure since this isn’t something I’m going to do every day, I can manage it twice a year. I generally fast before Mass on Sunday too, but again, it isn’t a problem for me. A lot of people who aren’t diabetic would have trouble not eating until after 11am.

Can you make a plan to get through that day? Maybe something like this…for breakfast you normally have an egg and orange juice and 2 pieces of toast. To fast you just have the egg and one piece of toast. For lunch you might normally have tuna salad, some salad, bread and a piece of fruit. On the fasting day, just have the tuna salad. Then at dinner you would have a regular meal.

Now if this won’t work for you, don’t even try it. Your health is paramount to the future of your children. The last thing you should do is get into bad habits again.

You know you can call Catholic Answers and ask to leave a message in the apoligists voice mail. This is in “Ask an Apoligist” right now: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=315250

We’re all pulling for you.
 
I totally know where you are coming from. DON’T allow yourself to go there. Avoid the fast. Unless someone has been in your shoes, I don’t think they can truly understand your struggles. God understands, and so do I. Rely on Him - keep yourself close to Him in prayer - and DON’T do anything that might jepordize your mental health, including the fast.

And share your stuggles with your husband. Eating disorders are so secretive… don’t give in to it.

God Bless you my sister.
 
Know that all of the laws of the Church are for the very purpose of Charity, and if Charity would ever trumped by any one of them in a given situation, then the law isn’t serving its purpose in that particular case. You owe charity to yourself, too – so please, please cut yourself some slack emotionally on this issue, trust the Lord to know your heart and to understand your situation, talk to your priest when he has the time, and don’t underestimate your secular counselor. Talk to her, too; she might surprise you! And if you can find a spiritual director (ask your priest), all the better.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well!” (Julian of Norwich)
 
I wouldn’t give it a second thought. If fasting presents a risk to your physical or mental health, as it clearly does in your case, then don’t fast. Your health is always an exception to the fasting requirements.

If you can’t talk to a spiritual adviser, try to find a substitute penance. Abstain from a favorite TV show or say some extra prayers, for example.

Don’t sweat it. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. You are in my prayers.

God bless.
 
Thank you for your prayers. I talked to my brother-in-law today, we are very close, and I told him how I felt and what had happened. He saw it as a very positive thing - that I saw what fasting was doing to me and instead I chose the healthy route. He also noted that I saw the destructive pattern so early, it clearly is a sign of my recovery. I felt better afterward.

In hindsight, you are right - there are things that I just cannot do because of health restrictions, and I don’t question it when it’s obvious (like not being able to run a 5k b/c of my bad knee). But I still feel a great deal of shame about my bulimia, that it is a weakness that I caused. I feel the same way about the post-partum depression I had after my second son. There is a stigma with mental issues that is hard to avoid feeling.

Thank you again for your kind words and support. I cannot tell you how important it was for me on a day where I literally could not talk to anyone, to find someone whose words I could trust.
 
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