Fasting, prayer

[Tish2213]

I’ve never fasted before but figured I had the gist of abstaining from food and engulfing myself in prayer and meditation.

I had been doing so well for a week, and then yesterday it all collapsed. I made very bad judgment on my part, and have yet to even find an ounce of forgiveness for myself.

After yesterday’s “collapse in judgment” I just broke down. I wasn’t prepared for the pain again and quite frankly am just spent and need a break…

I feel I have tried, and I don’t mean some “oh i’m trying to live right, do right blah blah blah” I have allowed myself to be vulnerable to Christ and God, and really make a change. I have opened myself to do His will and just an open heart to forgiveness and just overall healing.

But after going a week of being saved from possible self destruction to it all collapsing before me yesterday I was literally at wits end…

I fell upon my knees and just cried out whatever He wanted at this point I’m listening I’ll do it…I feel as though he as stripped me of everyone I’ve ever loved outside of family, I am college educated and have not been employed for months…barely going to make it this month just to eat…just everything has been stripped from me. When previously I was working, sustaining a lifestyle that allowed me to be independent.

I just don’t know what happened. So I started a fast last night. And have prayed greatly since the start, and some throughout the night when I couldn’t sleep…and this morning and up until around 2pm [central] when i was feeling a bit weaker and quite frankly for the first time of fasting, I ended the fast after around 24hrs of abstaining from food.

My days seem long, and the very things that consume my mind make me sad and provoke tears…I some days doubt I’ll ever feel the joy of true happiness again. It has been since the beginning of 2010 since I’ve felt that joy…since then my life seems to have crumbled…

 

[TuAutem]

It’s hard to know what to say as an anonymous stranger on the internet, but I hope at least something in my response will be worthwhile to you. If I may react with what at first will seem like a completely random answer: what if you had just posted that you wanted to become a black belt in karate? Only instead of signing up for lessons with a respected teacher, you were simply trying to figure it out by yourself, in the privacy of your own home?

Obviously such an approach would be bound to fail, and even if you did learn to do something you couldn’t before, it would probably not be authentic karate.

It is the same with spiritual discipline. Your soul is crying out for a deeper kenosis (emptying), a deeper metanoia (conversion), than you have been able to find for yourself yet. And your soul will keep crying out for what it needs until you find it.

But just as to learn karate you need an instructor, so here you *need *a spiritual director. Find a Benedictine or a Trappist monastery or convent near you, and seek them out. (I say those orders because they are focused on this kind of spiritual desert, and isolating yourself with them would allow you to separate yourself, temporarily, from your worldly concerns: to fast from all materialism, not just food, if you will.) If you cannot pay the suggested amount for a retreat (if it’s far enough that you would need to stay there), ask if you can do some work to compensate them instead. Even if you are not yet Catholic, you will still be welcome.

If a retreat is not practical in your situation, try to find a Carmelite, Franciscan, Passionist, or other religious order in your city whom you could meet with for spiritual direction. The spiritual and ascetic traditions of these great orders can be great guides to us on our spiritual paths, and the professed members of these orders have more experience and knowledge of these paths than you or me. Bottom line, having a proper spiritual director is just as important for our spiritual lives as having a trained sensei is for the karate student, and for my money, that’s what you should be seeking out.

 

[Louishacker]

I think that you are being very hard on yourself. The saints haved warned against trying to do too much penance too fast. Catholics used to fast every day during Lent except Sundays. Fasting according to the Church entailed having one main meal a day and two smaller meals to maintain strength, Maybe ssomething like that would be more realistic, If you slip up, all is not lost. Just remain calm and try again the next day You have not sinned.

The three traditional methods of penance are prayer, fasting, and alms giving. You are doing the first two, You might want want to try the thitrd. Alms giving refers to sharing treasure (money), time and talents. Depending on where you lve and your physical abilities you could, for example, visit someone at a nursing home, be a penpal with a onely person, or do some kind of work with a charity. You could enquiire about local oppotunities at your parish. Besides serving Christ in other people, it could help you take your mind off your problems, and you might make friends too.

 

[Tish2213]

I’m very appreciative of both responses. Both make sense. Finding a spiritual adviser…I will def. do that…and the alms I was not aware of…

I am unemployed so offering money isn’t an option but I would be more than happy to volunteer or visit the sick.

Thank you for those suggestions.

I always am thankful for the response I’ve received on here. They have all helped me greatly and I’m always open for learning.

 

[fred_conty]

There are different types of fasting. The strict fast is bread and water. The three hour fast from noon to three, fasting from all food and water and entertainment in honor of good friday.
Intermittent fasting, 8-10 3-5. Or there is also certain days to fast,fridays. And there is also the lenten fasting of 1 meal not equalling the other 2 meals as Louishacker mentioned.

But it sounds to me that you are already suffering enough in your life style and if this is accepted out of love for Jesus and to suffer for others who need our prayers, you may be doing better just to accept this for the love for Jesus.

Just some thoughts.