Father Cheating

[iWillHope]

I am so angry and sad right now, I just don’t know what to do…
My dad has been a catholic his whole life, yet this still happened. He’s been spending a lot of time online and on his laptop, and it never really bothered me until one day, he left his computer unattended. I needed to use it for something, and saw that his email was still open. I then saw many messages from a mysterious woman that my dad was talking to. I read some of his replies, saying that he loved her, calling her beautiful, and asking her to send more pictures but not making the available to the public. I have never heard of that woman’s name, and don’t know who she is. My dad is married and I just can’t tell my mom. She is so kind, caring, loving, and fragile. If I confronted him and told my mom, it would break her heart. I love my family and I just can’t stand the fact that this is happening. Please pray for us…

 

[meganlc13]

I know what your going through. I had a similar situation growing up. You should confront your dad in private…let him now that you know whats going on and then let him decide to tell your mom. Remember that he is only human and that people make mistakes. It is a much more difficult thing to forgive. I know its hard right now but you need to forgive him for what he is doing, otherwise it will certainly weigh you down. Hang in there. You have my prayers!

 

[defenderoftruth]

I am so angry and sad right now, I just don’t know what to do…
My dad has been a catholic his whole life, yet this still happened. He’s been spending a lot of time online and on his laptop, and it never really bothered me until one day, he left his computer unattended. I needed to use it for something, and saw that his email was still open. I then saw many messages from a mysterious woman that my dad was talking to. I read some of his replies, saying that he loved her, calling her beautiful, and asking her to send more pictures but not making the available to the public. I have never heard of that woman’s name, and don’t know who she is. My dad is married and I just can’t tell my mom. She is so kind, caring, loving, and fragile. If I confronted him and told my mom, it would break her heart. I love my family and I just can’t stand the fact that this is happening. Please pray for us…

If it were me I would tell my mom…my mother has actually been in a similiar situation minus the actual sending the emails thing. My newest stepdad (my mom’s 3rd husband) has decided to surf for biker chicks online and from what we can see hasn’t actually talked to anyone yet although he looks. (my husband is a computer guy) and he had computer trouble so my husband looked at his history at my mom’s request since she caught him by looking at his history. (My husband can dig deeper though being a computer geek). Some may tell you to stay out of it but all it’s going to do is eat you up inside and IF I stress IF your father is actually meeting up with this homewrecking harlot he could have been physical with her bringing something bad home to your mom. (sorry for being pessimistic) She’s fragile but should she be kept in the dark and lied to by your dad? Maybe she should “accidently” come across his emails…(hint hint)

What do I know though talk to a priest first before going forward…

 

[mcrow]

Well, first thing is people are flawed and make big mistakes. Not that it makes it OK, but it does not ruin him as a father for life.

I would confront him in private about it, make him explain. It may be a long shot but you never know it could be he’s playing some flirty game with your mother, I’ve seen it done before. However, I doubt that’s the case, but still, you should give him the chance to deny it or admit to it either way. If he is cheating, then you should tell him to confess to your mother and both of them see a priest for counseling.

 

[defenderoftruth]

Sorry but I disagree about the “confront dad” approach. She’s sounds like she’s a teenager or even a young adult and most parents resent being “chastised” by their kids. You have no idea how he’ll react to her. She should tell mom what she saw and then let mom look at the computer herself and confront dad. It’s between mom and dad she unfortunately tripped across it but she’s the kid (no matter the age) not her place to lecture dad and give him ultimatums.

 

[Lucy_1]

I would pray, but not confront anyone right now. Pray that your father would repent and go to confession.

Hail Mary, full of grace blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Another point of view is that you have accidentally stumbled on private correspondence, and then you have compounded the problem by looking at it deliberately. I say that without criticising you - your reaction is understandable, especially for a young person. So, the very first thing I think you need to consider is whether you should just put it all out of mind (as much as you can). If you have a wise priest you can talk to, then I suggest you do so, asking, first of all - “am I morally obliged to put this out of mind?”. You could even do this in confession, as he will probably be able to answer that question quickly.

 

[onmyknees]

I would pray, but not confront anyone right now. Pray that your father would repent and go to confession.

Hail Mary, full of grace blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

This!

If I were your mom I and this happened I would definitely not want to know about it. It would cause me too much heartache.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am so angry and sad right now, I just don’t know what to do…
My dad has been a catholic his whole life, yet this still happened. He’s been spending a lot of time online and on his laptop, and it never really bothered me until one day, he left his computer unattended. I needed to use it for something, and saw that his email was still open. I then saw many messages from a mysterious woman that my dad was talking to. I read some of his replies, saying that he loved her, calling her beautiful, and asking her to send more pictures but not making the available to the public. I have never heard of that woman’s name, and don’t know who she is. My dad is married and I just can’t tell my mom. She is so kind, caring, loving, and fragile. If I confronted him and told my mom, it would break her heart. I love my family and I just can’t stand the fact that this is happening. Please pray for us…

I would go and talk to your priest as soon as possible. This is a difficult situation and you could end up being thought of as the “bad guy” by both of your parents, since you will have “snooped” in your dad’s email and if you tell your mother, you will be the bearer of very bad news for her. I am sorry that you came across your father’s possible infidelity, I know how shocking it is. I will add you to my prayers, but don’t confront anyone yet. Real life isn’t like TV and stuff doesn’t always turn out well in the end. Talk to your priest and ask for his advice. And pray for your father. He is not alone in being tempted by the internet.

 

[prayers19]

please tell your mom… My oldest was in the same situation and didn’t tell me. She confronted both the women through text and my husband but that didn’t stop the affair. I wasn’t mad at my daughter for not telling but I was sad because she felt so guilty for not telling. If your mom is a good woman she will listen to you.

My prayers are with you.

 

[stringbeanduck]

The right thing to do is to talk to your mom about it. Keeping quiet and praying that God will sort it out is about the worst way to go about the situation. Yeah it sucks, nobody likes confrontation about matters like these, but acting like it is not there will NOT solve anything. You can confront your dad about it, but most cheaters do not flat admit it, especially to their kids who are the easiest to sell lies to. They are lost in a world of fantasy, lust, and power. The only way to make them understand the gravity of their sin and mistake is by showing them who it’s hurt the most.

Whether you are right or wrong by checking/snooping through your dad’s emails, texts, etc… doesn’t matter now. You know what you know, so now you need to act upon it.

Also think of it this way. Your dad may very well be having sex with this woman and picking STDs and then transferring them to your mom. By waiting or not saying anything, you leave open the possibility of your mom contracting a very harmful or deadly disease.

Now here is where prayer comes in. Pray that your dad will realize the error of his ways and reconcile with your mother. Pray that your mother can bear the terrible cross that lies on her shoulders and act according to His will.

 

[VonDerTann]

I agree with Stringbeanduck’s answer 100%.

I cannot agree at all with the advice that OP should put it out of his/her mind, and may even be “morally obligated” to put it out of mind. Doing so is nothing more than willful blindness.

 

[onmyknees]

No one said to put it out of his/her mind, keep quiet or that he/she is morally obligated to put this out of the mind.

I agree that speaking to a good faithful priest would be very helpful but I also have faith that God hears all our prayers and He will often answer them in a good way, especially when we are praying for a good cause.

 

[James_Miller]

I can’t believe the advice being given. It was probably a mortal sin for you to read your father’s e mails. I have seen terrible damage done by people reading others’ mails. (This would take us off the subject.) I think you should butt out. You are not legitimately involved.
Leave you father and mother to their own devices.

 

[1inICXC]

If I were the mother and wife, the only people who I would NOT want to know about this is my children. I would feel horrile knowing that my children are bearing the hurt of such a betrayal for me and as much as it would shatter me, I would want to know so that I may take the weight off them and handle the situation myself.

Now I don’t know what kind of man your dad is, if he is prone to violence or aggression I wouldn’t confront him. He may also be the kind of man who goes and deletes the emails and denies everything.

On the other hand, if he is remotely a sound person, he might be so shaken up when he says that what he is doing is not just a game that he does what a normal person would do when cought red-handed and ask for forgiveness.

I think it unfair for you to have to pretend that all is fine and to carry the weight of your father’s screw-ups and to be the one to protect your mother. But since this is a Very difficult and sensitive situation you should definitely pray for enlightenment and guidance as to how to proceed.

 

[distraughtlost]

I can’t believe the advice being given. It was probably a mortal sin for you to read your father’s e mails. I have seen terrible damage done by people reading others’ mails. (This would take us off the subject.) I think you should butt out. You are not legitimately involved.
Leave you father and mother to their own devices.

This is terrible advice. First, there is no way you can say looking at her father’s email is a mortal sin from the information she said. In fact, now knowing that her father is cheating on her mother, we can all but rule it out.

People that are committing these sorts of sins often bring about suspicions because of their changed behavior. They act like something’s wrong. They treat people differently.

And telling the OP to butt out after she has the information is equally as bad as the first claim. There are moral and physical ramifications that the OP cannot ignore now.

 

[Eliza10]

I agree, that was terrible advice, and I see a lot of terrible advice here! I don’t know why my advice is so completely different but here it is:

He left his email out and you saw something shocking and strange and curious and you looked at it. Probably looking at it is a venial sin. You can ask your priest! What your father is doing is mortal sin and is devastating to him, to your opinion of him, and to your mother, and to the woman he is dallying with.

I think there is a good possibility you (or someone) were meant to see it. By him subconsciously perhaps, or by his poor Guardian angel who wants this nonsense stopped, by yours, your mothers… whoever - its no coincidence! Its a God-incidence!

You should NOT have to keep this to yourself. I would confront your father and not waste words - let him do the talking. A simple, “I know what you’re doing.” is a start. Let him say it. He may question to find what you know so he can admit only that. Don’t answer. Silence says a lot. Repeat yourself. And you do not have to tell him how you know either. Thats your business. That he was sloppy wiht his sinful business, leaing out his laptop with his gross emails open is his messy problem and you don’t owe him any explanation of how you know. He is living in sin and he doesn’t need any help to construct blame or find some side thing to be mad about so he can avoid facing what he is doing.

Really you can leave it at that - let him wonder what you know, how much you know, if you are going to tell your mother. You can step it up now or later by saying, “I know what you are dong and I HATE IT!!!” Express yourself! Tell him YOUR reaction. (You don’t have to explain what he is doing or what you saw! Remember that!). You can say: “Its ugly; its gross; its disgusting; its beneath you! You let me down! Grow up! Be a man! How dare betray my mother! Who are you??” That’s what I would say. Express what you would say. If you are a calmer you can express it like, “I thought you were mature. I thought you wer good. I thought you were a real man. I thught you would never hurt my mother. You aren’t the father I htought you were.”

That’s real charity, to let him see the truth of how his actions affect you.

You do NOT owe him transparency. He does NOT have to know how you know. Tell him you know and let him have a crisis about your knowing, so he can hopefully grope his way out of darkness and death.

And, if this feels right to you, you can say at this time or after, “Are you going to tell Mom or do I have to?” But think that through before you do. It does seem though that you should not have to keep this secret that you stumbled upon mostly through no fault of your own, IMO. (Yes, it did involve a little indulgence in curiosity - sometimes this might be just, though - ask your priest!). And you can pray about telling your Mom. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you rather know, or be in the dark? Personally, I go with “The truth hurts - but the truth sets you free”. When you are living a lie, you are always somehow enslaved. But beg God to make what is right in this situation known to you. He will let you know!

 

[Cupofkindness]

**The OP stumbled upon an open laptop with the email in-box on display. Given her huge stake in her parents’ marriage, it is entirely acceptable that she investigated suspicious emails. ** Moreover, the OP must go to her mother first. Even before a priest. She owes her mother that much. The OP should not confront her father alone or try to manipulate/threaten her father to confess to her mother. The OP is not on equal footing with her father, who can overpower her emotionally, and compound the anquish she feels now or create feelings of fear or guilt, or subjecting her to details about her parents relationship that are inappropriate. And the OP must not delay dealing with this information, the time is now to present these facts to her mother. Such a hard thing to do, but the OP must tell her mother when the two of them are alone, with a box of kleenex nearby. The mother will undoubtably need time to plan her response. The OP should tell her mom when the father will be gone from the house for the day–tell the mom in the morning so she has many hours to sort out her options and steel herself for her husband’s return.

After the mother knows (and she might suspect already), she alone must confront the father and protect her child from any sort of retribution from him. And the mother might wish to spend some time planning her response. That is the mother’s decision that the OP must respect, as difficult as it might be to do so.

Only the father and the harlot are culpable in this situation. The OP must tell her mother what she read and support her mother from that point going forward. I am so sorry that you found out about this in such a way… God’s ways are not our ways, I am praying for you.

 

[Eliza10]

Sounds reasonable, Cupfull,

 

[Eliza10]

I should add an maybe interesting personal note.

**The OP stumbled upon an open laptop with the email in-box on display. Given her huge stake in her parents’ marriage, it is entirely acceptable that she investigated suspicious emails. **…

I also once stumbled on an open computer with an email in-box on display. It was my husbands, and he had been acting strange for months, and was uncommunicative, in spite of massive efforts by me to be cooperative, helpful, and invite communication. Stumbling on this was unprecedented and curious - we always shared a mailbox, this was a strange new one. I wanted to find out what he was thinking! So we could communicate. And be well. Thats how I found out about my husbands affair and the secret plans he was making to divorce me (on grounds of “incomatibility”). This and lots of other stuff that was shocking and to be done against me that I never would have guessed, because i never would have suspected him of an affair.

I believe my Guardian Angel showed me this because it was something I really needed to know. And my Guardian Angel had my best interests in mind since no one else did! [God provides!]. I never confessed this because it never seemed wrong.