Father First Name

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This drives me crazy! I hate it when I instruct my small children to address someone as Mr. Last-name, and Mr. Last-name does the oh-no-call-me-by-my-first-name routine. I wish people would have the presence of mind to not undermine my trying to teach my children respect.

I am young-ish (31), and I prefer that my friends’ children call me Mrs. Matthews. Some think this is AR (if you know what I mean), but it grates on me that our culture has totally dumped respect, and I want to re-establish those habits and traditions.
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Hudsonite:
I totally agree with you. 😃
A little advice. If you want kids to call you Mrs. Last name then all you have to do is request it from the kids. We do and it does bring upon a certain respect that would otherwise be void.

My children have always used Mr. or Mrs last name when addressing any adult and it continues today in thier teen years.

We have a neighbor that every time my son would call him Mr. Last name he would say no my name is Duane, please call me Duane.
He continued to call him Mr. Last name becuse we instilled that respect in him at an early age.
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How about a priest by the name of Richard calling himself Father Dick? :eek:
 
The pastor at my parish is called Father Farrell and there is another priest called Father Ray. I didn’t figure out that they were first names until I met Father Bernie.😉

They are Carmelites, and it is their preference to be called by their first names, which are chosen, so I think it is very appropriate to do as they ask.

I was told that it was different for Diocesan priests in our area. Usually, they are called Father Last Name. So, before you get too concerned about it, you should consider the norms of their order.

God Bless,
Iguana
 
When I was growing up, it was always Father Last Name, so when I returned to the church as an adult (and in a different culture) I was shocked to hear the priest referred to as Father First Name. It wasn’t until I realized that all three priests in my parish had the same last name (Rivera), that I came to see why the people would use the first name. Imagine in the States having three priests with the last name Brown “I’d like to see Fr. Brown, please.” (Which one is it, Fr. Bob, Fr. Joe, or Fr. John?)

Now, as for which one I use when I speak to one of our priests? They have asked to be called by Fr. First Name, so that is what I use. If they indicate (even indirectly) that they prefer Fr. Last Name, that’s what I use. (Oh, in one case, I don’t even know the priest’s last name.) And, come to think of it, there is one priest in my parish that I don’t know his first name (only his last name).

John
 
“How about a priest by the name of Richard calling himself Father Dick?”

Some folks need to grow up, that is all (my father’s name is Dick, and that poses a problem only to the childish).

At any rate, the preference of monastics and mendicants for use of their first name makes good sense. This is really traditional, since the tradition is that upon tonsure, they take a new name, and forsake their past family ties (and give up the last name). If they had a last name, it would be the name of the monastery.

In Christ,
Adam
 
Teaching your children respect has nothing at all to do with how they address their elders, does it? If someone requests that they be addressed in a certain way, isn’t it disrespectful of you to insist your children address them in a way they don’t want? I have always found that confusing…and at what age does a person become “Mr” or “Ms”? My personal belief is that we should respect people by addressing them as they request, within reason. But I personally never ask children/youth to address me by firstname only, if it makes their parents uncomfortable…I always defer to the parents preference. So I am addressed as Ms. Firstname, Ms. Lastname and Firstname, depending on who it is and what the family tradition is. Another point: I work in a parish which is blessed, every summer, to have two seminarians stay with us. One of the young men with us this year asked me to never address him as “Father” after he is ordained, always address him using his first name only. Now I can call him Fr. “Firstname” or Fr. “Lastname”, but not just “Firstname”…I just have a hard time with that. And really, unless we are related to them, I don’t think they should ask us to do that. Just another opinion to consider.

Peace…
 
On a rare occasion I had to attend daily Mass we had a visiting priest who introduced himself as Fr. First name and last name.

After Mass I wanted to complement the way he celebrated the Mass and his homily.

When I introduced myself I asked if he preferred Fr. First name or Last name.

He replied that he preferred Fr. First name because it honored his patron saint.

So I don’t have a problem with Fr.first name.

Scott
 
I say whichever way they prefer me to say it, but I think Fr. Lastname is more respectful. Especially if I don’t know the priest well, I use Fr. Lastname unless it is clear he’d rather be called Fr. Firstname.

I have noticed, though, I’m approaching 40 and I can’t recall ever being called Mr. Lastname by someone younger than me unless he was a salesperson. And Mr. Firstname would be just plain weird – I would feel more like a teddy bear or a pet than a person – like Mr. Ed the talking horse.
 
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parishminister:
Teaching your children respect has nothing at all to do with how they address their elders, does it? If someone requests that they be addressed in a certain way, isn’t it disrespectful of you to insist your children address them in a way they don’t want? I have always found that confusing…and at what age does a person become “Mr” or “Ms”?
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My rule is when they get married. For example, we had some friends over for the 4th yesterday, and their married children came over. They are allowed to call us by our first names, but the rest of their children call us by Mr. & Mrs. LastName, or by Mr. & Mrs. FirstName sometimes.

The latter is somewhat of a southern custom, as in, “Good Morning, Miz Scarlet!” (Notice it’s “Miz” not “Ms.” - a feminist invention - whether you are married or not. ) When I was growing up, we had a good neighbor who just loved it when my brother & I called her “Miz” and would even sign our birthday cards and such with “Miz.”

I was always taught one should never assume the use of a person’s first name without their permission first. I always try to address people as Mr. or Mrs. LastName, unless they tell me it’s okay otherwise: “Please, call me Bob.” It irks me a little (but only a little) when salesclerks call me by my first name after reading it off my check or credit card. It’s just presumptuous.

BTW-the priests at our parish are mixed: one goes by Fr. LastName, one goes by Fr. FirstName, and one has a last name that is also a first name (like Matthew) and goes by Fr. ShortenedFormOfLastName (like Fr. Matt). Go figure!
 
I met our new priest for the first time Sunday after mass and after seeing this post I thought I would ask him how he prefered to be addressed. He said that most will probably call him Father Keith he actually prefers to be referred to as Fr. Lastname. The neat thing is he was just ordained in May and he’s 47 and was formerly a bank manager. There were two others ordained with him a fifty something former undertaker and a fifty something former lawyer.
 
<<<It irks me a little (but only a little) when salesclerks call me by my first name after reading it off my check or credit card. It’s just presumptuous.>>>

Me, too…But what REALLY get to me is wehn a sales clerk calls me “Honey” Gets to me every time!

BTW, The kids around here call their preschool teachers MIss First Name…And, my adult, married kids still call cerain other adults Mr. or Mrs. One of my SIL’s brothers still calls me Mrs. Last Name. Kind of nice.

Do kids call their teachers by their first names now? Seems I hear that somewhere…Not in my world!
 
I remember the surprise I had when I first met our new Bishop in Southern California.
I greeted him, Bishop - last name.
He stopped me and said, “Please, it is Bishop Phil, I really prefer being called that”. He then grabbed me and gave me a hug. No ring kissing or no formality whatsoever.

Nearly all of the Priests I knew requested to be called by their fist names. One exception was a Canadian Priest.

How do you all feel about Priests who can’t learn your first or last names after being in the parish for several years?:confused:
 
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robertaf:
How do you all feel about Priests who can’t learn your first or last names after being in the parish for several years?:confused:
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Not too badly; in fact, I’m a bit honored when they DO remember our names. I have come from fairly large parishes, so I can’t imagine it’s too easy to remember everyone’s name. However, I have this difficulty myself :o so maybe I’m a bit more sympathetic.
 
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robertaf:
How do you all feel about Priests who can’t learn your first or last names after being in the parish for several years?:confused:
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As the previous poster mentioned, it doesn’t bother me. In a large parish it is difficult. Not everyone has a gift for remembering names. Then too there is the fact that if people are not involved in the Parish and only come to church on Sunday, a priest is not likely to have a grasp of who they are. To remember someone you need to know them usually.

Then again, I sometimes can’t remember my own name…It would be nice if they could remind me. 😦 😃
 
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CD4:
…But what REALLY get to me is wehn a sales clerk calls me “Honey”
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This reminded me of my Mom. Our house was just down the street from the Bishop’s residence, where he would celebrate daily Mass each morning in his chapel, and we would often attend.

One morning, my Mom and I arrived at the chapel and were in the pew waiting for Mass to start, when she realized she forgot to wake up my brother for an appointment. So we got up to go, just as the bishop came in to vest. He told her, “I’m a little late, but we’re about ready to start.” Putting her hand on his shoulder, she replied, “That’s OK, honey, I have to go get my other son.” As we walked out to the car, she said, “Oh no! I called the bishop Honey!”

JimG
 
Do kids call their teachers by their first names now? Seems I hear that somewhere…Not in my world!
I am a part time teacher in two private schools, one Catholic, one Christian, and cannot imagine any of the kids calling us by our first names! But then, it may be different in public schools.
 
Fascinating discussion! I have three aunts who are nuns, and three uncles who are or were priests (two left the priesthood to marry - another topic altogether! - and the third is deceased), and we always have called them “Aunt Nancy” or “Uncle John.” I am not aware that any of them felt that this was disrespectful. Of course, we would never DREAM of calling any of them simply “Nancy” or “John.”
 
It’s up to each of us to determine how we introduce ourselves to others and what we ask others to call us. Even though dear Fr. Schabel was my dad’s lifelong friend, he was always Fr. Schabel to everyone in the family…and even in his own family. But in an area as ethnic as this one, Fr. Vern was Fr. Vern because none of us could ever twist our tongues to properly pronounce his last name. There are quite a few good ethnic names in this area that the average non-ethnic can’t properly pronounce. Rather than disrespecting people by mispronouncing their names, it’s a much greater respect to call them by their title and first name.

In fact, throughout my life it’s been pretty evenly split. Even the priests in college would introduce themselves on the first day and say, “you can call me Fr. ______”.

One real irony is my college Spanish prof. Fr. Iscla-Rivera was always called Fr. Iscla by his own choice. Forget the fact that he never pronounced my name correctly, he was the professor and I never corrected him.
 
In my opinion, priests can be called either by first or last name. (I do both, depending upon the priest’s preference.) I do insist on always calling priests “Father.” (Translation: No first names alone.)
 
Growing up the priests I knew had farily short, memorable last names. When I got older my family went to a parish with a Polish priest…we call him Fr. Mark because he is hates the way Americans say his last name

At my church there is a Polish priest, Fr. Greg, who recently immagrated from Poland he also preferes his first name because he prefers the way it souns as apposed to his last name, on American lips, sounds like a sneeze.

The elderly priest at my church is Fr. Wood, and the other Fr .J… is called by either his first or last name…he is very young and oringally was in a parish were his last name was the name of an older priest so he used his first name…but as he gets older I can see him asking to be called by his last name rather than his first.
 
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