Father is having an affair

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stringbeanduck

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I recently discovered my father has been having an affair; at least we’re very certain he is. This comes as a bit of a shock to me since he was a Sunday school teacher and attended church regularly. Not to mention he took the Eucharist while with this was going on. So far we haven’t fully confronted him about, but I think we will soon. He says, he is out of love with my mother and needs to be alone. He works several hundred miles from home in another state; so it’s real easy for him to be with this other woman. It’s really tearing up my mother and I always have to comfort her. It angers me so much how he could do such a thing to the family. I also want to find this rag he’s with and have a strong word with her. The rest of the family is in agreement that he must choose between this tramp and the whole family not to mention I will make his life and that women’s life hell so help me God. I am generally a calm person, but when someone breaks a church teaching and commandment I really get fired up and my blood boils. I’m so bothered by this guys. Will you pray us?
 
Pray.

Go see your Priest. You priest has seen many other families go through this, and will be able to give you counsel.
 
Praying for your family, stringbean…I’m sorry this is going on. Like kage says, talk to you priest…get some advice there. You don’t know what your dad has told the ‘other’ woman…he might be feeding her a bunch of lies, so you can’t really fault her, alone. If she knows he’s married or not, it doesn’t mitigate your dad’s fault…I pray that he comes to his senses…and for your mom to have strength through this. 😦
 
So sorry to hear of your family’s troubles. If it’s true, what you’re father is doing is terrible. Maybe the woman he’s with doesn’t know he is married with a family? Hold off on being angry with her until you know for sure. She may be a victim as well? 😦

Prayers for all of you.
 
whatevergirl said:
Praying for your family, stringbean…I’m sorry this is going on. Like kage says, talk to you priest…get some advice there. You don’t know what your dad has told the ‘other’ woman…he might be feeding her a bunch of lies, so you can’t really fault her, alone. If she knows he’s married or not, it doesn’t mitigate your dad’s fault…I pray that he comes to his senses…and for your mom to have strength through this. 😦
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Oh she knows alright. She’s married and has a hubby. I’m so mad that jerk. I know the whole love thy father/mother stuff, but that flies right out the window once he broke these sacred vows and did this to the family. For all I care, he’s just a sperm donor. I have no respect for that man. Sorry to rant, but these nightmare for the family. Thank you for your prayers and support.
 
I actually think you need to stay out of it. This is between your father and your mother and now one else. All you should be doing is praying for everyone, your father, your mother and the mistress. Yes, you should pray for all of them and mean it with all of your heart. And you need to step back and let your mother and father work it out. This is between them and them alone. I am sorry this is happening to your family too.
 
I am so terribly sorry your family is going through this. I’ll pray for you.
 
I’m so sorry for the heartache and sorrow your family is going through. Your mother is fortunate in having you and the rest of the family to lend support during what must be an agonizing time. What an awful situation. I agree with the suggestions that you speak to a priest for advice. Your mother should also make sure that she is protected financially and that your father doesn’t drain money from accounts or assets during this time.
I will keep you in my prayers.
 
noclevername said:
I actually think you need to stay out of it. This is between your father and your mother and now one else. All you should be doing is praying for everyone, your father, your mother and the mistress. Yes, you should pray for all of them and mean it with all of your heart. And you need to step back and let your mother and father work it out. This is between them and them alone. I am sorry this is happening to your family too.
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I really do agree with this. This must be terribly painful for all of you but your mother and father need to deal with this. I know your are very angry but your father is not a sperm donor, he is your father and also a sinner, just like we all are. Pray for him, for he is obviously lost.
 
I’m sorry this has happened to you. Your anger is really justified…
BUT…as corny as it sounds, take a deep breath.
You can get as confrontational as you want with your father, but if he had the gall to cheat on his wife with another woman who is also married, than I doubt your anger will really change anything. It’s about him and his emotions and things he needs to work out himself. You can support your mother best you can but it is really her decision how to manage this as it is her marriage, not yours.

I will be praying this situation resolves itself. Keep us updated.
 
rayne89 said:
I really do agree with this. This must be terribly painful for all of you but your mother and father need to deal with this. I know your are very angry but your father is not a sperm donor, he is your father and also a sinner, just like we all are. Pray for him, for he is obviously lost.
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. I know, but I’m all my mother has as far as family that lives with her. We are as close as we can ever be. She couldn’t keep this hidden from me since I have and always will be a shoulder to lean on. I take care of the house and I can never just stay out of it and let her do this alone. I try to have sympathy for him, but to come home and lead a double life and lie to your wife and children. I mean that’s cruel. We are going to get the legal whatnot taken care of, and I’ve suggested to my mother not to divorce him. Of course it may come to that if a legal seperation doesn’t work out. What they have together is what I feel a true sacrament and I really want my mother to be able to take part in communion still. I understand we all fall and make mistakes so once we do fully confront him, he will have the option to reconcile, but I don’t know if he’ll really do that. I also understand that this woman could be ignorant of the whole situation, but I know for sure she isn’t. I’ve proof of that. I’m glad I’m the age I am, otherwise I don’t know what my mother would do. If I wasn’t as old as I am now it would be impossible for me to understand and consel her.
 
You are 15. It is not okay for your mother to be leaning on you in this way on this subject. Your dad is your dad. You have every right to be angry with him, but you need to have your own relationship with him. It is not your job to take on all of your mother’s pain. It is flat out wrong for her to put you in such a position. She needs to talk to her priest and then a counselor. She also needs to let you have your relationship with your dad.
 
As long as he is with this other women, I don’t want anything to do with him. It’s like being with a person who’s commited a murder and not sorry for it. Mortal sin is mortal sin. We’re also not the traditional Catholic family. I try to get my mother to talk to priest and go Mass, but she’s really not into that a whole lot. I do thank her for raising me Catholic and helping me get to Mass. However, I’m really the only one who is active in the parish. My parents use to be in a way, but that chapter kind of ended I guess.
 
As long as he is with this other women, I don’t want anything to do with him.
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Well, that is your choice, but regardless, your mother still has no right to involve you in this in the way that she has. You should not, and simply can not, be responsible for her emtional well being. She is an adult and so is your dad and they need to take care of adult buisness.
 
dulcissima said:
You are 15. It is not okay for your mother to be leaning on you in this way on this subject. Your dad is your dad. You have every right to be angry with him, but you need to have your own relationship with him. It is not your job to take on all of your mother’s pain. It is flat out wrong for her to put you in such a position. She needs to talk to her priest and then a counselor. She also needs to let you have your relationship with your dad.
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I totally agree the “So far we haven’t fully confronted him about, but I think we will soon” really disturbed me. There should be no “we” here. It should be she, you mom, doing the confronting.

Your parents need to have a husband and wife relationship. You interjecting yourself is not healthy nor helpful to the way God designed marriage. As someone who grew up caught in the middle, and had a mother that expected things that were not appropriate for my role as a daughter (even a nearly adult one) it doesn’t help them to be in the middle. My father did it too, but nearly to the extent my mother did. In fact now as a married adult woman my mom (and occasionally my dad) still pull this nonsense.

As a married woman now I would never, never go to my child no matter her age with my marriage issues. Its not her responsibility nor her place to be involved in my marriage issues.

For one thing if your dad thinks you’ll take care of your mom, there is less motivation for him to open his eyes and return to his family. He needs to be needed as the man of the house.

I am not excusing or condoning his behavior in any way, shape or form but it is not your job to fix this, nor can you. Your parents must heal their marriage -or choose not to.
 
I am not sure that I agree with most of the previous posters opinions. What they suggested is for you to just back away and let the adults work it out. I believe that would be good advise if just the “adults” were effected. The sorry fact is that your life will be changed forever and never be the same because of one of your parents selfishness. I truly hate it when things like this happen and my prayers are with you and your mom.
I agree with the other posters in not cutting off relations with your dad, but I would never support his actions.
 
String,

Please tell your mother that, since she is not committing adultery, she may still receive the Eucharist. That applies even if she and your father are separated or divorced.

And I agree with Mike. It’s *not *just between your parents. You are involved willy-nilly, because you are just as affected as your Mom. (And the same goes for the other family involved.)

Adulterers are selfish.

You’re in my prayers. God bless you,

Ruthie
 
I’ll be praying for you and your family… I know how hard it is to be in this situation. But your Mother shouldn’t burden you with that type of pain. This could change the way you see marriage, commitment, and men. I know, because I have two daughter’s and I pray to God that they don’t find out about my husband’s betrayal.

In Christ,
 
Ruthie said:
String,

Please tell your mother that, since she is not committing adultery, she may still receive the Eucharist. That applies even if she and your father are separated or divorced.

And I agree with Mike. It’s *not *just between your parents. You are involved willy-nilly, because you are just as affected as your Mom. (And the same goes for the other family involved.)

Adulterers are selfish.

You’re in my prayers. God bless you,

Ruthie
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That’s good. Wasn’t very sure about that.

I’m pretty sure things are not going to work out. We’re bringing my sister’s family over too when we confront him. Both mother and I agree, we are going show him what he will lose if he doesn’t drop this other women. My mother has been through h311 the past several years, due various troubles yet has always loved him. Not to mention I don’t know how this man can teach kids to be obedient to the church when he is out doing God knows what with this other women. He quit teaching not to long ago since his job became busier this year. This is quite embarrising for us, but I’ll be darn not to let it be for him as well. Everyone he knows and cared about will know about it.
 
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