Father is having an affair

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SBD, it sounds like your intention is to publicly humiliate and punish your father. Before you follow through on this inclination, I recommend that you schedule a meeting with your priest. You are struggling, and I think it would be good to get some (name removed by moderator)ut from your pastor.
 
Be careful with your priest. When my mother cheated on my dad, the priest took her side. My mom told him she did nothing and that my dad abused her. If this is a marriage which will inevitably fail, then pray for the best and have your mom find a lawyer.

But, you’re only 15. Let your parents handle this themselves and try to maintain a close relationship with both of them…

I went through the exact same thing at your exact age. Say prayers and good luck kid…
 
dulcissima said:
SBD, it sounds like your intention is to publicly humiliate and punish your father. Before you follow through on this inclination, I recommend that you schedule a meeting with your priest. You are struggling, and I think it would be good to get some (name removed by moderator)ut from your pastor.
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It’s not really my decision, more so my mother’s. She wants the world to know about it if he doesn’t drop this woman. I personally think it’s a mid-life crisis for my father. And for that I do feel sorry for him a bit. However he can not have both my mother and this other women. Yes I’m 16(in a few days) so believe me; I wanted to stay out of this, but when my father isn’t man enough to take care of my mother, somebody else has to step up to the plate. She isn’t real close with the church, so getting her to see a priest is a bit of task to handle, but I will keep trying. This Wednesday I should be able to make it to the church and be able to talk to another Priest. I talked with one who is from India, however he sugested I see another one who is from the Parish(we have two).

I really appreciate your prayers and advice. CAF is one of my favorite places to talk and be friends with other Catholics/Christians.
 
Just to give a little update. We’re going to confront him in a few days. I don’t want that creep as my father. Just hope he doesn’t become violent when we tell him how we feel about him. I suppose I could take him on though. After seeing what he did to my mother and what it’s put my dear mother through there is no need for him anymore. I don’t know if any of you all been cheated on, but it is emotional death. We are going for legal separation and see what happens from there. I can’t believe the words I heard him say to this women about how much he hates living with us and that he’d rather have someone digging in his guts than be with us. But at the same time he acts like he loves us here when I talk to him. Just wonder how long this double life of his has been going on.
 
Hi sweetie, I’m sorry that you are going through this. Infedelity is a hard thing to have to go through. :hug1:

May I give you some advice? I understand that you are angry at him and feel betrayed…but he cheated on your mom. I don’t think you should be confronting him at all, this is between the two of them. You are just an innocent by-stander.

The man did something terrible, I am sure that you feel hurt, but you should be left out of any confrontation with him.
 
stringbeanduck said:
Just to give a little update. We’re going to confront him in a few days. I don’t want that creep as my father. Just hope he doesn’t become violent when we tell him how we feel about him. I suppose I could take him on though. After seeing what he did to my mother and what it’s put my dear mother through there is no need for him anymore. I don’t know if any of you all been cheated on, but it is emotional death. We are going for legal separation and see what happens from there. I can’t believe the words I heard him say to this women about how much he hates living with us and that he’d rather have someone digging in his guts than be with us. But at the same time he acts like he loves us here when I talk to him. Just wonder how long this double life of his has been going on.
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If there’s domestic violence involved, that completely changes the game. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but truthfully, if your father has been a physically violent person, which it seems you are alluding that he has, your mother should’ve kicked him to the curb a long time ago.

It sounds like your mind is made up as far as dealing with your father, but I beg of you not to instigate or get involved with any violence. I gaur-an-tee you, that will cause way more problems than it will solve.

No, I’ve never been cheated on, but I’ve been abused as a child. I’ve been physically picked up and literally thrown around the room by my stepdad to the point where I was sobbing in terror, and as I stood their crying hysterically my mother walked up and quietly smiled and explained that my stepdad had a long day at work as was just tired.

I grew up with an angry stepfather and an emotionally unavailable mother. I know where you’re at.
 
stringbeanduck said:
Just to give a little update. We’re going to confront him in a few days. I don’t want that creep as my father. Just hope he doesn’t become violent when we tell him how we feel about him. I suppose I could take him on though. After seeing what he did to my mother and what it’s put my dear mother through there is no need for him anymore. I don’t know if any of you all been cheated on, but it is emotional death. We are going for legal separation and see what happens from there. I can’t believe the words I heard him say to this women about how much he hates living with us and that he’d rather have someone digging in his guts than be with us. But at the same time he acts like he loves us here when I talk to him. Just wonder how long this double life of his has been going on.
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I’m sorry you are dealing with all this, it is so unfair. I went through this same thing several times with my parents at your age, it is a tremendous stress. Try, if you can, to deal with your feelings and not stuff them down, but do this with someone who can help you, your priest or a counselor at school. You need to let it out in a healthy and safe way. And you need good advice on how to deal with all this - in how it affects you - but not absorb your mom’s grief on top of your own. We are just not made to handle all that, especially at your age.

I will pray for you. Remember, talk to someone who can help you work through all this!

God bless,
Jeanette
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Hi sweetie, I’m sorry that you are going through this. Infedelity is a hard thing to have to go through. :hug1:

May I give you some advice? I understand that you are angry at him and feel betrayed…but he cheated on your mom. I don’t think you should be confronting him at all, this is between the two of them. You are just an innocent by-stander.

The man did something terrible, I am sure that you feel hurt, but you should be left out of any confrontation with him.
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Thanks Mary. You’re allways such a nice person on these forums. I can not stay out of this for three reasons. 1 My mother has already confronted him (that is before we had good proof several weeks ago before I knew about it all) and he deined it. 2 We all agree including my sis, that he needs to see the pain in our eyes; that his actions have consequences. 3 Doing this again alone by herself may cause him to get violent and I won’t let him hurt my my mum. I really do hope he regrets what he’s done. It is complicated, but I thank you all for your prayers. My mum needs them a lot.
 
apromisemade said:
If there’s domestic violence involved, that completely changes the game. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but truthfully, if your father has been a physically violent person, which it seems you are alluding that he has, your mother should’ve kicked him to the curb a long time ago.

It sounds like your mind is made up as far as dealing with your father, but I beg of you not to instigate or get involved with any violence. I gaur-an-tee you, that will cause way more problems than it will solve.

No, I’ve never been cheated on, but I’ve been abused as a child. I’ve been physically picked up and literally thrown around the room by my stepdad to the point where I was sobbing in terror, and as I stood their crying hysterically my mother walked up and quietly smiled and explained that my stepdad had a long day at work as was just tired.

I grew up with an angry stepfather and an emotionally unavailable mother. I know where you’re at.
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I’m so sorry for what you went through as a child. Thank God you grew up to be such a good person. I think you had it much worse than me. For the past 16 years, I have(or felt like) that I grew up in a loving home. In all honesty, he’s NEVER been physically violent in the past, but that’s always a possibility when this all goes down. He can be emotionally violent though, especially when he’s drunk(which is not very often, but more than he use to be). Which brings up another thing. That guy has the nerve to drink and drive sometimes and then gets all ticked off when he hears a traffic accident involving a drunk and a innocent party. I seriously think there is something mentally wrong with him. Perhaps the stress of work blew a wire in his head. Deep down, I think he cares us somewhat or at least, once upon a time did. He never use to act this way. I just really feel bad for my mum because she’s always been faithful to him.
 
Have you gone to confession recently? Since learning of your father’s adultery.

Perhaps you could invite the man to go with you. It would do him some good and you some good, too.

God bless
 
Highwayhound said:
Have you gone to confession recently? Since learning of your father’s adultery.

Perhaps you could invite the man to go with you. It would do him some good and you some good, too.

God bless
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I would like to soon. Really need to prepare myself Easter. I don’t think he wants to see a priest right now. Though that may change once/if he realizes his sin.
 
Highwayhound said:
So… did you go? :gopray:
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No. I feel real bad about it, but circumstance got in the way and I stayed with my sister that weekend out away from church. Believe me if I had transportation, I’d have gone.
So we confronted him a few weeks ago. Didn’t go very smooth, but I never expected it to either. He even had the audacity to ask if we’d ever accept this other women. Now he feels very guilty and very sorry for it (so he says). Anyways we’re still going through the separation and then try to reconcile. I think it can be done, but it’s going to be a long time before I feel comfortable with him.

The broad’s husband and children don’t know of it yet, so I’ve decided to take a trip up there and tell them myself. I don’t know about you all, but I sure as heck would like to if my spouse was having an affair with another person. I feel it’s an obligation that they know. Rest of my family agrees too.

Thank you so much for your prayers guys. I really do hope this goes for the better, but it sure will be a long time before we get over it.
 
What do you know of this woman’s husband? You might be taking a risk. He could have a violent temper and might take it out on the messenger. This is something where emotions run deep. I’m not so sure that going there in person is the most prudent thing to do. Remember, you are still not an adult and this is not your marriage.

Have you talked to your priest about this yet?
 
stringbeanduck said:
No. I feel real bad about it, but circumstance got in the way and I stayed with my sister that weekend out away from church. Believe me if I had transportation, I’d have gone.
So we confronted him a few weeks ago. Didn’t go very smooth, but I never expected it to either. He even had the audacity to ask if we’d ever accept this other women. Now he feels very guilty and very sorry for it (so he says). Anyways we’re still going through the separation and then try to reconcile. I think it can be done, but it’s going to be a long time before I feel comfortable with him.

The broad’s husband and children don’t know of it yet, so I’ve decided to take a trip up there and tell them myself. I don’t know about you all, but I sure as heck would like to if my spouse was having an affair with another person. I feel it’s an obligation that they know. Rest of my family agrees too.

Thank you so much for your prayers guys. I really do hope this goes for the better, but it sure will be a long time before we get over it.
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No. It isn’t up to you to tell this woman’s family. Please reconsider.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
No. It isn’t up to you to tell this woman’s family. Please reconsider.
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I agree, this should really be handled by the adults involved. I know you are hurting, but really it’s not your place to tell this woman’s family. If she has children they will be hurt just like you, why make it worse on them. And think of how your mom feels. Do you want to be the one to bring that kind of pain to this woman’s husband? I wouldn’t do it. Let your parents handle. It’s not up to you and your sister.
 
stringbeanduck said:
… when my father isn’t man enough to take care of my mother, somebody else has to step up to the plate. …
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Unfortunately honey, that someone isn’t you. At 15, you have other things to think about. Yes, what is happening affects the entire family, but your mom has to be a mom and keep you out of things as much as possible.
You say you have always talked to her and been a shoulder for her to lean on. That isn’t right. Your mom has put you in a terrible position. She’s the adult. You need to be 15 and a young person, not BFF with your mom. She deserves your respect, but not necessarily your shoulder. Go talk to a priest. And as tough as it is, you must not let your parents put you in the middle.

Kathy
 
stringbeanduck said:
No. I feel real bad about it, but circumstance got in the way and I stayed with my sister that weekend out away from church. Believe me if I had transportation, I’d have gone.
So we confronted him a few weeks ago. Didn’t go very smooth, but I never expected it to either. He even had the audacity to ask if we’d ever accept this other women. Now he feels very guilty and very sorry for it (so he says). Anyways we’re still going through the separation and then try to reconcile. I think it can be done, but it’s going to be a long time before I feel comfortable with him.

The broad’s husband and children don’t know of it yet, so I’ve decided to take a trip up there and tell them myself. I don’t know about you all, but I sure as heck would like to if my spouse was having an affair with another person. I feel it’s an obligation that they know. Rest of my family agrees too.

Thank you so much for your prayers guys. I really do hope this goes for the better, but it sure will be a long time before we get over it.
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Prayers for your family. :gopray: What an awful situation. I’m glad you wrote your dad feels guilty and sorry for what he did. It will take time to heal these wounds.

I really discourage you from telling the other woman’s family. Please reconsider. Do you want them to have to go through the pain your family is going through? Your family found out without them telling you–they don’t need you to tell them this. Not that the other husband should have to live in the dark with a cheating spouse, but your dad and this woman break it off, then maybe their family won’t need to go through the pain that your mother is going through. I’ve heard wives get over cheating husband (or at least take them back) more easily than husbands get over cheating wives. It may also be beneficial to your family if you don’t tell them-- there might be a better chance for your mom and dad’s possible reconciliation if you didn’t share information that might destroy that other marriage.

I am saddened that you and your family are going through this. :console:
 
I fully agree with those who say you shouldn’t confront the other womans and her family like that AT ALL. Once again, that is the job of adults. But if you feel you must, do it over the phone. As another poster pointed out, she might have kids. I realize your intentions are well placed but the truth is it would be highly inconsiderate (to put it lightly) to make that kind of a scene in front of other children.
 
apromisemade said:
I fully agree with those who say you shouldn’t confront the other womans and her family like that AT ALL. Once again, that is the job of adults. But if you feel you must, do it over the phone. As another poster pointed out, she might have kids. I realize your intentions are well placed but the truth is it would be highly inconsiderate (to put it lightly) to make that kind of a scene in front of other children.
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I’ve been taking the age of children into consideration so phone was definitely an option up until I found out it was disconnected(seems like the whole world runs on cell phones these days). Certainly a young child doesn’t need to hear this. The woman is 42 so the most the children could be is 22-23 years old. Based on recordings of my father’s conversations with this woman I don’t think the husband abusive at all.
 
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