Father present at the birth

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I am a woman and mother…My husband was/ will be present at the birth of our children.

My theory is that if he was there to put it in…he should be there to watch it come out. I know that sounds crude, but seriously, if he wanted to be intimate enough to make that baby, he should be present when the baby is born. I know men like to “fix” things and they can’t “fix” the pain some of us feel in child birth, sorry ladies, I had NO pain at all. I do think it is important for the father to be there to bond with his own flesh and blood from their first moments! I also think it is an important lesson for young fathers to see what their wives are willing to go through for a child and the husband. My ex was present for all of our children. Even the difficult delivery of my twins, one lived, the other didn’t. I needed him there to console me at that moment. The only exception would be for a birth where the father isn’t allowed to be there, such as the case of emergency c-sections.
 
My husband is my best friend, and the only person I would choose to be present at our babies’ birth.
With our first, he held her while they sorted me out after the birth.
With our second he held my pregnant, labouring mass up, so I could deliver standing up,and it all went much quicker.
With our third, he pressed his fist, really hard into my lower back, which really helped at the site of pain.
With our fourth, I delivered alone in the bath, and he fished him out,gave him to me and then raced to call an ambulance (baby was blue), and then raced back to pull me and baby out of the bath. I was a dead weight, as I was holding on to a slipery baby.
So he has very much gone through all the pain of labour with me, and after the last one, as soon as he could be satisfied we were ok, went into shock himself, and all the thoughts of what could have gone wrong just hit him.
 
I don’t think I want my husband there. I think it will upset him. He needs to be “handled” a lot - I’ll have to reassure him and worry about how he’s dealing with things. If I am in pain and screaming, it will hurt him. If I am in pain and being nasty/unpleasant, it will REALLY hurt him.

And, I don’t need him looking at my hoo-hah in “that way.” I’d rather keep it all a mystery and he should just be in somewhat frightened awe, somewhere at a distance. 😉
 
My husband was with me the whole time except for the actual delivery. He turns pale when they come to draw my blood or put in an IV, and I didn’t want him to faint (like my uncle did when my cousin was born) 😃 I am glad he wasn’t there because blood and things like that mix with him like water and oil. Plus, by the time it came to pushing, I wasn’t in any pain and really didn’t need him there holding back his breakfast! I did tell him that at any time he felt like he wanted to be in the room for the delivery, he was most welcome, but not to feel pressured. I need him to be my support during labor and after the baby is born, not passed out on the floor! It worked very well for us, although I’m not impressed how some hospital staff seemed to look down on us for this decision. But it was *our *baby’s birth, not theirs 😛
 
My husband actually helped deliver BOTH our boys!
My midwives were so accomidating to having him there and really helped him get involved… he “caught” them both and cut both their cords…

I don’t think he could imagine NOT being at the birth… or even directly involved!
 
dwc said:
My husband was there. I needed him there. Just knowing he was there made me feel calmer and less anxious.
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I totally agree with you, dwc. My husband was also there for the birth of our two children and will be there for this next one. I tell him that he HAS to be there for me. I honestly don’t think that I could do it on my own. He is my tower of strength during delivery, not necessarily having to do anything except just BE there. Lucky him. 😛
 
My husband was present at the birth of all four of our children, and he never indicated he didn’t want to be there. He did tear up with the first one because I had a very long and difficult labor, and he was sorry it wasn’t going the way I had wanted, but he never did that with any of the others (they were much shorter, easier labors, and I use the term “easier” very loosely 🙂 ). He wasn’t much help as a labor coach, but it was helpful to me knowing he was there and I think he liked being able to see his children being born.
 
I am a woman - My husband was/ will be present at the birth of our children

My DH is my best friend and my rock. He eases my fears and calms me. I can’t imagine not sharing the birth our children with him. But, I support whatever works for the couple.

Autumn
 
I agree with SeekerJen. He had better be there, but I don’t think he’d miss it for the world anyway. However, I think I’ll end up consoling him. He doesn’t do well with pain or blood. He has a soft, sweet heart:) .

Funny story, all three of us older kids were going to be there when my baby brother was born. When delivery got closer, bro got pale and insisted that he HAD to get back to school that day for a VERY important test. Sis and I stayed. It wasn’t a very good labor and delivery (kept losing the heartbeat, and he came out blue), but it was really great to be there.
 
I am a woman, and my husband will be present at the birth.

This is will be our first time around, but when I picture it, I can’t imagine him not being there. DH is REALLY afraid of blood/guts/etc. but he wants to be there, and I want him to be there as well. I suppose if he felt like he couldn’t do it, it would be ok for him not to be in the room, but it would definately be disapointing. His cousin, who is also very blood-shy, was present at the birth of his daughter a few months ago, and said that he really didn’t notice the blood or the possible gross-factor…he was too wrapped up in the moment, so I think (hope!) DH will be ok. I really would like DH to be there to pray for/with me.

We will be taking the Bradley Method classes, as mentioned above…for info you can check out www.bradleybirth.com and I think we will also have a midwive present, to take some of the pressure of off DH. I don’t think it’s necessarily right or wrong for a father to be/not to be present at the birth of their child, it has more to do with the needs of the couple.
 
queen_anne78 said:
I don’t think it’s necessarily right or wrong for a father to be/not to be present at the birth of their child, it has more to do with the needs of the couple.
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I agree. If things turned out differently and I didn’t have a perfectly functioning epidural during my delivery, I bet I would have needed him there with me at my bedside 🙂 But as it turned out, I think he helped me a lot more by calmly praying outside for the two of us. I also think if I *needed *him with me, fight or flight would have set in with him and he would have been able to do what he needed to do for me.

I think it’s also a cultural issue. In my culture, the fathers typically aren’t present for the birth but are for the circumcision. My dad wasn’t watching when I was born, and it’s just not something that ever was an important issue for me. But for people in cultures where fathers present at births is expected, the absence of dad at the bedside during delivery would be traumatic and disappointing.
 
I am a woman and my husband was present.🙂

We took a childbirth class which I think was really great especially for him because he knew what he could do to help me. After hours of labor I did end up with a c-section, once they did the initial cut he was allowed back in the room and was the first to hold our baby girl. There is no one else I would want there -not a family member, not a friend -the nurses kind of annoyed me so I certainly wouldn’t want to go it alone. I can’t imagine going through it with out him.
 
The father had better be present at the birth… He was sure there during the conception! Jeez, you start a project you’d better be there at the finish!

All humor aside. YES.

I was there for both of mine, actually knew “what” we had before my wife! Had the honor of lifting them up for their 1st “mommy nuzzle” and cut the cord for both of them. (Kind of a wierd thing, but I had a part in physically joining them with their mother, and then a part in separating (physically speaking) them as well…)

To the future Dads out there:
BE THERE. period.
I don’t care if you “lose it” and pass out if you get a papercut - be in the room doing whatever you can to help your wife - comic relief on the floor, coaching, messenger, or traffic cop, whatever.

Watching the delivery of your child is the most beautifully disgusting, emotionally wracking, epitome of helplessness experience you will ever endure… and you should experience this. It will shake you to your core as a man, a husband and a believer.
It is also the most uplifting, joyful and proudest moment you’ll ever have. You will be witness to another human’s first sights, sounds and smells. EVERY SINGLE THING from this second onward is NEW to this little person, and you are there to see it!

(Honestly watching/supporting someone dying is easier on you, I’ve done both. With dying at least you know they’re going to a better place.)

After the 12th or 85th hour of labor, 2 shift changes, and countless “dilation checks” and whatever else that needs to be done you could have trooped a squad of Marines and a biker gang through that room and she wouldn’t have cared.
Well, I cared. “No, it’s not OK for your interns to “witness” an exam.” “Wait a minute… who are YOU, and WHAT are you doing?” I was a sort of traffic cop in our room. My wife’s spread-eagled/ankles up on the bed and there’s a different person every 15 minutes coming in??? After the 1st wave of this the staff knew that they’d better introduce themselves and say what the heck they were in there for, and who they were replacing on the shift.

Suck it up and be a man. Help your wife during this. Attend the classes with her. LEARN the stuff. Understand what she’s going through. Be there for your child.
 
I am a woman - My husband was/ will be present at the birth of our children.
🙂

at our most recent, DH assisted in delivering him including helping stretch my perineum around his head and helping DS rotate (his hand was with his shoulder)
 
I am a man. I was not there for two, but was for three. A guy is pretty powerless in there. It’s not too good if you don’t understand things. I was pretty distressed the first time my wife couldn’t move her hands. That was due to hyperventilating, but I didn’t know it right then; nor did I know I could help her regulate her breathing to prevent that. During one labor, the baby’s heart rate kept getting more and more irregular. Finally, it stopped altogether. I was simultaneously lying to my wife about it and hitting the “nurse” buzzer, desperately. Finally, I bolted the room and ran down the hall for the nurse. Turned out the fetal heart monitor had slipped. The nurse reset it and the baby’s heart rate was fine. That was a time of unrelieved terror for me, though the nurse didn’t think a thing of it. I guess it happens a lot. By the third time, I pretty well knew what to expect, and might well have been of some help that time. I don’t know about the classes some of these guys take, but they sure couldn’t hurt. There weren’t any that I knew about at the time. (It has been awhile) other than a perfunctory, cheery little lecture that didn’t tell me anything. I’ll say that if a guy doesn’t know the deal through and through beforehand, he’s going to be baffled by it, not a little distressed, and pretty useless. I think most guys don’t “get it” when it comes to medical things, and can easily think something is going badly when it really isn’t. I absolutely, positively would recommend to any man who is planning to be there to take some kind of course telling him what happens; when it happens; what is bad; what’s helpful and what isn’t, and what is normal. I think women talk about childbirth among themselves and know what to expect. Men don’t talk about it and have no idea. Once you get onto it, you can actually coach your wife, and ought to, because she’s not thinking too clearly sometimes in childbirth. By the third time, I think maybe I was useful. If there had been good courses at the time, I would not have had to learn the hard (and scary) way.
 
spacecadet said:
I am a woman - My husband was/ will be present at the birth of our children.
🙂

at our most recent, DH assisted in delivering him including helping stretch my perineum around his head and helping DS rotate (his hand was with his shoulder)
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Sounds like my dh…made me wonder why we paid good money for the OB/GYN to be there when he did most everything himself:)
 
I am a woman and my husband was present for both my kids births.

The first one I had the epidural and everything was good, He talked to the doctor during the delivery and shared his experiences with cows being born (DH is a farmer) It didn’t bother me at the time because I was tired and in pain and wanted it over.

The second one, we got to the hospital too late and I was in SERIOUS pain and almost delivered in the elevator. DH didn’t have much chance to talk about cows this time but I was in complete AGONY and was hurting too bad to concentrate on anything. I didn’t even look at him the whole time he sort of stood over in the corner and kept his mouth shut. I never really did ask him what was going through his mind during that one. Keep in mind, I’d been in labor all day long and had been snapping at him all day.
 
My dh has been there all 8 times, one was a c-section and he was in the room for that too. He says he wouldn’t do it any other way. He is not the “do it all and see it all” kind though. He just holds my hand and does whatever I say for the most part. And avoids looking below the waist until he can see the baby’s face. He can watch himself bleed, but seeing my blood makes him woozie.😃
 
I’m engaged–not married–so I haven’t experienced motherhood…yet 🙂 … But I do know that I want my fiance to be there when our children are born. I know I will need his support and love at that time, and I also know that he will want to be there beside me and our child.
 
Jay2 said:
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Well, ***I*** cared. "No, it's not OK for your interns to "witness" an exam." "Wait a minute... who are YOU, and WHAT are you doing?" I was a sort of traffic cop in our room. My wife's spread-eagled/ankles up on the bed and there's a different person every 15 minutes coming in??? After the 1st wave of this the staff knew that they'd better introduce themselves and say what the heck they were in there for, and who they were replacing on the shift.
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:clapping:
As a woman, I salute you!

My husband is this protective, too, and he was there for both so far, and plans on being there for #3. Wouldn’t dream of doing it without him. 😃 If he’s not there yet, the baby just won’t be coming out, that’s all. And you’re right… there’s too much else on the laboring woman’s mind to be the “traffic cop”… it’s nice when hubby can step in and salvage your dignity–you’ll care later! :love:

With my last baby, the hospital did a really good job of self-regulating the traffic. Which was nice. Also, it helped that I labored and delivered in the middle of the night… not too many interns interested in being “bedside” at 5 in the morning! 😃
 
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