Fathers and Daughters

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I lived in Singapore for two years. I worked in UTown within NUS doing research. Very nice country. It did seem to me that Asian families will put a lot of pressure on their kids. Everyone was struggling to do very good in school. Also, there was this pressure to be like a westerner in some sense. Not sure the obsession with looking white like a westerner, and also westerner features. I am not surprised such a small country where locals compete wit foreigners. It is a difficult society to live in. Housing, of course, is as expensive as living in London unless you are living in a HBD, but still expensive.

I did ENJOY seeing a very pious Catholic Church in Singapore. The Archbishop Goh has done excellent job. He speaks plainly about all the issues. I rarely see that in the US.

I think the Catholic Church in Singapore should have many resources to help you Leah. Have you looked into them? I did participate in the activities of Opus Dei in Singapore. The house for the boys is right there in NUS. They probably have a house for the girls, too.

Keep strong, lah 👍
 
So, does that make you 15 or so? That makes a slight difference in the story.
I guess I assumed you were an adult already. Although his possessiveness is worrying.
Best wishes!
 
pianistclare said:
So, does that make you 15 or so? That makes a slight difference in the story.
I guess I assumed you were an adult already. Although his possessiveness is worrying.
Best wishes!
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I’m 18.

To summarize the education system briefly: students take their national exams (Cambridge O levels) at 16 or 17 (17 for students who study in a secondary school for 5 years because they study at a slower pace aka me bc I was stupid for a while).

After that, 17/18 year olds can choose whether to take A levels (entrance exams for uni) and go to university when they are 19/20 year olds, or take a diploma (be it in business, early childhood, etc) and choose to work, or go to a university when they are 20/21. I took the diploma route so I’ll start university when I’m 20/21. It’s slightly more similar to the UK education system as compared to the US?
 
Patavium said:
I lived in Singapore for two years. I worked in UTown within NUS doing research. Very nice country. It did seem to me that Asian families will put a lot of pressure on their kids. Everyone was struggling to do very good in school. Also, there was this pressure to be like a westerner in some sense. Not sure the obsession with looking white like a westerner, and also westerner features. I am not surprised such a small country where locals compete wit foreigners. It is a difficult society to live in. Housing, of course, is as expensive as living in London unless you are living in a HBD, but still expensive.

I did ENJOY seeing a very pious Catholic Church in Singapore. The Archbishop Goh has done excellent job. He speaks plainly about all the issues. I rarely see that in the US.

I think the Catholic Church in Singapore should have many resources to help you Leah. Have you looked into them? I did participate in the activities of Opus Dei in Singapore. The house for the boys is right there in NUS. They probably have a house for the girls, too.

Keep strong, lah 👍
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Singapore is greatly influenced by the western culture. Korean culture too I guess, but not as much. It honestly sucks because I’m Indian, I can’t pull off either looks, lol.

I don’t really know what help I need from the Church? Financial wise, I don’t know, my dad mentioned something about asking for help from our parish. I don’t know if he did anything or if they helped.

(I’m patiently waiting for ‘singlish’ to die:D)
 
Lea101 said:
I’m 18.

To summarize the education system briefly: students take their national exams (Cambridge O levels) at 16 or 17 (17 for students who study in a secondary school for 5 years because they study at a slower pace aka me bc I was stupid for a while).

After that, 17/18 year olds can choose whether to take A levels (entrance exams for uni) and go to university when they are 19/20 year olds, or take a diploma (be it in business, early childhood, etc) and choose to work, or go to a university when they are 20/21. I took the diploma route so I’ll start university when I’m 20/21. It’s slightly more similar to the UK education system as compared to the US?
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Thanks for the clarification.
At any rate, 18 is far too early to be even considering marriage, so your father should not worry.
 
It’s going to be hard for many of us to give advice because there are obviously cultural things that are playing a part that we don’t know about.
I think you should charitably assume you father is acting out of love and go with it.

Also consider that in western culture many people don’t even have dads which may play a part in our view of adolescent freedom.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
It’s going to be hard for many of us to give advice because there are obviously cultural things that are playing a part that we don’t know about.
I think you should charitably assume you father is acting out of love and go with it.

Also consider that in western culture many people don’t even have dads which may play a part in our view of adolescent freedom.
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While I agree culture plays a role, it is evident her father has issues. Who yells at their 18 year old daughter for working on a group school assignment because she has to talk to the group and it contains boys?

Frankly, that’s not overprotective, that’s just plain crazy.
 
1ke said:
While I agree culture plays a role, it is evident her father has issues. Who yells at their 18 year old daughter for working on a group school assignment because she has to talk to the group and it contains boys?

Frankly, that’s not overprotective, that’s just plain crazy.
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Remember, on these boards we are only getting one side and when that one side is a daughter or son complaining about a parent they live with…😉
 
AClaire11 said:
Maybe my experience is unusual, but I have never heard of the bolded happening anywhere outside of television.
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Well, now you have.

I can’t hide the relationship, but I’m hiding how serious it is.

Yes, shotgun comment.

Yes, worse comments.

No, I don’t live in a third-world country, but I may as well.

And I’m 25, not 18, and it’s still this bad :rolleyes:
 
So Lea, I’m just going to tell you that you’re not the only one, and your father is not the only one. I expected ribbing, joking, idle threats, etc.

But my Potential Suitor came to my house, met my father the same time he met me (much text and phone before this, of course - it’s long distance), he met me on our terms and our territory, the only place we went alone was to my aunt’s house, etc.

My mom likes him, my sister is thrilled with him.

My father has done nothing but disparage and mock him tell me he’s not good enough, etc. I joked (but also I’m serious) that if I brought home Jesus himself, Dad would say he isn’t good enough because he’s a jobless bum.

I had to accept this is just how my father is.

I’m making subtle preparations to move out. When I know exactly where I’m going and when, I’ll calmly tell him ‘I’m leaving now.’

Then I’ll leave and I won’t look back.

When he’s calmed down enough, he can visit his grandkids.

And that’s that. 🤷
 
SilverShadow22 said:
My father has done nothing but disparage and mock him tell me he’s not good enough, etc. I joked (but also I’m serious) that if I brought home Jesus himself, Dad would say he isn’t good enough because he’s a jobless bum.

I had to accept this is just how my father is.

I’m making subtle preparations to move out. When I know exactly where I’m going and when, I’ll calmly tell him ‘I’m leaving now.’

Then I’ll leave and I won’t look back.

When he’s calmed down enough, he can visit his grandkids.

And that’s that. 🤷
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My dad says I can date when I find a man who loves me more than Jesus loves me :whacky:
 
I think you need to find a way to honor him as your father while remembering that you are a person too who has a life to lead. It may be a good idea to seek advice from someone who understands your cultural pressures.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I think you need to find a way to honor him as your father while remembering that you are a person too who has a life to lead. It may be a good idea to seek advice from someone who understands your cultural pressures.
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Well…I don’t have anyone in my life that helps. Culture is honestly not that huge of a difference as compared to, a Catholic family in the US with regards to this issue. The noticeable difference is that you treat an 18 year old like you would a 15 year old. With maybe a bit more freedom. (18 is not really a big deal when it comes to freedom because they aren’t even in a university yet, it’s usually 21)
 
The puposely of dating is to find a spouse, so perhaps your dad does not think you are ready for this, utntil your education is finished. Just a thought to consider.

Marriage is forever, so from what you have posted he sees these boys as transient distractions from the goals he has for you.

The age of 18 and 19 is a time of transition and for young people and not very easy for some children and parents too.
 
1ke said:
While I agree culture plays a role, it is evident her father has issues. Who yells at their 18 year old daughter for working on a group school assignment because she has to talk to the group and it contains boys?

Frankly, that’s not overprotective, that’s just plain crazy.
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I had a boyfriend when I was 19 get angry over the exact same thing. I think it’s the knee-jerk “I know what those guys are thinking” thought process. But, that doesn’t make it any less crazy.

I definitely don’t think the OP should just “go with” this even if it is out of love and protection. It’s time to look at moving out.
 
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