I’ve told this ad infinitum before, but the night my father died, he appeared in my room.
I believe he went to hell, because his final act was a scream of absolute terror, and it was obvious something was coming for him, even though I couldn’t see what it was. I only saw him.
Now I was an atheist at the time (1979), and didn’t become Christian till late 1982.
But during our discussion at one time he blurted out, “I always was doomed! I didn’t really have any choice!” I argued back, saying “That can’t be right!” He replied, “Oh, it’s right, all right. You can see that from here.”
But later in our exchange he said “I was WILLING!” (to act as he did - I’d say very willing.)
So this business of predestination and free will is a bit of a bug bear for me. It’s not just a case of some dry theological doctrine, but for me the personal experience of having my own father turn up in my own bedroom on the night he died. He apologised for the way he’d treated me (bit late as the damage was already done). He told me I needed to forgive him for my sake, saying that if I didn’t, I’d “destroy myself.” He also said it wasn’t for him - it was too late for him, as all that he was expected to do was to look after his own famlly, and he didn’t even do that!
Then there was the bit about “always being doomed.”
For me its a case of trying to justify our claim to “God is love”, and “God is good”, while knowing full well from personal experience that for some people, including my father, they are “doomed, and never had much choice” about it. Mind you my father had been cruel all my life, and admitted he “did it deliberately”. So i’m not saying he didn’t deserve to be punished - what sticks in my craw was his claim “I always was doomed! I didn’t really have any choice!”
Did Judas really have a choice, or was he always doomed?
John 17:12 NIV
While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one DOOMED to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.
Bit tough if you’re Judas, doomed as a baby, doomed as an infant, doomed as a teenager, doomed as an adult etc.
Maybe I could say the same thing about my father - bit tough if you’re Terrence John Crowley aka Jack Crowley (as he preferred) doomed as a baby, doomed as a child and teenager living in very austere circumstances in the Great Depression, doomed as a young serviceman fighting in New Guinea, doomed as a young married man, doomed as an middle aged man.
I have trouble getting my head around it - for me it’s a bit more than an academic argument between Augustinians, Molinists, Calvinists and Arminians. For me it’s the spectacle of my father absolutely screaming his head off just before he disappeared into eternity on a hot night in January 38 years ago.
If you can shed light on it, let me know by all means.