Fathers and sons and purity

[Bubba1]

The following quote is from the thread on self abuse:

Maybe you could study the issue from a more objective and pastoral point of view and offer a session for the fathers of teen-age boys to help them father their kids through the purity issues of puberty. Lemme tell ya, some of the dads who show up at such an event will be in need of help for themselves.

I have been thinking alot about this very issue because my son is 16. I’ve had an occasional problem with internet porn and a logn time ago masterbation. I don’t masterbate anymore, but still I have problems with purity.

We’ve been pretty strict about our kid’s on the internet. The computer is in the family room where there is almost always someone else. But sometimes my son is up late at night workingon homework, and I have evedince that he has gone to some less than great sites. Nothing with full nudity, but close. Things like cheerleader sites. Its natural for him to want to see pretty girls but the pictures on them are sexually suggestive, to say the least. I don’t want him to view girls as sex objects.

He is pretty private about things but he’s a good kid who tries to do the right thing. He’s more open with his mother then he is with me. I’ve spoken to him about purity and all but not too much. Partly because I want to lead by example and partly because I fail in this area sometimes myself. I’ve been pretty good at keeping others from knowing, so I dont’ think he really understands that I struggle in this too.

My general question is how can I help him live purely? How can I talk to him? It’s hard for me to talk about with him because he pretty much just says “uh huh” and I go on and on and on. I don’t want to overdo it.

Also, should I share my own struggle with him? I don’t want to get too specific obviously but is it ok for him to know that his father isn’t perfect in this? Sure I can tell him I had problems in the past but do I tell him I still sometimes fail?

I’d like to open a general discussion of how fathers can help their sons grow in the virtue of purity without making them prudes even though we strugggle and fail ourselves. Mothers are welcome to offer their advice too but I really want to know about what fathers can do.

It might be worth a seperate thread to discuss what mothers can do to help and fathers can offer their advice on that thread.

 

[1ke]

I’d like to offer two websites that may be of help to you, not sure if you already know of them:

www.dads.org
www.pureloveclub.com

 

[Bubba1]

1ke:

I’d like to offer two websites that may be of help to you, not sure if you already know of them:

www.dads.org
www.pureloveclub.com

It seems like the first one is pretty good for fathers and the second one is for the kids.

But I still want to hear what other fathers (and mothers) say. Especially on how (and how much) to talk about the issue and sharing our own struggle with them.

 

[Fidelis]

I’m a Dad with three boys, ages 10, 16, amd 17. The two youngest, respectively, are too young and preoccupied with other things right now to be overly interested in girls. The second oldest seems to have developed a pretty sensitive radar to these types of things and, after years of us modeling this type of behavior, when suggestive or trashy material comes up on TV, for example, he is quick to comment negatively and turn the channel.

My oldest is another story. He seems to be the more girl-crazy of the lot, and he definitely likes to look at pretty girls. He also has a slight mental disability so it is a little more difficult to explain things to him. He’ll put pictures of girls on the wall in his room and most of it tends to be innocent. But if the content starts going over the line, even a little (according to my own parental standard) I tell him it is not appropriate because it is not a nice picture and that he needs to take it down. I started doing this early on, so he pretty much accepts my judgment. Same thing with the Internet. These types of things can be used as a launching pad for a friendly, fruitful discussion.

If your son doesn’t seem to be listening, talk anyway. You have the obligation to do so, and he may be hearing more than you think. In fact, I guarantee he is. Just make it as discursive as possible and if it starts getting sermonistic, lay off.

The fact that you struggled in this area in the past is inmaterial as to whether you have the moral authority to instruct your children on anything. You do, by virtue of being their parent. You also have the right to check up on them if you suspect anything.

Whatever you do, however, walk the talk and set the example for your kids in how you act now; kids have no time for hypocrites. If you are viewing pornography, R rated or worse movies, listening to music with explicit lyrics, or watching TV shows where every joke, story-line or visual image revolves around sex, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. If your kids ask you you you ever failed morally, admit it without going into details. Reinforce the real point; that we have done things we wish we hadn’t done, but that doesn’t make them right.

You sound like a good man who wants to do the right thing. Let your love for your children and for the Lord guide your heart and words, and you will have done your best. God bless you and your family.