Fathers who kill/suicide

[TracyJ]

I keep reading about fathers who kill their family and then themselves.

This is so sad, so heartwrenching and so futile.

Is there an upswing in this kind of behavior? If so, what can we do about it beyond prayer?

 

[ServantEliza]

It appears this of murder/suicide is happening more with the economic struggle some families are having during these times. So sad. These people need to know that they are loved and forgiven for any poor decisions they may have made with their money. Many are in similar situations in the world. It is a fact we are in a deep recession and many have lost jobs and losing homes etc. We could keep a watchful eye for people who may be in need. Other than that and prayer, I don’t know what can be done because the situation may be kept private and then its too late.

I pray for the people who are stuggling.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I have a dim view of the kind of man who would so arrogantly kill his whole family. My theory: Their public image is their whole image. When that is shattered, they can’t face themselves. Rather than farm the kids out to relatives till they get back on their feet, they take the whole family down with them. To their sick minds that is more noble than accepting charity or the consequences of their actions. Their family was just a prop in the play of their lives. The people had no dignity or rights just because they were human beings. And so they can be disposed of in the most cold-blooded manner.

Lots of people lose jobs. It takes a “special kind of man” to slaughter his whole family because he is depressed about it.

(Says she who could see her xh doing the same thing and has lived in terror of that for over a decade.) But no, you can’t prosecute someone for what you think they might do. YOU look like the nut if you suggest it.

As for what you can do about it… it’s a battle against evil. Prayer is the only weapon.

I’m sure often the mothers of these families had no idea what was really going on financially till the gun was being pointed at them or the bat was raining down on their head. But if you have men in your life who have lost jobs recently, keep a special ear out for the wife and what she is saying between the lines, or the fears she may be expressing about how her husband is handling it. If possible, help him find work. Reach out. No man is an island. You may save some innocent people.

 

[Just_wondering]

From what I’ve read about it, it seems that men who do this do it out of pride. They lead everyone to believe that they’re just fine - they’re their family’s rock, they’re a pillar of their company, whatever - and when the house of cards comes tumbling down, they’re not willing to admit to their lies. I’ve heard about fathers who lost their jobs months back but continued leaving the house at the same time every morning, pretending all was well, borrowing money without their wife’s knowledge to keep up the charade of being the provider. It’s the image that is important to them - they have to be seen as capable and in charge. And then, when they reach that point when they just can’t pretend anymore, that’s when they turn to murder or suicide to avoid facing facts.

I don’t know how people could identify these men before they do it. I think they present an image of success to the outside world, so that people who aren’t close to them don’t suspect that they’re at rock bottom. Their families might suspect things aren’t alright, but that’s right at the point when the men do it.

 

[TracyJ]

Thank you to all who wrote answers to me.

I was especially interested in the post that commented that a family might be a “prop”
for a certain type of person.

This is a tragedy that occurred in my own neighborhood, a father came to a child’s birthday party and killed his two children and himself in front of the ex-wife.
It also occurred to a friend of a friend, three little boys were taken out by their father…
so it happens. So I think that pride and despair are the two factors at play here as well as
some kind of hate that most of us don’t experience regardless of how bad we might be.

I know that for me, the biggest fear that I have is losing a loved one, it’s unthinkable that
a child would die before me, and yet it happens.
To hate a woman so much that you kill what is also your own family and then surrender
your own life …just doesn’t compute with me.

I will pray for the souls of the ones who are lost and also for those of us who remain
and must deal with these tragedies either directly or indirectly.

 

[redtech]

I’m praying for them too. This is really dispicable.

 

[jwashu]

I keep reading about fathers who kill their family and then themselves.

This is so sad, so heartwrenching and so futile.

Is there an upswing in this kind of behavior? If so, what can we do about it beyond prayer?

Don’t forget all the mom’s who seem to have killed their children over the past few years and NOT themselves though…

I would blame either to lack of Faith / Conviction of something greater than themselves and mental illness.

 

[TLM08]

I keep reading about fathers who kill their family and then themselves.

This is so sad, so heartwrenching and so futile.

Is there an upswing in this kind of behavior? If so, what can we do about it beyond prayer?

To all young people out there who may be reading this:
Be extremely careful who you reproduce with!
Sadly, women are doing this too. But caution and good sense a great place to start.

 

[zaramarie81]

To all young people out there who may be reading this:
Be extremely careful who you reproduce with!
Sadly, women are doing this too. But caution and good sense a great place to start.

These stories are so horrifying. It’s hard to understand why such horrible things happen, how someone could make such a horrible choice, but I am not so sure it’s just “pride” or “arrogance.” It seems to me that despair would be the main cause. When a person is in despair they have no more hope, see no more reason to live, and in some cases, become extremely destructive. I personally have experienced a sense of despair before (never come close to suicide) but there is definitely a destructive element to despair that I know firsthand. Those who go so far as to do permanent harm may regret what they do later (if they live) but they don’t, in the moment, see it that way. When you despair you hate yourself so much that you can’t even think straight and you act out on that hate. You feel “I am such a despicable person anyway, I may as well just accept it.” The person you hate becomes you… if that makes sense? It’s not rational, it’s not fair, but it’s how despair can work.

Something worth noting to those who find themselves in relationships with or friendships with those who struggle with suicidal tendencies: Research shows that those who struggle with doing violence to themselves or who struggle with suicidal tendencies have a higher likelihood of hurting someone else. So, if someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide… don’t try to help on your own or try to be the hero, but bring others in to help. Not all who struggle with suicidal thoughts will hurt others, but there is always that possibility. Remember the movie Patch Adams? When the female lead went to go check on the one patient all by herself? I saw that murder/suicide scene coming from a mile away… her sense of compassion blinded her common sense. Soooo very sad.