Fear of Being Alone?

[lovedance4ever]

I think my greatest fear is the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I am 20 years old, but my parents had me when they were 40 and 41. Needless to say, they are in their 60’s now. I have one sister who is 23 years older than I am, but from my past posts, some of you may already know that she and her three beautiful daughters want nothing to do with me anymore, which I will explain in a minute.

My mom’s side of the family, although raised Catholic, left the Church and raised their children (my cousins) Protestant. My sister also turned away from the Church when she was my age and became close with my mom’s sister, and so now it seems that they all have their own group from which I am excluded because I am the crazy Catholic. And I believe this is the reason my family is indifferent to me; they ignore everything I do, never ask about me, and when we get together, they never miss a chance to make a dig about Catholicism. My sister’s abusive, paranoid husband is afraid I will convert his children, and so he controls them to the point where they are only allowed to speak with me once every several months. Mind you, I respect the fact that my sister has different views than me and that she wants to raise her children contrary to my beliefs, and I would never try to influence her children. I just try to be a good example of a Catholic and I make myself available if they have any questions.

Now that all of that has been said, my father’s side of the family is a whole different type of crazy. They are verbally abusive to my dad, myself, and my mother. My nana has never loved me, and the only time she has ever done anything for me, is if it benefitted my cousins, who she favors. My cousins on this side of the family do not like me either, never have. I have no idea why. I was always a bit shy, but eager to be friendly with them. I always made an effort.

Well, here is my problem. I have no friends, and no family other than my parents who I love dearly. Since they had me later in their lives, my fear is that when they pass away, I will be left without a friend in the world. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but if you knew exactly how my situation is, you would realize how very real this all is. I have little confidence that I will ever meet a man, and so I feel like I have to prepare myself for being alone.

I am a criminal justice student, and quite frankly, it is my love. It’s the one thing I have a real passion for, and so on the bright side, I know that I will at least be content in my profession. But I feel that this is the only thing I will ever have.

My father confirmed this for me this evening when I was telling him about how I was feeling about being alone. He responded, “Well, you may not have anything else, but you’ll have your job.” I can just see myself as the stereotypical unmarried, alcoholic cop who dedicates the rest of her life to solving an unsolved murder.

How can I resign myself to the fact that I might be alone? I want to always please the Lord in everything I do, and I want this to be enough of a comfort. In a sense, I realize that He is all I need to be happy, and yet I still have this fear. Please pray for me, and know that I pray for all of you.

God bless

 

[Xantippe]

Your odds of finding a suitable single guy within your future profession are very good. That possibility presents certain difficulties of its own (schedules, kids, stress, etc.), male-dominated professions and environments often offer good hunting (pardon the expression) to the single woman.

Here’s a funny old piece from the Onion on this phenomenon:

theonion.com/articles/woman-at-farscape-convention-has-dangerously-infla,1169/

 

[ClearWater]

I think my greatest fear is the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I am 20 years old, but my parents had me when they were 40 and 41. Needless to say, they are in their 60’s now. I have one sister who is 23 years older than I am, but from my past posts, some of you may already know that she and her three beautiful daughters want nothing to do with me anymore, which I will explain in a minute.

My mom’s side of the family, although raised Catholic, left the Church and raised their children (my cousins) Protestant. My sister also turned away from the Church when she was my age and became close with my mom’s sister, and so now it seems that they all have their own group from which I am excluded because I am the crazy Catholic. And I believe this is the reason my family is indifferent to me; they ignore everything I do, never ask about me, and when we get together, they never miss a chance to make a dig about Catholicism. My sister’s abusive, paranoid husband is afraid I will convert his children, and so he controls them to the point where they are only allowed to speak with me once every several months. Mind you, I respect the fact that my sister has different views than me and that she wants to raise her children contrary to my beliefs, and I would never try to influence her children. I just try to be a good example of a Catholic and I make myself available if they have any questions.

Now that all of that has been said, my father’s side of the family is a whole different type of crazy. They are verbally abusive to my dad, myself, and my mother. My nana has never loved me, and the only time she has ever done anything for me, is if it benefitted my cousins, who she favors. My cousins on this side of the family do not like me either, never have. I have no idea why. I was always a bit shy, but eager to be friendly with them. I always made an effort.

Well, here is my problem. I have no friends, and no family other than my parents who I love dearly. Since they had me later in their lives, my fear is that when they pass away, I will be left without a friend in the world. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but if you knew exactly how my situation is, you would realize how very real this all is. I have little confidence that I will ever meet a man, and so I feel like I have to prepare myself for being alone.

I am a criminal justice student, and quite frankly, it is my love. It’s the one thing I have a real passion for, and so on the bright side, I know that I will at least be content in my profession. But I feel that this is the only thing I will ever have.

My father confirmed this for me this evening when I was telling him about how I was feeling about being alone. He responded, “Well, you may not have anything else, but you’ll have your job.” I can just see myself as the stereotypical unmarried, alcoholic cop who dedicates the rest of her life to solving an unsolved murder.

How can I resign myself to the fact that I might be alone? I want to always please the Lord in everything I do, and I want this to be enough of a comfort. In a sense, I realize that He is all I need to be happy, and yet I still have this fear. Please pray for me, and know that I pray for all of you.

God bless

You are only 20 with your whole life ahead of you. It’s still till early to tell if you will get married or not. Most do, actually.

Can you meet people through clubs at school? Think about your interests. College can be one of the best places to meet people. Does your college have a Newman Center for students? My Newman Center had free spaghetti dinners once a week for the students! That way, you’d have a better probability of meeting of someone of your faith with similar interests. Do you have any other hobbies?

Have you ever gone on a religious retreat with others your age? I’ve heard of Cursillo, and I think there are others.

Does your major have a club? Have you ever tried finding a study partner for exams?

A lot of colleges will offer different events. Why not try some of those? You could go with the idea if you meet friends, good. If not, nothing lost.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I fully understand your situation. My parents (principally my mother) stayed married partly because of social pressure -divorce among Catholics was absolutely unthinkable during the 1940’s- and partly until at least I was out of the house. My father was a hotel chef d’ cuisine in the resort hotels in Miami Beach and thus was never home except to sleep because of work pressures and when he was home he and my mom fought ferociously.
I left home early and went to sea just to get away and be on my own. My father never forgave me. Fast forward a few years and my mother disliked the woman I married so much that she refused to come to the wedding…and barely aknowledged her grandchildren.
My only brother (younger) sided with my parents to his own advantage (he inhereted everything from them) never married and was consumed with sibling rivalry to the day he died. After leaving home, the only reason I went back was for family emergencies and funerals. The point of all of this is, is that you are not alone in coming from a disfunctional family.
Relax, and just pay attention to your studies, and live your own independant life. After you graduate, Not everyone comes from a functional family like what is depicted on TV. Keep in touch with your family, by all means, but on your own terms. Stay away from their conflicts with one another, and when you talk with them on the telephone or visit them, tell them straight out that you do not want to listen to negative gossip about others. That is the only way you will be able to keep your sanity and eventually form a healthy relationship with someone.
I would also suggest that you seek employment some where other than where your parents live after you graduate.
While at school, I would seek out the Newman organization as others on this thread have recommended. This is an excellent source for Catholic friends and acquaintences on campus.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

I think my greatest fear is the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I am 20 years old, but my parents had me when they were 40 and 41. Needless to say, they are in their 60’s now. I have one sister who is 23 years older than I am, but from my past posts, some of you may already know that she and her three beautiful daughters want nothing to do with me anymore, which I will explain in a minute.

My mom’s side of the family, although raised Catholic, left the Church and raised their children (my cousins) Protestant. My sister also turned away from the Church when she was my age and became close with my mom’s sister, and so now it seems that they all have their own group from which I am excluded because I am the crazy Catholic. And I believe this is the reason my family is indifferent to me; they ignore everything I do, never ask about me, and when we get together, they never miss a chance to make a dig about Catholicism. My sister’s abusive, paranoid husband is afraid I will convert his children, and so he controls them to the point where they are only allowed to speak with me once every several months. Mind you, I respect the fact that my sister has different views than me and that she wants to raise her children contrary to my beliefs, and I would never try to influence her children. I just try to be a good example of a Catholic and I make myself available if they have any questions.

Now that all of that has been said, my father’s side of the family is a whole different type of crazy. They are verbally abusive to my dad, myself, and my mother. My nana has never loved me, and the only time she has ever done anything for me, is if it benefitted my cousins, who she favors. My cousins on this side of the family do not like me either, never have. I have no idea why. I was always a bit shy, but eager to be friendly with them. I always made an effort.

Well, here is my problem. I have no friends, and no family other than my parents who I love dearly. Since they had me later in their lives, my fear is that when they pass away, I will be left without a friend in the world. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but if you knew exactly how my situation is, you would realize how very real this all is. I have little confidence that I will ever meet a man, and so I feel like I have to prepare myself for being alone.

I am a criminal justice student, and quite frankly, it is my love. It’s the one thing I have a real passion for, and so on the bright side, I know that I will at least be content in my profession. But I feel that this is the only thing I will ever have.

My father confirmed this for me this evening when I was telling him about how I was feeling about being alone. He responded, “Well, you may not have anything else, but you’ll have your job.” I can just see myself as the stereotypical unmarried, alcoholic cop who dedicates the rest of her life to solving an unsolved murder.

How can I resign myself to the fact that I might be alone? I want to always please the Lord in everything I do, and I want this to be enough of a comfort. In a sense, I realize that He is all I need to be happy, and yet I still have this fear. Please pray for me, and know that I pray for all of you.

God bless

Your family situation is not too uncommon, I would just forget about all those odd relatives and go your own way. Who says, by the way, that you won’t meet some nice guy who likes a quiet girl. And who knows, a family of your own. Only try to find a decent Catholic guy.

I know many people who are alone in the world, so you aren’t alone. Your faith can be a big help, be active at Church and keep up your spiritual life. All will turn out well, your parents may live another 20-30 years, so buck up.

Linus2nd

 

[Cricket2]

You are so young and it sounds like you are headed for a lot of higher education. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, as far as getting married. There is time. Besides most people meet their future spouse on the job, at school or by participating in activities such as hiking, or going to concerts where it just happens they meet because of similar interests.

If you are meant to meet someone you will. But if you are called to be single (I have been and am now 54) please remember that loneliness is not fended off just because you are married, or a certain result of being single. Solitude can be a very wonderful experience, if it is in the context of a Christian life. I can actually feel more lonely around people than without them.

It does not mean that being single is easy. There are great challenges to contend with, but having a strong circle of reliable friends makes it worth while. Work on being honest with who you are, keep your relationship strong with your parents, and do not get to concerned about other family ever approving of you. Your trust will need to be in God above all else. He will provide you with the people and events that you need to have a full life, whether you are married, single or decide to become a religious some day.

 

[andyklein]

I’m 21 and I’m a guy and I also irrationally feel the same way at times. I think you should first find activities that pertain to your interests. Yours are so much better than mine (philosophy, which is a turnoff in itself) for finding potential spouses. Next, you should pray a novena to St Therese and ask her to send you a flower (like what I’m doing).

 

[brian614]

I will be praying for you tonight. Also you could ask St. Rachael for his intercession. I was actually thinking of starting a Novena to St. Rachael here on CAF for my own intentions of finding a spouse.

May God bless you!

 

[Auntie_A]

We all fear being alone and some of us see more hints of it than others. BUT you do not have to think of this as an either/or proposition.

Example: you become a cop. You assist at your church as a catechism teacher or in some volunteer position once a week or once a month. You meet a nice widower (are you a girl?) and he has a few kids that are dying for a devoted cop/mom.

Or, you become a cop and there is a really nice married cop who has a nice unmarried brother and he/she invites you over to meet him. You hit it off fine and he likes your crazy people and you like his people and your world grows exponentially with kids and in-laws. He has a few whacky relatives too. You can tolerate his whacky ones and he tolerates yours…

Or you become a cop and never marry but everyone seeks you out for your love, compassion, and brilliance and you are never alone. Even some of your nieces and nephews seek you because their parents forgot to teach them a few important things. After your parents die, you will become the strong sane family member that everyone wants to be with.

One of your cop friends, sadly dies in action and wills her children to you.

You are a cop for a while, then decide to go to law school. You fall in love with a really great judge and you raise a big family of artists!

Your parents die and you feel alone but suddenly an old friend of the family comes to the funeral and falls for you. (Make sure they are not a golddigger)

You fall in love with the mechanic who takes care of your car. He has a big crush on you and loves that you are a cop but he is prepared to take care of you if you want to raise a family. Your folks will love him.

Just a few scenarios. I’m sure there are more.

LIfe is very funny. The things we fear sometimes happen and they are not so bad. OR they never happen and we wasted our time fearing that they will happen.

Try to have some fun, travel, meet people. Love your parents while they are here.

 

[runningdude]

…
How can I resign myself to the fact that I might be alone? I want to always please the Lord in everything I do, and I want this to be enough of a comfort. In a sense, I realize that He is all I need to be happy, and yet I still have this fear. Please pray for me, and know that I pray for all of you.

God bless

This may be depression speaking. While you are in school, I encourage you visit the counseling center, and see if they can help.

Dating, in theory, isn’t hard, but mental or emotional barriers can make it seem for more terrifying than it need be. Actually, being OK with being alone is helpful with dating, because then you won’t cling to some awful person for fear of being alone. When you are confident in yourself, and place yourself among people, men will respond!

Speaking to a counselor may help you work on building your confidence.

 

[abinjoy]

I think my greatest fear is the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I am 20 years old, but my parents had me when they were 40 and 41. Needless to say, they are in their 60’s now. I have one sister who is 23 years older than I am, but from my past posts, some of you may already know that she and her three beautiful daughters want nothing to do with me anymore, which I will explain in a minute.

My mom’s side of the family, although raised Catholic, left the Church and raised their children (my cousins) Protestant. My sister also turned away from the Church when she was my age and became close with my mom’s sister, and so now it seems that they all have their own group from which I am excluded because I am the crazy Catholic. And I believe this is the reason my family is indifferent to me; they ignore everything I do, never ask about me, and when we get together, they never miss a chance to make a dig about Catholicism. My sister’s abusive, paranoid husband is afraid I will convert his children, and so he controls them to the point where they are only allowed to speak with me once every several months. Mind you, I respect the fact that my sister has different views than me and that she wants to raise her children contrary to my beliefs, and I would never try to influence her children. I just try to be a good example of a Catholic and I make myself available if they have any questions.

Now that all of that has been said, my father’s side of the family is a whole different type of crazy. They are verbally abusive to my dad, myself, and my mother. My nana has never loved me, and the only time she has ever done anything for me, is if it benefitted my cousins, who she favors. My cousins on this side of the family do not like me either, never have. I have no idea why. I was always a bit shy, but eager to be friendly with them. I always made an effort.

Well, here is my problem. I have no friends, and no family other than my parents who I love dearly. Since they had me later in their lives, my fear is that when they pass away, I will be left without a friend in the world. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but if you knew exactly how my situation is, you would realize how very real this all is. I have little confidence that I will ever meet a man, and so I feel like I have to prepare myself for being alone.

I am a criminal justice student, and quite frankly, it is my love. It’s the one thing I have a real passion for, and so on the bright side, I know that I will at least be content in my profession. But I feel that this is the only thing I will ever have.

My father confirmed this for me this evening when I was telling him about how I was feeling about being alone. He responded, “Well, you may not have anything else, but you’ll have your job.” I can just see myself as the stereotypical unmarried, alcoholic cop who dedicates the rest of her life to solving an unsolved murder.

How can I resign myself to the fact that I might be alone? I want to always please the Lord in everything I do, and I want this to be enough of a comfort. In a sense, I realize that He is all I need to be happy, and yet I still have this fear. Please pray for me, and know that I pray for all of you.

God bless

I suggest that you should pray to St.Raphael seriously.He is the patron of relationship seekers/marriage etc…I had a mini miracle last year when I prayed to St.Raphael.
So don’t lose hope…You are only 20…You still have time…So hang on and be strong

 

[Atticus_Sparrow]

My father confirmed this for me this evening when I was telling him about how I was feeling about being alone. He responded, “Well, you may not have anything else, but you’ll have your job.” I can just see myself as the stereotypical unmarried, alcoholic cop who dedicates the rest of her life to solving an unsolved murder.

How can I resign myself to the fact that I might be alone? I want to always please the Lord in everything I do, and I want this to be enough of a comfort. In a sense, I realize that He is all I need to be happy, and yet I still have this fear. Please pray for me, and know that I pray for all of you.

God bless

I think we all feel this way from time to time. Fear of losing your loved ones–parents, siblings, spouse or children–isn’t at all unusual and you must take a deep breath and just relax. You’ll be fine. You’re 20, in college, and will eventually have a nice career. You’ll meet friends…be they co-workers, fellow students, parishioners or neighbors.

When I was younger I was quite shy and felt I’d never meet anyone. But, I took a few jobs working with the public and after awhile my shyness faded for the most part. I made friends and had a few dates. College opens many doors too.

Being a cop will put you in a situation where you form strong bonds with your fellow policemen. In other words, you’ll meet people…have a good life…get married and have a family of your own. Just open yourself up to that, relax a little and be thankful that your parents are here with you now.

 

[boomerang]

I have the same fear. I think it’s pretty common. I’m middle aged and married. No kids. My mom is still alive. I have one sister that I don’t see often. I keep thinking, “What will I do if I lose my husband and mother? Will I curl up and die?” I suspect I’ll grieve hard for a while, and then get over it like everyone else does. But I still worry.

You know, if you never marry, you can still adopt or foster children. That might be a good deal for you. The world won’t come to an end when your parents die. You’ll get over it. Any chance you could meet Andy Klein? He’s looking too!