G
garyjames
Guest
Hello all!
I am 50 now, and as a teen I became addicted to drugs and alcohol. I will spare you all the details, but I must say I went through high school in a fog. Of course family relationships were strained to the n’th degree, but my family being practicing Catholics, never gave up on me.
My father was very involved in the TEC movement and after graduation from high school, I relented and attended my first TEC retreat. I found the forgiveness of Christ, and became involved giving talks, working in the kitchen, bringing friends to attend, doing Palanca and so on.
I experienced phenominal things over those years. I discovered God speaking through scriptures. I saw things accomplished only by what could only have been divinely orchestrated.
I went to a prayer service , and having no idea what would happen there, went up and a priest layed his hands on me, and I was lying on the floor, experiencing a peace I could only describe as “I don’t ever want to leave here, and this is how it’s supposed to be”. I could only marvel at what had just occured.
While I was involved in TEC , I continued use of drugs and alchohol. It was a part of my life, and a number of the kids I’d met through TEC also smoked pot and drank regularly. During this time, I met a girl in the TEC community and we fell in love. She was a good girl, and I was not so good. I wanted more than she was willing to give, so one night, one of the other girls in the TEC community, well, she and I became involved and a short time later she was pregnant.
My drinking and drugging had progressed at this point to where I became a very verbally abusive person. She and I were going to marry, but she was smart enough , thatthat wasn’t a good idea.
My drinking and drugging continued. I eventually married a different girl, also from the TEC community, and we had our own children. I was unfaithful, had another illigitimate child through and affair with a woman I worked with, and abandoned my wife.
I regretted my decision and tried to reconcile with my wife but,
the damage was done.
I eventually became sober in 1989, and attended a community college. While there, I took some courses with a particular professor who was an athiest. He taught history, and one of the courses was called “Mysteries of History”. He proceeded to take the story of Moses and the Israelites and took it apart so efficiently, describing it all as a myth, and told us all that God and the Judeo/Christian story was just a myth as well. I bought it, hook line and sinker.
I reseneted my Catholic upbringing, with all the “guilt” assocaited with the rules, Commandments, and all of it. I investigated Joseph Campbell’s the Power of Myth, which just reinforced my beliefs. I had gone so far as to begin to argue with people about their beliefs, and stated in so many words that Jesus was just a myth, no different than Santa Clause. I’d become an athiest myself.
During this time I became involved with a woman and we moved in together and had a child of our own. A few years later, one morning, I woke up and the first thought in my mind was “go to church”. I got dressed, went to the local Catholic church, listened to the sermon, and left before it was over. I left there and went straight to a local non-denominational, evangelical church a friend of mine attended.
I began to read the scriptures, and wanted so badly to be forgiven my sins, and to be reconciled to the Jesus I found so many years before as a teenager. I couldn’t find Him.
Reading bible, I read the letter to the Hebrews. I became terrified when I read Hebrews 6:4-6. I had to find out what this meant. It was me!. The reason I couldn’t find the forgiveness I’d been looking for. I’d done the worst I could possibly do. I’d even allienated myself to the point of eternal damnation.
So, I spent the next 7 years searching for an answer I read commentaries and studied theology untill I’d realized that there wasn’t going to be any agreement as to what these terrifying scriptures really meant.
I have prayed, agonized, and shed thousands of tears of regret. I have asked for forgiveness and tried to make amends for all the things I’ve done in my life. But I can’t find the Lord again.
I don’t receive comfort reading the scriptures, only condemnation.
I’m not a crazy person. I’ve been sober for over 18 years I just wish I could find Jesus again. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, I just didn’t know…
I provide all this information to ask if someone did commit the sins described in the sixth chapter of the letter to the Hebrews, would they realize it? Or would they not even care.
Sincerely
garyjames
I am 50 now, and as a teen I became addicted to drugs and alcohol. I will spare you all the details, but I must say I went through high school in a fog. Of course family relationships were strained to the n’th degree, but my family being practicing Catholics, never gave up on me.
My father was very involved in the TEC movement and after graduation from high school, I relented and attended my first TEC retreat. I found the forgiveness of Christ, and became involved giving talks, working in the kitchen, bringing friends to attend, doing Palanca and so on.
I experienced phenominal things over those years. I discovered God speaking through scriptures. I saw things accomplished only by what could only have been divinely orchestrated.
I went to a prayer service , and having no idea what would happen there, went up and a priest layed his hands on me, and I was lying on the floor, experiencing a peace I could only describe as “I don’t ever want to leave here, and this is how it’s supposed to be”. I could only marvel at what had just occured.
While I was involved in TEC , I continued use of drugs and alchohol. It was a part of my life, and a number of the kids I’d met through TEC also smoked pot and drank regularly. During this time, I met a girl in the TEC community and we fell in love. She was a good girl, and I was not so good. I wanted more than she was willing to give, so one night, one of the other girls in the TEC community, well, she and I became involved and a short time later she was pregnant.
My drinking and drugging had progressed at this point to where I became a very verbally abusive person. She and I were going to marry, but she was smart enough , thatthat wasn’t a good idea.
My drinking and drugging continued. I eventually married a different girl, also from the TEC community, and we had our own children. I was unfaithful, had another illigitimate child through and affair with a woman I worked with, and abandoned my wife.
I regretted my decision and tried to reconcile with my wife but,
the damage was done.
I eventually became sober in 1989, and attended a community college. While there, I took some courses with a particular professor who was an athiest. He taught history, and one of the courses was called “Mysteries of History”. He proceeded to take the story of Moses and the Israelites and took it apart so efficiently, describing it all as a myth, and told us all that God and the Judeo/Christian story was just a myth as well. I bought it, hook line and sinker.
I reseneted my Catholic upbringing, with all the “guilt” assocaited with the rules, Commandments, and all of it. I investigated Joseph Campbell’s the Power of Myth, which just reinforced my beliefs. I had gone so far as to begin to argue with people about their beliefs, and stated in so many words that Jesus was just a myth, no different than Santa Clause. I’d become an athiest myself.
During this time I became involved with a woman and we moved in together and had a child of our own. A few years later, one morning, I woke up and the first thought in my mind was “go to church”. I got dressed, went to the local Catholic church, listened to the sermon, and left before it was over. I left there and went straight to a local non-denominational, evangelical church a friend of mine attended.
I began to read the scriptures, and wanted so badly to be forgiven my sins, and to be reconciled to the Jesus I found so many years before as a teenager. I couldn’t find Him.
Reading bible, I read the letter to the Hebrews. I became terrified when I read Hebrews 6:4-6. I had to find out what this meant. It was me!. The reason I couldn’t find the forgiveness I’d been looking for. I’d done the worst I could possibly do. I’d even allienated myself to the point of eternal damnation.
So, I spent the next 7 years searching for an answer I read commentaries and studied theology untill I’d realized that there wasn’t going to be any agreement as to what these terrifying scriptures really meant.
I have prayed, agonized, and shed thousands of tears of regret. I have asked for forgiveness and tried to make amends for all the things I’ve done in my life. But I can’t find the Lord again.
I don’t receive comfort reading the scriptures, only condemnation.
I’m not a crazy person. I’ve been sober for over 18 years I just wish I could find Jesus again. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, I just didn’t know…
I provide all this information to ask if someone did commit the sins described in the sixth chapter of the letter to the Hebrews, would they realize it? Or would they not even care.
Sincerely
garyjames