James, I loved your post. A few thoughts I have to offer:
The first, and perhaps hardest, fear that we have to overcome is the fear that we might have to change. That we must first remove the plank from our own eye.
One thing I’m finding is that it is easy to find help removing the plank from the eye. The challenge is to coordinate all the efforts such that the heavy lifting gets done but the fragile and wonderful structure of the eye is not damaged. Lately I’ve been finding much assistance in that way here at CAF and a couple other places, and it has been a huge consolation and joyful experience for me at times. When I didn’t think it was joyful, it was like compressing a spring and storing up emotional/spiritual energy that can be released somewhere. You compress, extend, bend or twist the spring, depending on what type, and then hold it in the position to store the energy. Once you know which direction you are going, that energy is available to assist in going the right direction.
The additional effect this will have is that people will see you as charitable, reasoned, kind, helpful, and all other things positive. Thus, when someone gets out of line and you remark on their error, the great respect you have from others will give your words weight.
You just gave me another idea on how to help people see me this way. All I have to do is exercise my will to instruct my heart and mind to get to work on a project to “photoshop” other people’s appearances, ideas, and actions such that no matter what they do or say to me, they come across to me as “charitable, reasoned, kind, helpful, and all other things positive.” Then I pray for the golden rule to be enabled in my conversational partner.
We should treasure enemies, since a) they give us means to test and purify our love by contemplating how to love them and how that compares to prudence, and b) they make us strong. With no resistance we can’t build muscle in spiritual realm any more than the physical realm. Then when attacked by the true enemy. We are not only ready, but easy to unite against it.
From your post it appears that one of you concerns is admonishing people who are speaking negatively about Christ and/or the Catholic Church. This can be very tricky.
Much depends on the specific situation and statement. Sometimes there is nothing that you CAN say that will produce a reasoned discussion.
Excellent point. One way is to start with the assumption that this person, being in the image of God, is powered and/or guided by love at some point in depth. If they have harsh things to say about the Church, use it as a way to help them purge of their own baggage. So let them paint an ugly picture of the church, and then curse it and blaspheme it (the picture, not the church – they don’t know the real church so it’s safe to let them attack their own handmade false targets) while they are doing it, ask them questions to help explain what they are saying. It is important not to evaluate or judge or correct or even add to what they are saying when getting them to become honest or they will put up shields and scramble their communications.
If I’m too abstract please let me know but I have like 10 jillion things to say so I’m trying to categorize them.
When you do feel that intervention is warranted, you want to use phrases that are non-threatening. Things like, “That is a common misconception”, rather than shouting, “That’s a Lie!!!”, are much more effective.
How about going the next step? Explore the line between observing and reporting, and accusing or judging.
Stick to neutral words like instead of “misception” use “point of view.” A misconception is, in fact A point of view, so you are not compromising your message to replace, “well, John, a lot of people seem to have that misconception,” with, “John, a lot of people seem to look at it that way.” After saying it the first way you need to manage possible awkwardness. After the second you don’t because it buys time. Then you can follow up with, “my way of looking at it is a little like yours, but I think it’s different.” Don’t say it’s better, or more correct, just different. This is the bait. He’s thinking, “gee, here is a so-called ‘religious’ person treating my anti-religious thoughts with respect.” If he says, “oh yeah? What are your beliefs,” you’re in. If he wants to know (either curious or defensive) what is “wrong” with his belief, then it requires a little diplomacy, just say, “well I’ve considered that point of view but at this time I don’t share it,” and refuse to get into the “right/wrong” label game because satan is better at that game then we are so we want to fight this on our home court which is based on love rather than one based on intellectual rivalry. This way you never give the person a reason to lose your respect or feel resentful toward you. And if you come down on the side of their religious enemies, they have a-bombs of resent they’ve been working on for years and they just might test one on you – that’s not always a bad thing to allow, as in shaking the dust off your feet. But it does burn bridges.
Also one word that can often save the day, “interesting.” Say, “that is an interesting view,” can you tell me more," as a code sentence for, “you are making no sense – can you say something straight?”
Now, it’s even better if you can bypass the gap discussion entirely and go directly to finding the stronghold in the mind of the other person they are clinging to. You can go many ways from here. Say, “you know, I totally understand this one thing you said, because it is also important to me.” At this point, you may choose to refrain from introducing your views yet at least not conspicuously. Or not.
Thanks for the post. Ttyl.
Alan
