Feel Like Quitting Again

[Epistemes]

Hello,

About a month ago I made a sincere confession to come back to the Church, be an active participant, and to get my spiritual life straightened out. But now I’m just ready to quit again. Not only am I hopeless, abject failure, but I’m tired of trying to figure out what the Church requires me to believe and why while attempting to balance that with my misattempts at leading something of a Christian life. I’m a disgrace to this Tau cross I wear around my neck. I don’t carry my cross: I whine about, I cry about it, I feel miserable about it, and it depresses me.

My prayer life is horrendous: I make promises to God that I’ll amend my life but I don’t. Not to mention I can’t seem to pray deeply and contemplatively without falling asleep.

I have no self-control. I can’t even impose penances upon myself. If I want chocolate, I eat chocolate. If I want to get two chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s Super-Sized with a Coke, I get two chicken sandwiches. If I want to sleep, I sleep. If I want to play for a couple hours on the internet, I play.

I’m nothing but a liar: I make all this fuss that I’m specially devoted to Our Blessed Mother, wearing my Miraculous Medal, praying my rosary every so often, pledging myself to the de Montfortian consecration, but then I make wisecracks about women, or just totally forget that I wish to be specially devoted to Our Lady.

I give up. I’m just going to quit trying.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

It sounds like you’re trying to make a huge change in your life and that’s commendable. But it sounds like you’re trying to do it all at once and that’s pretty much impossible.

Think of the person who makes New Year’s resolutions. I’m going to quit smoking, lose 20 pounds, exercise an hour a day, get organized, etc. And within a week or two they’ve given up on everything. It’s too much!

Baby steps are a good way to go. What if, for the next month, you made it a point to pray for 5 minutes every morning. You might be thinking that’s not much, but if you did it regularly it would be a solid start to your spiritual life. Next month you might add something else. Get that down and add something the following month.

And when you fail – and you will because we all do – ask for forgiveness and get back to it.

 

[Belle10]

It sounds like you’re trying to make a huge change in your life and that’s commendable. But it sounds like you’re trying to do it all at once and that’s pretty much impossible.

Think of the person who makes New Year’s resolutions. I’m going to quit smoking, lose 20 pounds, exercise an hour a day, get organized, etc. And within a week or two they’ve given up on everything. It’s too much!

Baby steps are a good way to go. What if, for the next month, you made it a point to pray for 5 minutes every morning. You might be thinking that’s not much, but if you did it regularly it would be a solid start to your spiritual life. Next month you might add something else. Get that down and add something the following month.

And when you fail – and you will because we all do – ask for forgiveness and get back to it.

Great post!

Don’t give up – Satan wants you to give up, to turn away from God. Don’t listen to his lies – stay close to Jesus in the sacraments and He will strengthen you. We all have times when we feel like we just can’t go on, but we can, AND YOU CAN, with His help. Praying for you now. :hug1:

 

[bilop]

Hello,

About a month ago I made a sincere confession to come back to the Church, be an active participant, and to get my spiritual life straightened out. But now I’m just ready to quit again. Not only am I hopeless, abject failure, but I’m tired of trying to figure out what the Church requires me to believe and why while attempting to balance that with my misattempts at leading something of a Christian life. I’m a disgrace to this Tau cross I wear around my neck. I don’t carry my cross: I whine about, I cry about it, I feel miserable about it, and it depresses me.

My prayer life is horrendous: I make promises to God that I’ll amend my life but I don’t. Not to mention I can’t seem to pray deeply and contemplatively without falling asleep.

I have no self-control. I can’t even impose penances upon myself. If I want chocolate, I eat chocolate. If I want to get two chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s Super-Sized with a Coke, I get two chicken sandwiches. If I want to sleep, I sleep. If I want to play for a couple hours on the internet, I play.

I’m nothing but a liar: I make all this fuss that I’m specially devoted to Our Blessed Mother, wearing my Miraculous Medal, praying my rosary every so often, pledging myself to the de Montfortian consecration, but then I make wisecracks about women, or just totally forget that I wish to be specially devoted to Our Lady.

I give up. I’m just going to quit trying.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Most of what you describe as your “bad” behavior aren’t even close to being sins.

No one has EVER gone to Hell for eating a chicken sandwich.

It’s not easy be a follower of Christ. He told us it would be hard, and it is. Your concern shows you are well on your way to holiness.

Don’t expect perfection all at once. Your ardor for the Faith will wax and wane. Even great saints have dark nights of the soul.

The key thing is to just keep trying. If you can do nothing else, go to Mass on Sundays and holy days, and confession if you commit a mortal sin.

The minimum is enough to keep you in the state of grace and give God’s Grace a chance to make you even better.

God Bless, and I’ll say a prayer for you

 

[Dan_Michael]

Epistemes,

It would be nice if you read your post in the quiet of your room in prayer fashion… then look in the mirror… see, you are Human. Then, quiet your mind of all thoughts (it may take a bit), and see what happens next. Close your eye’s and just contemplate, there may be no thoughts in your mind, perhaps just sensations (I wouldn’t call them feelings, they are different), and go with them. Lay down if it helps, if you wind up sleeping, not to worry… it’s restful. When you wake-up (or open your eye’s)… how do you feel, and what do you think? Those sensations, feelings, thoughts are for you.

Here too, I agree, Baby Steps.

But knowing where we fail is necessary to correcting it… with the Good Lords help. Our task is to grow from where we were to where we should go, everyone’s starting point is different. St. Paul’s came in a Flash that blinded him, but then he remained for a few years getting a handle on it all (the handle was God’s help). Also, just think, the Apostles were with Christ for 3 years (apprenticing), and in the final year where still not fully ready until after Pentecost (when their help came).

Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and it will be opened to you.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

Try prayer ejaculations. My favorite is “Lord have mercy.” Everytime you think of it all through the day just pray, “Lord have mercy.”

When you do or think something wrong, just pray, “Lord have mercy.” When you heard something bad on the news, just pray, “Lord have mercy.” When you experience a blessinging, just pray, “Lord have mercy.” When absolutely nothing happens but you just happen to thing you wish you were closer to God, just pray, “Lord have mercy.”

By doing this, you are giving your whole day to God and you are sanctifying that day with prayer. It is a baby step in one’s spiritual life, but remember the ancient Chinese proverb, “the journey of a thousand miles begins with but one step,” and if it begins with a baby step that’s just fine too.

Marsha

 

[water]

I give up. I’m just going to quit trying.

The road to holiness takes as long as you live. One of the first important steps is to have self-knowledge.

Excluding the line above, the rest of your post is exactly what God has shown you - He is working in you by showing who you are. By knowing this, you will then grow.

We should give thanks to God for this, have peace, and get up walking again toward Him - one step at a time.

Peace.

 

[PrayHarder]

You’re in good company. Just about every saint in the Catholic Church struggled with falling short of the lofty example set forth by the Church’s founder – Jesus Christ. Even the apostles, particularly the first pope Peter, had their moments of weakness.

They key is that when you stumble and fall, you get back up and try harder the next time. No one is perfect, but God is infinitely patient and merciful so you have time to get it right.

Think of it this way. Every Thursday we pray the Luminous Mysteries on the rosary. And the third decade is “The Proclamation of the Kingdom of Heaven and the Call to Conversion”. Now why do we have to pray for conversion every week? It’s because our personal conversion is an ongoing process that starts at baptism and is practiced until you die.

Right now you are focusing on your defeats, but I’m sure you also have a few triumphs. Be thankful for them and don’t let the defeats get you down.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

At one time I was associated with a program that involved launching research instruments on large, high-altitude baloons. We had some problems with leaks but finally got ready for launch. The General asked, “And how many leaks in this baloon.” Our director responded, “Sir, We have discovered that the number of leaks is not important. What’s important is that the number of patches matches the number of leaks.”

Christian life is similar. Saints and Sinners both fall frequently. The difference is that the Saint gets up again each time. We grow a little with each fall and rise.

 

[CatsAndDogs]

…

This was his first posting:
Nov 17, '06, 7:35 am
I give up.
Posted By Epistemes

This is his “last” posting (as of “now”):
Today (Aug 28, '08), 12:29 pm
Feel Like Quitting Again
Posted By Epistemes

What does this mean, considering the time interval?

Epistemes, what does this mean?

 

[BeeSweet]

I don’t carry my cross: I whine about, I cry about it, I feel miserable about it, and it depresses me.

We’re in the same club there, you and me.

I don’t even have the courage to make the Marian consecration. I’ve thought about it for years, but I feel like I’ll just fail, so I don’t do it. Give yourself some kudos for at least being brave enough to give yourself to Our Lady in the first place.

You’re going to fall off the wagon from time to time. Even religious who live in cloistered communities separated from the world have issues with faithfulness and prayer. You just keep trying, and when you feel like quitting, you keep on and don’t let yourself quit.

If you expect God’s love to be dependent on you being perfect, then you’ve been lied to, don’t believe it.

 

[Linda_Marie]

This is from a booklet called “No Greater Love” Response of love to the Sacred Heart, by Reverend John Maloney, published by The Messenger Office in Dublin. If you can get a copy, I highly recommend it. (messenger.ie/jgfx/download_docs/word/catalogue_2007_euro.doc )

From the Stations of the Cross

Jesus falls the first time

“I will all the more gladly boast of my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Beneath the heaviest burden ever borne, You fall to the ground. Yet, love overcomes all things, and you find the power to move forward serenely towards your goal.
Your very fall, Lord Jesus, gives me strength. So often I have relied on my own poor self; but then a sudden fall brings me to my senses, and I become aware of my own weakness.
Teach me not to be dismayed when I fall. You gave me your weakness to be my strength, and so I fall back on the power of your hands, of your love to lift me up, and set me on my road again.
In your love, Lord, remember me
Mother of sorrows, pray for me

 

[Epistemes]

It sounds like you’re trying to make a huge change in your life and that’s commendable. But it sounds like you’re trying to do it all at once and that’s pretty much impossible.

Hello,

All of these things which I listed are essential, though!

I must have a good prayer life, otherwise I will lose faith and hope.

I must begin to practice self-imposed penances, or else I run the strong risk of falling more often in both venial and mortal sin. Concupiscence is particularly strong in me after living pretty much my whole life (except for those brief moments during which I try to find God through religion, as I’m doing now) doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

And I just absolutely must be truly devoted to Our Blessed Mother. She is the one who has continually saved me from myself by her prayers. She is the one who time and again has brought me back to the Church whenever I fell away.

I feel like I am taking smaller than baby steps because my spiritual life feels so inadequate.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Hello,

About a month ago I made a sincere confession to come back to the Church, be an active participant, and to get my spiritual life straightened out. But now I’m just ready to quit again. Not only am I hopeless, abject failure, but I’m tired of trying to figure out what the Church requires me to believe and why while attempting to balance that with my misattempts at leading something of a Christian life. I’m a disgrace to this Tau cross I wear around my neck. I don’t carry my cross: I whine about, I cry about it, I feel miserable about it, and it depresses me.

My prayer life is horrendous: I make promises to God that I’ll amend my life but I don’t. Not to mention I can’t seem to pray deeply and contemplatively without falling asleep.

I have no self-control. I can’t even impose penances upon myself. If I want chocolate, I eat chocolate. If I want to get two chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s Super-Sized with a Coke, I get two chicken sandwiches. If I want to sleep, I sleep. If I want to play for a couple hours on the internet, I play.

I’m nothing but a liar: I make all this fuss that I’m specially devoted to Our Blessed Mother, wearing my Miraculous Medal, praying my rosary every so often, pledging myself to the de Montfortian consecration, but then I make wisecracks about women, or just totally forget that I wish to be specially devoted to Our Lady.

I give up. I’m just going to quit trying.

Did you ever work a jigsaw puzzle? You start by emptying all the pieces on to the table and then painstakingly sort through them and put them in their proper places. It takes a long time, and sometimes you have to try many pieces to find the one that fits. In the beginning there is just a pile of pieces, but in the end, there is a beautiful picture.

The point being that you sound as if you are trying to fit all the pieces of your spititual life together all at once, instead of building it piece by piece. It is impossible to do that and you end up quitting. You are doing too many things and expecting too much of yourself. Slow down. Just as most people start the puzzle by putting together the borders, one needs to build their spiritual life with a simple foundation. Start with Sunday Mass, the Eucharist, simple prayer and Confession. Keep it simple–develop these habits first, and allow God to show you the next piece. He is very patient, and you must be patient with yourself.

There is a wonderful book called The Prayer Primer by Father Thomas Dubay, SM, that I would highly recommend for you to buy. It is easy to understand and might be of great benefit to you. It can be ordered from the EWTN religious catalogue online, and probably from other sources. God bless you.

 

[Epistemes]

Yet another example pops its head up today:

So, I decide to go to lunch with a couple of guys who – for very certain reasons – I decided to stop hanging out with, especially after work. I shouldn’t have gone with them to lunch. This I now realize. Now not only am I guilty of having to hear their crude jokes (which I didn’t laugh at), but also their sins of lust which I couldn’t (for lack of anything proper to say) counter. While I know that I will not make the same mistake again, because my decision to eat lunch with them was impulsive and lacked true judgment, but nonetheless I just recognize more and more how unable I am.

“How unable I am.” See how selfish that sounds?? I’m a disgrace to this cross I wear around my neck I should just take it off.

If I didn’t care so much about this, I’d give up. Truly I would.

I’m completley envious of those other confirmands who, like me, made it into the Church Easter 2007 and have had nothing but the best relationship with Jesus, through thick and thin.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Yet another example pops its head up today:

So, I decide to go to lunch with a couple of guys who – for very certain reasons – I decided to stop hanging out with, especially after work. I shouldn’t have gone with them to lunch. This I now realize. Now not only am I guilty of having to hear their crude jokes (which I didn’t laugh at), but also their sins of lust which I couldn’t (for lack of anything proper to say) counter. While I know that I will not make the same mistake again, because my decision to eat lunch with them was impulsive and lacked true judgment, but nonetheless I just recognize more and more how unable I am.

“How unable I am.” See how selfish that sounds?? I’m a disgrace to this cross I wear around my neck I should just take it off.

If I didn’t care so much about this, I’d give up. Truly I would.

I’m completley envious of those other confirmands who, like me, made it into the Church Easter 2007 and have had nothing but the best relationship with Jesus, through thick and thin.

This is the simple truth: MOST people are guilty of many of the same sins that plague you, and most of the confirmands probably do not have the best relationship with Jesus they could have. Many may feel like you do. People are not inclined to talk about their sins, they save that for the confessional. People talk about and praise God all the time, that is right to do, but you cannot look into their souls and hearts and determine their true relationship with God. ALL of us struggle with sin, and the closer you get to God, the more apparent your sins become to you.

I’d like to write more, but I have to go to work. Please think about this. god bless you.

 

[moosears]

Epistemes, you’ve gotta stop being so hard on yourself! I know because I do the same things! If you are like me you will read or hear something that inspires you and you decide that this is the day that I start doing everything right. Then when the day is over you just want to club yourself for giving in to so much temptation. Been there a hundred times and I am still not through.

What I have found is that the most important thing is to pray your a.m. and p.m. prayers everyday. Pray while driving or while showering so you at l;east don’t forget them. Be personal with God. Tell Him what you feel and ask for mercy. Trust that He cares for you and wants to complete the good work He has begun in you. Abandon yourself to His care and do not try to take on too much at one time. Seek out a good spiritual director that can help you regulate your spiritual life and make necessary adjustments when needed.

You also might try keeping a spiritual journal. Have you ever just sat in silence with God? No words are necessary, just be silent and rest in His presence. This is quite a rejuvenating practice even if you fall asleep.

These are things I have tried. I am not very consistent but I always fall back on these very things except the spiritual director. I have just begun to think about seeking spiritual direction. Will probably contact a priest next week. Let me know if any of this helps, ok? We need to support one another in our spiritual journey. You have my prayers.

 

[marymol]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=261976

The above good answer , in response to a young person’s selfless concern about his ’ neighbor’ seems so applicable , in many situations !

Selfcenterdness /narcissism , with its desire to become gods without God and away from His path - that path that alone make us realise our own brokenness and His Love and sufferings inspite of and becuase of our weaknesses - is the essential truth of our faith !

We do need to see His love for us and be grateful … looking at ourselves And others though :His Wounds or His Love …and there in comes the remedy for the narcissitic pathology to stay focused - on our own false image !

Getting rid of that image gives us the freedom , to see all of God’s children through the wound of His Love !

Freedom indeed - free of the tyranny of emotions from injury to the false idol of self …giving us the grace to know that in His Kingdom , the lame and the weak , the foolish and the prodigal can have a place , as long as they are able to embrace The Truth - of a God who Is Holy And Love !

Blessings !

 

[Nita]

Hello,

All of these things which I listed are essential, though!

I must have a good prayer life, otherwise I will lose faith and hope.

I must begin to practice self-imposed penances, or else I run the strong risk of falling more often in both venial and mortal sin. Concupiscence is particularly strong in me after living pretty much my whole life (except for those brief moments during which I try to find God through religion, as I’m doing now) doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

And I just absolutely must be truly devoted to Our Blessed Mother. She is the one who has continually saved me from myself by her prayers. She is the one who time and again has brought me back to the Church whenever I fell away.

I feel like I am taking smaller than baby steps because my spiritual life feels so inadequate.

It sounds to me like you are trying to DO too many things – as tho being a good Catholic depends upon the performance of many penitential actions and the recitation of many prayers. I’m not sure, but it’s as tho you’ve read many books on the spiritual life and somehow felt an interior pressure to incorporate all the suggestions into your life. It has succeeded only in making Christianity a burden for you.

Instead, **why don’t you start over and just do what the Church asks of you. **
eg.

1. You say, “I must have a good prayer life”.
   The Church requires its members to attend Mass on Sundays and holydays of obligation; go to Confession for mortal sin; go to Communion once a year. That is all that is “required”, the minimum. Do these.
   Suggested additions to start adding to the above minimum:
   try Confession once a month;
   go to Communion at Mass whenever you are in the state of grace
   try to remember to start each day by making a simple prayer offering your day up to God;
   say a prayer before meals.

2)) You say you must begin to “practice self-imposed penances, or else…”.
The Church has no mandate requiring you to do that. There is a regulation about abstaining from meat on Fridays (or substituting some other penance or charitable act if the meat abstinance causes a problem). A couple additional Lenten requirements.
My suggestion would be to just focus on doing this Friday abstention and offering it up to God, and fulfilling Lenten requirements.

1. The most important thing in the spiritual life is carrying out one’s daily duty.
   I don’t know your background:
   Are you a student? Then work at being a good student - eg. study!
   Do you have a job? Do it as well as you can, regardless of what it is. If a housewife, do the cooking, cleaning, etc. as well as you can.
   Are you a husband/wife/parent? Carry out that role faithfully.
   (As a lay person, fulfilling this requirement will probably consume most of your time - daily.)
2. Continue to avoid the company of those that can lead you into sin.

If you do the above, these are not baby steps. They are the norm of what God has asked, through His Church, of His followers. Live that life for several years.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pray a rosary (or other prayers) if you experience a desire to do so and have the time. But I am saying, don’t include that as a requirement.

God bless you,
Nita

 

[MarcoPolo]

I give up. I’m just going to quit trying.

Isn’t this everyone’s life? Every day? Take heart, when one member suffers, the whole Body suffers. I would continue to pray even if I felt like I was out of a state of grace. And I would stick with baby steps. And I would really recommend a devotion to Our Lady.

Believe me, I’m not there yet either. As Father Corapi once said about a group of monks he knew, they spent every day “falling and getting up, falling and getting up…”

Padre Pio said,*“Convince yourselves that failings and little flights of the passions are inevitable as long as we are in this life…” “Self-love never dies before we do…We must always feel the sensitive assaults of the passions, as long as we are in this miserable exile. But what of it? Should we perhaps become discouraged and renounce the life of heaven? No, let us take heart.”*Perhaps as you grow, first set your goal as “make progress” instead of “never fall.”