Feel weird that I feel weird about this

[skigirl1689]

My cousin and his fiance are expecting and though I did congratulate them, I feel weird about it as I don’t support them living together prior to marriage and all that comes with that. I mean, I’m a sinner like we all are, but we are to discern what is sin and what is not. Of course, another baby is always a joyful thing .

Do you ever feel torn in these situations? Just trying to reconcile why I feel so weird about it.

 

[E_7]

Well, my younger sister got pregnant with her boyfriend(…now husband) and I did not congratulated her . I was skeptical, dumbfounded, disappointed, and I didn’t want to attend that wedding. I felt betrayed by her, it hurt. But, I got over it as I kept watching that belly grow. I never congratulated her, she knew she did wrong. But she got my support anyway.

Today, I’m the godmother of her two boys, and she’s currently pregnant with #3

 

[Kelfa28]

You’re allowed to feel weird about it.

They are getting married and that is a good thing.
Pray for them.

My husband and I became pregnant with our oldest before we got married. She was 6 weeks old the day of our wedding. She’s in a ton of our wedding pictures.

A lot of our family pressed for us to get married before we had her. I didn’t want to rush the wedding and I wanted an actual, Catholic wedding in a Church with a reception after.
It was amazing how many people wanted us to get married in a court room or something to make is “official” and have the “real” wedding later.

I din’t regret it because my oldest daughter is such a joy and a blessing. She’s a treasure and I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t have her.

People sin all the time. It’s unfortunate but it’s what they do after they sin that matters. Do they repent and change their ways?
They are keeping the baby and getting married…that is a very good thing and there is no reason to not congratulate them.

 

[z_0101]

please consider… any sin that might be making you feel weird… is not the child’s.
you don’t have to condone the parent’s choices; however, that child is innocent in the entire matter

 

[pianistclare]

please consider… any sin that might be making you feel weird… is not the child’s.
you don’t have to condone the parent’s choices; however, that child is innocent in the entire matter

Well stated. Thank you!

 

[skigirl1689]

please consider… any sin that might be making you feel weird… is not the child’s.
you don’t have to condone the parent’s choices; however, that child is innocent in the entire matter

Of course . Despite the weird feelings, I have been through this once before, actually no one was aware until my cousin had a “surprise” baby, and I absolutely adore that little guy. I just realized he’s three already…wow, does time fly!

I will pray for them, and I hope the marriage plans do go forward. Months prior to this my cousin mentioned eloping so we’ll see.

 

[KKM]

No sin is any challenge for God’s grace. Give them the grace and forgiveness that you are wanting from God. … and yes, I struggle with other people’s sins, too. I want everyone to be an example for me. Meh.

 

[truetofaith]

To me, congratulating someone for getting pregnant before marriage is like congratulating a bank robber for the nice car he bought with the stolen money.

After they get married, hopefully after Confession & Communion, you can congratulate them & show your love for their innocent baby.

 

[Kelfa28]

To me, congratulating someone for getting pregnant before marriage is like congratulating a bank robber for the nice car he bought with the stolen money.

After they get married, hopefully after Confession & Communion, you can congratulate them & show your love for their innocent baby.

Yeah, it’s really uncharitable to compare a baby to a nice car. My oldest daughter is not a nice car and she WAS conceived out of love.
The love my husband and I have for each other, before and after we got married, and the love God has for her.
I’d never compare her conception with something devious and wrong.

Just because she was conceived before we got married, doesn’t make her any different from her sisters. By that I mean the love my husband and I have for each other.

I’m not condoning sex before marriage but comparing a couple who conceived a baby with a bank robber and a car is really uncalled for.
There is no comparison.

 

[skigirl1689]

Yeah, it’s really uncharitable to compare a baby to a nice car. My oldest daughter is not a nice car and she WAS conceived out of love.
The love my husband and I have for each other, before and after we got married, and the love God has for her.
I’d never compare her conception with something devious and wrong.

Just because she was conceived before we got married, doesn’t make her any different from her sisters. By that I mean the love my husband and I have for each other.

I’m not condoning sex before marriage but comparing a couple who conceived a baby with a bank robber and a car is really uncalled for.
There is no comparison.

Exactly.

Not directly related to your experience (I am so happy it worked out for your family!), but something I also realize is that I think it is in situations like this that we (myself included) realize how vulnerable we are to our sinful natures, and we do not like considering the fact that we sin in a lot of the same ways, but it is usually not as public and we can “hide” it from others. I don’t know if that came out as eloquently as I intended, but I hope it makes sense.

I think part of my issue is that I have been struggling with scrupulosity lately with a couple of different aspects of life, and this may be adding to my increased uneasiness.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

…

I’m not condoning sex before marriage but comparing a couple who conceived a baby with a bank robber and a car is really uncalled for.
There is no comparison.

Actually, I don’t think its a bad comparison. It may sound rude using those terms, but when you think about what* the baby*** is robbed of when the proper commitment is not made, it is like theft- theft of having two loving committed parents in a strong bond of marriage, together, raising the child…

However, it sounds in this case that the wrong is being righted by the upcoming marriage. I don’t think its so bad to congratulate them. If people are repentant and wanting to do the right thing, then we should not hold a sin over anyone’s head. (Unrepentant calls for different call to action I think) Everyone makes mistakes. Jesus told us to do onto others as we would want others to do onto us. That is the same for this case. Turn the tables around- what would you want someone to do for you if you were the one who had made the mistake? St. Joseph when he thought Mary had sinned when he saw that she was pregnant, he said nothing and instead just meant to leave her be, not even having her stoned which he could have had done for such a sin. Everyone in the end will pay the price for their sins- God is the one who will judge and He is just in that. He will judge justly- something we do not have the ability to do with 100% clarity that only He has. If we had a taste of what hell was like, we would all be begging for mercy to God for each other.

It would be great if everyone was more of a great example of holiness, but we don’t even get that with ourselves, even when we want to be that way.

Just be kind. Pray that the Holy Spirit guide them. You don’t even have to congratulate them if you feel weird doing so. Just be kind.

 

[TexasCatholic13]

I think its best to support family even when they are at their worst moments. Not only is the baby innocent but you may just cause some resentment towards you from them for being judgemental. It is best to tell them individually in private about your concerns for their lifestyle and spiritual health. Like anything though, you need to be tactful and smart in how you deliver the message so as not to come off as being superior or overly judgemental.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Someone, and I can’t remember who, once said (correctly) that a baby is actually the best possible outcome of non-marital sex. Why? Well, presumably at least one, if not both parties may well be in a state of mortal sin as a result of the act. It’s wrong. If it involves cheating on a partner, it’s that much more wrong, and may well break up a marriage. However, a baby? A new soul with the possibility to live for God and praise Him for eternity? That’s a pretty cool outcome in my book.

 

[schaeffer]

This is what I never understood. Why people suddenly get itchy about things when someone get’s pregnant, while often having turned a blind eye to the prior fact that the people are sexually involved.

As if the getting pregnant was the sinful part.

A baby is a blessing, something to be celebrated, no matter the manner of it’s conception.

PRO-LIFE is PRO-LIFE!

Not “YOU need to realize what a blessing a child is and how sacred life is…but I’m going to treat your child as less than, and not quite such a blessing”

congratulating someone on the baby is not the same as saying “I’m thrilled that you are fornicating!”

 

[skigirl1689]

I think its best to support family even when they are at their worst moments. Not only is the baby innocent but you may just cause some resentment towards you from them for being judgemental. It is best to tell them individually in private about your concerns for their lifestyle and spiritual health. Like anything though, you need to be tactful and smart in how you deliver the message so as not to come off as being superior or overly judgemental.

I am not one to approach them on their lifestyle, though I have never agreed that it is ok. I pray this all works out for them as she has a little boy from a previous relationship, and he seems to be very fond of my cousin, and I believe my cousin is a good role model for the little guy as well.

This is what I never understood. Why people suddenly get itchy about things when someone get’s pregnant, while often having turned a blind eye to the prior fact that the people are sexually involved.

As if the getting pregnant was the sinful part.

A baby is a blessing, something to be celebrated, no matter the manner of it’s conception.

PRO-LIFE is PRO-LIFE!

Not “YOU need to realize what a blessing a child is and how sacred life is…but I’m going to treat your child as less than, and not quite such a blessing”

congratulating someone on the baby is not the same as saying “I’m thrilled that you are fornicating!”

I never said I turned a blind eye to it; I was fully aware of it and still did not approve. The problem is that very few people, even in the Church, see living together before marriage as a big deal. I also never said I’d treat this little one any differently than my other cousins’ children just because his or her parents weren’t married. Perhaps you thought I may because of how I felt about the situation but I know the child is completely innocent and I will love him or her just the same as my other relatives.

 

[z_0101]

To me, congratulating someone for getting pregnant before marriage is like congratulating a bank robber for the nice car he bought with the stolen money.

After they get married, hopefully after Confession & Communion, you can congratulate them & show your love for their innocent baby.

:blackeye:
If the Holy Father will Baptize a baby born to unwed parents then we should also acknowledge that child’s dignity and innocence. Are we not to show mercy?

Catholic.org: Long defending the practice, Pope Francis baptizes child of unmarried couple
Having long called for the practice, Pope Francis baptized the baby of an unmarried couple in the Sistine Chapel during Baptism of the Lord mass at the Vatican. The unnamed parents and their child took part in the traditional Baptism of the Lord mass with 31 others, commemorating the day St. John baptized Jesus. (…)

Mattew19:14 - But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (KJV)

Sorry, your post just doesn’t sit will in my heart.

 

[skigirl1689]

:blackeye:
If the Holy Father will Baptize a baby born to unwed parents then we should also acknowledge that child’s dignity and innocence. Are we not to show mercy?

Catholic.org: Long defending the practice, Pope Francis baptizes child of unmarried couple
Having long called for the practice, Pope Francis baptized the baby of an unmarried couple in the Sistine Chapel during Baptism of the Lord mass at the Vatican. The unnamed parents and their child took part in the traditional Baptism of the Lord mass with 31 others, commemorating the day St. John baptized Jesus. (…)

Mattew19:14 - But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (KJV)

Sorry, your post just doesn’t sit will in my heart.

I agree. Aren’t we all in need of mercy? I said in a previous post, perhaps my feelings are a general reflection of my own sinfulness and that awareness of unseen sins are just as serious as sins known to all. In a sense, we are all born to parents who sin, regardless of marital status.

 

[truetofaith]

Yeah, it’s really uncharitable to compare a baby to a nice car. My oldest daughter is not a nice car and she WAS conceived out of love.
The love my husband and I have for each other, before and after we got married, and the love God has for her.
I’d never compare her conception with something devious and wrong.

Just because she was conceived before we got married, doesn’t make her any different from her sisters. By that I mean the love my husband and I have for each other.

I’m not condoning sex before marriage but comparing a couple who conceived a baby with a bank robber and a car is really uncalled for.
There is no comparison.

I guess you didn’t get the point. I didn’t say any thing bad about the baby. I compared robbing a bank which is a mortal sin to having sex before marriage which is also a mortal sin.
I didn’t make the rules.

 

[truetofaith]

I am not one to approach them on their lifestyle, though I have never agreed that it is ok. I pray this all works out for them as she has a little boy from a previous relationship, and he seems to be very fond of my cousin, and I believe my cousin is a good role model for the little guy as well.

I never said I turned a blind eye to it; I was fully aware of it and still did not approve. The problem is that very few people, even in the Church, see living together before marriage as a big deal. I also never said I’d treat this little one any differently than my other cousins’ children just because his or her parents weren’t married. Perhaps you thought I may because of how I felt about the situation but I know the child is completely innocent and I will love him or her just the same as my other relatives.

You are exactly right…The baby is completely innocent & you should love it. The parents, sinned, but after asking for forgiveness in Confession, should not reminded of this any more.

 

[truetofaith]

I guess you didn’t get the point. I didn’t say any thing bad about the baby. I compared robbing a bank which is a mortal sin to having sex before marriage which is also a mortal sin.
I didn’t make the rules.

I also wasn’t talking about you personally…I was answering the OP who started this discussion.
Many girls aren’t as fortunate to get a loving husband & wonderful baby…but are abandoned by the boy to raise the child alone or put it up for adoption. That’s sad!