Feeling a little...broken

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Lochias

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I haven’t done a lot, spiritually speaking, to discern my vocation in life, but my heart is set on marriage to some nice gal someday, and to raise a family.

I just don’t seem to be able to get the dating part right, though. I was burned bad by the last gal I dated, a close friend whom I quietly pursued for 6 years before I got my shot, and things went down hard in flames. I’ve been healing from that for a couple of years, and now I’m left with a miserable sort of duality, in which I know I’d love to be a father, raise a family, share my life and my spirit with someone, but can’t seem to find the conviction or nerve to find anyone to pursue.

In short, I feel broken, like there is something internally wrong and interfering with my ability to be at peace with the situation, whether I find “the one” sooner, later, or not at all. I feel low, and very, very small in the eyes of the world (and by extension, the eyes of potential partners out there). Paradoxically enough, I feel the presence of God closer than ever before, and it feels like something should be happening, but isn’t, and…blargh. :o

I guess I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, prayer-wise…any prayer at all would be good, a sharing of love in the Body of Christ. That God’s will be done, and that I have the strength of faith necessary to do whatever God would like me to do, and also for a spirit of discernment and peace.

Rest assured that I will be praying for all of you, too. Thanks very much.
 
Lord please guide Lochias to find love happiness and fulfillment in life.We pray You would guide him to his path and grant him the strength and courage to follow Your path for him.Thankyou Lord for hearing our prayers and for Your many blessings Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Lochias said:
I haven’t done a lot, spiritually speaking, to discern my vocation in life, but my heart is set on marriage to some nice gal someday, and to raise a family.

I just don’t seem to be able to get the dating part right, though. I was burned bad by the last gal I dated, a close friend whom I quietly pursued for 6 years before I got my shot, and things went down hard in flames. I’ve been healing from that for a couple of years, and now I’m left with a miserable sort of duality, in which I know I’d love to be a father, raise a family, share my life and my spirit with someone, but can’t seem to find the conviction or nerve to find anyone to pursue.

In short, I feel broken, like there is something internally wrong and interfering with my ability to be at peace with the situation, whether I find “the one” sooner, later, or not at all. I feel low, and very, very small in the eyes of the world (and by extension, the eyes of potential partners out there). Paradoxically enough, I feel the presence of God closer than ever before, and it feels like something should be happening, but isn’t, and…blargh. :o

I guess I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, prayer-wise…any prayer at all would be good, a sharing of love in the Body of Christ. That God’s will be done, and that I have the strength of faith necessary to do whatever God would like me to do, and also for a spirit of discernment and peace.

Rest assured that I will be praying for all of you, too. Thanks very much.
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Dear Lochias,

Six years is a long time to pursue someone, only to be hurt in the end. I am sorry that you went through that experience. It can be hard to trust again when your heart has been broken. I have found that talking to a counselor when I am in emotional or spiritual pain, can be very helpful. Just the questions that the counselor asks can get me thinking in different ways about my life, and hearing myself talk out loud about my issues will bring up new ways to see my problems. A spiritual director is another option - someone who can pray with you and guide you to grow deeper in your relationship with Christ.

I am not going to tell you to “let go and let God,” because that sounds like cheap advice when I’m not in your situation. I’ve been there, I felt as if I would never get married. My husband and I married when we were both 31! Pretty old in many ways, to start out marriage and a family. We had 2 kids and then couldn’t have any more. Anyway, I had a lot of times of despair before we finally took the risk and married. So I know it’s a difficult place to be.

I will put you in my prayers. :console:
 
Lochias said:
I haven’t done a lot, spiritually speaking, to discern my vocation in life, but my heart is set on marriage to some nice gal someday, and to raise a family.

I just don’t seem to be able to get the dating part right, though. I was burned bad by the last gal I dated, a close friend whom I quietly pursued for 6 years before I got my shot, and things went down hard in flames. I’ve been healing from that for a couple of years, and now I’m left with a miserable sort of duality, in which I know I’d love to be a father, raise a family, share my life and my spirit with someone, but can’t seem to find the conviction or nerve to find anyone to pursue.

In short, I feel broken, like there is something internally wrong and interfering with my ability to be at peace with the situation, whether I find “the one” sooner, later, or not at all. I feel low, and very, very small in the eyes of the world (and by extension, the eyes of potential partners out there). Paradoxically enough, I feel the presence of God closer than ever before, and it feels like something should be happening, but isn’t, and…blargh. :o

I guess I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, prayer-wise…any prayer at all would be good, a sharing of love in the Body of Christ. That God’s will be done, and that I have the strength of faith necessary to do whatever God would like me to do, and also for a spirit of discernment and peace.

Rest assured that I will be praying for all of you, too. Thanks very much.
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If you really are seeking a deep spiritual relationship with God or are searching for a decent woman you should first get out from under that dark cloud,my friend.

The first thing I would do is change the user name.Having had 6 children,the definition I know of the odd choice of name has to do with mestruation after childbirth.Maybe you are trying to make some odd statement about your wishing God to cleanse your soul,but it seems a bit inappropriate for a Christian forum.

Keep praying in sincerity and humility as God loves a contrite heart.
 
I find these words from Blessed John Henry Newman encouraging:
They who pray for His saving help to change their likings and dislikings, their tastes, their views, their wills, their hearts, do not all at once gain what they seek… they do not perceive that they gain it, but if they continually day by day come to Him–humbly, in faith–determined to go on seeking, honoring, serving Him (not seeking a sign)–such men will gain–whether they see light, feel comfort, or discern growth. They will in the end find themselves saved wondrously. “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…”
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***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen***
 
Mother Mary, I commend Lochias to you. Please help him to love God’s holy will and to accept it lovingly and patiently. May he be surrendered and seek only to do our Lord’s will. Through your mediation, may he meet good Catholic women, and if it is our Lord’s holy will, may he fall in love and marry one of them. Amen.
 
cjforJesus said:
If you really are seeking a deep spiritual relationship with God or are searching for a decent woman you should first get out from under that dark cloud,my friend.

The first thing I would do is change the user name.Having had 6 children,the definition I know of the odd choice of name has to do with mestruation after childbirth.Maybe you are trying to make some odd statement about your wishing God to cleanse your soul,but it seems a bit inappropriate for a Christian forum.

Keep praying in sincerity and humility as God loves a contrite heart.
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…good Golly, I had no idea about the name choice. I pulled it out of my head, honestly, intending to use it for a web-comic character I’ve had ideas for for a few years. I just liked the ring it had. :eek: I can’t even find the name on any of the name sites…are you sure about this?

And, thank you for the prayers and the advice, everyone. Counseling isn’t an option for me at the moment…'tis a money issue…so I am trying my best to simply take each day one at a time.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Dear Lochias,

Six years is a long time to pursue someone, only to be hurt in the end. I am sorry that you went through that experience. It can be hard to trust again when your heart has been broken. I have found that talking to a counselor when I am in emotional or spiritual pain, can be very helpful. Just the questions that the counselor asks can get me thinking in different ways about my life, and hearing myself talk out loud about my issues will bring up new ways to see my problems. A spiritual director is another option - someone who can pray with you and guide you to grow deeper in your relationship with Christ.

I am not going to tell you to “let go and let God,” because that sounds like cheap advice when I’m not in your situation. I’ve been there, I felt as if I would never get married. My husband and I married when we were both 31! Pretty old in many ways, to start out marriage and a family. We had 2 kids and then couldn’t have any more. Anyway, I had a lot of times of despair before we finally took the risk and married. So I know it’s a difficult place to be.

I will put you in my prayers. :console:
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Thank you for sharing your story, Juliane. I’ve just turned 30 this year, so your words make me feel a tad better.

Counseling itself isn’t a go right now, but I am going to be speaking more with the pastor of my parish, who is helping me out with some of that spiritual advising at the moment.
 
Lochias said:
Thank you for sharing your story, Juliane. I’ve just turned 30 this year, so your words make me feel a tad better.

Counseling itself isn’t a go right now, but I am going to be speaking more with the pastor of my parish, who is helping me out with some of that spiritual advising at the moment.
Click to expand...
You will remain in my prayers. :crossrc::console:
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
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