Feeling a Strange Change

[stacywva]

My name is Brian… Here’s my story as of tonight…

First let me backtrack a day or so…

Within the past two days I have felt doubt, horror, disgust, fear, insecurity, hopelessness… All because I haven’t done what I know I’m supposed to do…

I’m an ex-Pentecostal becoming Catholic. My first RCIA class begins tomorrow night… I’m beyond excited.

However, I now realize that Satan was really attacking me because I am preparing to enter the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church that Satan cannot stand to see one become a convert to… This I know for sure!

I struggle(d?) with homosexuality… (most of you may remember me as stacybks from my post about Chastity) and the reason I’m posting this is that today I actually felt an attraction (not sexual) but physical attraction to one of my friends who is a girl… I’ve always thought she was beautiful but tonight I couldn’t stop looking at her.

Wow… I remember this feeling from a long time ago before I began living the homosexual lifestyle actively and gave up on love with girls… There’s more to the story I left out before only because I didn’t want to feel annoyed and confused with myself since most of my friends told me to just be happy and I went from there…

Tonight, I was like… “Man, God, you really know how to make a man look at a woman like she’s just the best thing he’s ever seen…”

It caught me off guard.

So, I was wondering… is this a sign that I’m being freed from homosexuality or if the devil is sidetracking me…

 

[blossom02]

Hard to say if it is the devil or God at this point. Just try to not pay alot of attention to the temptations and focus on prayer and doing the right thing. When this sort of thing happens get busy with somthing of more value.

God bless you on your journey.

I’ll pray for you.

Just ignore that devil and he will go away especially if he makes you turn to God in prayer.

 

[stacywva]

Hard to say if it is the devil or God at this point. Just try to not pay alot of attention to the temptations and focus on prayer and doing the right thing. When this sort of thing happens get busy with somthing of more value.

God bless you on your journey.

I’ll pray for you.

Just ignore that devil and he will go away especially if he makes you turn to God in prayer.

I will admit… I don’t pray like I should…

But there’s a desire in me that’s always been there… to be able to love a woman the way Christ loves the Church. I would love to be able to marry a woman and have the fullness of that marriage devoted within the Sacrament of Marriage.

There’s a lot that God is starting to strip me bare on and it’s scary… there’s a lot of things that I was mistaken about in my life and the closer I get to God the more that I long to be the man He created me to be.

 

[Mintaka]

If you were “bottling up” your attraction to women – that might have been what caused or increased your same sex attraction. Or you might have responded to your former interest in same sex attraction by paying more attention to that and less attention to attraction to women.

So it may be that you are now “relaxing” and spending less time knotted up with sin and shame for sin. So now your feelings of attraction to women are not something you’re hiding from yourself. If this friend is someone who is available and nice, you might even be moving toward falling in love.

Of course, it could just be that she was wearing a really good perfume.

I would say that you shouldn’t feel too excited or too worried by this. As long as you’re not moving into sin or temptation territory, it’s perfectly normal for a man to get a little googly-eyed at a woman every once in a while.

 

[stacywva]

If you were “bottling up” your attraction to women – that might have been what caused or increased your same sex attraction. Or you might have responded to your former interest in same sex attraction by paying more attention to that and less attention to attraction to women.

So it may be that you are now “relaxing” and spending less time knotted up with sin and shame for sin. So now your feelings of attraction to women are not something you’re hiding from yourself. If this friend is someone who is available and nice, you might even be moving toward falling in love.

Of course, it could just be that she was wearing a really good perfume.

I would say that you shouldn’t feel too excited or too worried by this. As long as you’re not moving into sin or temptation territory, it’s perfectly normal for a man to get a little googly-eyed at a woman every once in a while.

Let’s see… she has the most beautiful long, curly, red hair… She just washed it before I asked her to come over and visit to show her my videophone (I’m partially deaf and use sign language as well as oral methods of communicating…)

And she’s extremely goofy…

But anyways, I was always called gay as a child because I looked at girls as best friends and not sex toys… plus, the “sex” topic was taboo as I was growing up… in a Pentecostal-Holiness family…

It’ll be nice if I can just continue to relax and enjoy being around them and not worrying about how other guys are all “Man alive, she’s HOT!” and carry on a conversation about getting them in bed… it disgusts me just as much as homosexual acts do after I reflect on God’s love vs. Satan’s counterfeit love.

I think I just need to surround myself with good Christian, CATHOLIC men that look at women the same way I do… as sisters in Christ and whom we’re supposed to look after and love and cherish… dagnabit I’m a romantic! But I enjoy loving others like Christ loves me… and would love to one day experience that love deeper with a woman…

 

[muffinmojo]

Hey, I went through RCIA as well and I just wanted to say- congratulations welcome home. It’s a long wait, but it’s worth it that first time when you receive Our Lord. I don’t know what your plans are, but I would definitely recommend waiting to make your profession of faith(since I assume you were baptised in the Pentecostal church?) on the Easter Vigil with the catechumens-it is so special and otherwordly to be recieved into the Body of Christ on the vigil of His ressurection.

I guess I don’t really have advice or wisdom for your other situation, but your idea of finding good Catholic men with a respectful view of women is tremendous! Just know that even good Catholic men struggle with temptation…

God and Our Lady be with you and pray for you

 

[vee8]

So, I was wondering… is this a sign that I’m being freed from homosexuality or if the devil is sidetracking me…

Could be both.
Remember temptation is not a sin acting on it is so no matter who you feel attracted to you havent done anything wrong unless you act on it in a sexual way that goes against God`s law. So maybe God has freed you from homosexuality and at the same time the devil is using that to attack you.

You say you dont pray as much as you should but there is no minimum time we MUST spend talking to God or else. He loves us and wants us to talk to Him, and in our relationship as sons and daughters we should want to talk to Him too. You dont have to wait for the perfect timing, or pray perfectly free from distractions just start talking. If you want to try more structured prayer that takes about 5-7 minutes to say I suggest the Chaplet of Divine Mercy
ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm

When you are ready for more then you can take on the Rosary which takes about 20 mins to say minimum.

Congratulations on deciding to start RCIA welcome home!

 

[kobefire]

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