Feeling ambivalent about homeschooling

[NurseyJ]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

 

[underacloud]

I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

Well, my kids go to regular school, so suffice to say I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

My parents are both teachers and my wife is too (although not working right now). There are definite arguments FOR regular schooling and nothing inherent in our faith that obligates us towards home schooling. It is a personal preference and you should not feel bad at all either way.

Also, if you need to work, there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re doign what you need to provide for your family, and that is noble in itself. If this prohibits home schooling, all the more reason to go with regular schooling.

Don’t feel any guilt and don’t pay attention to anyone who would attempt to make you feel guilty.

 

[oldcatholicguy]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

I would think working (even part time) and homeschool would result in the average person turning into a complete wreck. I know I would be one within a month. Have you thought about not replacing public school, but just supplamenting it? Our kids are advanced readers and do not get much out of our public school’s reading program, so we take them to the library and have them select more advanced books than what the school offers them. My wife also got math activity books for our daughter (she has trouble with math). Instead of looking at public school as “the pit of hell,” look at it as an educational foundation you can add to.

 

[BDEklof]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

I don’t think you should feel guilty about sending the kids to school. We sent our children to public schools at first; the Catholic schools being 30 miles
away, and too expensive for us. When our son asked to be homeschooled
he was bored (third grd) in the classroom. When we did our placement test
for Seaton Homeschool for his sixth grade they placed his reading & comprehension skills in the 12th grade and up. Clearly he was not being
challenged at public school. We started with a simple Christian homeschool product, which worked well for two years, then switched to Seaton.
I was quite ill at the time, but had him work on our king size bed, but it worked out ok. We had already decided to do without some of the extras we might have if I worked, in order to allow me to stay home with the kids. I’m not saying everyone should do it, but it worked for us. Our son returned
to public school in his Junior year of High School, by his own choice. We
really enjoyed the seven years at home and became quite close. But I still
think you should do what works for you.
Preschoolers and K thru grade 2 should be easy at home, even if you work away from home. Teaching them to read is easy, as well as understanding,
math & simple history & science. Lesson plans would be very flexible, in fact
you might not need them at all.
Of course if you do public schools, do visit their teachers often, stay as involved as you can, supplement, teach them the Faith, & pray a lot!
May God bless you & your children in everything, always!
JMJ love,
Deb

 

[chevalier]

My thoughts are that the good of the children should always be the deciding factor. Not the “fruition” of the parents’ idealistic imaginations, ideological statements, let alone any experimentation. We blame education boards and similar authorities for experimenting on our children, we can’t be doing the same on our own! If we have the qualifications to make sure the children are educated better in-house than in a public or private school, or if we have pressing economic or other overwhelming reasons, that’s one thing. If we just want to make a statement or are feeling countercultural, then that’s another cup of tea altogether.

(For the record, when children go to a public or private school, that too requires a good deal of “homeschooling”, e.g. help with homework, study, preparation for tests, discovering optimal methods of learning and self-study, finding motivation, explaining something in a way the child will understand when the teacher can’t really etc.)

Next, it must be noted that parents need proper qualifications to be able to teach the more academic subjects at an appropriate level and in a way that works. How many grades can one teach of all the subjects that are on the curriculum? Even in one’s own field this is so hard that not every person with a degree or experience in the field can do it. Teaching children, as opposed to adult students of whom more can be required and who have worked out their own methods, is basically a job on its own, an interdisciplinary field in its own right. There is a reason people get degrees in it.

Neither should it be ignored that people need to go out to develop properly. They need contact with their peers. It can’t really be contact only with select, isolated groups. But above all, spending all or almost all of one’s time home is not healthy. I’m almost going insane from working home as a freelance professional and extramural scholar and I don’t even want to think what if I were a child instead of a 30 year old guy. One needs contact with the outside world before turning 17 or 18 and going to college as if falling from the moon, not knowing how to function among people.

 

[runningdude]

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

Your motivation should be that you can educate your kids better than the school system. If you can’t, then there shouldn’t be any shame in sending them to school.

Being part of the homeschooling group probably doesn’t help the guilt your feeling. Try meeting other parents who send their kids to school (the VAST majority, lol). You might feel better if you are getting their perspective of “regular school”.

 

[Crescentinus]

My thoughts are that the good of the children should always be the deciding factor. Not the “fruition” of the parents’ idealistic imaginations, ideological statements, let alone any experimentation. We blame education boards and similar authorities for experimenting on our children, we can’t be doing the same on our own! If we have the qualifications to make sure the children are educated better in-house than in a public or private school, or if we have pressing economic or other overwhelming reasons, that’s one thing. If we just want to make a statement or are feeling countercultural, then that’s another cup of tea altogether.

(For the record, when children go to a public or private school, that too requires a good deal of “homeschooling”, e.g. help with homework, study, preparation for tests, discovering optimal methods of learning and self-study, finding motivation, explaining something in a way the child will understand when the teacher can’t really etc.)

Next, it must be noted that parents need proper qualifications to be able to teach the more academic subjects at an appropriate level and in a way that works. How many grades can one teach of all the subjects that are on the curriculum? Even in one’s own field this is so hard that not every person with a degree or experience in the field can do it. Teaching children, as opposed to adult students of whom more can be required and who have worked out their own methods, is basically a job on its own, an interdisciplinary field in its own right. There is a reason people get degrees in it.

Neither should it be ignored that people need to go out to develop properly. They need contact with their peers. It can’t really be contact only with select, isolated groups. But above all, spending all or almost all of one’s time home is not healthy. I’m almost going insane from working home as a freelance professional and extramural scholar and I don’t even want to think what if I were a child instead of a 30 year old guy. One needs contact with the outside world before turning 17 or 18 and going to college as if falling from the moon, not knowing how to function among people.

 

[Delaine75]

Yes, you can homeschool and work part time. I worked full time and homeschooled my daughter. Just set aside some time after work or before work or even on weekends to educate them. Not sure what the rules for homeschooling is in your state, but in mine, we didn’t have to homeschool a specific number of hours per day, so it was very flexible and we made it work. I know you could do it too! Praying for you and hubby to come to an agreement.

 

[Eleanor61]

Homeschooling is really pretty difficult to do well with a large family. I am on my 24th year of it, and I am a little tired of it, but I have a special needs 13 year old who does best with one on one tutoring, so we have at least five more years. I did enjoy it much more when I was younger and had more energy! I can easily see how combining it with 24 hours of work outside the home would be overwhelming.

As others have said, the vast majority of children go to public school, and most of them are fine. Homeschooling can be a wonderful gift for your children but it can also be a prison for all of you, a disorganized jumble of facts, training in poor work habits- sleeping late, etc. I have seen a lot of both ends of the homeschooling spectrum in all these years, and there is no reason to feel guilty if you choose not to do it, unless the public schools are particularly bad where you live. If the latter is the case, you may not really have a choice and you must be preared to be creative and exhausted to work out a solution.

 

[chevalier]

Homeschooling is really pretty difficult to do well with a large family. I am on my 24th year of it, and I am a little tired of it, but I have a special needs 13 year old who does best with one on one tutoring, so we have at least five more years. I did enjoy it much more when I was younger and had more energy! I can easily see how combining it with 24 hours of work outside the home would be overwhelming.

As others have said, the vast majority of children go to public school, and most of them are fine. Homeschooling can be a wonderful gift for your children but it can also be a prison for all of you, a disorganized jumble of facts, training in poor work habits- sleeping late, etc. I have seen a lot of both ends of the homeschooling spectrum in all these years, and there is no reason to feel guilty if you choose not to do it, unless the public schools are particularly bad where you live. If the latter is the case, you may not really have a choice and you must be preared to be creative and exhausted to work out a solution.

I guess one of those solutions could be setting up a mini school if the law allows it without significant impediments. I went to two grades at such a school, it wasn’t bad, actually. The board were mostly the parents, they hired the teachers and rented the building. It was a parents initiative. Collective/co-operative effort is good sometimes. It helps those who can do some things but not others specialise, e.g. teach this but not that, organise if you can’t teach, contribute resources if you can’t really do any of the foregoing; IMHO better than everybody trying to teach the entire curriculum to his own children. Plus, there’s some collective interaction for the kids, they can make some friendships and have a broader reference, not just themselves plus siblings plus parents as their entire world.

 

[ReachingFaith]

Here’s my take: My dear Mommy:0 ) homeschooled all nine of us, and she was up until three in the morning, trying to keep up with everyone’s work. One solution to this might be for you to find a program that has a "send-in’ policy, where the tutors grade for you. Even so, it’s no picnic. If you have to work, I would imagine it would be better to send the kids to school, for the sake of you both. You can’t teach well if you’re tired, and they will react to the stress of being frazzled. School is not the epitomy of all evil, but it is definitely a huge influence on life. Try to pick one that supports your basic morals, maybe? Good luck with that. I don’t know, maybe God is trying to tell you that He wants them to go to school…hope it all works out for you.

 

[St_Francis]

I am a homeschooling mother, but I firmly believe that what is most important is that whatever happens is what is best for the entire family, and that the most important factor in raising children is not the structure of their education, but the quality of the relationship between the children and parents and the support the parents give to the children.

It may be that what would be best for your entire family is for your children to go to school. This would allow you to continue working without adding a whole nother job to your life! And that is a perfectly valid issue to consider in the process of discerning what to do.

But whatever you decide, try to keep the balance of what’s good for your family and what’s good for each member in mind. If school turns out to be a bad situation for one of your children, or if school turns out to offer something one of your children would really benefit from, then don’t be afraid to change your mind about what you are doing.

Just focus on maximizing good oppotunities for each child while keeping your family-as-a-whole in good shape.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think the best advice is really to take it one year at a time. I cannot emphasize that enough. Decide whether or not you want to homeschool this year. You don’t have to make some sort of 12 year unbreakable vow (or longer to cover all your kids).

This year, we just started homeschooling our oldest at the Kindergarten level. It’s not a huge time committment. It takes maybe an hour a day, much of which is work she does on her own. There’s really no prep work involved. My wife just reads through the day’s lesson with her. And yet she still gets a lot more done each day than she would probably do in a regular kindergarten program. Of course, she’s known her letters and numbers for a long time now, can already read fairly well, and she can do simple math. So she’s got a good headstart.

If we had six kids from 7th-12th grade, obviously the time committment would be different. But who knows where you’ll be by then? Maybe you will be in a position where you don’t have to work at all by the time homeschooling becomes that time intensive. Or maybe you’ll feel great about putting them in a good school. In any case, there’s really no need to get that far ahead of yourself.

Perhaps this blog article might help ease your anxiety:

**Homeschool To Classroom: A Quiz For Anxious Parents **

 

[yukonbrad]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

As a number of people mentioned, working and homeschooling will take its toll on you and your children. This will not be to there best interests in the long run. Perhaps add a homeschool element in addition to public school. I assume with your tight finances that Catholic school is beyond you means as well (at times I am graetful that the Catholic school system here in Canada is funded with public tax dollars).

 

[mountee]

I hope this will help you, I want to share my experience. I taught in every type of school (DOD, private, Catholic, urban, and rural) in 3 states over a 35 year period. Our own children went to public and Catholic schools during that time. I can promise you as a parent and teacher and as a cradle Catholic, the single greatest job you have is to teach your children the faith, to model the faith and to support their growth in the faith. Every school I taught at, including the Catholic schools, had some great, faith-filled teachers and some awful, immoral people, that is the way society is these days no matter where you go. You already know that from day to day life, but you have to make your home a haven from it. The best students I had no matter where I taught were kids from families that cared and supported them. I will tell you that the best student I ever had out of probably thousands given what I taught, was a freshman coming to public school for the first time after being home-schooled the first 8 years. She was bright and kind and out of place by then for the students in this school. She went back home after that year and finished high school at home, graduated and went on to a very successful college experience. She didn’t want to be exposed to the things that went on with the kids at that age. And, please, don’t let yourself think that this couldn’t happen at a Catholic school because it can and it does, I can testify to it. So, no matter what you decide don’t let it be because you feel pressured by others, let the Holy Spirit guide you along the way and then you will be at peace no matter where they go to school.
May God bless you.

 

[SGTTOM]

I have been home schooled my whole life. I just graduated this year. Public school books would simply ignore many things a Catholic school book wouldn’t. I think this is mainly a problem with science and history. The last science book I did last year was always discussing how the Bible, creation, and God fits into science. It talked about evolution and why it is most likely a false theory. It showcased many Catholic scientists and how they positively affected the field. My history books also included information about many Catholics and events that affected the church. It discussed how secular ideas have negatively impacted society. It analyzed many political decisions from a Catholic perspective. This kind of stuff obviously would not be present in a public school curriculum. I feel that I would be at a loss had I not read many of the school books my parents had me do.

When I say Catholic school books I mean books intended for school written by catholics, I don’t mean books that are used in Catholic schools. I really have no idea of the quality of the education at a Catholic school as I’ve never been to one.

I’ll try as hard as I can to home school my children if I choose to get married. If you don’t have the time though there isn’t really anything you can do. Its certainly not an easy task especially if you have many Children like my parents do. I can’t thank my parents enough for homeschooling me.

If I had to send my (future)children to a public school I would just make sure they were getting extra reading, from a Catholic perspective, in on science, history, and of course religion outside of there public school work.

 

[Moore11]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

As I am typing this I am homeschooling my kindergartner and 2nd grader. My 2 year old just got out of the bath and I go to work tonight (part time) at 6.
Homeschooling was such a daunting task when we first started but now it is unbelievably easy. I don’t know if I have learned a ton in the last 2 and a half years or if I am just blessed with the best kids ever but it is a joy every day. My kids are socially well adjusted, polite, cute and smart (of course.) Each year has gotten easier. We also use a charter online school that is state run so it buys all the curriculum and you have a contact teacher that you meet with once a month and also does all the state testing. We only have to buy religious curriculum on our own. They even pay for ballet and ski lessons.
Your kids are young. You have plenty of time and you don’t know what life will be like 2 or three years down the road. Relax. Pray. What is best for your kids will make itself evident.

 

[poker10]

The last science book I did last year was always discussing how the Bible, creation, and God fits into science. It talked about evolution and why it is most likely a false theory.

I’m sorry, but that is NOT a “Catholic” book as that is not what the Church teaches. Sounds like you’ve been fed a certain worldview. Now that you have graduated, you might want to go out and find out about things for yourself.

 

[AmandaKB]

Our family has done both public school and homeschool depending on what would work for our family at the time. In my view, it doesn’t have to be an either/or thing. Even if you can’t homeschool now, perhaps in the older grades, when bad influences can be a big problem for preteens and teens (depending on where you live) you may be able to homeschool.

A friend of mine works part time and homeschools. Her mother helps out with homeschooling. So, having another family member help out might be an option for you.

 

[NurseyJ]

Thank you all so much for the thoughts and feedback. I’m feeling better about the possibility of “regular” school. It’s nice being reminded that should public/private school not work out, we can always homeschool, and visa versa.

I think I may have joined my parish’s homeschooling group a little too soon before really discerning through the issue with my husband. I really want to be “in” with the other homeschooling moms, because I espouse a lot of the same conservative/orthodox Catholic beliefs (even political beliefs), but I’m afraid of being “out” for choosing regular school. I don’t like not being part of “the group” which is an issue of vanity that I struggle with. Lots to think and pray about, but ultimately, I have to do what’s right for my family.

Thank you again