Feeling ashamed!

[casslean]

It 's nothing to do with whether or not she received Communion, but my understanding is that leaving before the Gospel and not going back in doesn’t fulfil one’s Sunday obligation. I may be wrong, but my understanding is that if you are not there for the Offertory and Consecration (some people say from the Gospel onwards) you have effectively missed Mass.

I think this is probably one of those gray areas that’s best addressed with a pastor or confessor. Technically she went to Mass with the intention of attending, and then her anxiety caused her to leave. It wasn’t voluntary (and please - no one diminish the impact anxiety has on people by saying she should have worked through it or whatever), and she clearly stayed at the church until after Mass, just couldn’t go into the building.

A pastor or confessor can help more than we can in these circumstances.

 

[Brendan_64]

I think this is probably one of those gray areas that’s best addressed with a pastor or confessor.

I think you’re right there.

 

[CRV]

Whilst I agree it should be brought up in confession and the OP own priest is the best person to advise on the matter, the fact still remains that the OP didn’t hear Mass - from the end of her reading until the end, as she clearly stated.

After reading I felt that I didn’t read well so after I got down from the alter I went outside church and stayed there for the entire mass.

(Bold emphasis is mine). So the OP did not hear the Gospel or homily or the remainder of the Mass.

Feeling anxious about how well one read or not or being embarrassed as a result, imo, are not justifiable for missing Mass. This happened unfortunately to someone who when it was my job to select a reader for the Mass (no schedule yet established), and after being told this particular person had read before ie experienced, it became obvious they had difficulty either reading/pronouncing the words etc so badly the reading was so mangled that it really was difficult to tell what it was about. This person even though was terribly embarrassed and felt awful, still remained for the Mass, though did not read again.

My advice to the OP would be as others have said which hopefully will prevent this from happening again - practice beforehand, make sure of the pronounciation of various words etc. But if it does happen, then sit at the very back of the Church - in the last pew until you’ve regained your composure, then you’ll be able to avoid most peoples’ eyes.

 

[casslean]

Feeling anxious about how well one read or not or being embarrassed as a result, imo, are not justifiable for missing Mass.

Please don’t minimize other people’s experiences. You don’t live with whatever struggles the OP faces in terms of her anxiety, and it is not your place to decide if it is justifiable or not. If you have not dealt with an anxiety disorder (which it sounds like the OP may have) you have no frame of reference to understand what she experienced. This is a conversation between her and her pastor.

 

[CelticWarlord]

I’ve read that it is actually the most common fear among people, or that it’s up in the top three with stuff like fear of heights.

A study in Canada rated fear of public speaking actually ahead of fear of death.

 

[CelticWarlord]

I’m planning on leaving the lector’s group because I feel like I’ve let everyone down

If you’re a particularly sensitive person this is quite normal. I am the same way myself and left a group that met for outdoor Rosary last summer after they asked me to lead them one evening. I just didn’t enjoy being in the spotlight, as minor as it was. I can assure you, however, that the others do not view you as you feel things yourself. I have heard many readers stumble and mumble. I’ve heard priests read the wrong gospel. Staying with the group is entirely up to you, and no one should think any less of you if you depart. But basing such a decision on only one bad experience may be disappointing for you in the long run. Accept that there may be more such experiences, should you continue, and understand that everyone has failed at it in some way, even the most experienced of them. As you mature you will be able to view such occasions with humor rather than dread. The only way to get better at it, if you want to, is to keep doing it. But there is no good or bad choice here.

 

[Izzy1]

I’ve had a few days to think about it and I’ve decided that I’m not going to leave the lector’s group and I’ll take that reading as a stride in my journey and not be ashamed of it .

 

[Izzy1]

I’m going to go for confession later this week and I’ll definitely bring it up with my confessor . He is really kind and knows me well so I’m sure I’ll get a good view

 

[Izzy1]

Although I exited the building I still stood in the church courtyard. Lots of people stand outside and hear mass , especially the youth because our church isn’t really big so it gets pretty full during Sunday mass . For that purpose they have installed speakers which let us hear what’s happening inside church while it’s going on . I heard the homily and gospel and the entire mass …only difference being that I was standing outside rather than sitting inside . Does that still count as a miss of the Sunday obligation ??

 

[Bluebright]

Yes, I never said she hadn’t not missed mass, only that it was a valid reason. You may miss mass (not fulfil your Sunday obligation) for a valid reason. The reason is between you and God. I said, if you read all my answer, that it was worth mentioning in confession but that it in my opinion it was akin to leaving due to illness so would likely be excused. I only said not to get to het up because someone was implying it wasnt ok to wait until the end of the month for confession, when in all likelihood it is at the very most a venial sin but possibly not a sin at all depending on the posters state of mind.

 

[CRV]

No, obviously with those details now being made evident, you didn’t miss Mass.

I wish those details were in your original post or stated earlier. My statement was based on the assumption of not being able to hear the Mass as being outside and the type of building was such that Mass could not or would not have been heard. I apologize for assuming that was the case.

 

[CRV]

I was not nor did I minimize the Op feelings. Feelings and facts aren’t the same. I assumed the anxiety was not severe as it does not prevent the Op from being a reader.
We are permitted to judge actions, which my comments were based on what was said.

Nor do you live with my struggles, so please don’t assume I don’t understand or can’t empathise, nor do you know whether I do or don’t have “no frame of reference to understand what she experienced”. Assumptions on your part regarding myself, I’d say.

 

[casslean]

If you re-read my post, you’ll note I did not make any assumptions about your experience. You cannot have lived the same experiences as the OP; as you are two different people, it is not possible for you to have liver her experiences. Further, I stated "If you have not dealt with an anxiety disorder…" I did not assume or imply that you have not or did not, though I’m baffled to understand why you would be so dismissive of someone else’s anxiety if you have lived through it yourself.

I was not nor did I minimize the Op feelings. Feelings and facts aren’t the same. I assumed the anxiety was not severe as it does not prevent the Op from being a reader.

Your statement was that the anxiety the OP was experiencing, and her reaction to it, did not “justify” her leaving Mass. You are minimizing her experience, not her feelings. You do not know what she was experiencing or whether or not she was justified in stepping out.

Further you are making assumptions about her abilities based on your understanding of anxiety and anxiety disorders, which I can assure you is categorically wrong. I have an anxiety disorder. I also work in a high-profile job with lots of public speaking, as well as being a cantor, lector, and EMHC in my church. I can perform in all of those roles - some have taken more work than others, but I can do it. It does not mean I do not have anxiety. I have been in situations where my anxiety forced me to leave Mass, and other settings, and in those moments, it is not a voluntary choice.

We are permitted to judge actions, which my comments were based on what was said.

There are clearly mitigating circumstances. Perhaps it would be best not to judge at all and to leave assessment of the situation to someone who has a more complete understanding.

 

[casslean]

Does that still count as a miss of the Sunday obligation ??

You should refer this question to your pastor. There are clearly other factors here which need to be considered, and he would like be able to provide you with some valuable counsel in terms of how anxiety and morality interact.

 

[Glennon_P]

I’ve heard priests read the wrong gospel.

This happens more than one might think.

I remember attending the first Mass of a friend the day after his ordination. A newly-ordained deacon proclaimed the Gospel…the wrong Gospel for that day.

The priest who preached the homily had based his entire homily on the Gospel.

Gulp.

Happily, the priest delivering the homily was aware that the wrong Gospel had been proclaimed and was a skillful enough homilist to improvise his homily on the fly. Rather than say, “In today’s Gospel…” he said things like “In Luke, chapter 6 it says…”

The deacon didn’t realize he had proclaimed the wrong Gospel.

The priest celebrating his first Mass didn’t realize that the wrong Gospel had been proclaimed.

The only reason I noticed is that the correct Gospel for the Mass is one of my favorite passages and was looking for it.

The bottom line is that virtually nobody noticed. I suspect the same situation in the OP’s case.

 

[CRV]

Your statement was that the anxiety the OP was experiencing, and her reaction to it, did not “justify” her leaving Mass. You are minimizing her experience , not her feelings.

Feeling embarrassed because you made a mistake does not in my opinion justify missing Mass - which I assumed (and for which I have apologized to the OP ) the OP had . Admittedly this is based on my experiences of the various Church buildings within my city, which if you stepped outside would not be possible to hear Mass.

You cannot have lived the same experiences as the OP; as you are two different people, it is not possible for you to have liver her experiences

Obviously. But people can and do have similar experiences e.g. reading at Mass and have similar responses to making a mistake and being embarrassed, and can also feel like crawling behind a rock and disappearing. But, none of this justifies missing Mass. As someone else pointed out, Priests and servers also made bloopers, but they don’t exit the Church. They take it on the chin and learn from it.

As an example, a young man in his 30s was serving, is very knowledgable about the Faith, so much so that had given lectures, was very confident etc. One Mass (EF) was coming back down the three altar steps and knocked from the second step, down the third step to the floor the set of bells (4 joined together). Embarrassed? Definitely. Learnt from it? Yes. Moved on? Yes.

I’m baffled to understand why you would be so dismissive of someone else’s anxiety

At no time was I dismissive of the anxiety itself, or the OP response or the OP experience to the event. Perhaps having lived through various situations involving high anxiety gives me a different perspective from which to comment.

Stepping outside until one regains their composure - fine. Stepping out and remaining out because you can’t face other people and, based on what was written, missing Mass are two different scenarios.

Further you are making assumptions about her abilities

Sorry, but I disagree - as the example I gave of another reader who unfortunately didn’t just make a mistake or two, but mangled the whole reading. As the OP stated, until that time they had always read well. So I made no assumptions on the ability to read nor on the ability to cope with the anxiety.

your understanding of anxiety and anxiety disorders,

Again, I disagree.

I have an anxiety disorder. I also work in a high-profile job with lots of public speaking, as well as being a cantor, lector, and EMHC in my church. I can perform in all of those roles - some have taken more work than others, but I can do it.

Great - that does take a lot of work on your part and God’s grace. But as you show, it can be done. Nothing in life that is worthwhile is ever easy.
continued below-

 

[CRV]

continued -

It does not mean I do not have anxiety. I have been in situations where my anxiety forced me to leave Mass, and other settings, and in those moments, it is not a voluntary choice.

Again, as I’ve said before - I had no objection to stepping out for a time. The way the original post was written I had the impression the OP had stepped out for the entire Mass and consequently had failed to meet their obligation. Which as a Catholic is the more important issue here.

Perhaps it would be best not to judge at all and to leave assessment of the situation to someone who has a more complete understanding.

Then how could a panel of jurors ever make a decision. Aren’t they judging on the evidence presented to them. Which is what I did - judged the actions as the scenario was presented.

 

[CelticWarlord]

Happily, the priest delivering the homily was aware that the wrong Gospel had been proclaimed

In my instance the priest acknowledged the following day that he had read the wrong one and then added, “this puts me in the company of several bishops I’ve known”.

 

[Kima]

I’m serious I feel really ashamed …I’m an introvert and I started reading in church to become more comfortable and now after this I don’t want to ever do it again

Don´t be hard on yourself. I´ve even forgot to say the thing you say when you´ve read through, and another time I started to go on with halleluja before the gospel in lent. Another time, I read about Eliyah and Elishya and I mixed them both up and said Elishya and it didn´t make much sense lol.
So you´re in good good company!!

None but ourselves will remember it in the long run

 

[Minks]

We need a sticky that urges posters to present all the facts in the original thread post. When they don’t, regular posters “choose sides” and the start bell rings. This shouldn’t happen. We don’t need the drama.

We learned, FINALLY (after a verbal repartee between other posters), that the OP had not missed Mass, as we were led to believe, but had retreated from the main church into a designated overflow courtyard outfitted with speakers.

Then, the kicker: While we were sympathizing with the OP’s anxiety at having flubbed, we learned that it was typical teen-aged angst because she’d been rattled at seeing her “crush,” then flubbed, then hid in the courtyard.

Shakespeare said it best: “Much Ado About Nothing”—just typical growing pains and a normal part of life.