I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but I’ve just started praying the rosary and find I am struggling with negative feelings throughout. Not only is it very hard to focus on the mysteries while praying prayers that don’t pertain to them, I’m plagued with doubts about the practice. I want to pray it wholeheartedly, but my protestant background is beating me. Any hints?
Frist, let me commend you for having the courage to take the first step.
Second, I get what your saying–I understand protestants’ squeemishness wrt to Mary. To that, I say–
Be not afraid! As the Angel told St. Joseph–'Be not afraid to take Mary as your wife"–the Church tells us “Be not afraid, to take Mary as your mother”–as Tradition has maintained that when Our Lord entrusted Mary to St. John, and St. John to Mary, at the foot of the Cross–he also bequeathed his Mother to us.
Third, take it slow. Don’t rush into it, and don’t force it. Better to pray less with sincerity, than ‘more’, insincerely.
Fourth, it is a private devotional–so you have some felxibility, to gain a level of comfort.
That said, here is how I would suggest proceeding:
Before you try to pray the rosary again–find a good rosary devotional guide. There are literally thousands. Don’t settle for a bare bones one–those are for ‘professionals’, who know the rosary inside and out. Also, try to find one by someone not overly Marian in their devotion–since you probably don’t need to be spooked any more that you already are, by someone like St. Louis De Monfort–perhaps even Pope John Paul II–let’s stay away from those guys, for now.
One which I recommend, is a book by
Garry Wills, called simply
The Rosary. Great explanation, beautiful photographs, and great devotional aid–and he’s not exactly the most devout of Catholics–knowledgeable, yes; extremely established in the secular academia, yes (prof. at Northwestern, winner of Pulitzer prize for his book about Gettysurg…–but not so Catholic as to scare folks off). Here is booklist review of it:
From the best-selling author of Why I Am a Catholic (2002) comes a deceptively simple analysis of the most potent and recognizable symbol of traditional Catholicism. After providing an enlightening history of the rosary, highlighting the passionate conflicts associated with the physical object itself and with the actual practice of saying the rosary, Wills painstakingly dissects and analyzes each of the rosary’s distinctive elements. The four prayers connected with the rosary–the Apostle’s Creed, the Our Father, the Hail Mary, and the Glory Be–are briefly examined and explained. The bulk of the narrative is devoted to placing the Joyful Mysteries, the Luminous Mysteries, the Sorrowful Mysteries, and the Glorious Mysteries firmly into historical, theological, and spiritual context. Gorgeously illustrated with reproductions of paintings by Tintoretto, this beneficial guide will erase any lingering ambiguity about the meaning and the message of the rosary. Margaret Flanagan. Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Then, review all 20 of the mysteries. As a protestant, you probably feel a bit squeemish about the more Marian mysteris, such as the Coronation, or the Assumption. So I say, feel free to step back from those, as you warm up to this wonderful devotional. Focus on the more Christological mysteries–such as the Nativity, the Crucifixtion, the Resurrection…
Now, chose just one particular mystery. Just one.
Next, have your Bible handy. A good Rosary guide (such as Wills’), will have scriptural references. Have your bible marked, and ready to go…
Now, when are ready to begin–find yourself a quite place. Get comfortable. Light a candle (unless that freaks you out–if so, don’t bother–I like it for ambience, but I know protestants get kinda wiggy about Catholics’ overt signs of devotion…).
…almost ready…
Now, in silent prayer, ask the Lord to accept your prayer offering–tell the Lord that you are seeking to honor His Mother in prayer, and to honor His memory, likewise. Ask the Lord to guide you–to speak to you–let you know if what you are doing is wrong–or not. Ask the Lord to let you feel his presence…and–if it doesn’t freak you out–pray for the Virgin Mary to accept your offering, and to show you a sign–to let you know that what you are doing is ok.
Now, you’re ready.
Begin with the Apostles Creed. Recite the Lord’s prayer. Follow it up with 3 Hail Mary’s. Recite the Glory Be.
Announce your chosen mystery.
Open your Bible, and read the applicable passages.
Meditate on the stated mystery and applicable scripture for a few minutes, in silent prayer.
…then recite the Lord’s prayer, and the 10 Hail Mary’s, as you continue to meditate upon the mystery…and conclude with the Glory.
I hope you will find it as rewarding as I do, and see that there is nothing to fear. It is a thousand + year old tradition, and a beautiful devotoional.
…and hopefully, you will warm up to it, and pray it in the full traditional manner, after you’ve developed a comfort level.
(… and sorry for the length of this post–just didn’t want to short change it).
Peace.
)