Feeling bad for not feeling sad

[Qwikness]

My sister-in-law passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. She was only 44 with five children. I feel guilty because I don’t really feel sad about her passing. I never really liked her, although I tried. I didn’t really see her too much except at Christmas. I do feel for the family. I am certainly not happy she died. But should I fake being sad because I’m supposed to? Should I feel guilty for not feeling sad?

 

[exoflare]

No, you’re not doing anything wrong. Don’t worry about it.

 

[Bill_Martin]

You can’t force yourself to be sad, nor should you in my opinion. Nothing to feel guilty about there. Emotions come and go and we have pretty much no say in the matter.

 

[louisak]

As the others said, we don’t control our feelings and emotions. The important thing is that you fulfill your moral and religious obligations to the deceased, and to the survivors.

For the deceased, pray for her soul. If there is a wake and/or funeral, you should probably attend (I say probably because there may be family issues I don’t know about). Don’t try to fake an expression of grief that you don’t feel, but show the appropriate sympathy to the bereaved.

For the living, consider what obligations in charity you may have. Is there a surviving spouse/parent? Are the five children in a stable home? Are you emotionally close to them? Don’t let your feelings about the deceased prevent you from responding to the needs of the living.

 

[Julia_Mae]

My sister-in-law passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. She was only 44 with five children. I feel guilty because I don’t really feel sad about her passing. I never really liked her, although I tried. I didn’t really see her too much except at Christmas. I do feel for the family. I am certainly not happy she died. But should I fake being sad because I’m supposed to? Should I feel guilty for not feeling sad?

Pray for her. You don’t have to fake being sad, you can just be genuinely concerned with the grief of her immediate family. You don’t have to feel any genuine liking for her to pray either. Those kinds of prayers are very beneficial to you and to her.

 

[EasterJoy]

Your duty is not to manufacture feelings, but to see to those who need your support. If you spend a day at their house cooking meals for their freezer, teaching the kids things they don’t know how to do, and being there to provide what they need in terms of emotional support, that would go much farther than filling hankies on behalf of your own sorrow. There is nothing wrong with the latter, mind you, but it is often the former that is more needed, and longer remembered with fondness.

Besides, if you were to change places with her, you would be grateful if she would help out the family you left behind, and you would think her of greater merit if she did so without regards to whether or not she felt a great affection for you. The blessed, after all, are concerned for the living, not themselves. The care of her loved ones would be her fondest wish. Mind that, and don’t worry that your own feelings are holding up.

 

[Qwikness]

Thank you all, very helpful. I have prayed and will continue to pray for her. I had a mass card sent to her family. Sent a flower arrangement too. Will offer any help possible.