Feeling Called, Please Help

[Mark86]

Well, its been a long week already full of binging and depravity. I went to confession Thursday and by Friday night, I was already right back into it. My life is so empty, boring, lonely, and pointless that I feel like I need to fill it with “something” pleasuring or exciting. Prayer just isn’t doing it. Obviously. If it was filling the void, then I wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.

God doesn’t do anything without a reason. He gave me this passion, this drive, and this energy… he gave me this reckless desire, this desire to go on some mission. I can’t be satisfied with just hanging around praying when all God is doing is whispering in my ear “get up! Go. I need you.” me sitting around praying is basically me saying to God, “no thanks.”

I swear if St. Paul showed up at my door right now and said “hey, I’m taking a journey to Ephesus, want to come? We could get shipwrecked, we could die on the waves, we could get robbed on the path, we could get stoned, we could get imprisoned, we could get executed… but it’ll be worth it…” my response would be “YES!” I would leave everything behind this second and go. I got nothing much here to live for, unless I just want to continue sitting around masturbating in sadness… which I don’t.

People say “well you don’t have to be a hero… you don’t have to go do something great to serve the Lord…”. True, but NONE of the saints who went and did great things HAD to go do what they did to serve the Lord… but they did anyways! I feel like I need to, because there’s no future for me “where I am.” I just wish people could understand this… this unquenchable hunger to serve God and neighbor in ways I can’t so long as I sit around here… I don’t have a wife and kids… I don’t have anything over me… I’m young, I’m strong, I have boundless energy, I have a great talent for patience with people and experience in human services… I’m not an old lady who can only sit around and pray… I can lift boxes… I can work in the vinyards of the Lord… I can risk much for God. All I’m asking is someone to understand this and to stop trying to stifle me or hold me back.

 

[BChartowski]

There’s only one thing in this world that will change you, and that’s you. I think you’ve already answered your own inquiry here when you said that if St. Paul came to your door, you’d go. Would you, really? It’s an important question, because following someone like St. Paul is a very serious endeavor, as you already know. I’m reminded of the old expression “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” Maybe it’s time to put your train on a different set of tracks.

Have you thought about joining the brotherhood? It would offer a change in lifestyle and service in abundance to both God and neighbor. This is assuming you’re a man, which is what I guessed based on your name. There’s that one sentence in your original post about you not being an old lady that throws me a little. If you are a woman, there’s always the sisterhood.

I’m a married man, but before I met my wife I met a group of brothers from the Franciscan Brothers Minor purely by chance. They were giving a retreat at our church, and I was very impressed with their lives. There were many brothers who’d done a complete 180 in lifestyle because one day God said to them “get up, I need you.”

I wish you the best, and I hope you find the direction it seems you need so you don’t feel so aimless. God bless you. Even acknowledging that you want something more is a big deal. Many folks will flounder and just stay where they are.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Well, Mark, people generally do just what they want to do and then make excuses for failures, weakness, or bad behavior. Unless you are forced at the point of a gun, whipped or beaten to commit sins, or sick mentally or of body-then what is your reason for not being who God expects you to be? Going to confession on Friday without intent or effort to do better on Saturday just isn’t sensible unless you enjoy being the devils plaything. If you really want to change-you will. If you are just remorseful at confession-then you will continue as you are. Confession is part of remorse and striving to be a better person, not a five minute pass to go right out “do it again.” Good luck and prayers for you. Might help if you were to read about St. Augustine and also of his mother, St. Monica. Peace.

 

[Horton]

Well, its been a long week already full of binging and depravity. I went to confession Thursday and by Friday night, I was already right back into it. My life is so empty, boring, lonely, and pointless that I feel like I need to fill it with “something” pleasuring or exciting. Prayer just isn’t doing it. Obviously. If it was filling the void, then I wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.

God doesn’t do anything without a reason. He gave me this passion, this drive, and this energy… he gave me this reckless desire, this desire to go on some mission. I can’t be satisfied with just hanging around praying when all God is doing is whispering in my ear “get up! Go. I need you.” me sitting around praying is basically me saying to God, “no thanks.”

I swear if St. Paul showed up at my door right now and said “hey, I’m taking a journey to Ephesus, want to come? We could get shipwrecked, we could die on the waves, we could get robbed on the path, we could get stoned, we could get imprisoned, we could get executed… but it’ll be worth it…” my response would be “YES!” I would leave everything behind this second and go. I got nothing much here to live for, unless I just want to continue sitting around masturbating in sadness… which I don’t.

People say “well you don’t have to be a hero… you don’t have to go do something great to serve the Lord…”. True, but NONE of the saints who went and did great things HAD to go do what they did to serve the Lord… but they did anyways! I feel like I need to, because there’s no future for me “where I am.” I just wish people could understand this… this unquenchable hunger to serve God and neighbor in ways I can’t so long as I sit around here… I don’t have a wife and kids… I don’t have anything over me… I’m young, I’m strong, I have boundless energy, I have a great talent for patience with people and experience in human services… I’m not an old lady who can only sit around and pray… I can lift boxes… I can work in the vinyards of the Lord… I can risk much for God. All I’m asking is someone to understand this and to stop trying to stifle me or hold me back.

What is stopping you? My dear friend, there is so much need out there waiting for someone with desire, strength, energy, wisdom. I’ve always thought I would be able to do just that when I retired but God had other plans for me. I had planned on buying a RV I could live in and travel around the states volunteering at various places. It would be an amazing way to see the country.

Here are some of the resources I looked at.

catholicvolunteernetwork.org/

catholicworker.org/

In addition to this I know many monasteries take volunteers to help out with projects. We have a monastery in our community and I know they use a lot of volunteer help. It wouldn’t surprise me if they would make arrangements with room & board for some reliable help for a time.