Feeling called to religious life but currently in a relationship

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I’ve been feeling very conflicted for some time now. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and we have talked about getting married at some point in the future. She is my best friend and has been with me and helped me along as I’ve grown more in my faith. She herself is not Catholic (her family is Presbyterian, but not practicing from what I can tell), but we still pray together, pray the Rosary, and read the Bible every day.

At the same time I’ve felt a calling to the religious life. I have felt a calling to serve God (either by becoming a priest or a friar). There is nothing that brings me as much joy as talking about God with others and sharing the faith.

Part of the reason I feel so conflicted is that I’m still struggling in my faith. As I’ve posted about before, I feel that I have been going through a extended dark night of the soul. I also don’t want to leave my girlfriend because I can see myself marrying her and having a family together.

I feel like part of me will be unhappy no matter what path I take. I want to do God’s Will, but I don’t know what it is at this point. If you could offer some help/advice along with keeping me in your prayers I would greatly appreciate it.

God bless you all!
 
Marry her and become a deacon? The Eastern Rite has married priests. I think we’re allowed to change rites once. They’re in communion with Rome. God will work it out for you…keep praying, stay in a state of grace, and surrender and trust. If you don’t have the answer right now it probably means y ou don’t need the answer right now. When the answer comes, you’ll be at peace. It’ll all make sense…a total 'Oh…of course!" moment. Hang in there. You’re going to be ok.
 
lwest said:
Marry her and become a deacon? The Eastern Rite has married priests. I think we’re allowed to change rites once. They’re in communion with Rome. God will work it out for you…keep praying, stay in a state of grace, and surrender and trust. If you don’t have the answer right now it probably means y ou don’t need the answer right now. When the answer comes, you’ll be at peace. It’ll all make sense…a total 'Oh…of course!" moment. Hang in there. You’re going to be ok.
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This is bad advice.

The call to the priesthood is a type of vocation. The call to religious life is another type of vocation; these two might present themselves together to a particular type of man.

The call to the diaconate is a different vocation altogether. It is not “what you do when you wish you were a priest but you’re going to get married.” The OP did not mention feeling a call to the diaconate, so let’s not push him further into confusion.

Secondly, the issue of transferring his canonical ascription to an Eastern Catholic Church. This is putting the cart before the horse. The two bishops involved need to approve this transfer, and they will not approve a transfer that is done because he wants to be a married priest. That is a denigration of the purpose of the Eastern Churches; they are not for Latin refugees.

I think the OP should discuss his feelings with his spiritual director. And I sincerely hope that he has a spiritual director at this stage in the game. If not, with his confessor, and be open with his girlfriend about where the Holy Spirit is leading him.
 
Go and discuss this with your priest as soon as possible
 
Not sure why you’re doing a face palm. I didn’t say anything untrue.
 
lwest said:
I hope he has a spiritual director, too. I don’t know much about spiritual directors. Are they all good? Are people obligated to do whatever they say? That requires an awful lot of trust
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No, you’re not obligated to follow whatever your spiritual director says. It’s a purely voluntary thing.

That said, @Anesti33 is correct. The permanent diaconate is its own vocation, not a consolation prize for those who wish they could be priests. And a Latin Catholic trying to suddenly be ordained in an Eastern rite simply ain’t gonna happen.

The best thing OP can do is talk to the vocations director in his diocese. He’s far from the first guy in this situation, I’m sure.
 
Thank you for the clarification on the spiritual director thing. I agree that speaking to the vocations director would (of course) be necessary. I just don’t see the harm of asking Our Lord in prayer, “Hey, Lord, is this where You want me?” He did say he wanted to marry his girlfriend and who are we to say where Our Lord wants him or where He doesn’t? If it’s not Our Lord’s Will, it’s not going to happen. I hope this post doesn’t get flagged like my last one. Not sure why people think I’m violating community standards by suggesting this young man ask Our Lord about the deaconate or the Eastern Rite. Neither of those things are sinful. And if he is being advised to speak to his priest, a spiritual director and the vocations director, why can’t he speak to Our Lord about it? And maybe this young man is being called to join the Eastern Rite…not JUST to become a priest but to embrace the beauty of it all. Same with the deaconate. You have to admit, a deacon does perform some of the same duties as a priest…(Officiating at weddings, baptisms, funerals…visiting the sick…counseling people…assisting at Mass). Maybe I’m naive but I don’t see a vast difference there where one is not even allowed to consider it in prayer.
 
Let’s look at getting married to your girlfriend. In her mind, does being married mean she uses contraception until you are both ready to have a baby? Does it mean that you have 2 kids and then it’s your responsibility to have a vasectomy? This is how most people feel in this culture.
Kyle2253 said:
There is nothing that brings me as much joy as talking about God with others and sharing the faith.
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That can certainly be done as a father. As a volunteer at a parish. In the work place. However, this is better done with a Catholic wife. Compromising on birth control will be a stone around your neck.
 
Kyle2253 said:
I’ve been feeling very conflicted for some time now. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and we have talked about getting married at some point in the future. She is my best friend and has been with me and helped me along as I’ve grown more in my faith. She herself is not Catholic (her family is Presbyterian, but not practicing from what I can tell), but we still pray together, pray the Rosary, and read the Bible every day.

At the same time I’ve felt a calling to the religious life. I have felt a calling to serve God (either by becoming a priest or a friar). There is nothing that brings me as much joy as talking about God with others and sharing the faith.

Part of the reason I feel so conflicted is that I’m still struggling in my faith. As I’ve posted about before, I feel that I have been going through a extended dark night of the soul. I also don’t want to leave my girlfriend because I can see myself marrying her and having a family together.

I feel like part of me will be unhappy no matter what path I take. I want to do God’s Will, but I don’t know what it is at this point. If you could offer some help/advice along with keeping me in your prayers I would greatly appreciate it.

God bless you all!
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Upon a cursory reading of your story:
Your relationship with this woman is real. You feel drawn into relationship with another person and the life-long vocation that brings, including children. She is helping you grow in faith. That’s real and it involves others.
Your feelings for the religious life are hypothetical at this point. At this point they are just feelings.
In any case, give your current state in life your whole commitment. If God is calling your elsewhere that call will come to the fore.

As others have said you need to bounce this off a spiritual director with experience.
 
lwest said:
And maybe this young man is being called to join the Eastern Rite…not JUST to become a priest but to embrace the beauty of it all.
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In reviewing the OP’s posts, he has mentioned praying the Rosary, the Brown Scapular, and attending the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite. These are all Western practices, and if he enjoys them so much then he is assuredly not being called to abandon them all. Besides, what would his girlfriend and her family say if he suddenly started going Byzantine and inviting her along?
 
Since she’s not Catholic, maybe they wouldn’t say much? I don’t know. I just recommended that he bring it to Our Lord in prayer. I see nothing wrong with that. Maybe he’s never been to an Eastern Rite Mass. It is very beautiful. I’m not promoting that. I’m just saying it can’t hurt to ask Our Lord in prayer. Aren’t we encouraged to bring everything before Our Lord in prayer? How could this possibly be an exception? Regarding his girlfriend’s parents…what are they going to say if he dumps the girl to go serve Our Lord? They’re not Catholic. They probably won’t get that, either.
 
I have my doubts that an Eastern rite church would accept him as a member, much less a priest, solely on the basis that he wanted to be a married priest. Especially when the girl he wants to marry is not Catholic.

Let’s be realistic here, there is a 99 percent or greater chance that this decision is going to be marriage OR priesthood, not marriage AND priesthood.
 
But what if he’s being drawn to the Eastern Rite regardless? What if his girlfriend comes into the faith and ends up being more devout than any of us on this forum? We can’t know that. God’s ways aren’t our ways. That’s why I suggested he bring these scenarios before Our Lord and ask Him what He wants. After all, isn’t that what we’re all supposed to do…do God’s Will and not our own?
 
I’ll put the whole Eastern Rite conversation to rest. While I respect the Eastern Rite (knowing that they are in full communion with the Vatican) I have no interest in leaving the Western Rite. I am born and raised Roman Catholic and believe that priests should not be allowed to marry (I’ve always seen and thought of them as being married to the Church).
 
Ok. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut. Scratch those ideas. See…you’re narrowing it down. 🙂 Is it possible that you already know the answer but are hesitant to admit it? (Totally guessing here…I have no idea what’s in your heart or head…)
 
Either choice you make will be difficult. Strangers on the internet can’t tell you what you should do with your life; this is something you must decide for yourself.
 
No one on here is telling him what to do with his life. He asked for help. We gave suggestions. That is all.
 
My man. I am in almost the exact same situation. I’ve been tortured for like 9 months now. Only recently has it somewhat been tolerable. Pray for me. I’ll pray for you. I have no idea why this happens.
 
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