Feeling Close to Depressed Right Now

[DoloresHeart]

It’s been very tough lately at home. Classes are going splendidly- I’ve finally gotten back my love of learning and was feeling quite a bit better. But my parents, especially my mom, have been very difficult lately. My mother has been so verbally abusive lately and it’s been dreadful. It’s like as soon as I start feeling some hope over my situation, she crashes that and stomps it for good measure. She’s been calling me terrible, vile names and saying all kinds of other painful things. According to her, I am the most worthless, vile, ugly, fat (which I am not), stupid, and anything else negative that I can think of. I thought I’d be used to this by now, but it still hurts just as much. I don’t really have a private place to go away from them for awhile and I know that the earliest I will be able to move out would be midsummer. I have no nearby family and no friends I could stay with even for just a brief while.

And in the midst of all of this, I am very fearful of losing the couple of close (and only) friends that I do have. I love them so, so much and would do absolutely anything for them (nonsinful, of course) and I know they would do the same for me. They are the only two people I know whom I treasure and I can trust them and they have been so kind and understanding of me. I’ve never known love before like that and I care about them very deeply. I feel like I can never tell them how much I care about them and what they mean to me. I’m just afraid that somehow something might happen to them, either tragic or else I’ll do something that alienates them (which is pretty ridiculous but I don’t even know myself anymore, I feel like). The thought of losing them is so painful.

I’m trying to keep close to Jesus and Mary but I know that I let them down constantly with my sins. I am kind of afraid of losing them too, but through my own fault, because I know they won’t abandon me. I have no real stability in my life. Some days it’s all I can do to pray the Hail Mary.

Ah yes, and I have an exam tomorrow morning. I feel pretty down right now. The exam should be easy but I don’t need this burden right now.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

It’s been very tough lately at home. Classes are going splendidly- I’ve finally gotten back my love of learning and was feeling quite a bit better. But my parents, especially my mom, have been very difficult lately. My mother has been so verbally abusive lately and it’s been dreadful. It’s like as soon as I start feeling some hope over my situation, she crashes that and stomps it for good measure. She’s been calling me terrible, vile names and saying all kinds of other painful things. According to her, I am the most worthless, vile, ugly, fat (which I am not), stupid, and anything else negative that I can think of. I thought I’d be used to this by now, but it still hurts just as much. I don’t really have a private place to go away from them for awhile and I know that the earliest I will be able to move out would be midsummer. I have no nearby family and no friends I could stay with even for just a brief while.

And in the midst of all of this, I am very fearful of losing the couple of close (and only) friends that I do have. I love them so, so much and would do absolutely anything for them (nonsinful, of course) and I know they would do the same for me. They are the only two people I know whom I treasure and I can trust them and they have been so kind and understanding of me. I’ve never known love before like that and I care about them very deeply. I feel like I can never tell them how much I care about them and what they mean to me. I’m just afraid that somehow something might happen to them, either tragic or else I’ll do something that alienates them (which is pretty ridiculous but I don’t even know myself anymore, I feel like). The thought of losing them is so painful.

I’m trying to keep close to Jesus and Mary but I know that I let them down constantly with my sins. I am kind of afraid of losing them too, but through my own fault, because I know they won’t abandon me. I have no real stability in my life. Some days it’s all I can do to pray the Hail Mary.

Ah yes, and I have an exam tomorrow morning. I feel pretty down right now. The exam should be easy but I don’t need this burden right now.

It sounds as though you should move out as soon as possible. But try to be patient. Perhaps you parents are having problems unrelated to you and you just seem to be a target for their frustrations. Try to stay out of their way as much as possible.

Linus2nd

 

[Linusthe2nd]

It’s been very tough lately at home. Classes are going splendidly- I’ve finally gotten back my love of learning and was feeling quite a bit better. But my parents, especially my mom, have been very difficult lately. My mother has been so verbally abusive lately and it’s been dreadful. It’s like as soon as I start feeling some hope over my situation, she crashes that and stomps it for good measure. She’s been calling me terrible, vile names and saying all kinds of other painful things. According to her, I am the most worthless, vile, ugly, fat (which I am not), stupid, and anything else negative that I can think of. I thought I’d be used to this by now, but it still hurts just as much. I don’t really have a private place to go away from them for awhile and I know that the earliest I will be able to move out would be midsummer. I have no nearby family and no friends I could stay with even for just a brief while.

And in the midst of all of this, I am very fearful of losing the couple of close (and only) friends that I do have. I love them so, so much and would do absolutely anything for them (nonsinful, of course) and I know they would do the same for me. They are the only two people I know whom I treasure and I can trust them and they have been so kind and understanding of me. I’ve never known love before like that and I care about them very deeply. I feel like I can never tell them how much I care about them and what they mean to me. I’m just afraid that somehow something might happen to them, either tragic or else I’ll do something that alienates them (which is pretty ridiculous but I don’t even know myself anymore, I feel like). The thought of losing them is so painful.

I’m trying to keep close to Jesus and Mary but I know that I let them down constantly with my sins. I am kind of afraid of losing them too, but through my own fault, because I know they won’t abandon me. I have no real stability in my life. Some days it’s all I can do to pray the Hail Mary.

Ah yes, and I have an exam tomorrow morning. I feel pretty down right now. The exam should be easy but I don’t need this burden right now.

It sounds as though you should move out as soon as possible. But try to be patient. Perhaps you parents are having problems unrelated to you and you just seem to be a target for their frustrations. Try to stay out of their way as much as possible.

Linus2nd

 

[CroCatholic]

I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. I had a similar relationship with my mom, until I lived on my own. Our relationship isn’t perfect but it’s much better. Hang in there and remember, when you are feeling joy and peace is when the guy with the horns works hardest to make you come crashing down. I understand the pain of verbal slings and arrows, especially when they come from the person who should love you most. It may be hard, but don’t give up. And remember that we are all sinners, you are not alone when you feel like you fail God. Believe me, He doesn’t look at you and see a failure… He sees his beautiful child, struggling and he loves you most in those moments. Even if your own parents can’t be counted on, God can. I’ll pray for you, lots and lots of hugs!

 

[doglover2]

Big hugs Dolores, sorry for all you’re going through. Your mother should stop being rude to you, that’s very mean :’( You will not lose your friends, they care about you and will stick to you and I know you will do great on your exam. Please take care and continue praying as you are doing, God will not give you more than you can take

 

[DoloresHeart]

Thank you all so much! The exam went well, and I went for a walk and talked to some acquaintances for a little light conversation. I’m feeling somewhat better at the moment, but I know I have to go home soon and it may all start up again.

She has always been this way, so I have to think that she just resents me, is disturbed, or something like that, and not merely personally stressed and taking it out on me. I try to be understanding. I will move out as soon as I am able to, but that will not be before mid-summer, so I have to cope in the meantime.

I went and looked for a picture of Mary that to me, most represented her love and maternal heart, and keep it around me so I can look at it and be reminded of her. I feel like a little child sometimes when relating to her, but I never had a motherly figure so I’m rather at square one with her. Not knowing what other children really do with their mothers, I just talk to her in my heart a lot, about literally anything, religious or not. I find when I do this, it is so much easier to lift my heart up to God, too. And when I’m upset about something, especially when my mother hurts me with her behavior, I fly to her, in heart and mind and soul, since I can’t in body.

I was thinking this morning, of how when I was somewhat younger, I was feeling utterly desolate, thinking that, for all that Christ suffered, He at least had His Mother who loved Him. I was not feeling bitter about it, just deeply sad. But now, when I think about it, yes, He created for Himself the most wonderful, pure, sweet, good, merciful, and holy mother- but He knew that we needed one too, and He gave her to us too.

I hope I can keep depression far from me, because I’ve had it before, and I had to battle it alone, and it was not fun. It helps so much to have support but when that isn’t available, it becomes doubly difficult. But I know I should just take it one day at a time right now.

 

[ynotzap]

Pray for your mother, she needs Jesus in her life, without Him she is trapped in her ways. Satan also tries to trap you. Depression if carried to its end leads to despair. Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier in the Name of Jesus, and get off your back. Always use the sacraments to keep yourself in the state of grace. You may even be tempted to hate. and you know that is wrong. Sometimes we may being purged because of our sins, there is temporal punishment for sin,its serious stuff. Offer up your pain to God in an act of love, then you are really growing spiritually Remember every thing passes, nothing remains the same. Look back on your life and see your self growing towards the fulfillment of your potentials, Pray for courage, and strength, you will find it in your faith in Jesus, He will take care of you Don’t let Satan get you down and if he does, get up inspite of him or yourself. Be a fighter. You are really not alone because you feel alone, at the time you do not have the consolation of human friendship, but you are experiencing a spiritual journey, and that has nothing to do with feeling consolations. You are walking with Jesus, in your faith, He will become more real to you in time. Hang in there, and if you can praise Him, try, you may be surprised!! God loves you, count on it!!