Feeling...conflicted

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Hello, I’ve recently returned to the faith after going to some “non denominational” Christian Churches the last 8 years or so. It was in a christian church that I met my current husband, who is divorced (no children) and an ex member of the Mormon faith. We had a Christian wedding, outdoors, and our marriage is not recognized by the church. We are in the process of speaking to the deacon about options for nullifying his prior marriage (ex wife had an affair). Due to some pretty bad experiences in his Mormon faith, it may take quite some time for him to make his decision. During this time, I’m just doing my thing and going to church and participating in groups within the parish, etc. and he is fully supportive. The only bummer is because our marriage is not recognized by the church, I’m not able to receive the Eucharist.

So yesterday, I was at an event for my daughter’s preschool (which is at the Catholic Church) and was talking to another Mom who was going on and on about how her husband is catholic, and during their wedding the only thing they couldn’t do was communion bc she’s a non catholic. Then she said she just “fakes it.” I didn’t think much of it and thought she just knew some prayers and things. Well, I ended up sitting by her at mass yesterday evening. Not only did she really know everything going on in the mass, she just went straight up and received th Eucharist. I stayed back in the pew. At first I was was totally caught off guard, then felt disrespected…mostly bc she is disrespecting the catholic beliefs. I know this is between her and God but I’m having a really hard time swallowing it. I understand why I’m asked to abstain from communion, but it’s quite hurtful to watch someone who hasn’t received the sacrament just waltz up and “fake it.” Has anyone else ever seen this happen? I’m reminding myself that my being honest and a true believer in the teaching/practices is the right thing to do, but am also pretty frustrated. Any encouragement appreciated 🙂
 
You mention you have a child.

If your child came up to you and said, " Mommy, Katie stole a cupcake today. I have been working really hard and I know the teacher gives cupcakes to students who are finished their work–I just haven’t done quite enough yet. But it makes me mad that Katie stole a cupcake. It’s not fair that she got away with stealing when I was working hard."

I think you’d advise your child to keep working and be honest, and perhaps tell the teacher, if appropriate, so the teacher can consult Katie.

You should take your frustrations to your pastor. It’s ok to have hurt feelings and to be angered by the other woman’s lack of respect for the Eucharist. But just keep focused on your life and on prayer for your husband.
 
I really feel for you. I’ve been in a situation of being at Mass and someone who wasn’t Catholic, knew the teachings and rejected them, but still wanted communion just went up and took it. I still find that a bit shocking, even now. I can’t bear to go up for a blessing myself because I want to receive communion so much, but I am not yet Catholic.

But I am trying very hard to keep focused on the Eucharist, and make it a habit of praying during the time every one is going up that every heart would be properly disposed to receive and that God will forgive those who knowingly or unknowingly receive in the wrong way. I hope this is the right thing to do.
 
The way I handled this once is I asked the priest the day before Mass to explain to the congregation what to do at Communion time if you’re not Catholic or in good standing with the Church (if you are Catholic). I had seen my sister-in-law, who’s Protestant, take the Communion at another Mass and figured she didn’t know her options. So the priest did exactly that, and my sister-in-law went up for a blessing on this occasion. It was all quietly solved and she never knew anything about my concerns.

Another time, it was an Anglican Reverend family friend who did this. (Sorry, I don’t think he was allowed to, just in case some of you are wondering.) I phoned the priest, and he explained this man was really quite old and would never take advice from me. He said I wasn’t in a good position to tell him, and it would cause acrimony, so he advised me to let someone he would listen to be the one to break it to him.
 
Should you go this route, a couple of things.

First, priests are responsible for hundreds or thousands of souls. There are likely 3 to 4 times as many parishioners as come to Mass on any given weekend. These people call only when there is an urgent need, they keep pastors hopping! There are also the “Romin’ Catholics”, visitors or travelers or people who have not practiced in 30 years who are in a hospital and need a priest right now.

When you consider this, unless your pastor has been in place a decade or more or married the couple, he does not know the marital status of each person at Mass.

Second thing, even if Father knows her marital status, priests are strongly discouraged from refusing Communion during the Mass. For that reason, you may continue to see her go up to receive.

Last, people lie to the parish priest/staff. If someone is willing to lie to God, will she have any qualms about lying to your priest?

My advice is to pray for her, continue to be loving and kind and a good example and you just may be the person the Holy Spirit needs to work in her life.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Should you go this route, a couple of things.

First, priests are responsible for hundreds or thousands of souls. There are likely 3 to 4 times as many parishioners as come to Mass on any given weekend. These people call only when there is an urgent need, they keep pastors hopping! There are also the “Romin’ Catholics”, visitors or travelers or people who have not practiced in 30 years who are in a hospital and need a priest right now.

When you consider this, unless your pastor has been in place a decade or more or married the couple, he does not know the marital status of each person at Mass.

Second thing, even if Father knows her marital status, priests are strongly discouraged from refusing Communion during the Mass. For that reason, you may continue to see her go up to receive.

Last, people lie to the parish priest/staff. If someone is willing to lie to God, will she have any qualms about lying to your priest?

My advice is to pray for her, continue to be loving and kind and a good example and you just may be the person the Holy Spirit needs to work in her life.
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Perhaps their Catholic Preschool is larger than the one at my parish, but there are often Masses for the children in which the parents are invited to. I see this as one of those times. I know that my pastor would probably seek out this parent for a 1:1 conversation. If anything, for her bragging about not caring about the Eucharist.

Perhaps I misunderstood the OP and she was speaking to a larger, weekend Mass. That would be far more difficult and my advice would be different.
 
Lara said:
The way I handled this once is I asked the priest the day before Mass to explain to the congregation what to do at Communion time if you’re not Catholic or in good standing with the Church (if you are Catholic). I had seen my sister-in-law, who’s Protestant, take the Communion at another Mass and figured she didn’t know her options. So the priest did exactly that, and my sister-in-law went up for a blessing on this occasion. It was all quietly solved and she never knew anything about my concerns.

Another time, it was an Anglican Reverend family friend who did this. (Sorry, I don’t think he was allowed to, just in case some of you are wondering.) I phoned the priest, and he explained this man was really quite old and would never take advice from me. He said I wasn’t in a good position to tell him, and it would cause acrimony, so he advised me to let someone he would listen to be the one to break it to him.
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That would be a good tact. I was thinking this was a more cozy, small Mass where parents of the preschoolers are invited to attend. Given that the children are too young to receive, the priest has only a handful of adults to focus on. The priest at my local parish schools has 2 check-ins with parents each school year–much like a Parent/teacher meeting. I’ve seen it done at many other Catholic schools of elementary children, especially those who have yet to recieve their sacraments. I guess I see, that there should likely be a bit of a relationship there, at least cordial.

My biggest concern was the other woman’s bragging, not her right to receive the Eucharist.
 
OP, don’t feel “disrespected” by the other woman. She is doing something wrong, but it isn’t about you. She may be rationalizing, she may just be ignorant. If she wants to be in full communion with the Church, she should pursue that the right way. I would mention this privately to your pastor, making clear that you are only interested in her welfare, not gossiping. It is his responsibility.
 
This was a larger weekend mass. Our parish does have a larger preschool, and k-8 grade school. There is weekly mass for k-8, and the preschoolers attend monthly. Some parents do attend the school mass, but it is still quite large with over 400 students.
 
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Girlmom said:
This was a larger weekend mass. Our parish does have a larger preschool, and k-8 grade school. There is weekly mass for k-8, and the preschoolers attend monthly. Some parents do attend the school, but it is still quite large with over 400 students.
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In that case, I’d suggest you simply going to the priest as if you heard just anyone bragging about receiving the Eucharist and not caring. You don’t have to name names. He will find the words to advise you.
 
Yes! Disrespect more-so for the Catholic beliefs and Eucharist…although in the heat of the moment I do have a tendency to make things about me. Great advice, thank you.
 
In the over two years I was in the process of converting from Protestantism I sat in the pews while almost everyone else received communion. I knew of a Protestant minister who had been to a Mass one time and received. I know he knew better. Sometimes that would come to my mind and I’d have a slight feeling that this was unfair. But it wasn’t of course. That was just a temptation.

Over those years I also observed a man who always sat at the side of the Church. Some would say we aren’t supposed to pay attention to other people, but I tend to be very watchful. And I was trying to figure out Catholicism. Anyway, he always left right at communion. I don’t know what the man’s situation was. I never talked to him. But he served as a great witness to the truth and power of the Eucharist. I found inspiration from him. If I knew of someone who received and shouldn’t I’d have pity on them for disrespecting the most sacred Eucharist.
 
Frankly, it happens everywhere.
People just are selfish. THey want what they want right now, period, She probably wrongly believes that she will be judged by remaining in her seat.
At any rate, it’s her ignorance causing it.
Keep your eyes straight, your heart secure, and focus on your own situation with the assistance of your Deacon. This woman needs prayer, but you need not fret over her.
God knows the truth. He’ll take care of it.
 
My sister actually broke up with her Episcopalian boyfriend because he did that after he was told not to by her. This was at her baptism, of all times.
 
I knew someone like this, and the solution: Call the church rectory and ask when the RCIA class is, then mark it on your calendar, try to locate a “sponsor” who is friendly with you at Church, ask the priest if they are an ok sponsor going forward, pay any funds needed in advance, then pray to God for motivation to get through it. Don’t put any more effort outside of that, I would love to see a reply on one of these threads (there are MORE than a handful, believe me) where someone comes back in a reply saying, “I’m all set for RCIA, beyond the small stuff, it’s in Gods hands.” Best of luck to you guys!
 
Welcome home I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to guide you and your family. I encourage you to Pray, Pray, and Pray some more…for her to take the necessary steps to correct her error, and for yourself to continue to honor the Sacrament of Holy Communion until such a day that you are disposed to receive Him.

Also I would note, sadly many of the folks sitting in the pews around us on any given Sunday are not properly disposed to receive yet do so anyway. You happen to know concretely of this particular person. Take solace in the fact that you are honoring the Sacrament, and did I mention Pray.
 
Great idea, thank you! The funny thing is she knows what to do. She got married in the Catholic Church with her husband and told me all about how she couldn’t receive the Eucharist during their wedding because she’s a non Catholic. We also have a laminated sheet with each misslet stating what to do during communion if you’re not catholic. :woman_shrugging:t2: Doesn’t apply to her or her world I suppose. Will continue to pray for her!
 
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