Feeling depressed and useless

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blujazz25

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Good day to everyone.

Just to let everyone aware, I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with our first. I know its a big blessing for us as this came as a surprise for our first anniversary. Anyway that is not what I am writing much about today.

Last night, I cried like I have never cried before. I do not know if its the hormones kicking in, or its the other guy putting things in my head. Since I found out that I am pregnant, I have been desperate to find a job. My husband has been working since we moved and I appreciate everything that he is doing, but the reality is its expensive to live in this State and we are barely scraping by on one income, let alone preparing for a baby.

I let it all out last night to my husband, I feel useless and depressed. I graduated with a 4 year degree with a course that I know is in high demand and yet I cannot find a job (I am an RN by trade). I started working in a nursing home in the hopes of getting experience and eventually getting a job in somewhere I liked, my mom gave me that advice right after I passed my licensure exam. Here I am 4 years later and in a rut, I try applying to hospitals and they wont hire me because of the experience I have. Spend money on certifications and yet its all for nothing. I feel like working in the nursing home before put me in a box, like a category…I cannot do what I have been dreaming of doing because I am in that box, in their eyes I will not ‘fit in’. The only places that will at least get me an interview is…the nursing home or home health.

I have had a bad experience with home health before we moved here, and given my condition I do not need that extra stress of driving around and managing care. So pretty much staying in and working in a nursing home is my only option of being in one place and earn a living. I have some sort of job right now as a PRN nurse to a home agency, and they do not have much patients, and I am scared of picking up because most likely I will be sent to the ends of the earth.

This is getting too long already and I am already ranting. I have been praying for everyone else in my life, my husband, my family, friends and my unborn child. I barely pray for my own needs. I am really trying hard to trust in God’s providence right now, but it will only be a few months before this baby arrives and we have nothing in preparation for that. I feel that God has turned His ear away from me since granting our prayer of giving us a child. I know I need Him more now than ever, but it feels like He is not listening to my plea. I try to go to daily Mass and take communion, but I feel like the more I get closer to Him, the more He feels away. I only need a stable income to help support my growing family. Is that too much to ask? I am trying to figure out my place in all this and I do not see where I fit in. Am I doing something wrong here?
 
All I can offer is prayer and sympathy from a fellow depressed person. Be assured you have both.
 
Im praying for you sweetie.
Im kind of in a similair boat as you. One thing that calms me tremendously are the words directly from Christ:
“25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
26 Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?
27 Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?
28 Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.
29 But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.
30 If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
31 So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’
32 All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
33 But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.
34 Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”
I seem to easily forget this, but when I remember my heart becomes at peace and actually overcome with joy. 🙂 Congradulations on your little bundle of sunshine. God knows you will bè a wonderful mother thats why He gave you this blessing.<3
I will keep your family in my prayers. 🙂
 
Just be faithful to God and He will help you. He never really forsakes us unless we first abandon Him. Always be faithful to His word and persevere! God bless you.
 
When I feel overwhelmed with everything. Iseek the passage. Of psalms 23 to relieve my everyday burden then I ask the lord to help me by ask Mary to help me believe me it works
She understands the pain every women goes through since I’m learning more. Differ prayers
I also have Mother Theresa to help me being I also a nurse too to keep my strength with my
Work in taking care of the sick;)
 
You are in my prayers. I know all too well having hormones mess with my head in addition to the general fears in life. I’ve been in a rut, too, and often I wonder if God hears prayers.

I guess we have to trust that He does, and persist. One day at a time. God bless you and your family.
 
Hi blujazz

I dont presume to know the thought process of our Lord, but I can only tell you what ive experience with him. When he answers my prayers, he does so thoroughly. For me Id be encouraged that he answered the prayer for a child cuz that likely means he also granted a means to provide for that child. The way I see it the first prayer "(God I want a baby), which has already been answered, is linked to your current need (God I need to provide for my baby). Which likely means its already answered too.

In addition, On my side of the coast you have a set of skills as an RN that makes you versatile and in demand I cant imagine such degree being lesser in value on your coast Between your answered prayer and your skill set, give yourself a few seconds to be a optimistic I think you’ve earned it.👍
 
Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. 🙂

I guess sometimes I just need to be reminded that God will provide the necessary graces to care for the child. My mom also reminded me that maybe thats why He did not grant me a job first because He wanted me to carry a life in me and also perhaps to protect me from any sickness or i jury if i ended up working in a facility. Its just hard when we do not see a clear answer from God when we ask Him why these things happen to certain people. As for the skill set, i just do not understand why employers are like that. During our training in school, we are taught to be a well rounded nurse and rotated to different areas, i just do not get why they would just resort on hiring experienced on top of saving money on training new nurses who maybe even better than them. I just feel discriminated in my field and i bet i am not the only nurse who feels this way.

St. Camillus, patron of nurses, please pray for me.
 
Please see a good Christian counsellor if your pre-natal depression persists. It’s not healthy for your little one. I’m frustrated when I read posts by people who apparently need help and get advice to just will it away. It doesn’t work. Yes prayers & meditations help but sometimes it’s also a physiological/psychological problem that needs to get identified & treated.
 
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